Hypothetical Situation

[The Truth]

Lets assume for the moment that this is occurring in the world today, in some town bordering Mexico:

 

A guy (we will call him A) is incredibly in love with a girl (AB). He would do anything for her and has. She loves him too, and trusts him more than any person in the world. There is no doubt to this incredible love and trust, as she has stated it so many times before and backed it up with information that no one else in the world besides them knows. Important information. I'll get back to this later. AB is constantly showered with poetry and all the gifts that a mind can develop. However, the situation with money is pretty tight. They are not going out.

 

Before these two even knew each other, AB was going out with another guy (B), who always had plenty of money and whatever material was required to get things done. He showered her with material delights (chocolates, flowers, a nice car with which to get her places). However, his faith to her was severely in question. They broke up a few times, only to get back together after he would not stop harrassing her and she finnally "came to her senses". Before AB had come to her senses, she had openned two cases against him for harrassment with the police. They had done nothing. The reason for their coming back together would never fully be understood by A.

 

When A figured out how much he loved AB, it was not an appropriate time to let her know. Instead, he waited just less than 6 months waiting for the inevitable breakup. It didn't happen. AB was scheduled to leave town and go to the Army for boot camp soon, and A knew that AB would need plenty of emotional and physical support getting her ready. Like always, he was there. He went so far as to get up at 5AM, and run the mile to her house, where they would continue with Physical Training. While doing this one day, he was told why AB and B stayed together. AB thought she loved B. The day before AB left, A felt that he could no longer hide his love, even if it made things akward for AB. A figured that if she knew that she was loved so deeply, it would help her along. Amazingly, when she was told, she didn't freak out or anything. In fact, she welcomed it.

 

And so it continued this way, with A and B both claiming love (in their own separate ways) to AB, now through the mail. AB actually started talking to A about breaking up with B now that she could just ignore the mail and not have to worry about his harrassment. That didn't happen. At graduation, he got the money to fly there and managed to keep on giving her crap. And she just didn't have the willpower to say no.

 

For Christmas, AB got a couple of weeks off and came back to town to find that her family was somewhat screwed. Illegal activity, and scandal, and a hormonally driven single mother had driven it into the ground. Of course, she came to A for help and advice, just as she always did in tough times. Further, she needed advice on how to cope with Army life, which A knew plenty about, since he too planned to join, but had done his research. The part of Army life that bothered her was the harrassment in all forms by her peers, rather than the drill instructors. AB was slowly being crushed under their weight. And then, there was B, who still didn't know about A's interest in AB. In fact, ironically, A was the only guy friend of AB's that B trusted not to be trying to take AB away from him.

 

The situation escelated when AB was dragged along with her mother and the rest of the family on a trip to Mexico where the mother got wild and encouraged the kids to do the same. The kids got drunk, which was better off than the mother had done. AB was about the only sane person there, and all she could do was watch. The whole time, she was writing e-mail to A asking for help. A was out of town, but he scraped up enough money to fly in Christmas night just to see her. AB had already gotten home and B had come to her house as soon as possible, where he found her in quite a sorry state, borderlining insanity, as AB would later recall. It was at that moment that B proposed to AB. She had turned him down time and time again in the past, but this time she could not resist. Not after what she had been put through. The next day, AB called A and told him what had happenned...everything. A was used to really screwed up situations, and giving down to earth, logical advice for them. But this was too much, and drove A to the brink of sanity as well. A had had a future in mind for him and AB, even though he had not yet told her. Suddenly, that bright, loving future seemed crushed. Everything was collapsing in on him...everything that mattered. She couldn't understand the extent to which she had hurt A.

 

Later that night, while they were on the internet, talking again, a passionate conversation errupted, eventually concluding in A's proposal to AB. He could not stop himself...not after hearing the praise that she sent him. AB had said, in all sincerity, that A was her only link to sanity, and that she loved him infinitely. They had both cried together, for each other. She reassured A that the proposal was not strong or a lasting thing; that it could be backed out of, and that it would be.

 

AB had to go back to the Army for more training at this point, and had not yet broken it off with B. During February, AB went AWOL and came back to town to find more family problems. Her mother was now involved in all these different moneymaking schemes that would corrupt anyone that took part in them. Serious things were being considered. Keep in mind the location of the town and use your imagination. The house itself had become a target. The kids were even told to stand away from windows at some points. Everything was falling apart, and AB was the only person trying to fix it. She came to A for help, who rendered it immediately. A plan then developed to turn in the mother to the police and have the kids sent to custody with their dad. It sounds odd, but under the circumstances, neither of them could argue. B had no idea just how rotten the situation was. In the mean time, AB had finally gotten around to trying to break everything off with B. He cried, and she took mercy on him. She tried again to do it, but he did the same, as did she.

 

A was always well informed of her life, and was a bit deppressed at the events surrounding it. He did not want her AWOL, since it would go on her record for life, keeping her from all but the most menial jobs. And he had greater plans for her than that...much greater. On the other hand, B did not seem to care much one way or the other. He didn't want AB to go to prison, but otherwise could care less if it was on her record. He had also previously expressed an intense interest in having kids. This led A to believe that B wanted nothing more than a traditional Mexican household in which the wife was a homemaker, whose job it was to have and keep the kids (lots of them) while the husband went off to work. It sounds like a stereotype, but is actually a common reality in this particular part of the world. AB realized the risks but couldn't seem to do anything to keep him from begging her to take him back, as she always did. She wears the ring, and it hurts A incredibly to see it. However, A knows that he is the one AB truely loves. The promise of physical wants is all that keeps AB and B together. Emotionally, things are very much more complex, between AB and B, whereas A and AB is a very simple relationship. He loves her. She loves him. The details of this hypothetical situation are much greater in quantity, but need to be limited if I want responses from people.

 

The question is, what should each of them do?

[Tony T]

A needs to let AB know that he will be available to her in a limited way if she needs assistance or if at some future time things don't work out with B. He needs to leave his phone number with AB and get out of her life.

 

AB needs some industrial strength psychotherapy. Perhaps she needs a lie detector test to ensure she has been telling A the absolute truth about her relationship with B because people usually stay with the person they care most about. Also, some people will remain with the person who can give them the most materially if that is what they are most concerned about.

 

Frankly, I have found that a great many human beings are firstly concerned about the fulfillment of material needs before anything else.

 

As long as A is around to give AB emotional support and B is around to give her material things, she will remain with B most likely because she is getting her emotional needs met unconditionally by A. Now when A moves on, she'll no longer have this constant emotional support and we can only guess what will happen.

 

As long as A continues to be there for her emotionally, AB has absolutely no reason whatsoever to break it off with B. She is getting what she needs from each of them. Stringing A along is a small price to pay for getting both worlds.

 

As far as B, I guess things are working OK for him. He also needs a lot of psychotherapy for his abusiveness, etc. But it seems the system is working OK for him and that A pretty well relieves him of the need to be overly sweet, kind and emotionally available.

 

I would also recommend that A buy a good book on codependency. I think A is being lead on, used and abused by AB and indirectly by B, who doesn't even know how important A is in all this. If A were all that important, AB would have absolutely no problem breaking up with B. AB is not about to let go of her gravy train.

 

That's kind of how it works in life.

 

A needs to move on or will continue to get crushed and smashed by AB, maybe without even realizing it. A ought to want a female who is more emotionally balanced anyway.

 

Hope you get other many other opinions.

 

You wouldn't happen to be A, would you? I hope not!!!

[girl's view]

wow....i feel as though i just read the script for a mini-series...an alternative version of "an officer and a gentleman" (wherein A is the gentleman, AB the officer).

 

one thing that is very evident in this situation is AB needs some serious counselling of sorts, and that A will need some counselling too if he continues to pursue AB. the reason i say this is that AB appears to be very lost in her life, and it would so unfortunate for A to get dragged into the depths with her. sure, when you love someone unconditionally, you are willing to move heaven and earth for them and go to hell and back because of that love, but when another person is involved (being B), it is only stringing A along. A being the genuine, kind-hearted person that he is, does not deserve to be put through the ringer like this.

 

what is also a worry in this situation is how AB knows B is absolutely no good for her, yet accepted a proposal of marriage. whether she felt compelled to accept because of B's history and because she is obviously very vulnerable at the moment, i can't really say, because i don't know her like you do.

 

it's quite baffling to be honest. i really do feel sorry for AB having been through so much, but my heart goes out to A (presumably you) who's love for this woman is overshadowing the reality of the situation. if A were my brother or a close friend of mine, i would give him a huge hug and tell him that he is going to go insane if he continues to pursue this very complicated situation.

 

for one, AB is getting everything she could possibly want from B, materially.

 

she is getting everything she emotionally needs from A. for the vast majority of people out there who have ever felt emotionally exhausted, or like they're going insane, emotional support - and lots of it - is what gets you through.

 

she has the best of both worlds here - A giving her everything she needs emotionally, and B giving her everything she needs materially.

 

this is a very twisted situation, and the one person i can see getting very hurt in all of this is A. i hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but A really needs to stand back and look at what is good for him. sometimes the love you feel for another person can be so powerful and so consuming, but is it good for you? not in this situation. this is a very unhealthy situation that is only going to drag A lower and lower, and A does not deserve that. not at all.

 

i would suggest that A lets AB know that she always knows where he is, and that he can't have any involvement in this situation until something is sorted out with B.

 

what AB really needs at the moment is time on her own. she knows where to go for emotional support, but A can't be her crutch. the hand A is holding is the hand that is holding A down.

 

back off somewhat A. the support A has been giving is more than likely being taken for granted i.e. no matter what happens, A are there. A has become her emotional crutch. i feel that in order for A to appreciated, A needs to keep some distance from AB. AB knows where A is and maybe with some distance, AB will start to sort out what is in her best interests as well, which isn't B.

 

A can immerse himself further in this and get dragged even deeper, or A can stand back for a while until AB sorts herself out (if she ever does).

 

it is so easy in a situation like this to not want to let go and to live in the hope of rescuing a person. but a person cannot be rescued from a situation until they decide for themselves that they need to get help.

 

i wish i could make a promise to A that everything would be okay in the end. just don't be a sucker to love A. you will get burned if you give in.

[Rachel]

Dear A;

 

I feel for you . You obviously love AB. However, knowingly, or unknowingly, she is stringing you along. It seems to me, that if she REALLY wanted to be with you, she would.

 

It is HER choice to be with B. Abusive or not, it is a choice she has made. Like you can see, A, is the one left in the dust.

 

Just because we are NICE in relationships, doesn't mean we will WIN.

 

Sometimes, we need to WALK away.

 

Good luck.

 

Bye the way, I think you deserve a lot better.

[The Truth]

A few things have to be kept in mind and reemphasized, here:

 

A will not leave AB alone because he is in love with her. It doesn't mean that he's going to harrass her, like B has done in the past. A just prefers a much more passive strategy. Love is like that, though. No matter how logical a plan of action seems, if love does not agree, its just no good.

 

Also, A figures that AB is having even more trouble than is implied by her actions because she complains about the way that B is so often. AB knows that B is very controlling, and that B has problems trusting her and other people. AB also knows of several rumors circulating that he cheated on her when she was in boot camp. But as long as he provides materially for her, I don't believe that she will make any great decision. Once A gets into a better fiscal position, perhaps. But that could take a couple of years, and by then...

 

I was in kind of a hurry to close up the story, so I left one bit of important information out: A has begun to worship AB almost like a diety. He began having faultering opinions about the standard ways of Judeo-Christian religeons a while back, but now, he is in firm belief than the one person on this Earth who has ever shown him love is sort of an Earthly god. I know it sounds odd, but its not as bad as it seems, really. There aren't any rituals or other traditionally imposed ceremonies to tie him down, and everything is self-imposed worship. He takes hours per day just writing to her, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

 

And as far as proffessional counseling is concerned, there would be problems in that everyone would have to cut out all the parts about familial legal problems. And they are a large factor in everything that happens in this situation, primarily having to do with the proposal. If those parts are left in the story, I'm relatively certain that the psychiatrist would tip off the police and CPS to take the kids to a foster home. No one wants that.

 

And so, you all see, most of their options are closed.

 

A is stuck in love, and will not be pried away.

 

AB is under so much stress that the slightest hint of a better life will lead her away from the truth.

 

B will continue to have no clue just how complex things have gotten until it is too late.

 

Thanks for any further comments anyone might like to contribute.

 

PS- Those who think that I may be A must realize that there are lots of A's out there. I wrote this in hopes that it would help more fellow hopeless lovers.

[The Truth]

I answered most of this reply in my previous reply on the other thread. Read it, if you get the chance. Otherwise, realize that A knows, without a doubt, that AB's saying yes to the proposal from B was a result of incredible stress. At the time, she later explained to A, she just didn't feel like going on with life as it was. She felt like she just had to settle down and try to let things blow over. A knew though, that it was a result of stress and good timing on B's part.

 

A probably is already insane. In fact, he'd agree with you completely. He would say, though, that love is a form insanity, and that just because the word insane has taken on such a negative connotation, doesn't mean that it can't be good for a person's soul.

 

The emotional support is bidirectional between A and AB. It is as though they are wandering across an uneven and craggy landscape, where, if one faulters in step, the other pulls him/her out of trouble. If they both were to fall, then it would be together...so in the end, they would be happy. To him, its all about togetherness. It doesn't matter where love takes them, just as long as it is together.

 

Perhaps A will get hurt, but he can't stand back. He knows that if he lets go of her for even a moment, he could lose her forever. It would be at that point, that the whole situation would take a very much Shakespearian twist. A won't let that happen.

 

A would agree that he wants some closure. It is very much desired, but lately, with all the other stresses...they just haven't had much time to talk with each other about each other. Hopefully, that will hypothetically end tonight, since A needs to have a hypothetical talk with AB. He has everything planned. He will be affirming the proposal to one person...he hopes it is himself.

 

As far as AB sorting herself out, that is one of the things that A has been helping her do for a long time. It is because of A that AB has not taken any drugs since last year when he first got to know AB. It is because of A that AB can think halfway objectively. To let go of her now would almost certainly undo all the progress made. In all of this, B doesn't seem to care or even to have noticed. His car still smells of smoke...the kind that AB doesn't do anymore.

 

Keep in mind that A never makes her decisions for her, but that he suggests the best courses of action. Sometimes they are followed, sometimes not. But on a matter of principle, he will always present AB the choice of where to lead her own life. This is not to say that A couldn't make the decisions for her. Such a thing would be very easy, indeed. But he is not a beleiver in totalitarian control.

 

Perhaps A will get burned by love...and I can assure anyone reading that those burns will hurt for a long time. They may never heal. On the other hand, there is the chance-the opportunity-for A to bring complete peace to AB's and his own life, if only she will follow him. It is that, that would bring him total peace...and he knows it would bring her the same. And so, he takes his chances, in hopes of eternal bliss.

 

Thanks for helping me out. I would be very much in appreciation if you would do so again. Thanks.

[Miss Mojo]

A will not leave AB alone because he is in love with her. It doesn't mean he's going to harrass her, like B has done in the past.

 

i can honestly empathise with A here. i was deeply, deeply in love with a guy for 5 years who's life was very messed up. i couldn't leave him because i loved him so much. i didn't want to leave him because i loved him so much.

 

AB knows that B is very controlling, and that B has problems trusting her and other people.

 

AB needs to know that B is nothing but a huge complication in her life. B is only controlling because AB is letting B have control. and one of the ways AB is letting B control her, is by letting B provide for her materially. take away the material possessions, and B as a person, is just not worth having in her life. AB needs to find the courage to get B out of her life. that would be the first step.

 

A has begun to worship AB almost like a diety...he is in firm belief that the one person on this Earth who has ever shown him love is sort of an Earthly god.

 

i would never criticise someones personal beliefs or spirituality, but A needs to realise that there will be numerous people throughout his life that will show him love. i really don't want to sound critical, but this is not a healthy belief. to me, this reeks of insecurity, and i feel that the insecurity inside A stems greatly from the situation he is in with AB. A is very co-dependant on AB, and that is very unhealthy. i know what this is like (not to the Earthly god extent though). my ex was the first guy to ever love me, and the first person that i was deeply in love with. all that mattered to me was, "but i love him and he loves me". i did not realise at the time i was co-dependant in a massive way. i came from a dysfunctional family and he was the only person who had ever shown me love in the way i wanted it (apart from my mother). i fear that this co-dependancy is bordering on obsession.

 

A probably is already insane.

 

i wouldn't say insane at all. just so deeply in love with AB that he want's do be able to do anything in his power to see that she gets the happiness she deserves. it is devestating to see someone you love so much stuck in such a rut. it really is heartbreaking. but it is also heartbreaking on A. that is obvious.

 

If they both were to fall then it would be together...so in the end, they would be happy. To him, its all about togetherness. It doesn't matter where love takes them, just as long as it is together.

 

this statement really worries me. i can understand that in love, you are willing to go to whatever lengths possible to be with another person. but love doesn't have to drag you down. if one falls, then maybe the other can get them back on their feet, but if two fall, how are they going to get back on their feet? what if the love they feel for each other doesn't pull them out of a black hole? someone needs to be the strong one here. togetherness is more likely to be obtained if one can be strong and not falter.

 

Perhaps A will get hurt, but he can't stand back...he could lose her forever...A won't let that happen...Perhaps A will get burned by love...those burns will hurt for a long time.

 

sometimes you have to stand back, no matter how intense the pain is. A may not lose her forever - A also has to think of it that way. but if A does lose her, as cliched and corny as it sounds, then maybe it was meant to be.

 

And as far as professional counseling is concerned...the pyschiatrist would tip off the police and CPS to take the kids to a foster home. No one wants that.

 

no one wants that, but it is probably the best thing - seriously!! money making schemes and being told to stand back from the windows...the house being a target...i cannot stress enough that this is a cruel environment to bring the children up in. these children are living a dysfunctional lifestyle, and their welfare is not being considered as it should be. this lifestyle will have serious repercussions on these poor children if something is not done ASAP. something terrible could happen to these children if something is not done right away, and how more messed up would everyone be then? children should be number 1 priority, and in a court of law they are. they do not deserve to live like this. it breaks my heart to hear of children growing up in such an awful environment.

 

As far as AB sorting herself out, that is one of the things that A has been helping her do for a long time.

 

i know this scenario well. like i said, i was my ex's backbone and lifeline for 5 years. in the end it became way to much. even though i loved him deeply, i was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. i lost weight, i lost sleep, i lost my way. i thought i was helping him find a way out of his despair. i was permanantly clinging to a dream of a happy future, clinging to hope. i was basically clinging to a fantasy and in the end i couldn't cling any more and i had to let go. i totally understand about guiding them towards the best course of action, but this can become so emotionally exhausting after a while.

 

i wish i could tell you straight out what to do, but i feel you already know what you want to do.

 

i'm very concerned about the children and about the all-round unhealthy co-dependancy here. i think the hardest part in all of this is knowing where exactly to start in order to get this mess cleaned up somewhat. it is one hell of a tangled web.

 

i don't know if an option is for A and AB to take the children away somewhere and kick B out of the picture. but that would mean AB going AWOL, which is not a good scenario. perhaps after AB finishes her training, this could be an option. but it all sounds so simple in theory....

 

maybe someone else has an idea??

[Miss Mojo (formerly girl's view)]

do these children belong to AB?

 

a friend of mine has a brother who is married, and him and his wife were alcoholics who were neglecting the children and the Department of Community Services (DOCS, where I live), were informed of this situation. alterative arrangements were made for my friend to take care of the children for about 4 months, while their parents went to rehabilitation and counseling.

 

there is always an alternative place for these children to go. even if you don't want to get law enforcment involved, surely there is someone who can provide a safe environment for these children?

 

that would be a huge weight lifted if something could be organised here.

[The Truth]

I enjoy that you have spent so much time already, helping me out here. And that last idea about the DOCS was pure gold. I'm just wondering if there is a rehabilitation program or some other way out of this for the specific web of problems that the mother has gotten into. Oh yeah, these are not AB's kids, but this has given me an idea...an idealistic one, perhaps, but it is something to be followed up on. The real problem here, though, is going to be with B. AB is not going to be able to to think clearly until he is somehow out of the picture. How that's going to happen, I have no idea. None. Rational reasoning has failed, and A is doesn't want to just start up some "political campaign" to get rid of B. That would be very childish, and in poor taste. So, what now?

 

DEVELOPMENT IN THE HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION:

 

Over the past couple of days, lots of stuff has happenned. AB has finally decided to go back to the Army for the rest of her time there, and is having B turn her in today. A somehow doubts that this is going to happen, since AB has been talking about doing this for so long now. Her plans are almost 3 days behind schedule for getting turned in.

 

Last night, A called her up and tried to just talk about their situation. It now seems that AB does not want to talk about the "mushy stuff". She wants to remain very much in a proffessional friendship with A, which seems contradictory to previous statements. However, she has remarked on her distaste for poetry and the like, which A has been writing her constantly. Its good stuff too. She just feels the need to remain proffessional regarding our friendship in order to deal with the family problems. She then was interrupted, and claimed that she would call back later that night or early in the morning. The call was never made and A is now in such a confused and broken down state that all he wants to do is talk to AB and assure her that he did not mean to offend her with his constant expressions of love, or anything of the sort. He's tried, but he can't reach her. He fears that she's already been turned in and that he won't see or hear from her for weeks at a time. Life seems to be falling apart now, where only days ago, all seemed set for success. AB seems to be spending much more time with B all of a sudden, too. It's killing A to not know what AB wants, or where she is, or what's going on. And...dammit. Hope remains as a constant. There is always hope, but its going to get worse before anything gets any better. And A IS going to stick with it out of his conviction that even torture is worth the love that he feels.

 

A now pleads for help from anyone that will listen(hint, hint). AB's whereabouts and intentions are unknown. B is resting, completely complacent. He has little idea the stress that surrounds him.

 

Thanks for your response in advance.

[Miss Mojo]

I'm just wondering if there is a rehabilitation program or some other way out of this for the specific web of problems that the mother has gotten into. Oh yeah, these are not AB's kids, but this has given me an idea...an idealistic one, perhaps, but it is something to be followed up on.

 

i think you should definitely follow up your idea. even if you inquire hypothetically (as your name suggests!) with child welfare agencies as to what can be done in this situation you would be doing a great service to these kids. the worst that can happen to these kids, is that they will be put with people who can provide them a stable and loving environment. and that's not so bad is it? you would be doing them such a huge, huge favour and maybe even saving their precious little lives. and something can be sorted out for the mother until she gets herself back on track.

 

The real problem here, though, is going to be with B. AB is not going to be able to to think clearly until he is somehow out of the picture. How that's going to happen, I have no idea. None. Rational reasoning has failed, and A is doesn't want to just start up some "political campaign" to get rid of B. That would be very childish, and in poor taste. So, what now?

 

i think the only logical, rational and mature thing to do right now is to be patient. B might be in her life at the moment, but do you honestly know to what extent? the reason i say this is due to the following statement:-

 

AB has finally decided to go back to the Army for the rest of her time there....and is having B turn her in today. A somehow doubts that this is going to happen, since AB has been talking about doing this for so long now. Her plans are almost 3 days behind schedule for getting turned in....It now seems that AB does not want to talk about the "mushy stuff". She wants to remain very much in a proffessional friendship with A, which seems contradictory to previous statements.

 

it might seem contradictory to previous statements, but this could also be the beginning of her sorting her life out, or trying to. B turning her in, doesn't necessarily signify anything. from what i can gather (from my limited knowledge of the armed services), going AWOL only gets you into deep s***. whether she's 3 days behind schedule isn't particularly significant either. it's highly likely that she's aware of this, and that she's also aware that going back to the army might play a large part in getting some stability in her life, some personal discipline and some clarity.

 

However, she has remarked on her distaste for poetry and the like, which A has been writing her constantly. Its good stuff too. She just feels the need to remain proffessional regarding our friendship in order to deal with the family problems. She then was interrupted, and claimed that she would call back later that night or early in the morning. The call was never made and A is now in such a confused and broken down state that all he wants to do is talk to AB and assure her that he did not mean to offend her with his constant expressions of love, or anything of the sort. He's tried, but he can't reach her. He fears that she's already been turned in....

 

perhaps right now she just needs to distance herself from everything. including those who love her. i quite agree with her idea of remaining on a 'professional level'. i actually think that is a very fair thing for her to do. it's quite obvious that what you have been through together have dragged you down too. that may be why she didn't call too. because she needs to distance herself before she can get back on track. i'm sure she knows that you didn't mean to offend her, assuming she honestly was offended. perhaps with all the pressures she has been feeling in her life, she sort of viewed this as pressure too, even though she loves you. pressure because she knows how messed up she is and doesn't want to drag you down any further. it's probably best that you don't hear from her for a while. she needs time alone to some serious re-evaluating of her life in a disciplined, controlled environment.

 

AB seems to be spending much more time with B all of a sudden, too.

 

do you know this for a fact, or is your heart playing games with your head? trust me, i know all too well how easy it is to read into things when you love someone so much and what it's like to feel so scared of losing them.

 

Hope remains as a constant. There is always hope, but its going to get worse before anything gets any better.

 

it's good that you have hope and can be positive, but at the same time, don't be too hopeful. you could really let yourself down. and you're right - things will get worse before they get better. even if you don't end up with her, you will go through a lot of emotional pain before you start to heal. heck, i know that feeling too, because i'm still there, 5 months later (i still love this particular guy more than ever and i haven't even seen him since we split.) i'm having a bitch of a time getting over him, but it is happening and i know i will feel better in time.

 

And A IS going to stick with it out of his conviction that even torture is worth the love that he feels.

 

sometimes the best lessons learnt in life are the most painful ones. as long as you can learn something out of this and live with whatever happens, you will be the one who wins in the end. i think there is strength residing in you that you aren't even aware of. just don't let other people bring you down. you deserve better than that, and you're too intelligent for that. even if you do love them with all your heart, sometimes you have to let your head rule.

[The Truth]

About five minutes after I logged off from typing the new developments, AB called A from the road. B was driving her to another city so that she could be turned into a military base. Somehow, she had gotten the last desperate e-mail that A had sent, and she thought that it was "cool". AB offered to think a whole lot about the whole situation and to sit down and have a nice private heart to heart chat with A when she got home. The best part of this call, though, was the end, at which point she said those three magical words: I love you. And for once, they did not sound forced, or habitual, or guilt-ridden. They were completely natural, and gentle. A's day suddenly got a hell of a lot better. His family probably thinks he's manic deppressive. (They don't know about AB, and are unknowingly tied up in some of AB's mother's problems.)

 

After the call, A remembered something...there was a nearer military base that wasn't a 3 hour drive away. So he called B's cell phone, and B answered. He sounded slightly uncomfortable, but took the advice and followup joke well. They still went to the far city to be turned in, A was later informed.

 

This information came at around 8AM, when AB called A again. She informed him that amazingly, her AWOL adventure had not been recorded by anyone at her base. In fact, according to the rosters, she had been there everyday for the past 28 that she was gone. Her bank account was paid in full for that time. So much for a structured lifestyle, right? Actually, it never was. She went AWOL out of frustration because of all the peers that had been harrassing her, and because she had shin splits and was still made to run every day. I assure you, though, that the military is not as structured as it may seem. She is still in training, and had met up with the bottom-dwellers of the gene pool.

 

As far as what A KNOWS (for certain)...it all seems to be in question now. And for now, he's OK with that. He does know, however, for certain, that A has spent lots of time with B. Much more than usual. He does realize, though, that it might just be a way for AB to spend time away from the family, and that A is not always able to accomodate her physical needs.

 

As for now, A is happy and will remain so until AB's return, confident that she loves him. The tone of her voice said everything.

 

Thanks again for your help in these matters. I know it has taken lots of time for you.