Recently separated after 20 wonderful years feel so low lonely and lost

[chew123]

Ralf,

 

While I think AM is being a little tough he is probably right. I know you have taken a few trips, gone to therapy and done a lot of good things. I know they still feel hollow but they won't forever.

 

Keep doing things, therapy travel whatever. Get out of the house and go to the pub. You will make it.

 

I also think you have to accept that she is gone. She may not be, but if you accept it you can move forward and if she comes back you can choose what to do. You have nothing to loose by accepting she is gone.

 

I am a little worried about you man. We are here for you. Keep posting. If you come to the US come visit me in NJ. We can commiserate then go out and have some fun.

 

Good luck man, I am with you.

[Hertz]

Ralph.

 

 

I feel the pain for you also, I'm going through a similar situation myself +20 years, I'm a few months down the track since the big bang!

 

 

If you saw your wife today she would probably be a different person.

Probably your and (certainly) my wife are no longer the people we once knew, the people we fell in love with, they went Missing In Action a long time ago.

Hence the grieving process we have to endure, thinking like this is first and foremost in my thoughts and is helping me with my recovery.

 

 

I to missed the small print "walk away wife syndrome" in my wedding vows.

 

 

I sincerely wish you well.

[Justanaverageguy]

Ralf,

 

While I think AM is being a little tough he is probably right. I know you have taken a few trips, gone to therapy and done a lot of good things. I know they still feel hollow but they won't forever.

 

Keep doing things, therapy travel whatever. Get out of the house and go to the pub. You will make it.

 

I also think you have to accept that she is gone. She may not be, but if you accept it you can move forward and if she comes back you can choose what to do. You have nothing to loose by accepting she is gone.

 

 

I agree with Chew - AM is being a little harsh but from my experience when you are stuck in a depressed state wallowing in self pitty - you need someone to come along and give you a good kick in the ass! Tell you to snap you out of it. Drag you out of the muck by the boots if needed. After a break up everyone wants to cry in their beer and feel sorry for themselves. After 6months you need a friend who says **** that - get off your ass and get back on the horse!

 

The most important thing at the moment to focus on is your thinking and finding ways to stay in a positive mindset. That was the turning point for me in my breakup. Finding a way to break out of the negative funk. The depressed idea you have boxed yourself into that your life is not worth living without your wife. That you will never be happy again without her.

 

I know it hurts like hell - but those items above are only true if you let them be true. YOU - nobody else - not your wife - not your friends - not your family - nobody but YOU are responsible for how your life turns out and your happiness. If you continue to believe and tell yourself that you will not be happy without your wife - it will become a self for-filling prophecy and you never will be. It is stopping you from the possibility of experiencing happiness in any other part of your life.

Pain and sadness are unavoidable in this type of breakup and you must experience it - BUT you must also understand that it is a choice to continue to focus ONLY on the sadness - a choice to continue to look back at what you have lost instead of forward at what lays ahead. For some people that idea really does not make sense - they believe those types of emotions are out of their control. But they are really not out of our control. You have a human brain and you get to decide how you look at a situation and how you approach each day and each minute and each second. Is the glass half empty or half full ….. ?

 

I'm not trying to blow positive thinking BS up your ass. You will still feel sadness and depression creeping in - but you need to choose to fight those feelings instead of giving into them and letting them completely consume you and envelope every part of you. Start small - start with setting time periods where you simply refuse to feel sad or depressed and instead choose to do activities that your interested in which help to keep you in a positive mindset. Find a way to shortcut the negative emotions and dark thoughts when you feel them coming. A hobbie, exercise, music, reading, learning something new - what ever works for you.

 

Every morning when you get out of bed you get to decide whether to be bitter, sad, depressed and angry at yourself or your wife for what has happened - or to instead decide that for today or for the next hour or even just the next 5 minutes - you will make the most of them. That you will enjoy that time and make it positive. Stop comparing what you have to some hypothetical future you imagines and realize all you have is TODAY. You can make it a good day or a *****e day. That's entirely up to you.

[ralfgarnett]

Thank you all so very much for your replies and very kind wishes, yes your right I do need a kick up my bottom and I need to buck my ideas up, I run a business and have hardly done anything this week and if I don't achieve then I don't earn, if I don't earn I don't eat drink or keep my house, but as you all know its very difficult especilally where there is depression involved and I have been very depressed at times as I saw none of this coming, Mr Chew I would love to come to Jersey I have never been to the chanell islands and we could take a boat trip to Guernsey too, seriously though chaps its 6 months today and I am in basically the same situation that I was 6 months ago, I think im still in shock as I feel almost paralysed with fear and stress, in that time I feel as though I have been on auto pilot just existing is this normal ?, I don't have that many friends around these days 20 years down the line they all seemed to settle down too and most have disappeared I have a few frirnds now possibly 3 or 4 but can only really rely on one of them to be there im confused and still don't really understand what hit me or what happened to me, all was well I remember the day, she kissed me goodbye in the morning and told me she loved and see ya later, then aroubd 7pm that night she burst through the door in some kind of meltdown crying and sobbing and talking boll'x, saying things about suicidal thoughts, aboiut needing space, abiout her dad dying all sorts of stuff, and I sat here thinking wtf is happening to me is this really my dear wife my friend my lover my fiancé my soulmate the love of my life, where did she go ?, the person I spent best part of 20 years with, she has mortified me I miss all the trappings of our love and life, I feel stupid a loser a failure, but its not my fault she just walked away with no warning, as one of you said there is no small print about WWS after the I do bit in our wedding vows, I don't know if ive lost her for good I expect that I have but yes I need a kick up my bottom and if we sort things great if not then at least I will be getting stronger and god knows I need that, I would love to take a therapeutic trip to somewhere we both loved as I would see that as a brave move for a passage of closure but im not sure if its such a good idea at the moment or maybe this is the time to do it but im scared in many ways of the emotions it could bring and also what it could do for my mental health, maybe it would be part of the bottom kicking but also it might set me back I really don't know in fact I don't know much right now, anyway the coffee is kicking in thanks again to all of you, and chew I will meet you at JFK Saturday lunch you can take me for a beer and a chili dog, I have been watching lots of US food programmes such as Diners drive in and dives, and road trip with g garvin and some of your food looks great, I have never been to the states so im looking forward to it

[Justanaverageguy]

Ok so now after my previous rant I am going to be the direct guy who tells you to stop crying in your beer and to get off your ass!

 

Mr Chew I would love to come to Jersey I have never been to the chanell islands and we could take a boat trip to Guernsey too .... I will meet you at JFK Saturday lunch you can take me for a beer and a chili dog, I have been watching lots of US food programmes such as Diners drive in and dives, and road trip with g garvin and some of your food looks great, I have never been to the states so im looking forward to it

 

Awesome idea do it! And if you come to Germany again I will come out for a beer with you

 

I don't have that many friends around these days 20 years down the line they all seemed to settle down too and most have disappeared I have a few frirnds now possibly 3 or 4 but can only really rely on one of them

 

I would say in the last couple of years before my breakup I "shrank my world". Thats the best way I can describe it. I was so busy with work, relationship .... life .... that I cut off and lost connection with a lot of friends. But the best thing about friends is you can always make new ones and you can always reconnect with old ones. So do both! Set yourself a challenge for this week:

 

1. To reconnect with an old friend you have lost touch with.

 

2. To join a club, society, group, team or something ... anything in your area that will allow you to connect with new people. I am making that your home work assignment for the week ..... and I am going to check back for results! If you can't find one .... then join a new religion. Seriously just become Buddhist or something. Those religious nuts are everywhere and they will take anyone

 

But seriously ^^ DO THIS ^^ Set it as a goal for this week and I will check back in 7 days. Be proactive about meeting new people! Stop waiting for something to change and make the change yourself. And to prove I'm not full of sh*t - I'm going to do the exact same homework assignment. We can compare notes in 7 days.

 

I feel almost paralysed with fear and stress ... I remember the day, she kissed me goodbye in the morning and told me she loved and see ya later, then around 7pm that night she burst through the door in some kind of meltdown crying and sobbing and talking boll'x, saying things about suicidal thoughts, about needing space, abiout her dad dying all sorts of stuff, and I sat here thinking wtf is happening to me is this really my dear wife my friend my lover my fiancé my soulmate the love of my life, where did she go ?, the person I spent best part of 20 years with, she has mortified me I miss all the trappings of our love and life, I feel stupid a loser a failure, but its not my fault she just walked away with no warning, as one of you said there is no small print about WWS after the I do bit in our wedding vows

 

Last of all ....This type of sh*t stops now! No more depressed, mopey feeling sorry for yourself drivel. You have said it all 20 times - you have got it out of your system. Make a stand and decide to cut that feeling sorry for yourself sh*t out. Your wife left - Yes. You feel like sh*t - OK. But no more self indulgent, melodramatic BS about soul mates, love of your life leaving you or being paralyzed.

 

Seriously .... Standup .... Now wave your arms in the air. Your arms and legs work fine! So use them to get off your ass and go find the real Ralph Garnett again.

 

PS: Its friday and I may or may not have had a lot of beers tonight

[ralfgarnett]

Dear JAAG, thnk you for your inspirational posting, I get what your saying but at the moment its easier said thn done, I am actually suffering depression and im undermy GP for it and on meds, she is actually worried about me as she knew me post breakup and she has seen me fall very deeply in to depression, I also have bad arthritis in my right leg which isn't always controlled by meds but hopefully will be soon, so I have 2 good arms and one and half good legs better than none though I suppose, I am trying my best to get up and going but I feel as though I am walking round with a fridge in my back I feel that heavy, I will re-connect with an old friend this week, and I will join a club, they were on my list anyway but I will do it sooner rather than thinking about it, I have applied to re-join my old bowling club and am just waiting for the forms to come through but I will now seek another club to go along side it, this week I have applied for 3 volunery posts and am also waiting on those, so bit by bit I am slowly trying but yes its slow I know this, I would love to meet you for a beer mein kamarade, I love Germany, the people, the beer, and my god the food is fabulous, where in Germany are you ?, cos if your serious then I would certainly consider coming over to have a beer with you and I mean that I would book in to a local hotel and we could drink beer and break bread, it would be a goal to aim for and I don't think your an axe wielding loony but I need goals and benchmarks in my life, before she left I had structures in my life and I have just kind of been bouncing around a bit jut getting by and that's no ggod to me I need routine I miss not knowing what I should be doing, now a piece of advice please, I am considering sometiume this year taking a trip to one of the top 2 places that we both loved I want to do this because 1) I love those places and want to go back I don't see why I shouldn't, 2) I want closure and I think it might help me move on in my life if I had the mental agility to prove to myself I could do this., would you do that and if so how would you go about coping with it ?, thanks again mate I know you mean well and I appreciate it very much

Edited January 10, 2015 by ralfgarnett

[ralfgarnett]

One little problem solved, I have today offerd tpo volunteerd 2 mornings a week in my local church so really looking forward to that, now i need to sort out a few other things to occupy my spare time, already appled to volunteer in 2 other local organisations o jut waitning to hear from them now, it has been a problem having too much time on my hands and it has left space for too much ruminating and boozing which hasn't helped my mental health, its amnazing what you can find on your doorstep if you look, LAAG deos this count as aprt of my homework with regards joining a new club etc ?

[aMguilts]

ralf

yes that counts....if you really done it

 

and m8 ....stop the booze

have a few by all means

but leave it at that. drinking will just make your already sad arse state a LOT worse... lay off it for a while

get mindstrong

get active

get your arse off the comp-and get out there!!!!

 

p.s..... paragraphs...a lot easier to read if you use them;)

 

chin up-stand tall-walk tall-----you're the MAN!

aM

[ralfgarnett]

Good morning Mr Guilts, yes I really have done that and I start next weekend, I would love to get up and about off my bottom but today I have had an arthritis flare up and it has taken me 50 minutes to get down from bed to living room, this is a problem as I have always been active and enjoy doing things, I love walking and before xmas I bought a new mountain bike that I haven't been out on yet as I need to ask the advice of my specialist about cycling with reheumatoid arthritis as I don't know if its advisable or not but I don't have an appointment until early February.

 

 

I am also hoping to start crown green bowling again and im awaiting my membership approval but once again I need to discuss this with my RA specilast, I have also applied for 2 charity voluntary roles but am waiting to hear back from those, so you see I am slowly trying my best to get up and going but I am at the mercy of my arthritis which today is killing me in my right knee, I can barely walk with it and literally have to feel my way around off door frames and clothes stands that kind of thing, I have one step down in to the kitchen and I am ok getting down but struggle getting back out of the kitchen that's how bad a flare up is, and obviously I cook in the kitchen and if I cant get in and out then I don't eat or drink, not complaing just telling you as it is.

 

 

Yes I agree about boozing I do it far too much and not only is it not healthy but its bad for ones mental health especially with me being depressed, alcohol is a depressant so not a good idea, when she left I just thought balls to this what can I do ?, so I thought that boozing would keep me company, take some of the pain away, and make the weekends go quicker because I miss her more at the weekends I used to love spending weekends at home with my wife, I have discussed the drinking with a nurse when I had my post 50 health check last month and she agrees that I drink too much but not nearly as bad as most blokes she sees, my over all health is thankfully tip top, I have lost 1.9stones in weight but probably worried that off, I have perfect blood pressure, no cholesterol, strong heart, good breathing, no liver or kidney problems nothing, the only big problem I have is this ruddy RA in my right knee, I may be 50 but I look much younger, I have a full head of hair and all my fangs.

 

 

So there you go mr guilts, thanks for your get up and at em attitude with me your a jolly good chap I appreciate you breaking my sorry sad bottom, and this afternoon if I can hopefully make it then I am meeting a couple of mates for a few beers, but I don't drink strong beer I drink bitter or mild not strong lager or anything like that I don't like lager imho lager is a girls drink while bitter mild and stout is a mans drink, my mrs could shft her ale for a small woman, my god she loves Belgian beers and she could out drink me and in my heyday I was a beer monster, these days I can only manage 4 or 5 pints and im full then, but I do drink too much vodka at home its just too easy and has to be curtailed and I will address that along with the many other things I need to address this year.

Edited January 11, 2015 by ralfgarnett

[Steen719]

You are doing better now and that's good to see. I think that volunteering is a wonderful idea.

 

So there you go mr guilts, thanks for your get up and at em attitude with me your a jolly good chap I appreciate you breaking my sorry sad bottom

 

This kind of is what happened to me and it was the impetus for change. Good for you - right now, you will start on your journey to feeling better. True story!

[Justanaverageguy]

I get what your saying but at the moment its easier said thn done, I am actually suffering depression and im undermy GP for it and on meds, she is actually worried about me as she knew me post breakup and she has seen me fall very deeply in to depression, I also have bad arthritis in my right leg which isn't always controlled by meds but hopefully will be soon, so I have 2 good arms and one and half good legs better than none though I suppose, I am trying my best to get up and going but I feel as though I am walking round with a fridge in my back I feel that heavy

 

Yeah don't worry I understand and I get it. Its fecking hard. But the thing about that fridge you feel like you are lugging around at the moment is the more active you are, the more social you are and more activities you participate in the lighter it will become. Don't use it as an excuse not to do something .... instead try to use it as a motivation. To force myself to get off my ass I made myself a rule to say Yes to anything anyone asked me to do no matter what it was - Just say yes. It sounds like you are already making good strides in that department anyway with getting active again but I'm still checking back at the end of the week

 

I will re-connect with an old friend this week, and I will join a club, they were on my list anyway but I will do it sooner rather than thinking about it, I have applied to re-join my old bowling club and am just waiting for the forms to come through but I will now seek another club to go along side it, this week I have applied for 3 volunery posts and am also waiting on those, so bit by bit I am slowly trying but yes its slow I know this,

 

That's awesome. Seriously just do it - dive in! I have already reconnected with a really good friend I hadn't spoken to in more then a year earlier this week .... I'm in the process of joining a language learning meet up group.

 

I would love to meet you for a beer mein kamarade, I love Germany, the people, the beer, and my god the food is fabulous, where in Germany are you ?, cos if your serious then I would certainly consider coming over to have a beer with you and I mean that I would book in to a local hotel and we could drink beer and break bread, it would be a goal to aim for and I don't think your an axe wielding loony but I need goals and benchmarks in my life,

 

I'm in one of the little towns just about an hour south of Frankfurt. Nice spot except for the weather at the moment. Haven't seen the sun in a couple of weeks but the beer here always tastes fantastic

 

Now a piece of advice please, I am considering sometime this year taking a trip to one of the top 2 places that we both loved I want to do this because 1) I love those places and want to go back I don't see why I shouldn't, 2) I want closure and I think it might help me move on in my life if I had the mental agility to prove to myself I could do this., would you do that and if so how would you go about coping with it ?, thanks again mate I know you mean well and I appreciate it very much

 

I think this depends on what you are honestly hoping to achieve out of the trip. If you think it will end up being you walking around thinking about the "good old times" and reminiscing about the things you did there with your wife ..... then I'm not sure that is a great idea. It won't bring you closure and it will put you in a negative state of mind and have you concentrating on the past.

 

But if on the other hand you think you are at a point where you are mentally strong enough to go there and just enjoy it for what it is on your own. To actually stay in the moment, the here and now, and enjoy the trip as a new adventure just for you - not a reflection on the past. Then I would say go for it! I actually really like your point 1) above. It rings true to a lot of things I did after my break up which in retrospect really helped me to move on. I made a couple of decisions that people couldn't understand why I did after we spit - but I did them because I didn't want my ex's mid life crisis dictate what I did. I did not want to change my plans, my behaviors or for it to stop me doing the things I enjoyed doing. I think maybe that's where you are coming from as well and if you are confident you can enjoy it as a new experience and not a trip down memory lane then I say do it.

 

I will also say that just reading through your last few posts it already sounds like you are on an up would swing from a week or so back - so seriously keep that momentum going.

[ralfgarnett]

It was this day 9 years ago that my dear old mum passed away, as you know from the other week on my mums birthday she and my wife were very fond of each other, this morning I have had a similar email from my wife saying she is thinking about me and remembering my mums memory today, does this mean she cares about me ? or could she even still love me ?, I didn't mind or even expect to hear from her but I appreciated the sentiment, what does anyone else think about it ?, if you think im clutching at straws then tell me.

[Ralph79]

It was this day 9 years ago that my dear old mum passed away, as you know from the other week on my mums birthday she and my wife were very fond of each other, this morning I have had a similar email from my wife saying she is thinking about me and remembering my mums memory today, does this mean she cares about me ? or could she even still love me ?, I didn't mind or even expect to hear from her but I appreciated the sentiment, what does anyone else think about it ?, if you think im clutching at straws then tell me.

 

I think you should go to your local church and recite prayer for your dear old mum. I would postpone any sentiments towards your wife until tomorrow. Don't let your feelings overwhelm the importance of today. Talk to other family members (not wife), about joining you or call them up to recall fond memories about her. Make today about your mother's memory.

[ralfgarnett]

I think you should go to your local church and recite prayer for your dear old mum. I would postpone any sentiments towards your wife until tomorrow. Don't let your feelings overwhelm the importance of today. Talk to other family members (not wife), about joining you or call them up to recall fond memories about her. Make today about your mother's memory.

 

 

Your right, just one thing though is that I have no close family.

[LoveMyCat]

I think you should go to your local church and recite prayer for your dear old mum. I would postpone any sentiments towards your wife until tomorrow. Don't let your feelings overwhelm the importance of today. Talk to other family members (not wife), about joining you or call them up to recall fond memories about her. Make today about your mother's memory.

 

You may be reaching here...I know I would send my husband my wishes if he lost someone close, but it would not mean anything more than just that, expressing sympathy for his loss.

[ralfgarnett]

I know just wishful thinking on my part, that's how desperate I have become, I suppose its human nature that a drowning man will try to grab on to any piece of driftwood in order to keep afloat.

[ArtIsMyThing]

Ralf i have been in the same boat - my husband ended our marriage. My grief has been incredible compounded by some bad health issues on my part.

 

Its been 11 months - and i swear i wouldn't survive but i have. I went all the thoughts of MLC - i blamed myself because i got sick - and yesterday he sent me a message saying what a wonderful wife i was. Words are cheap even though he likely meant them - if there was anything really there then he would have come told me that to my face.

 

I told him what he did to me was cruel and that i forgive him but its time for me to move on now and make a new life. And it is.

 

Its been near a year of me begging and waiting and declaring my undying love - clinging to hope in any form.

 

Trying to read into his words - anything.

 

The fact is - the husband i was so devoted to has changed. His change is toward me - others will see the kindness of the man but i no longer receive that kindness.

 

It is over.

 

I have to pack my house and find a new place to live and start living - i will do this over the next ten weeks.

 

I am excited now to be making a new life but part of me still wonders what if - i think reality is though is even if we got back together tomorrow i could never trust this would not happen again. What if i got cancer and he walked out the door?

 

If me getting sick propelled him into MLC then so be it.

 

I am clearly not 100% over it and i dont really think i ever will be - i am scarred now in so many ways - and these emotions will reflect in my art work.

 

I didnt want to live - i wanted to curl up and die - the thought of spending my life without him was a spin out. But 11 months later i have come to a level of acceptance and i am going to be ok.

 

It sounds so clique but time heals.

 

I don't want to spend my life with him now - I want to move and put this behind me.

 

I don't think there is too much point to trying to read into any of there words or look for reasoning or why?

 

I think the best thing to do now that i am 11 months down the line is to just let them be and concentrate on moving forward.

 

It's hard - it is hard to close of something we thought was so wonderful and a person we thought of as our other half. But obviously these thoughts were only in our own minds and not in theirs.

[ralfgarnett]

i just cant get her out of my mind I just keep thinking about her all the time and how much I miss her, I even think she might come back and try again whats up with me ? I have never felt like this ever before in my life I feel almost paralised by it all I just don't seem to function correctly I feel so tired most of the time and scared so scared of spending the rest of my life without her, we weren't like this when we lived together I didn't spend all my time obsessing over her I was just happy to have her around and spend time together comfortable in each others company, when will it end why am I feeling like this all the time ?, I actually feel damaged by all this when will it end ?.

[KBarletta]

Hang in there, Ralf.

 

You and I are going through similar things at similar stages, and it's going to take time. My advice is just try not to dwell on the negative (easy to say, less easy to do). And try not to think about "when will this end" and so forth.

 

The fact is, it's only been a matter of months after many, many years together. A few months isn't enough time to let go. You just need to give it time, be patient with yourself and take care of yourself. Concentrate on other things. Me, I've taken up playing the piano when I can't get my mind right. It forces me to concentrate on the notes I am playing and clears my mind of everything else. It truly works.

 

Find something like that if you can that allows your mind to go other places and away from her. Believe me, I have these same thoughts (that she will come back, that I can't get her out of my head, etc.) and it's exhausting.

 

Just hang in there, brother - I know it will get better.

[ralfgarnett]

Cheers mate thinking of you too, good luck im rooting for you too.

[KBarletta]

Thanks,

Sometimes it really just helps to know that there are others going through the same things. That's the beauty of these boards at times, just one big group hug of sorts when you really need it.

Just keep on keepin' on, as they say

[ralfgarnett]

Thanks,

Sometimes it really just helps to know that there are others going through the same things. That's the beauty of these boards at times, just one big group hug of sorts when you really need it.

Just keep on keepin' on, as they say

 

 

Yep its hard going though some times especially on the bad days, I just get so damn lonely sometimes, I hate living alone, I hate cooking for one, I hate sleeping alone, in fact I hate almost every aspect of my life at the moment, I just want to feel happy I cant actually remember what feeling happy was like.

[chew123]

Ralf, KB,

 

Unfortunately we are all going through this together. It does get better though. I have not been single since I was 19. I am 54 now. It helps me to look at it as a new lease on life even though I did not want it.

 

My court date will be scheduled in the next couple weeks and I will be officially divorced. then the second half begins. I have been casually dating someone(It may be too soon but it helps). It really helped me get over the fear that I would never find anyone else. there are a lot of people out there in the same boat looking for someone.

 

It also helped me to put things in perspective. I had my wife on a pedestal. Treated her like a princess for a good part of our marriage. I realize now as I reflect that she really did not deserve it. I always treated her better then she treated me, particularly in the later years. For the second half of my adventure, I am only going to accept someone who is an equal partner. If not I would rather be alone.

 

Ralf, really sorry about Richie. I know you guys bonded. It really hit me as well since our timelines were so similar. Lets get through this and come out the other side. Keep posting, I will be following your recovery, and who knows, I do travel to Europe for work, if the time and location works out I would love to commiserate over a pint someday.

[ralfgarnett]

Yep Richie was a big shock, I never met him but did offer to meet him for a few beers just so we could meet and talk things over when I heard the news I was really shocked and very sad, I'm suffering depression at the moment and it knocked me sideways and I had a few bad nights after hearing his news the poor bloke he deserved so much better than the last few months of his life, if your ever near Manchester let me know, we must all keep posting and talking things over, I haven't been single since I was 30 so god only knows how bad it must be for you, I'm no where near ready for dating but I do have a female friend in the same boat as me and we meet up for a drink a chat a bite to eat, but there is no dating on the cards I'm just not interested, I didn't put my wife on a pedestal I just loved her very much and I thought she did me, she was a fine wife in every respect very kind, very thoughtful, just all I wanted in a wife and I think this is why it has hit me so hard because I genuinely loved her and she was all I ever wanted, I think I will miss her for ever I cant sum it up much better than that and yes I have started crying again.

Edited February 23, 2015 by ralfgarnett

[Decisiontomake]

Yep Richie was a big shock, I never met him but did offer to meet him for a few beers just so we could meet and talk things over when I heard the news I was really shocked and very sad, I'm suffering depression at the moment and it knocked me sideways and I had a few bad nights after hearing his news the poor bloke he deserved so much better than the last few months of his life, if your ever near Manchester let me know, we must all keep posting and talking things over, I haven't been single since I was 30 so god only knows how bad it must be for you, I'm no where near ready for dating but I do have a female friend in the same boat as me and we meet up for a drink a chat a bite to eat, but there is no dating on the cards I'm just not interested, I didn't put my wife on a pedestal I just loved her very much and I thought she did me, she was a fine wife in every respect very kind, very thoughtful, just all I wanted in a wife and I think this is why it has hit me so hard because I genuinely loved her and she was all I ever wanted, I think I will miss her for ever I cant sum it up much better than that and yes I have started crying again.

 

I'm sorry things are still hard Ralf. And I've obviously missed a beat re Richie too. I can only offer insight from the other side of the fence, and as much as in a black and white sense others will comment that your wife is being cruel, I know my intention is not that towards my H, and I too have remained in his life and kept us both in a limbo which has now become our normal. No easy answers either way. Am sorry again tho. These things suck from both sides.