sm2281 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Hi Everyone. I have mroe recently posted about dating woes in this forum. But before this, I used to visit another forum when I had no words of my own, and needed help rationalizing things before talking about them. It was a marriage forum. I married the first time early on, at age 20. I began the divorce process in 2011, and it's still actually not finalized due to a restraining order I obtained in a different state. So that's that. I am free to divorce now. Thank Heavens. I can file however and have it approved at once. It's 2014 now, and I find myself after numerous dates...from dinner, donuts, burritos, meeting at the park, meeting men in parking lots (not in a creepy way) friends with benefits and..2 minorly serious boyfriends that I was "testing out" and now one I am quite serious about. I have posted here before about him. One thread being "what are acceptable behaviors" and "am I being irrational" Mainly it has been a fight with this man to mark my claim on him and make him mine after 6 months. I feel it has been reluctant on his end, and on mine in some ways. A little bit of give and take there I guess. But I do feel I am falling in love with this man. I am afraid of marriage. He has never been married, is a year older than I. He doesn't have children, and I do. 2 of them. and to add to it, one of them is terminal with special needs. My last marriage ended badly. The divorce was fueled by jealousy (I was ready to move on long before the divorce) hsi addictions, anger, resentment....he was abusive and stalked me. I have to move 7 times in 3 years! It was horrid. Noone would help, and I am still after all this left to fight for custody of my daughter, while fully supporting my son on my own. THe divorce itself I know will go without a hitch. The kids....not so much. I feel my ex wants to use them to get at me, but that is a whole nother ball game. But my new found boyfriend, it's been 6 months. We are talking about moving in together, he talks about the future, he SAYS he wants to marry me someday, and even though I still have reservations with his behavior, I feel I am in love with him too. And maybe a little time is in order to correct the behavior and get back into being in a relationship. . . . I do love him. But I feel afraid of marriage. I don't know if I want to do all that again.....and I don't want to push him away because of it. He brought all this up, very early on. I hope he is genuine, I can't tell thus far that he isn't. But I can say that I am falling in love with him. I don't want to lose him, but each new step is very scary. Very real. and Very very difficult to take. Any thoughts or opinions. Any advice. I am hoping to file divorce and finally be done with the ex at the beginning of the year and hoping that it all goes over well without a hitch and I am afriad if I do that my new guy is going to be more ready to pop the question. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 If you don't want to get married again, or fear doing so (perfectly legitimate opinion, I don't see why you should be asked or coerced into changing it) then you DO need to alert him to this, and advise him that re-marriage for you is out of the question, and that you do not currently have any intention of going through it again, so please don't even think about it, but in the unlikely event of you changing your mind, he will be the first to know. You MUST advise him in good time. He deserves to be made aware of your opinion, and more importantly, that this isn't a whim you can be flighty about... You mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sm2281 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 If you don't want to get married again, or fear doing so (perfectly legitimate opinion, I don't see why you should be asked or coerced into changing it) then you DO need to alert him to this, and advise him that re-marriage for you is out of the question, and that you do not currently have any intention of going through it again, so please don't even think about it, but in the unlikely event of you changing your mind, he will be the first to know. You MUST advise him in good time. He deserves to be made aware of your opinion, and more importantly, that this isn't a whim you can be flighty about... You mean it. where is common ground in that? i am afraid yes. but its not out of the question. he knows the circumstance.... I am open,but afraid. Wonder if it will go away in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 That depends on a number of factors; how much you love him, how much he loves you, and how secure you'll feel in the relationship. I already stated, that you should make your feelings known, but that you might also add that you could change your mind at some point. But that depends upon you changing your mind if you want to, not because someone else is trying to convince you that you OUGHT to. Link to post Share on other sites
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