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Recently separated after 20 wonderful years feel so low lonely and lost

ralfgarnett

By ralfgarnett,
in Separation and Divorce

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Well just had my 51st birthday, and for the first time in over 20 years my wife didn't even send me a card, it would of been appreciated, not a present, not a big fuss, not a dinner out, not a fly past by the red arrows, just a simple card wishing me a happy birthday as I did for her earlier this year, yes it hurt and yes I shed a few tears, I know its daft but it just hurt me and left me feeling very very sad and disappointed.

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SalientPoint

SalientPoint

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Well just had my 51st birthday, and for the first time in over 20 years my wife didn't even send me a card, it would of been appreciated, not a present, not a big fuss, not a dinner out, not a fly past by the red arrows, just a simple card wishing me a happy birthday as I did for her earlier this year, yes it hurt and yes I shed a few tears, I know its daft but it just hurt me and left me feeling very very sad and disappointed.

 

Happy birthday Ralf! I sent you a PM, but don't know if it actually went through. I hope your day improves.

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Independant_View

Independant_View

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Hi Ralph

 

I did read your original thread way way back and have just reread it today, thinking that there would be a positive development and sad to realise that there was none

 

It was good to read the banter between you and Richie and again sad to read the outcome for him again. I realised this was 'that' thread about a third in

 

Life can be really, really ****ty at times

 

How are you doing, what is your situation now? Do you have any positives to tell us about?

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Hi Ralph

 

I did read your original thread way way back and have just reread it today, thinking that there would be a positive development and sad to realise that there was none

 

It was good to read the banter between you and Richie and again sad to read the outcome for him again. I realised this was 'that' thread about a third in

 

Life can be really, really ****ty at times

 

How are you doing, what is your situation now? Do you have any positives to tell us about?

 

Hi IV, no sadly nothing positive to report I really wish I had, i'm suffering deep depression and anxiety and quite honestly I spend a lot of time simply wishing that I wasn't here any more, but thanks for asking.

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chew123

chew123

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Ralf,

 

I am very sorry to here that you are not doing much better. You gotta find a way to get your life back on track. I don't have any advice and I know you have heard it all before. Keep plugging away though and find something that works.

 

Don't let the behavior of another ruin your life.

 

Hoping the best for you and will be thinking bout you this holiday season.

 

chew

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Hi Chew, thanks for your post mate, I am trying very hard to make life better including contacting a couple of agencies to see if they can help in any way, had a long conversation with my GP this morning and a very nice lady from a local charity, she has given me a few pointers to consider which I need to research then follow up tomorrow, I will get there wherever there is of course, it's just taking time that's all, thinking of you too and sending best wishes across the pond.

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KBarletta

KBarletta

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Hang in there ralf. We are all here for you.

 

I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is approaching for you. I honestly felt like it would never come for me, and it has, at exactly the moment I least expected it. Keep your head up, and don't be a stranger.

 

KB

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Thanks KB, as with all the others your a damn good man, pleased to hear your tunnel has been illuminated mate, please don't think I'm prying but could you explain what you mean ?, if not I fully understand but if you could tell I would love to hear your good news.

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KBarletta

KBarletta

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Thanks KB, as with all the others your a damn good man, pleased to hear your tunnel has been illuminated mate, please don't think I'm prying but could you explain what you mean ?, if not I fully understand but if you could tell I would love to hear your good news.

 

Ralf,

 

I will share the story I posted on my own thread a few weeks ago ...

 

About six weeks ago, for the one-year anniversary weekend of my wife leaving, I took a few days and flew to the west coast of the U.S. with some friends. I stayed behind for a few hours of extra time to myself, so I flew home to the east coast alone. Admittedly, as I was preparing to leave, I was in a pretty dark place and headed to the airport with the intent of keeping to myself, ingesting a few rounds of tequila and numbing my head for the flight home.

 

As I was making my way through security, there was a small issue with the baggage screener, and I made an offhand friendly/sarcastic comment to the woman who was in front of me in line. I barely thought anything of it and moved on.

 

Then, as I was making my way to my flight gate, I realized it had been delayed and I had nearly 2 hours to kill before it left. I decided to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant near my gate. When I walked into the restaurant, the woman at the table by the door said, "Hey, you, you need to come over here and sit with me!" It was the woman who had been in front of me in line.

 

I admit that initially I hesitated, because of my stated goal of keeping to myself. But I decided to sit down, and we ended up having dinner, several drinks and at least an hour and a half of awesome conversation. It was the best conversation I could remember having with anyone since my wife and I first started dating. We exchanged business cards and cell phone numbers and have been emailing each other every day or two since then, and it has been just as much fun as that conversation was.

 

This woman is young, beautiful, single, funny, super intelligent and successful. She's also been through a divorce of her own and knows exactly what I am going through. And - for whatever reason - she seems to think I am awesome. The only catch is that she lives 2,000 miles away from me. At the moment, that is perfect for me, because the relationship that we have right now: Talking every few days, getting to know each other and having no other expectations of anything else - is exactly what I need. It's an ego boost to have someone tell me how much they like me, how great they think I am, etc. And even though I wouldn't anticipate anything serious to ever come out of this besides a new "friend," it has at the very least meant that when I wake up in the morning, instead of remembering that my wife isn't here and feeling sorry for myself, instead I look at my phone, see a text or a message from her and feel good about life again.

 

This woman - without really even knowing it and without me doing anything to provoke it - really is the best thing that EVER happened to me (my daughter aside). It's like she flipped a light switch and allowed me to see the happiness in my life again. Every time I hear from her I get butterflies in my stomach, and that hasn't happened to me since I was a teenager.

 

Honestly, Ralf, I hope the same light comes into your life. I can't promise you when or even if it will happen, but I would encourage you to be open to it and to remember that connections to other people can be formed from the most mundane of circumstances. I NEVER thought I would happen upon such an amazing connection with someone in an airport bar thousands of miles from my home.

 

I wish you luck - I would tell you to keep your head up, keep your mind and your heart open to whatever comes along. At some point, it will be something amazing that could change your life.

 

Good luck, man!

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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That's one hell of a story KB and I am very pleased for you, I know right now your not really thinking about getting involved as such but you have made a nice new friend there and who knows how things might work out in future ?, I too have a couple of female friends whom I am very fond of, one lives very close to me and we speak and see each other frequently, the other as with your new friend lives a long way from here but we speak, mail, and text frequently, they are both two very lovely women and I am very fond of them both, as with you and I they have both been through break up's over the past year or so and we understand each other perfectly, we talk, laugh, cry, swap stories, muse, and wonder what the future hols for us all, thing is I still miss and love what my wife and I shared for nearly 20 years, and given the correct set of circumstances I wold love to have her back in my life, she has hurt me more than anyone ever could and the pain of separation has almost broken me in 2, but she is my wife and I still love that wife, good luck KB old pal, so glad your feeling happy as with our old pal Chew, and the late Richie your a damn fine man who deserves only the best that life could provide for you, ciao.

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Marc878

Marc878

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Just read your threads. When was the last time you heard or saw her?

 

How long are you going to wait?

 

At some point you need to get on with your life. Do you have a timeframe in mind?

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Just read your threads. When was the last time you heard or saw her?

 

How long are you going to wait?

 

At some point you need to get on with your life. Do you have a timeframe in mind?

 

 

 

Hi mate, thanks for your interest, to answer your questions, I last saw her in February, I last spoke to her around April and the last e-mail I had from her was last month, with regards waiting I'm not sure that I am waiting for her any more tbh, obviously if she had something worthwhile to say then I would be open to listening to her, we have known each other over 20 years and I still obviously have feelings for her and I would love to have her back in my life, yes I agree I need to start moving forwards in my life but I am finding it very difficult with the depression weighing me down, so I don't have a time frame in mind but ASAP would be nice.

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Marc878

Marc878

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She's been gone a long time. Do you know where she's living or what she's doing?

 

Have you given thought to filing for divorce? It would at least end the limbo state you live in.

 

 

you are too young to waste your life for very long.

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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She's been gone a long time. Do you know where she's living or what she's doing?

 

Have you given thought to filing for divorce? It would at least end the limbo state you live in.

 

 

you are too young to waste your life for very long.

 

Hi Marc thank you for your concern, yes I know where she is living, but of course I don't know fully what she is doing but I suspect being the sort of person she is I doubt very much that she is doing very little of any note, I do know that she isn't well though in a few respects, with regards divorce well it hasn't been mentioned on either side which suits me just fine, at this moment in time I am struggling enough to cope with everyday life I couldn't cope emotionally with divorce im just not strong enough at the moment.

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Marc878

Marc878

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Maybe you should pay her a visit.

 

Call her up and say I'll be there on such a day and will take you to lunch, dinner, you have nothing to lose her.

 

You need to do than lay around Post Icons

You may choose an icon for your message from thwith no on her to come back.

 

If not start looking for someone else. Start as a friendship.

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ralfgarnett

ralfgarnett

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Thanks Marc, I wouldn't just turn up on her doorstep I think both she and I would see that as being quite confrontational and almost intimidating, and I don't really feel like meeting anyone else but I am always open to making new friends either male or female, also I don't understand this bit of your post please could you explain ?.

 

 

"You need to do than lay around Post Icons

You may choose an icon for your message from thwith no on her to come back".

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Marc878

Marc878

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I wouldn't turn up unannounced either but maybe call her up and ask for an outing.

 

Dinner, lunch, etc.

 

The longer you stay disconnected the potential for never having a resolution.

 

There's a problem somewhere. If it can't be fixed at least you'll know sooner than later.

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