Deleting

[Ronnie33]

Did anyone else feel anxiety about finally deleting their AP on fb? I'm trying to detach and have been trying to delete him from my fb for months but couldn't and today I finally just did it and then I cried after. How ridiculous is it that deleting a Facebook makes me feel so bad?! I couldn't take the stalking anymore. I would check it all the time and hated it but now that I finally deleted him I feel so nervous. I needed to do this though, last time we went no contact I couldn't delete him ad still looked everyday and I think that is what kept me so attached too. I'm hoping this will help. I know it sounds ridiculous and I feel like an idiot but I was just wondering if I was the only one. I haven't gone NC yet because i have failed everytime but this is the first time I have deleted him.

 

Thanks

[Red123]

Block him too. If you have him blocked you can't see anything he posts and if you get the urge to unblock a message pops up asking if you really want to.

[eye of the storm]

You are not alone. But what you did is a huge step to recovery. I agree with the blocking too. That way you are no longer having to deal with that and can heal faster.

[MissBee]

Did anyone else feel anxiety about finally deleting their AP on fb? I'm trying to detach and have been trying to delete him from my fb for months but couldn't and today I finally just did it and then I cried after. How ridiculous is it that deleting a Facebook makes me feel so bad?! I couldn't take the stalking anymore. I would check it all the time and hated it but now that I finally deleted him I feel so nervous. I needed to do this though, last time we went no contact I couldn't delete him ad still looked everyday and I think that is what kept me so attached too. I'm hoping this will help. I know it sounds ridiculous and I feel like an idiot but I was just wondering if I was the only one. I haven't gone NC yet because i have failed everytime but this is the first time I have deleted him.

 

Thanks

 

Good for you!

 

It's not silly. FB is a symbolic form of attachment and it's still a window into that person's life, so it makes sense why deleting them feels painful, as it symbolizes a form of "ending."

 

Fortunately my exAP didn't have FB so that wasn't as issue for me. I could only imagine how much worse it would have made things. He wasn't really active on any social media, so that helped a ton as I had no way of stalking him and driving myself even crazier. But in another breakup I've definitely experienced the the pull of the social media stalking. I first hid my ex then deleted him. It felt great. I didn't cry, I'd gotten to a point where I was just angry and fed up with myself so deleted him and didn't look back. It helped a ton. I could still see aspects of his page if I specifically checked but deleting it made me checking a lot harder, and so I had time to think about if I wanted to and could decided no I didn't, and it helped me to feel better, like I really closed a door and helped me to move on. So I hope in the coming days that's how you feel as well.

[PachucaSunrise]

Did anyone else feel anxiety about finally deleting their AP on fb? I'm trying to detach and have been trying to delete him from my fb for months but couldn't and today I finally just did it and then I cried after. How ridiculous is it that deleting a Facebook makes me feel so bad?! I couldn't take the stalking anymore. I would check it all the time and hated it but now that I finally deleted him I feel so nervous. I needed to do this though, last time we went no contact I couldn't delete him ad still looked everyday and I think that is what kept me so attached too. I'm hoping this will help. I know it sounds ridiculous and I feel like an idiot but I was just wondering if I was the only one. I haven't gone NC yet because i have failed everytime but this is the first time I have deleted him.

 

Thanks

 

Yes! It was incredibly hard for me as well. Trust me, I GET IT.

 

Don't minimize your feelings about this - it's a HUGE deal. Be proud of yourself and know that this is a crucial step in your healing journey. When those anxious feelings creep up, keep them at bay by reminding yourself that you're doing this for YOU.

 

You're never going to move forward by remaining 'friends' with him on FB. It just doesn't work. The stalking, ruminating, and just the simple fact that he's accessible is no help to you. It's really, really hard, I know, but you can't keep giving him your precious energy. That energy needs to be focused on YOU from now on.

 

I know that anxious feeling you're talking about. For me, I think it was all about detaching. There's a feeling of finality when you muster up the courage to click the 'unfriend' button. Like, that's it... The last connection we had is now gone. But please believe me when I say this, 'unfriending' him will be the BEST gift you can give yourself.

 

My XAP popped back up out of the blue last month. He friended me on FB (after a few months of not being friends), and initially, I thought I could handle it. But, literally minutes after being 'new' friends again, the passive-aggressive jabs started, the "Remember this and that?", along with all the head games, the attention-seeking behaviors... I could go on and on, but I know you get the picture. And so I deleted him. It was hard at first, but relieving myself of that extra stress began to feel as though I freed myself. Sounds silly, but it's true. It this type of situation - ignorance really is bliss.

 

So, I slipped up a few weeks later. He popped up AGAIN, curious as to why I 'unfriended' him (as if he didn't know). We talked, and I explained that the things I was seeing and reading were truly hurting me (for example - photos and deliberate "sweet nothing" comments with a new, rebound girl). He intentionally did these things to get a reaction out of me, and the more I remained silent, the more he pushed. It was brutal. I asked him to be delicate with my feelings but that meant nothing to him. I was too blind to see it before, but this showed me where I stood with him - he cares about one person - himself.

 

I 'unfriended' him once again (for the same reasons) and I've stuck to it. I think about it now and wonder how/why I chose to put myself through the pain of trying to be his 'friend'. He did everything possible to get my attention, and it worked, of course, but the things he was saying/doing were so incredibly hurtful to me. And to be honest - he made himself look like a complete fool. so, I finally decided to let go FOR ME. Please know that you're worth it to do the same.

 

I've also come to the realization that he doesn't deserve to know about ANYTHING that's going on in my world. Being friends with him on FB gave him a window of opportunity to keep tabs on my life. Never again. I'm better than that, and so are you!

 

So, go easy on yourself, but don't forget that this is a really big deal. It's part of the process of letting go, and I promise you, it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Stay strong! You can do it!!

[Temporarilyinsane]

I couldn't delete him so I deleted my whole account for a few months and then when I was ready I got back on and blocked him. It's hard not knowing what he's doing but I've found that if I reach out to him it just sets me back.

 

NC is really really hard but I'm finding it's really the best way to move on. My next move is going to be deleting his number from my phone but I'm not quite ready for that yet.

[Ronnie33]

Thank you ladies so much. Sometimes I feel like this affair has made me a nutjob. It is definitely the finality of it that hurts and the feeling that if I delete he will forget me which I know sounds ridiculous, I mean how many breakup a did we all have before social media was around. The thing is, he's not an ******* or mean at all. He's a great person and he never tries to hurt me or post things on purpose. It's me who stalks his page and makes myself crazy. When he realizes I've deleted him he'll ask me why and be upset but not in a mean way and he will respect it. I blocked him so I can't look at all unless I unblock. I'm just really trying to detach. It's been 14 months and everytime I try NC I go back. I made it 2 months and thought we could be friends but we went right back. I'm scared to say NC again and fail so I'm trying to slowly detach.

[MatchStick]

I couldn't delete him so I deleted my whole account for a few months and then when I was ready I got back on and blocked him. It's hard not knowing what he's doing but I've found that if I reach out to him it just sets me back.

 

NC is really really hard but I'm finding it's really the best way to move on. My next move is going to be deleting his number from my phone but I'm not quite ready for that yet.

 

 

Maybe this will help: I didn't delete my xMM's phone number, just re-edited the name. Made him Unknown #. For me, there may be a reason why I may need to contact him again. It works for me since I don't have to see or do a dance around his number: out of sight, out of mind. Good luck!

[MatchStick]

I couldn't delete him so I deleted my whole account for a few months and then when I was ready I got back on and blocked him. It's hard not knowing what he's doing but I've found that if I reach out to him it just sets me back.

 

NC is really really hard but I'm finding it's really the best way to move on. My next move is going to be deleting his number from my phone but I'm not quite ready for that yet.

 

Yes! It was incredibly hard for me as well. Trust me, I GET IT.

 

Don't minimize your feelings about this - it's a HUGE deal. Be proud of yourself and know that this is a crucial step in your healing journey. When those anxious feelings creep up, keep them at bay by reminding yourself that you're doing this for YOU.

 

You're never going to move forward by remaining 'friends' with him on FB. It just doesn't work. The stalking, ruminating, and just the simple fact that he's accessible is no help to you. It's really, really hard, I know, but you can't keep giving him your precious energy. That energy needs to be focused on YOU from now on.

 

I know that anxious feeling you're talking about. For me, I think it was all about detaching. There's a feeling of finality when you muster up the courage to click the 'unfriend' button. Like, that's it... The last connection we had is now gone. But please believe me when I say this, 'unfriending' him will be the BEST gift you can give yourself.

 

My XAP popped back up out of the blue last month. He friended me on FB (after a few months of not being friends), and initially, I thought I could handle it. But, literally minutes after being 'new' friends again, the passive-aggressive jabs started, the "Remember this and that?", along with all the head games, the attention-seeking behaviors... I could go on and on, but I know you get the picture. And so I deleted him. It was hard at first, but relieving myself of that extra stress began to feel as though I freed myself. Sounds silly, but it's true. It this type of situation - ignorance really is bliss.

 

So, I slipped up a few weeks later. He popped up AGAIN, curious as to why I 'unfriended' him (as if he didn't know). We talked, and I explained that the things I was seeing and reading were truly hurting me (for example - photos and deliberate "sweet nothing" comments with a new, rebound girl). He intentionally did these things to get a reaction out of me, and the more I remained silent, the more he pushed. It was brutal. I asked him to be delicate with my feelings but that meant nothing to him. I was too blind to see it before, but this showed me where I stood with him - he cares about one person - himself.

 

I 'unfriended' him once again (for the same reasons) and I've stuck to it. I think about it now and wonder how/why I chose to put myself through the pain of trying to be his 'friend'. He did everything possible to get my attention, and it worked, of course, but the things he was saying/doing were so incredibly hurtful to me. And to be honest - he made himself look like a complete fool. so, I finally decided to let go FOR ME. Please know that you're worth it to do the same.

 

I've also come to the realization that he doesn't deserve to know about ANYTHING that's going on in my world. Being friends with him on FB gave him a window of opportunity to keep tabs on my life. Never again. I'm better than that, and so are you!

 

So, go easy on yourself, but don't forget that this is a really big deal. It's part of the process of letting go, and I promise you, it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Stay strong! You can do it!!

 

 

Good heavens! The FB drama! Good going, ladies, on FB blocking and unfriending. Do you really need all that (unhealthy?) noise? For me, unfriending came very easy because I knew where I was going once past all the heartbreak: to peace and peace of mind. For me, again, I find I seem to project everyone is having a better time than me when I see pics like posted on FB. Remember: he's the miserable one or he wouldn't be messin'. If he wanted to be kind, he's had his shot and didn't want it. Exclude status!! Good luck, and great job with the emotions.

[2sunny]

Maybe this will help: I didn't delete my xMM's phone number, just re-edited the name. Made him Unknown #. For me, there may be a reason why I may need to contact him again. It works for me since I don't have to see or do a dance around his number: out of sight, out of mind. Good luck!

 

You could change his contact name... To JERK!

 

That may help to not respond if he ever contacts again.

[PachucaSunrise]

Thank you ladies so much. Sometimes I feel like this affair has made me a nutjob. It is definitely the finality of it that hurts and the feeling that if I delete he will forget me which I know sounds ridiculous, I mean how many breakup a did we all have before social media was around. The thing is, he's not an ******* or mean at all. He's a great person and he never tries to hurt me or post things on purpose. It's me who stalks his page and makes myself crazy. When he realizes I've deleted him he'll ask me why and be upset but not in a mean way and he will respect it. I blocked him so I can't look at all unless I unblock. I'm just really trying to detach. It's been 14 months and everytime I try NC I go back. I made it 2 months and thought we could be friends but we went right back. I'm scared to say NC again and fail so I'm trying to slowly detach.

 

I totally get it, Ronnie. I really do. I felt the same way when I first deleted him. To be honest, I still feel that way to some extent, but please believe me when I say that it gets easier each day that passes. I'd be kidding myself if I said I didn't have any lingering feelings, I know I do... But I've FINALLY gotten to the point where I know, in my heart of hearts, that I'm only hurting myself by keeping him around. For my sake, for my sanity, for my personal well-being, I HAD to let go.

 

The whole point of creating distance is to help us move on and stop intentionally hurting ourselves, because really, by keeping them in our lives (in whatever form), it keeps that hope alive... And as hard as it is, letting go of that false hope is the only way to move forward.

 

I know exactly what you mean when you say your affair has turned you into a nutjob. Oh, how well I know that feeling! But also know this - the more distance I've created, the more I'm beginning to feel like my old self again. At my lowest point, I didn't even recognize myself anymore. It was horrible. But now that I have taken a few steps back, I'm seeing things in a much clearer sense. I've truly missed myself, and I hope this sort of self-rediscovery happens for you as well.

 

The fact that you were stalking his page was unhealthy, and you're aware of that, so be proud of yourself for taking this crucial step in your healing journey. My guy came right out and told me he was stalking me, and luckily, that only lit an even bigger fire under my ass to close up shop. I sat back and REALLY thought about it - how messed up was it that we were both addicted to keeping tabs on each other?! So, so incredibly unhealthy, and so very typical of affair behaviors.

 

But now that he's not there and there's nothing to look for, I've found that the desire to check up on him has lessened, TREMENDOUSLY! There are still so many different ways I can "check up", but when I feel that urge come over me, I say this to myself... "What the hell is this going to do for you, Pachuca Sunrise?! HOW is this going to help you?!" And we all know the answer to that... Maybe try practicing that with yourself? It's been a great help to me.

 

Fortunately, in your case, you're not dealing with a selfish, passive-aggressive coward. Just knowing that he'll respect your decision is definitely a plus. Hopefully that will make things a little easier on you.

 

Also know that being friends with him may not be a possibility. You've tried it before, and obviously, 2 months just isn't going to cut it. In my case, it's been 7, and I'm still nowhere near being ready, which leads me to believe that I may never be. I know how much it hurts to hear this, but in order to take back your life and learn to love yourself again, you need to distance yourself for however long it takes. Eventually, a friendship may be possible, BUT (and I really mean BUT), only when YOU think of him without ANY attached feelings. You need to be completely indifferent, and that's a place where neither you or I are at right now.

 

So, continue to choose what's best for YOU. Be gentle and kind to yourself. And remember that blocking him is the best thing you can do for yourself - to put an end to this vicious cycle once and for all, and to move forward toward a healthy way of living. You owe it to yourself just as I do.

 

And if and when you feel that 'urge', come here and let it all hang out, but whatever you do - keep him blocked. I promise that you will thank yourself for being so strong sometime in the near future. You got this!

[Temporarilyinsane]

You could change his contact name... To JERK!

 

That may help to not respond if he ever contacts again.

 

 

Oh, I could come up with a much more colorful name than that! You may be on to something....