AD1980 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 You always hear the overblown and tired cliche of confidence and how it some magic thing that makes women suddenly attracted to you which I don't totally buy but forgetting that for a second..how are you supposed to have blind confidence when you've had little or no sucess? I'm 34 and never been out with a women what could I possibly have to feel confident about with women? It makes no sense to me that attracting women seems to be the area you're supposed to have blind confidence about yourself even if you're awful at it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 It's not solely about being confident with women. It's about being confident in yourself. What are you good at? What makes you tick? How are you unique? Think about all the good things in yourself & then ask a woman to spend time with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 That's right ^. Stop focusing on trying to act confident with women and just work on accomplishing what you want to accomplish as a person, which will build overall confidence. It's not a tired cliche. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else is going get behind you and believe in you. You need to be doing things every day toward a goal of doing what you want to do to become your best self. Just getting a woman by itself won't solve anything. Without you having your foundation built up, she'd only be a crutch. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I've got to echo the other comments. But my thought was: what else do you have to be confident about? What have you achieved? What are you leaning on? Draw confidence from that. It'll be noticed and the women will follow. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well, IMO, confidence is the first step....confidence motivates you to do things you'd be scared of... Now, with confidence you sorta have a 'chicken before the egg' issue - which is, (1) 'are you confident because you're good at something? (in other words skills, knowledge, ability, and practice on a particular thing results in confidence...so, if right now I tell you to try an egg, you will do it immediately); or, (2) 'are you just naturally "confident"?' (in other words, if I tell you go to fry an egg, while you may never had did it before - you're smart enough to Google how to do it, or to figure out to crack an egg on a frying pan with Pam on it...pretty much, if you don't know something, you're confident enough to figure out how really quick). So, while you may be confident - you probably need to practice speaking to people, especially women you are attracted to and yeah, you probably might want to consider practicing. Do volunteering, meet-ups, etc. You HAVE to talk to people there to get the projects done and you can even practice chatting up a chick you may be attracted to there - so when you meet in real life the person you wanna chat with, you have enough practice... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Its not confidence to chat to women its confidence in knowing that you are a catch and a great guy! Have you ever seem two men squaring up to each other and a third walks in and tells them calmly to pack it in and they do? Its the same thing. The third guy didn't need to get angry or aggressive because he was confident in himself and "knew" that a. he could deal with it with out throwing a punch and b. that if he did he wouldn't get hurt because he could deal with it. Its the third guy that you need to watch how he acts and moves... Thats the one we are all talking about. If you don't have success you need to be confident enough to shrug your shoulders and walk away with a smile on your face. Its not a case of you "needing" that woman its a case of it might be nice to spend a bit of time with her and see if you want her... Keep practising talking to people in general. Hold your head up, stand up straight with your shoulders down and relaxed. Breathe and go for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 When a man has nothing to lose, his confidence reaches infinity. This can be proven mathematically: 1 man / 0 to lose = infinity confidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kid_Charlemange Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 When a man has nothing to lose, his confidence reaches infinity. This can be proven mathematically: 1 man / 0 to lose = infinity confidence. Actually that would "undefined," not infinity. But I like the idea! Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) Confidence doesn't come from tangible things you can cross off some check list and if it is, it's short lived at best. That isn't what makes true confidence. Confidence is a belief that you are good enough, worthy and deserving of great and wonderful things and experiences. It's about loving yourself unconditionally and knowing what you want and don't want and aren't afraid to ask for it. And there is a huge difference between confidence that is cocky and one that is humble. One exists out of fear and insecurity while the other is not. Real confidence is rooted in security and blossoms with practice. Edited October 10, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 It's not a silver bullet by any means but it does make a difference. I have very low self esteem and it has ruined my dating life and has hampered my social life as well, although not nearly as bad as it has with women. That being said, if a woman isn't attracted to you, all the confidence in the world means jack chyt. The more a woman is attracted to you the more slack she'll cut you, same if the scenario is reversed. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) The trick is to no longer care. If I flirt or hit on a girl, it's not that I believe she will definitely be interested in me, I just don't care one way or another. If I get turned down, I generally laugh about it. Some guys will sit and mope around crying about how no women like them. See the difference? The trick is most definitely to no longer care. You need to expect rejection in every situation. That means even if you are having a great time with a woman and she seems to be roughly your looks equivalent or even lower, expect rejection. I compare women to the game of poker. Knowing what you are doing can raise your odds of winning, but you can still get walloped by somebody who is a much lesser player. Edited October 12, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 To be confident in situations like this, there needs to be a degree of acceptance of ones situation and a belief in yourself and what you can do to accompany it. That is how I've gotten over my lack of confidence in years gone past. I start to feel better about myself because of all the other stuff I got going on too, they all add up. You have to get in a zone of sorts. AD1980, what do you do in real life? I don't mean with women, I mean in general. Work, dress, hobbies, activities etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 You always hear the overblown and tired cliche of confidence and how it some magic thing that makes women suddenly attracted to you which I don't totally buy but forgetting that for a second..how are you supposed to have blind confidence when you've had little or no success? Confidence isn't blind; it's a visible peace with oneself, wherever that peace exists. It flows from loving and accepting oneself, one's gifts, one's imperfections, one's mortality on this rock. Expect to live your entire life without women suddenly being attracted to you. It happens. It in no way makes your humanity or life in any way less valuable. Those women are simply specs of sand on the beach of mankind. I'm 34 and never been out with a women what could I possibly have to feel confident about with women? One would presume or hope you've had positive interactions with numerous people in your lifetime, including women. They're people first and romantic prospects later. The confidence part has nothing to do with them, rather yourself. It makes no sense to me that attracting women seems to be the area you're supposed to have blind confidence about yourself even if you're awful at it It's OK to be imperfect. Part of being confident is accepting one's own 'awful' stuff. If you're feeling ambitious, see improving the awful stuff as a challenge; if not, simply accept it and move on. Women aren't the be-all and end-all of life, trust me. They're no more or less important than you are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) I had an idea and it might work for a lot of people without confidence. Right think of your favourite person, someone you enjoy spending time with, puts a smile on your face and you can easily talk to. Are you mentally in the zone to talking to that person. Now whilst remaining in that frame of mind. Start a conversation with somebody you like the look of. Thats just to get you started. Now you've started talking to them! Now try and build rapport and chemistry The whole idea of that exercise is to get you in a positive, easy going, funny, playful head space. Simply to get their attention. Now that you've got it, go for it Edited October 12, 2014 by quidproquo89 added more Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 "Fake it till you make it" Link to post Share on other sites
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