Author GoldenAxe Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 You are right fusion, nobody has put it into that term yet, "be a man". Man up is what I need to do, and start going on dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Doing a little better as the day progresses, but tomorrow is another day. Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Tomorrow is another day. Remember that by her not making a decision, she is actually making a decision to stay right where she is. You cannot control anything that she does, you can only control what you do. Hopefully, you will stop putting your hand in the same fire that has burned it in the past I just read this article right before reading your post and thought it appropriate for you, and for anyone else still stuck in the past. http://simplereminders.com/20141112232424.html Edited July 20, 2015 by HtotheN added a relevant link 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Tomorrow is another day. Remember that by her not making a decision, she is actually making a decision to stay right where she is. You cannot control anything that she does, you can only control what you do. Hopefully, you will stop putting your hand in the same fire that has burned it in the past I just read this article right before reading your post and thought it appropriate for you, and for anyone else still stuck in the past. Let the past go by Mandy Hale with article by Jane Garapick Wow. That hit deep. Thank you. I woke up at 5am with this knot in my stomach. Usually I don't wake till 8am but here I lay at almost 6am wide awake. Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 You are welcome. I know what it feels like, after stopping and starting with my OM several times but I ended it for good 4 months ago. Some say that it will get better with time but that actually depends on you and what you do with that time. You have to move forward and away from the pain. There was a "before her" and there will be an "after her;" it's up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 You are welcome. I know what it feels like, after stopping and starting with my OM several times but I ended it for good 4 months ago. Some say that it will get better with time but that actually depends on you and what you do with that time. You have to move forward and away from the pain. There was a "before her" and there will be an "after her;" it's up to you. Hard place right now guys. Been waking up at 3-4 am wide awake. Today I woke at 3:30 after having a dream that I was hanging with him, and he was telling me that him and MW were doing ok. Past two days have been drinking rum at work. Pray for me please. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Hard place right now guys. Been waking up at 3-4 am wide awake. Today I woke at 3:30 after having a dream that I was hanging with him, and he was telling me that him and MW were doing ok. Past two days have been drinking rum at work. Pray for me please. No. No, no, no.... How is drinking at work helping you? Come on. You are self-destructing - you have to be stronger than this. Why are you not PISSED at her that she is using you, taking up your time from meeting a truly available woman! How much more time are you going to waste??? I wasted 8+ years and then another few months on this kind of thing and I am NOT WASTING ONE second more. I am PISSED. You need to get mad at someone who would do this to you! A person like this doesn't care about YOU. It is just an ego boost for them, selfish behavior. If she cared about you she would never have asked you to be in this kind of relationship when she had no intention of leaving. And if you care about yourself you will not let it destroy you, and you will NEVER fall into it again. You deserve BETTER than people like this, and those are not just words that get thrown around a lot on this forum. They are the absolute TRUTH. No one is going to take care of you except you - now are you going to get mired in the past, sucked into the history of this A or are you going to go start your life??? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 No. No, no, no.... How is drinking at work helping you? Come on. You are self-destructing - you have to be stronger than this. Why are you not PISSED at her that she is using you, taking up your time from meeting a truly available woman! How much more time are you going to waste??? I wasted 8+ years and then another few months on this kind of thing and I am NOT WASTING ONE second more. I am PISSED. You need to get mad at someone who would do this to you! A person like this doesn't care about YOU. It is just an ego boost for them, selfish behavior. If she cared about you she would never have asked you to be in this kind of relationship when she had no intention of leaving. And if you care about yourself you will not let it destroy you, and you will NEVER fall into it again. You deserve BETTER than people like this, and those are not just words that get thrown around a lot on this forum. They are the absolute TRUTH. No one is going to take care of you except you - now are you going to get mired in the past, sucked into the history of this A or are you going to go start your life??? You are right I need to snap the f**k out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I just read your whole thread from the beginning to today. All I have to say is, you know that being with her is a mistake in your life cause I've noticed you stop writing here when you get back with her. You know we (who is rather your subconscious self) will get sad, disappointed and maybe angry at you. I don't know whether anyone has mentioned it yet but you need to visit a therapist. You have some issues that need to be solved. What I get from you is a) insecurity that you are not good enough to have a real relationship without coming second and b) the need to be punished in order to be happy. This may go back to your childhood, maybe you thought as a kid you were bad for some reason and needed to be punished for that. It's very deep and only a therapist will help you solve it. One other thing I noticed is, you write here for months but you have said nothing about yourself, your job, your hobbies (except from the band that was just essential for your story), your family, your age, etc. Everything has to do with her. Your life is based on her coming and going, saying, promising, convincing you, breaking promises and so on. You understand you need to man up and take your life into your own hands but you are not capable to do that and some strangers in a forum will not convince you do that, not cause you are stupid or weak but cause all this needs an inside solution to be found before you make these steps. At the moment you are on the first step and we are asking you to move to step 40. Your friend's analogy was right, you watch the same movie and you know it gets stuck at minute 4 but you always get mad. What you don't realize is, you intentionally want to watch this movie cause this is what you are used to do; you feel so not deserving of happiness that you act this way so you prove to yourself you are not deserving, there you go, you were right about that. Bottom line? This has nothing to do with this lady rather than with yourself and the work you have to do with a therapist. I'm here if you need me, pm me anytime. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Any update here? I hope your silence doesnt mean you are wasting yet another summer that will never come back for a selfish manipulator... Link to post Share on other sites
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Oh and that stupid azz comment from Johnny Depp, when does it stop? Dude is a high school dropout, a serial cheater and been married mulitple times, hardly a person to take relationship advice from. THANK YOU! I hate that f**king quote. Wrong on so many levels. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Any update here? I hope your silence doesnt mean you are wasting yet another summer that will never come back for a selfish manipulator... Not much to update, we did speak and both agreed that it won't work unless she decides to leave. I haven't been to see a shrink yet, idk why. Just trying to get back to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I'm sorry for what you have been through. I have seen you post several times and today I took the time to read about your experience. My heart knows your pain. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like had you not gotten involved with OW? I have been plagued with those thoughts lately. I frequently wonder if I will ever be able to walk away from MM and free myself from the hold he has on me. I know exactly how you feel and there is no greater torment. I think the craziest part is that we KNOW what we have to do and there is a part inside of us that wants so desperately to do it. Then there is that weak part that keeps us holding on. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 I'm sorry for what you have been through. I have seen you post several times and today I took the time to read about your experience. My heart knows your pain. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like had you not gotten involved with OW? I have been plagued with those thoughts lately. I frequently wonder if I will ever be able to walk away from MM and free myself from the hold he has on me. I know exactly how you feel and there is no greater torment. I think the craziest part is that we KNOW what we have to do and there is a part inside of us that wants so desperately to do it. Then there is that weak part that keeps us holding on. It sucks. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I do wonder what life would be like had I not met her, quite often actually. I've met someone online, and we've been talking for two days now. Although it's a short time, it does take the edge off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 Glutton for punishment Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Is she ever leaving him? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 First....I confess I've just skimmed this while reading... Have you promised her absolutes? Does she know for a fact that she will have you if she leaves? This reminds me of a band wife situation that I knew. My best friend growing up was in love with the bass player while married to the lead singer....my partner was lead guitar. I know my view is very, VERY bias & could be completely wrong. I'm just throwing it out there.... Being with a band member is very hard. If you split you're completely out of the loop. My friend stayed married because it was the only way she could be part of our group. The only way she felt she could stay with me as a friend & the man she loved touring. It's a unique life! Very different from the 'normal' world. you spend so, so much more intimate time together than regular people. At that time in my life it was a FANTASTIC life! When I split with my BF I split with the whole band! The whole life style. Everything. I don't know your situation. I'm just throwing out my experience. If you make it big none of these women will be part of your lives long time. It's a fantasy but it's a lovely fantasy at the time! A band of 5 often starts as a band of 10 but the women don't last :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 Is she ever leaving him? I honestly don't think so. It only took me 16 mths to come to this realization. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I honestly don't think so. It only took me 16 mths to come to this realization. I think you need to read through the last 8 pages of comments and advice. Not sure what you're trying to accomplish here. Continuing the affair? Ending it? Trying to continue it, then rant about it here? To be honest, surprised you haven't starved from the breadcrumbs yet. Again, read through the last 8 pages and the time and years that you've wasted. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 Honestly don't know what the hell I am doing anymore. I know I'm sick of blowing up, then making up only to suppress my real feelings for a few weeks then repeat the cycle. I feel this is the last straw. I cannot continue. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Honestly don't know what the hell I am doing anymore. I know I'm sick of blowing up, then making up only to suppress my real feelings for a few weeks then repeat the cycle. I feel this is the last straw. I cannot continue. Im sorry. Letting go is excruciating. You will get some harsh words here but many understand as well. Its mindbending if she loves you why she wouldn't leave. So sorry. When you are ready to totally move on I can promise you will be ok in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Im sorry. Letting go is excruciating. You will get some harsh words here but many understand as well. Its mindbending if she loves you why she wouldn't leave. So sorry. When you are ready to totally move on I can promise you will be ok in time. Oh its perplexing to me too. At our last meeting (Sunday after Thanksgiving) she acknowledged the fact that she cant keep dragging me around, and that this mess is all her fault and to not feel like its anything I did (gee thanks) im sure ill be ok just like with every other split, I guess its just cuz im in the thick of it that makes it so hard. Edited December 11, 2015 by GoldenAxe Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 16, 2015 Author Share Posted December 16, 2015 Two weeks and some change later, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have my moments but I'm keeping busy. Feels good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Two weeks and some change later, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have my moments but I'm keeping busy. Feels good. You will start to get to the point where the pain of being in it far outweighs the pain of being out. Sorry I missed these updates til now. The healing is a roller coaster and bad days Will come out of nowhere but keep strong in your effort to stay gone and she said it herself, she is living in a mess she created and was dragging you around. Id say she was dragging you down is more like it. I hope shes blocked. Don't let her back in now. This will become a distant memory if you keep going. Proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 You will start to get to the point where the pain of being in it far outweighs the pain of being out. Sorry I missed these updates til now. The healing is a roller coaster and bad days Will come out of nowhere but keep strong in your effort to stay gone and she said it herself, she is living in a mess she created and was dragging you around. Id say she was dragging you down is more like it. I hope shes blocked. Don't let her back in now. This will become a distant memory if you keep going. Proud of you. I'm plowing through the holidays like they aren't even here. Not gonna let that mess with my mental state. Been running a lot, lost a notch on the belt, things are gonna be just fine Link to post Share on other sites
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