Backup GF Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I'm having trust issues with my current boyfriend. I feel like I'm a "backup" girlfriend with him. Before we started dating he liked this other girl, who would have nothing to do with him. After she turned him down multiple times him and I started dating. I think he still has feeling for this girl, I've asked him on numerous occasions but he denies that he does. Lately they have been talking a lot more often, but he lies about it. He was msning someone constantly and I asked who it was. He said an old guy friend from highschool. I asked if he wanted to go out and do something that night and got all mad because he said he was talking to his old "highschool buddy" who he hadn't talked to in ages and that I was being inconsiderate for asking. Everytime I walked by the computer or came to hug him he quickly closed down the window. Well, of course it turns out that he was talking to her and only her. So, I dunno. If he wants to be secretive about it I mean he could phone her or msg her at work, so why do it at home? I was thinking maybe he was trying to protect me because he knows I have issues with her. Or maybe he's just a lying bastard. So, I feel like I'm a backup girlfried. Someone to be with until she breaks up with her current bf and he can try to get with her again. What to do what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
The Reverend AG Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Why not just confront him about it? Ask him how he really feels about this girl. If he wants to be with her, don't waste your time with him. You deserve better, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I agree with TRAG you have no reason NOT to confront him. You know he's been talking to her so ask him why he's lying. Let him know you're not down for games and if he's trying to date her that he should give you the consideration of ending the relationship first. I agree you deserve better, why allow someone to treat you this way? Even if you love him it is probably killing your self esteem knowing that if she'd give him the time of day (romantically) he'd probably diss you in a heartbeat! So why not beat him at his own game and ditch his butt and find someone who'll love and respect and desire ONLY YOU?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 wow, this exact thing happened to me. it does kill your self-esteem! my guy actually told me a year into our relationship that he would have left me during the first 8 months of our relationship for his ex (if she had wanted him.)...wtf?...then, he swears undying love TO ME, yeah, right...NEXT... so, with all this experience under my belt, i advise you to: 1. confront him. ask him outright if he wants her back. he will probably lie to keep you around, but your asking will put him on notice. tell him that he is free to go pursue her if he wants, that you only want him if he is sure he wants you...(you deserve the best!) 2. tell him that you are unconfortable with his contact with her. request that they have no more contact. you want his emotional energy into your relationship. if he agrees, great. if not, cut your losses now because it's just a matter of time until the ex tries to get him back, even if she doesn't want him. to some women, it's a fun sick game to do that. 3. pull back. take some of your heart out of this relationship until you know he is committed to you. this may take many months. don't give him more than you can lose. don't be the patient, loving girlfriend. be the girlfriend who isn't sure of HIM...he may even pursue you more because he is now afraid of losing YOU. 4. check up on him. check his phone, computer, etc. to see if he is having contact with her. trust, but verify until he has proven himself trustworthy on this issue....and no reason to worry about being sneaky...he has lied to you. you are only protecting yourself. 5. casually mention a male friend once in a while. it sounds like a game, but let him know that you also have a few options....and you, do... good luck. let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
Backup GF Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Thanks for the advice everyone. Well, I did confront him. Everything went well. He comforted me and said that I was the only one. The reason that he kept it hidden is because he knew I would get angry/jealous. But I guess he thought I wouldn't find out, hence the lying. He pretty much gave me full access to his computer, phone, etc. to prove that all conversations he had with her were innocent. But I did find out that SHE'S the one contacting him. He just responds with yes, no, answers, really doesn't elaborate at all, which I think pretty much means that he's not interested. So things are good now. I just hope the real ex doesn't start calling. Link to post Share on other sites
The Reverend AG Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Well, I am glad to here that. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Did he agree to do no contact with the one he wanted who now seems to want him? This is an important question. Link to post Share on other sites
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