Narcissism?

[clynn]

Anyone have experience or knowledge of narcissism?

 

Any healing stories?

[westernxer]

Can you provide some more details? What about narcissism are you trying to find out?

 

You can always consult your friendly neighborhood Google: Narcissism

[whichwayisup]

Try this link, there is a discussion about N's on this thread. Hope it helps!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56303/

[Tony]

You honestly and truly don't want to be anywhere near someone who exhibits this sort of disorder...if you want to call it that. Narcissists are people who have learned how to attract individuals they can manipulate and take to the cleaners. They are users of the highest order and they give little or nothing in return. They are people to be avoided at all cost. However, there is a sufficient number of people with relatively low self esteem to keep them happy so the supply never dwindles.

[whichwayisup]

Tony, you seem like you've had some experience with N's?

[Mz. Pixie]

I echo what Tony said. My mother had this disorder- actually she had a borderline personality disorder- narcassitic.

 

They are the most sneaky, abusive people that exist. When I got married- all about her- when I had my son- all about her- when my best friend died of cancer- all about her. You can see the pattern here.

 

They are remarkable little actresses/actors. In fact, my mother fooled many of my friends for years. They usually had to witness a event before they believed it.

 

Here's a funny one. My brother lived at home and didn't work or go to school- basically he hung out and did drugs. My mother had always kept the grass cut. She got emphysema and couldn't do it anylonger. Her husband was a lazy slug who wouldn't even cut the grass with a pushmower. She said, "I guess _____ is going to have to keep my grass cut for me now" talking about my husband. I said "_____________ works for me at MY house- you have a son and a husband there that can keep that grass cut"

 

I have to laugh about it now but for years and years I wasn't laughing. If you have a choice if a person like this is in your life- RUN NOW!

[whichwayisup]

Too bad ya can't give them a pill so they will change eh.

 

Must have been really difficult having an N as a mother growing up.

[BlockHead]

The Mind of the Narcissist

The narcissist has to condition his human environment to refrain from expressing criticism and disapproval of him or of his actions and decisions. He has to teach people around him that these provoke him into frightful fits of temper and rage attacks and turn him into a constantly cantankerous and irascible person. His exaggerated reactions constitute a punishment for their inconsiderateness and their ignorance of his true psychological state.

I think this is one of the common symptoms.

The Mind of the Narcissist

The narcissist blames others for his behaviour, accuses them of provoking him into his temper tantrums and believes firmly that "they" should be punished for their "misbehaviour". Apologies – unless accompanied by verbal or other humiliation – are not enough. The fuel of the narcissist's rage is spent mainly on vitriolic verbal send-offs directed at the (often imaginary) perpetrator of the (oft innocuous) offence.

Where do we usually see this?

The Mind of the Narcissist

The narcissist – wittingly or not – utilises people to buttress his self-image and to regulate his sense of self-worth. As long and in as much as they are instrumental in achieving these goals, he holds them in high regard, they are valuable to him. He sees them only through this lens. This is a result of his inability to love others: he lacks empathy, he thinks utility, and, thus, he reduces others to mere instruments.

Very true. It also includes organizations like universities, and political groups.

 

I experienced this firsthand. Let’s just say he choked me with an electrical cord, from behind, as punishment for disobeying him. I bet he still thinks his actions were justified.

 

 

Think of it this way. They must make sacrifices to the altar of his or her ego.

[clynn]

I'm just starting to learn, as I have dated a person off and on, and who I no longer date or will date, (besides I wasn't 'good enough' at feeding his ego).... that he displays many of these characteristics. He is still in my circle of friends though and I see him occasionally and he still manages to get attention from me. However, the more I learn.....the more I can control my own responses to these situations.

 

As I learn more I am beginning to recognize that these characteristics present themselves in my brother, my step father and maybe my grandmother . This is what I believe they mean when they talk about the legacy of abuse. I used to always ask my mom why she would be and stay with someone like my step dad. But she has.

 

Many who know me would wonder why I would fall to the charms of a person like this, they wouldn't think that I would be easily fooled. But I guess I have found familiarity and comfort in these relationships and any attraction to other men who are more stable / nice is actually 'uncomfortable' to me.

 

I am hoping that this new realization will provide some important insight into my own character.

 

So actually I think that people who support these people must have there own sort of disorders, actually. Like my sister in law and my mother.

[d'Arthez]

Some personality disorders are transferable, just like some illnesses. A genetic illness is not transferable from person A to person B. Even though a psychological disorder is dissimilar to a flu, it can work in a similar way. The concept of 'normalcy' is dependant on the situation which you describe as normal. And normalcy is not a static concept.

Slowly the not-normal person changes the concept of normalcy of the normal person, and so they both come to share an often pathological view / personality disorder. There has been some research done on the transfer of personality disorders, but I am not too familiar with that.

 

Not to bash anyone, but take a look at cutegirls thread (shielding in public). It seems that she has a different concept of normal and weird than most of the posters do.

 

For a kid to grow up with a narcissistic parent, the narcissistic parent is normal. That makes it hard to break free from the legacy. Just as it is too common for girls with alcoholic and abusive fathers, to be attracted to similar men.

[Mz. Pixie]

True, I always knew growing up that something was wrong with my mother- her symptoms didn't surface until I disclosed to her my stepfather trying to molest me (she didn't believe me).

 

Once I had my first child, it really hit me how could my mother treat me like this? So, I got therapy. Turns out I didn't have the problem like she had said all those years.

 

People who are raised by people like this often have what they call "fleas". It's things that have become part of their deepest personality. If you do a search for BPD you will find a excellent website bpdcentral that has many resources. I myself participated in a online support group sponsored by that site for three years and it helped alot.

[Arty]

Sick of the crap from my N partner at the end of trying to break up so many times and me and him playing the cycle of 'love' game (what a joke) I ended up yelling at him that I had someone else and to f*off the relationship is over. I had to tell him a few times because of the denial stuff. It was totally out of the blue for him, he had no idea what was coming. (I didn't even know I was going to do it, just happened).

 

Now he is trying to abandon me (making out he broke off with me), obviously can't cope with the fact of me doing the dumping.

 

Anyhow, sitting here waiting for retaliation or smooth talk (experienced both for so long, know the pattern now) can't believe he will let go so easily, wanting to believe it though. Wondering if anyone knows if they ever do give up, if he is now so disgusted in me being a whore as he put it, will he let go? He has not contacted me for 4 days, longest ever. Might be playing another mind game though, he is so irrisistable I will come crawling back because I can't live without him stuff.

 

I am really tired of playing this game, it is draining and all I want to do is get on with my life. At the back of my mind though is him and what is he up to with me and what will he do next (abusive type). It is like I have to keep guard of myself all the time. I am in the NO CONTACT period, very difficult stuff.

[whichwayisup]

Hey Arty, there's an ongoing thread about N's in the coping section, here's the link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68754/

 

Stay safe and make sure you have a good support system of friends and family nearby to help you through this.

[Baz]

Histrionic PD is very similar to Narsisstic PD. Check that out as well. It is more associated with Women but apparently only because case involving men are not reported so often.

 

A very high % of NPD cases are associated with men although women are also diagnosed with it.

 

I fear my ex is a blend of many of these PD's. Looking back there were red flags everywhere but due to her mastery of manipulation I doubted my own concerns and ended up doing some weird stuff ie making love for the first time and her not letting me kiss her. Apparently kissing "was special"! This is a classic example of abuse. She wanted the intimacy without the emotional attachment. What a whore.

 

Google Dr Vaknin. This will give you all the answers you desire. He is specialist on NPD.