Broken up for two months. Tricky situation. Can I get him back?

[clairesays]

My ex boyfriend ended our relationship of 5 months by giving me the good old "I love you but I am not in love with you" speech. We are in the same university.

 

During the summer we haven't spoken he started to initiate some contact. However I wasn't in the mood for responding. By the time we are back in campus I was having some car trouble he helped me fix it and I offered my help writing one of his term papers. We spent 2-3 days chatting, flirting a little. He even started to act jealous of other guys I talk to. Made up silly excuses to hold my hands or touch my hair etc. Then he pulled back massively. He even started not answering my texts to which I overreacted and sent him an angry text. Biggest mistake ever I know.

 

Later then I apologized yet he started to ignore me which was kind of lame because we are 18 hours a week together in same classes... One day I gave him a call and acted like nothing happened. We chatted about random stuff, talked for an hour straight. It made things better. After a week of ignoring and acting like I am the worse person to be in a room together with, he is now in the phase of smiling in the morning and asking/offering small favours here and there. But he is no where near as friendly towards me as he is to other people.

 

So here is my question. I most certainly will be pulling back from now on. No more random calls or approaches. As I keep seeing him every single day moving on is not really possible as of now. Do you think I can get him back?

[CarrieT]

You don't want him back.

 

If you do, you will possibly find out he slept with someone during your "break" and that will hurt you and there will be retroactive jealousy.

 

He is a different person and you are a different person and you are romanticizing what you had that doesn't exist anymore.

 

Move on and don't look back.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I think you both can be friends, and work without any expectations. Allow for discussion when you both are comfortable and are willing. no rushing! Now that you know what your troubles are, you can work on getting them resolved. Allow your actions with him to speak for you. As just telling him you are better and have worked your issues out, just does not take away the pain and build trust over night. Getting into a relationship from the ground floor will allow things to fit in place. allow him to come back on his own terms. show him that you can accept things without making it any more complicated. As skipping floors to get to the top, will make your efforts go bad.

 

 

 

sounds like you have a bit of talking and understandings to be done, so until they are done, take things moderatly to feel confident things are going smooth for the bothof you.

[clairesays]

You don't want him back.

 

If you do, you will possibly find out he slept with someone during your "break" and that will hurt you and there will be retroactive jealousy.

 

He is a different person and you are a different person and you are romanticizing what you had that doesn't exist anymore.

 

Move on and don't look back.

 

I could care less that he slept with someone else while we broke up. I am not a jealous person while IN a relationship let alone while out of it. He wasn't my boyfriend when we were not together. What he did during that time is his business not mine.

[clairesays]

I think you both can be friends, and work without any expectations. Allow for discussion when you both are comfortable and are willing. no rushing! Now that you know what your troubles are, you can work on getting them resolved. Allow your actions with him to speak for you. As just telling him you are better and have worked your issues out, just does not take away the pain and build trust over night. Getting into a relationship from the ground floor will allow things to fit in place. allow him to come back on his own terms. show him that you can accept things without making it any more complicated. As skipping floors to get to the top, will make your efforts go bad.

 

 

 

sounds like you have a bit of talking and understandings to be done, so until they are done, take things moderatly to feel confident things are going smooth for the bothof you.

 

do you think it will really help to be friends? I don't want to end up in the friendzone listening to his dating troubles etc.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

do you think it will really help to be friends? I don't want to end up in the friendzone listening to his dating troubles etc.

That can happen, but trust can't be built any other way, in order to see you be more understanding than to be jumpy and agravated. If you go into any relationship with expectations you are only going to see what you expect. So, if things can be talked about, allow him to grow with you, as you both need to regrow together. I had two friend zones that if I was so gready, I could have moved from Friends to BF/GF. But i knew that both needed time, and rushing would have made a mess. There is no guarantees in life, nor do you have any control over others. He may turn towards you, but when you feel he has turned away, don't make the choice for him, as some of his growing may be needing to find things out for himself. Again, you are free to allow such learning for yourself, so you both may find distance at times, just because. For me, I found every relationship has a learing process that changes with each year. knowing both mean something to each other, can only be broken if one gives up. Friend zone or not, things will eventually find their way. You both need to accept and trust each other 1st and foremost before anything gets worked out for long term.

[Simon Phoenix]

Moving from friends to lovers with an ex is almost impossible. When people move from friends to lovers, it's almost always with a person they have never had a previous romantic relationship with. Feelings can grow naturally in that situation.