sadsoymilk Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I was just wondering about this. I have never lost feelings for someone, so I don't quite understand how it is. (unfortunately when I really care for someone, it never goes away.) However, I am currently in a situation where someone who I was very happy with broke it off because he "doesn't feel anything anymore". He is incredibly busy right now with school, work, and family issues (as well as depression), and because we are 4 hours apart, we can't see each other. Although I tried to reach out to him, he was always too busy for me, so we never really got to communicate. Now, he admits that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore. But here's the thing - I will be back home (where he is) in two months. He had very strong feelings for me, and I found it incredibly confusing that they're suddenly just gone (or so he says- he admitted this over text and refused to answer calls, which sounds weird for someone who isn't feeling anything). Basically what I'm wondering is.. if circumstances made his feelings "go away for no reason".. is it possible for them to come back when he sees me again? Link to post Share on other sites
avocado1 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Anything is possible of course. But, don't sit around and think about the "what if's" over and over again. Been there and done that, and boy does it suck and is emotionally taxing. I think you should begin healing and treat this as a breakup. He said he does not have feelings anymore, whether that's true or not, and has ended things (in an immature way). Make yourself the best you can be in this time, and initiate NO CONTACT. No contact is sooooo important to healing after a breakup, I wish I did it right away. It gives you, as well as your ex, to think things through and to calm down a bit. Chances are after no contact and you coming home, he will be/have been thinking about you. At that point, you might already be moved on and not care about seeing him at all. Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nostaljathing000 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Anything is possible of course. But, don't sit around and think about the "what if's" over and over again. Been there and done that, and boy does it suck and is emotionally taxing. I think you should begin healing and treat this as a breakup. He said he does not have feelings anymore, whether that's true or not, and has ended things (in an immature way). Make yourself the best you can be in this time, and initiate NO CONTACT. No contact is sooooo important to healing after a breakup, I wish I did it right away. It gives you, as well as your ex, to think things through and to calm down a bit. Chances are after no contact and you coming home, he will be/have been thinking about you. At that point, you might already be moved on and not care about seeing him at all. Stay strong! This is so true. And the longer you have been sticking to no contact, the easier it becomes to live your life without the other person. Just work on yourself and before you know it, the emotional bond to this other person will fade and you will have developed a really good relationship with yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I was just wondering about this. I have never lost feelings for someone, so I don't quite understand how it is. (unfortunately when I really care for someone, it never goes away.) How many relationships have you had? Are you honestly telling me you love every single one of those guys with as much intensity now as you did while you were with them? How do you manage to stay in love with someone, while going out with someone else? However, I am currently in a situation where someone who I was very happy with broke it off because he "doesn't feel anything anymore". I'm sorry, it can and does happen. Very frequently. He is incredibly busy right now with school, work, and family issues (as well as depression), and because we are 4 hours apart, we can't see each other. Although I tried to reach out to him, he was always too busy for me, so we never really got to communicate. Now, he admits that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore. But here's the thing - I will be back home (where he is) in two months. Absence is to Love, what wind is to fire: It enflames the great, but extinguishes the small. "Something's gotta give". And he put you on low priority, as far as nurturing feelings is concerned. And if he has a mental issue, however mild, there is a focus of attention that you neither should have, (because you are not responsible for handling his depression or managing it) nor need to have. He had very strong feelings for me, and I found it incredibly confusing that they're suddenly just gone (or so he says- he admitted this over text and refused to answer calls, which sounds weird for someone who isn't feeling anything). Yes, because he feels pressured and doesn't want to handle this right now.... Basically what I'm wondering is.. if circumstances made his feelings "go away for no reason".. is it possible for them to come back when he sees me again? ....Mmmmm...Doubtful. And I mean that literally. He is full of doubts. And still would be, even with you standing in front of him. Even if he 'tried to rekindle' and make them come back, I fear it would be a forced reawakening, not a spontaneous one. And he's not into pretense. If he comes back, it will have to be under his own steam, and his volition. Don't go back to make this try to work. It won't. The feeling is lost on his part. You can't make those feelings re-emerge, for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadsoymilk Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 Anything is possible of course. But, don't sit around and think about the "what if's" over and over again. Been there and done that, and boy does it suck and is emotionally taxing. I think you should begin healing and treat this as a breakup. He said he does not have feelings anymore, whether that's true or not, and has ended things (in an immature way). Make yourself the best you can be in this time, and initiate NO CONTACT. No contact is sooooo important to healing after a breakup, I wish I did it right away. It gives you, as well as your ex, to think things through and to calm down a bit. Chances are after no contact and you coming home, he will be/have been thinking about you. At that point, you might already be moved on and not care about seeing him at all. Stay strong! Thank you very much for your reply. I have already initiated NC and we haven't spoken since this conversation. I hope I can move on by the time I'm home, because this is torturous. @evanescentworld: I've only been in one other relationship, and although I cared deeply about him, I never fell in love with him. I still care just as much, but I haven't seen him in years and he lives on the other side of the country. We talk occasionally, though. Thank you for your advice. I wasn't going to try to do anything to get him back.. I don't think I would want to put myself through this again anyway. I guess I was just trying to give myself false hope and make myself feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I'm sorry if the 'reality-check' hit you across the face like a cold dead kipper.... Unpleasant at the best of times... (When IS the best time to be hit across the face with a cold, dead kipper...?! ) Keep your chin up, and maintain NC. I think you're choosing the best and wisest option... Link to post Share on other sites
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