Buzzle Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I really just need other parents’ input because I feel like I am too close to the situation and I need another perspective. My 15 year old son and his cousin, also 15, are suddenly very interested in girls. I swear up until just a few months ago it was all about video games. As irritating as that was, I kinda liked it better now that I’m dealing with the male hormones instead. Anyway – last weekend he stayed the night at this same cousins house. There are 3 teenage boys in their family so between their boys, their friends and girlfriends, teenagers in that household are a regular presence. Apparently the 2 boys invited 2 girls over and watched movies until late when the girls were finally picked up. Supposedly they had pizza bought for them and then were left alone so they had the whole TV room to themselves. He reported back that he had an awesome time. Yeah, I’ll bet he did. I remember my oldest son & his gf trying the same thing at this age: the thick & fluffy down comforter up to their necks even though it’s the middle of summer. Uh huh. So my son is trying to plan a similar get-together at our house this weekend and is hoping I will retreat to another part of the house so they can hang out. I’m just not sure what to make of it. The idea of 4 teenagers alone in a room, on my couch, in the dark and under a blanket has me a little concerned. On the flip side, I have them at my house rather than at someone else’s house where I have NO control, and this is surely what will end up happening if I am too restrictive. They’ll just plan their hangouts elsewhere. I know damn good and well that teenagers are going to find a way to screw around if that’s what their grand plan is.. where there’s a will there’s a way. So would this blanket and movie idea fly in your household or would this be a ‘no way’? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I'm new to this - having just married into a house with teenagers less than a year ago - but my husband stipulates that his kids don't get to hang with members of the opposite sex in a private, closed-off setting. Out in the open, yes. They can watch movies, play video games, etc., but it is all done in a room where he/we have sight of what's going on. They can close the door (glass, so we can see), but not into anyone's bedrooms or other locations with doors closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Applepie3 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 It's better to have them in an open area like the living room or something you know exactly was up because we all were teenagers once don't ignore your mothers intuition because it's all most never wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I wouldn't offer them privacy. I'd be in and out with snacks and stay nearby. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I wouldn't offer them privacy. I'd be in and out with snacks and stay nearby. dang , you make me yearn for the teen years...When parents made such awesome snacks! Serously miss some of those parents, they really did have fun with us teens...scared us half to death sometimes when we were watching creepy movies! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzzle Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 I will definitely be popping into the kitchen periodically to do a quick check on them, that's for sure. Snuggling under the blankets bugs me a little, but maybe I'll see how how he handles himself this weekend and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Remove the blankets from the room and turn up the heat. If they go looking for them you'll be able to say no because there is no use for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amakgf Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 If they know you are still around, they aren't likely to do anything serious. I guess I feel like teens are going to get to that stuff eventually and if you try to helicopter them, they will rebel, and you could accidentally cause a much more problematic situation to arise. You need to discuss your concerns and what you expect openly and build trust in both sides. I always think of the whole 'forbidden closet of mystery' thing. It's going to happen eventually, no matter what a parent does to try to prevent it, so why not educate our children so they can make good choices instead of unwittingly leaving them to learn the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I'm new to this - having just married into a house with teenagers less than a year ago - but my husband stipulates that his kids don't get to hang with members of the opposite sex in a private, closed-off setting. Out in the open, yes. They can watch movies, play video games, etc., but it is all done in a room where he/we have sight of what's going on. They can close the door (glass, so we can see), but not into anyone's bedrooms or other locations with doors closed. This is how I handle it with my teenager. She has a bf and he is allowed to come over and I allow them to go to the basement (her room is in the basement) to watch movies or just to hang out, but don't think for a second that I don't pop in. I may walk down the steps, or I might pop in the basement door, quietly of course. Also, she is not allowed to shut her door. It stays open. You are right, teenagers will do what teenagers do but we don't have to roll out the red carpet and allow them to do it freely. They do need freedom but it's a supervised freedom. I don't allow her and her bf to be on the same couch or bed under a blanket. Period. She knows by now that I will make a point to embarrass him and her both if that happens. I have told her in front of him that any boy that respects her will not expect her to lay under a blanket with him at their age. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Don't try to fight nature. Sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him if he needs you to take him to the drugstore to pick up condoms because you aren't looking forward to being a grandmother any time soon. Tell him that 'it's not permitted in your home' and make that clear. 'But if there are things you need to know about to protect him then he needs to tell you'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Remove the blankets from the room and turn up the heat. If they go looking for them you'll be able to say no because there is no use for them. ANd when you come back and they are butt naked and sweating, they can say....It was too dern hot in here! Then what do you do?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Look at the positives here-he's confided in you and feels comfortable enough to ask if they all can come hang out at his house. Trust him. He's your son, and probably a good respectful kid, right? Do talk to him and just set some ground rules. Also it's doubtful they all are gonna have sex that night. If anything, it'll be hand holding and some touching. IF he just started getting interested in girls then now is the time you and your H have "the talk" with him. Prepare him, not scare him. In 2 years he'll be finished school, or close to it, and off to college! 15 is young but not "young" like we all were back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I'm closer to 15 myself than my sons are to being 15 but i'd like to think i'd take the same road my folks did. I always felt they trusted me - they didn't treat me like a kid, they gave me adult privileges like being able to choose who i hung out with and where I hung out with them, but in turn i knew i had to behave with adult responsibility. I met my now wife when i was 15 and at the time she used to come over and stay with us and the like.. the general rule of thumb my folks tended to have was if I was bringing people to the house (particularly girls) then they had to meet them, get to know them - basically if I wouldn't bring them home for dinner then i couldn't bring them home for anything else be it movies, or homework or sleepovers or anything. I guess i see now that by doing that they ensured I'd never of been able to just bring a stream of random girls back to the house or anything like that.. they always knew who I was mixing with, what they were about, and I guess the nature of our relationship, and after that they never really denied me any privacy.........my mum would offer snacks normally but doesn't everyone love snacks! I just think like, they're going to hangout, all teenagers are going to hangout, you wont prevent it, its only a matter of where. If my folks hadn't of let me hangout with my wife when we were 15 then we'd of just hanged out at hers - her dad was never home so it would of just been us in an empty flat... its got to be better to have your kids close, at least that way you get to know whats going on in his life! I'd definitely want that with my boys - i wouldnt want them god knows where. I'm a big believer that its your house but its your kids home too. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Do talk to him and just set some ground rules. Also it's doubtful they all are gonna have sex that night. If anything, it'll be hand holding and some touching. IF he just started getting interested in girls then now is the time you and your H have "the talk" with him. Prepare him, not scare him. As a former teenage girl who has been "under the blanket"....it can be a lot more than hand holding :o:o Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 While I understand your concern, I must be the logical voice here. All they have to do is meet these girls at a park. Or a movie theatre. Or a graveyard. Or anywhere else. Soon one of them or an older friend of theirs will have their first car. You can stop things from happening in your house, but you can't stop things from happening. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 While I understand your concern, I must be the logical voice here. All they have to do is meet these girls at a park. Or a movie theatre. Or a graveyard. Or anywhere else. Soon one of them or an older friend of theirs will have their first car. You can stop things from happening in your house, but you can't stop things from happening. Agree. The more you forbid it, the more they will want it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts