Spaart Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 So I want to know what defines fwb, at what point does it go beyond or under it. So I've been seeing this girl for a little more than a month now, we hung out a lot, during the first few times notihng happened, I kept my distance and tried to figure out what she wants, anyway we soon started having sex and we hold hands everytime in public, basically everyone thinks of us as a couple, she drives really far to come see me, and shes usually very busy. She also opens up a lot about her self, her insecruities (some) and some things she done that she don't really tell anyone. Anyways, she told me she didn't want anything serious, that was during the 2nd week, we didn't stop what we're doing we kept doing it. I can tell she enjoys and loves to hangout with me. So what exactly are we? Is this how friends with benefits work? Or is this something different? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 A few rules that aide in the FWB relationship: 1: Do not be seen in public as it is then assumed you are a couple 2: Refrain from knowing each others personal life. 3: Its all about the copulation. 4: No sleep overs, remember they are your playtoy and nothing more 5: If they have relations with others, that's their business, not yours. And vice versa. 6: Do use protection or birth control 7: Stay away from each others social media sites. Its there life. 8: Lay out your ground rules and abide. I'm sure some are more flexible, yet that seems to be the norm in order for it to remain primal in nature. think of it as a one night stand with the same rules applying.... Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 A few rules that aide in the FWB relationship: 1: Do not be seen in public as it is then assumed you are a couple 2: Refrain from knowing each others personal life. 3: Its all about the copulation. 4: No sleep overs, remember they are your playtoy and nothing more 5: If they have relations with others, that's their business, not yours. And vice versa. 6: Do use protection or birth control 7: Stay away from each others social media sites. Its there life. 8: Lay out your ground rules and abide. I'm sure some are more flexible, yet that seems to be the norm in order for it to remain primal in nature. think of it as a one night stand with the same rules applying.... I think this list of 'rules' apply to a FB (f*ck buddy) relationship. Esp. rules 3 and 4. I wouldn't treat a friend as a playtoy. And as the ffirst word of FWB imply, this person ia a friend, so already, personal info and other stuff is known to a friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spaart Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 Oh wow, I guess we broke nearly all the rules... That does seem more like a ***buddy type of rule tho. Im just trying to figure out if this girl wants something more than fwb and if she does or does not how well I go about it and not ruining the fwb thing that's going on or whatever is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Im just trying to figure out if this girl wants something more than fwb and if she does or does not how well I go about it and not ruining the fwb thing that's going on or whatever is going on. ASK HER if she's happy with how things are between you two, and TELL HER that you're feeling it more as an FWB relationship than anything else, then ASK HER if she's on the same page or if she would use a different term to define whatever is going on between you. If she says 'yes', then ASK HER how she would define it. You won't ruin anything by just asking questions...as long as your subsequent behaviour stays the same or changes according to what she says. But if you want something different than she does, then you're going to run into trubble sooner or later, anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spaart Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) ASK HER if she's happy with how things are between you two, and TELL HER that you're feeling it more as an FWB relationship than anything else, then ASK HER if she's on the same page or if she would use a different term to define whatever is going on between you. If she says 'yes', then ASK HER how she would define it. You won't ruin anything by just asking questions...as long as your subsequent behaviour stays the same or changes according to what she says. But if you want something different than she does, then you're going to run into trubble sooner or later, anyway. Hmm, this sounds like a good advice, im curious because she didn't exactly tell me she wanted a fwb relationship the first 4 dates or days we met and hungout, it was only after 2nd week after we had sex, she said she didn't want anything serious, so I was caught off guard and then slowly im "de-attach" my feelings and what I thought it would be, but its been a month and her actions just dosnt seem purely "Fwb" so im wondering if she change her mind or whatever, because I can go with either way as long as It dosnt ruin the good thing we have atm. Example of somethings she does, Text me says she wont be able to see me, but comes visit me anyway Visits me she says she can't stay too long but always stays longer and we do not have sex everytime we see each other. Sometimes she'd stay over even though she'd always say shes only going to stay till 8pm ish but end up staying over and have to make up some excuse to tell her parents I really appreciates when someone does this but this also makes me like them a lot and develop some feelings Edited October 6, 2014 by Spaart Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Could she be trying not to get in too deep because she'll be going off to college or something like that? Or can it be because she is in love with an ex or maybe not an ex but just seriously crushing on someone else. I think you ought to be able to ask her these things. Sometimes people get real fixated on someone and just kill time hoping that crush will work out, which it usually doesn't. Just ask her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I think this list of 'rules' apply to a FB (f*ck buddy) relationship. Esp. rules 3 and 4. I wouldn't treat a friend as a playtoy. And as the ffirst word of FWB imply, this person ia a friend, so already, personal info and other stuff is known to a friend. FWB's and FB are the same thing. No offense. It is a reality. It just seems so much "more acceptable" to justify by calling them a "friend". Strange way to rationalize. the Poster asked the rules, guidelines and those answered in my post are some of them... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 FWB or NSA is defined by the sex & the sex is the primary drive in the "relationship." There is no dating; no getting together outside of the bedroom (post copulation refueling is OK as is playing with your food if you know what I mean); no talking on the phone except to arrange to get together & no commitment. There are also no romantic feelings / emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 FWB's and FB are the same thing. No offense. It is a reality. It just seems so much "more acceptable" to justify by calling them a "friend". Strange way to rationalize. the Poster asked the rules, guidelines and those answered in my post are some of them... I respectfully disagree. FB is like a step up of a ONS. This person is not a friend. A FWB is a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I respectfully disagree. FB is like a step up of a ONS. This person is not a friend. A FWB is a friend. Might be a friend, but the same rules have to apply. Otherwise, it becomes too much like a relationship and things get blurred. Though I don't necessarily agree with the no sleepover rule. Where I live, that is not an option. I don't have a car and can't be taking public transport at god know what time, just to avoid sleeping over. So it happens, more often than not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 the biggest difference between FWB & a ONS is the # of times you have sex: repeatedly over the course of time vs. once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 FWB is just the 'polite term' for FB. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 You are asking a forum what the status of your relationship is? It's nothing. And going nowhere. FWB never goes anywhere, and you illustrate as such by your need to ask strangers. You apparently don't know, so there is your sign. Maybe you should date first, have sex later, so you can truly gauge what's going on, or just simply man-up and ASK HER TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND if that's what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spaart Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 Im so dumb, I realized too late and I fell for her, just last night I found out she was sleeping with someone else last week. I was shattered I can't believe it, even though she kept telling me im the only one shes seeing and ****in... my god I never felt this before, I went thru break ups and rejections but this, this **** here hurts so bad and it could of came at a better time... **** I don't know what to do, I talked to her about it, she was all crying but I can tell its guilt trip there is no actual feelings, she just felt bad, while im here completely heart broken. Why do people do this... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I can't tell you for sure why she did this it probably had something to do with a desire to tell you what you wanted to hear so you would continue giving her what she wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spaart Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 I can't tell you for sure why she did this it probably had something to do with a desire to tell you what you wanted to hear so you would continue giving her what she wanted. So she pretty much used me... I hate people... Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 So she pretty much used me... I hate people... Well... no. She told you she didn't want anything serious. In my book that usually means that she's seeing other people and that you should, too. The only thing she did wrong here was lie to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Absinthe Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 The fact that you never had the talk about where the relationship was going or what it meant speaks volumes...it means that you KNEW it wasn't what you were secretly hoping it was...and you didn't want to have that affirmed by having "the talk". People use the ambiguity of not having had "the talk" to go off and do what they want, as in this case, she slept with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 even though she kept telling me im the only one shes seeing and ****in She knew you into her . . . more so than she liked you. (you were an only an option, with more out there to try out) She had little invested in you, just some sex and hang-out time She didn't want you to know she was with other men because you might not think she was so great then and you might change the way you treat / view her . . . . Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 So I want to know what defines fwb, A foolish venture. A narcissistic immature perception of what love between two people really is. at what point does it go beyond or under it. From the beginning Link to post Share on other sites
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