Buddhism, Suffering and Craving

[BlueIris]

How do you address people, especially friends and family, who seem stuck in frustration, blame and suffering?

 

I’d been thinking of this tenet of Buddhism (below) both in regard to someone I know and in regard to so many posts I see here on LS. A dear client of mine that I like a lot and who’s been in a burdensome lawsuit for three years just entered a settlement. The nightmare is over. Or so I thought. I thought she would be so happy, but she’s not. She said that she will just have more trouble because it never ends for her, that’s just how life is. She said that I’ll never understand because I’m lucky, and she marginalizes the good in her life (and there’s a lot of good!) and says she’s just someone people walk all over and it will never change.

 

I don't want to hand her Buddhist writings and she actually gets annoyed if I allude to how powerful she is or correct her perceptions, like when she states something happened that didn't. She seems addicted to her suffering.

 

What do you say to someone in that thinking?

 

What do you think about giving her this (below)?

 

Or do you know of some videos or audios that are soft presentations of similar thoughts?

 

 

THE SECOND NOBLE TRUTH: THE TRUTH THE CAUSES OF SUFFERING

 

The Buddha had observed that life is suffering. Before He could find a solution to the problem of suffering in life, He had first to look for the cause of suffering. The Buddha was just like a good doctor who first observes a patient's symptoms and identifies the cause of illness before prescribing a cure. The Buddha discovered that the direct causes of suffering are desire or craving, and ignorance. This is the truth of the cause of suffering, which is the Second Noble Truth.

 

CRAVING 
is the deep-seated desire that all living beings have for the pleasures of the senses, and for life itself. For instance, people always seek to enjoy good food, entertainment and pleasant company. Yet none of these can give them complete and lasting satisfaction. After the fine meal has been eaten, the beautiful music heard and the pleasant company shared, one is still not content. One would like to enjoy these pleasures again and again, and for as long as possible.

 

People who desire to own many things also can never be fully satisfied too. Like children in a toyshop, they crave all the attractive things they see around them. But like children, they soon become dissatisfied with what they already have and desire more. Sometimes, they can hardly eat or sleep until they get what they want. Yet when they succeed in getting what they want, they may still find their happiness short-lived. Many will be too worried for the safety and condition of their new possessions to enjoy it. Then when the object they possess eventually breaks into pieces and has to be thrown away, they will suffer its loss even more.

 

When we have obtained something we desire, we may want more and more of it, and so greed arises. Because of desire and greed, people will lie, cheat and steal to get what they want. Uncontrolled desires can also lead to addiction, for example, to smoking, drinking and overeating, all of which lead to suffering and cause mental and physical harm.

 

If another person prevents one from getting what is desired, one may feel anger towards that person. Desire, when obstructed, can lead to ill will and anger. This in turn can lead to harsh words, violent quarrels and even fights or killings. All this is suffering.

 

IGNORANCE 
Craving or desire is like a great tree having many branches. There are branches of greed, of ill will and of anger. The fruit of this tree is suffering, but how does the tree of craving arise? Where does it grow? The answer is that the tree of craving is rooted in ignorance. It grows out of ignorance.

 

Ignorance is the inability to see the truth about things, to see things as they really are. There are many truths about the world which people are ignorant of because of the limitations of their understanding.

 

Science has shown, for instance, that there are sounds that people are unable to hear and waves of light that they are unable to see. People would be totally unaware of radio waves, or ultra-violet light rays if special instruments had not been developed to enable them to observe these things. So long as people remain ignorant of things about the world in which they live, they suffer from all kinds of misunderstandings and delusions.

 

When people develop their minds and acquire wisdom through study, careful thought and meditation, they will see the Truth. They will see things as they really are. They will understand the suffering and impermanence of life, the Law of Cause and Effect and the Four Noble Truths. By overcoming craving and ignorance, they will attain happiness and Enlightenment just as the Buddha did about 2500 years ago.

 

from: The Second Noble Truth: The Truth the Causes of Suffering - ZENGUIDE.COM

Edited October 3, 2014 by BlueIris

[evanescentworld]

Sadly, as a Buddhist, I know exactly - BUT EXACTLY - where you're coming from.

 

You can see it.

You know it.

And you know it works.

It's a tried-and-tested system, and has never been found to be flawed, in the 2.5+ thousand years it's been adhered to.

 

However, what I WILL say, is that eminent, well-educated and experienced scholars of Buddhism, are slowly taking issue with the translation of the word 'Dukkha' as 'Suffering'.

 

First of all it gives a relatively negative image of Life from a Buddhist perspective (particularly as the majority of people don't know about the other 3 Truths, particularly #s 3 & 4).

 

Secondly, 'Dukkha' means so much more than just 'suffering', in that the word is wholly inadequate and does not give justice to the original term.

 

The word 'Dukkha' has tangents that also refer to a sound wheel on a wonky axle.... depending on the terrain, the ride can be soothing, undulating and a little up-and-down, to downright nauseating, uncomfortable, and frankly, really unpleasant.

That's what Life is Like. A ride on a cart with a wonky axle.

 

 

However, those who study Buddhism, and can be open to its incredibly strong and 'character-building' qualities, manage to get their heads round all 4 Noble Truths, with some study, perception, examination, scrutiny, understanding and acceptance.

 

But meet a brick wall - a wall that insists on being miserable, negative, pessimistic and bleak in their outlook - and no amount of sweet-talking, or verbal assistance, support or guidance, will be of any use - unless that person wants to be helped, or has what I call a 'lightbulb moment'.

 

All you can do, is 'show' not 'tell'.

 

Actions speak louder, and walking the talk and being a living testimony to The 4NT and the 8Fold path, speaks more volumes than any words ever could.

 

Even buying books of videos for people, or suggesting they read this link, or that article, will fall on deaf ears and blind eyes, if they aren't willing to help themselves.

 

A classic example was precisely my own folly on this forum a few days ago, when I tried to talk Buddhism to someone who at that moment, was just not ready to hear it, and I guess, in hindsight, stupidly, I persisted.

 

However, the member in question had the good grace, kindness and courtesy to come back to me and say she was sorry for her responses, but she was right. I shouldn't have pushed the point.

 

Trying to helps someone who doesn't 'want' to be helped, is like trying to tend the wounds of a wounded wild dog.

You know you're trying to help.

They just want you to back off, because their pain obscures your intentions.

 

Rather than try to convince, practise the 4 Brahma-Viharas (The 4 Divine Emotions).

The more you do, the more others will see.....

 

I wish you much Metta, and commend your wonderful intentions.

[Mandy26]

I was stuck in negativity for a very lengthy period of time. I enjoyed reading your posts and will be reading the four noble truths thank you for sharing

[evanescentworld]

What Wisdom I pass on, is not my Wisdom.

I'm merely a mouthpiece for something I know works for me.

So I am no authority, and people who are interested, should further explore aspects of what I say, and test the matter for themselves.

 

There is a saying used frequently, in Buddhist circles: "Ehi Passiko!"

 

"Come and see for yourself!"

 

So I am both delighted and genuinely humbled by your words, and thank you for your interest. I will always answer questions as best I can. I try to avoid pushing a point (something I failed to do two nights ago! ) but with that, I never insist I am right, and others aren't.

 

Everything I put forward is what I have learnt for myself, but other views may differ or diverge, so always seek verification.... But I will not lie to you and if I don't know something, I will tell you. But I'll find out!

 

With much metta.

 

E.W.

Edited October 3, 2014 by evanescentworld
Better link inserted

[BlueIris]

Thank you, evanescentworld!

 

That’s interesting about “Dukkha.” I’ll read more on that. I like that “desire” has been supplemented by the word “craving” by many. Sometimes I internally use “discontent.”

 

I read your post yesterday and have been typing out comments, each time seeing new things in my own thinking and attachments and having lots of “duh” moments. Thank you so much for giving me direction.

 

Not surprisingly, I attached to what I wanted my client to feel and that I wanted her to be happy or relieved. It's so absurd: "Be happy, dammit!" It's oppressive! And round and round it goes. I’m working on accepting discontent, and my discontent with discontent. I still find myself thinking that I can predict or expect- or dictate- how someone will feel or react! I’m going to work on eliminating thinking that anyone “should” anything. “Should” is a dangerous thought for me.

 

I’ll take your advice to just focus on my own practice. It’s a huge enough challenge! I even get caught up in expecting or wanting my practice to have a certain result! And once again, I just deleted more paragraphs that all seem like superfluous babble because, as you’ve said, practice is the answer. I just end up laughing about getting caught up in the swirls and eddies, again and again. And again!

 

Thank you so much.

[Johni]

This is very nice post thanks!