bf texts his ex after 3 years

[ada1989]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2.5 years. He broke up with his ex about 3 years ago because they were long distance. He tells me they text every 5- 6 months as friends. He tells me there's no feelings, they're broken up for 3 years, he just wants to remain friends. She is aware that he is in a serious relationship and knows everything about me and always asks about me but still every time he tells me they text, I get very upset and hurt.

 

Couple days we were at lunch and he told me they were texting and that she was asking if me and him are engaged by now. I asked to see the texts and he said no, so I just took his phone and went in the women’s bathroom. I go through the texts and she was talking about their past relationship, how she wants to be more than friends with him, how its so hard for her because of her feelings. She sent him a good morning picture of herself,and his answer was "pretty girl )" .. then he sent her pics of himself too in his Air Force uniform. They were basically flirting all day.. Im just so hurt by all this, I trusted him when he said they were texting as friends and after stealing his phone I see it’s all a lie.. I see him flirting and sending pics to his ex from 3 years ago.. I dont know what to do, he says he's over the past and he wants to marry me but Im so afraid. I dont know what to believe if after 3 years theyre still talking about their past and they clearly flirted by sending pics

Edited October 7, 2014 by ada1989

[d0nnivain]

He's clearly lying to you.

 

So now what? You can forgive him but he hasn't said sorry yet & he's only sorry that he got caught.

 

I'd move on.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

No way to say this other than being blunt,

but yo man ain't yo man, and he's pulling a stunt.

No good reason to explain his texts,

evidence shows you should move to the next!

[Elias33]

Exes are exes for a reason, and if someone claims to have them as friends, that should always count as a red flag. And unfortunately you, this is the reason why. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Elle1975]

Forget she's his ex. Imagine she's just some random girl. Would you be okay with the text exchange and its content? I'd go by that.

[Omei]

Leave him hes unfaithful, lies and now your relationship will have to go through a whirlpool of

"can I trust him again?"

[preraph]

It's possible for some exes to be friends, but it takes a certain dynamic. Why he's been carrying on like this with her all this time and they're not back together is the real question. That's kind of lame. Anyway, he's been lying and is probably planning on marrying you because she doesn't want to marry him or leave who she's with and they're both just s**ting where they eat. You can expect more of the same if you do marry him. Time to go NC with him for at least a few weeks and let him decide what's really important to him.

[thenotemakers]

@ada1989: I wish I could give you a hug and say how sorry I feel for you, friend. One of the key elements a relationship is built on is trust, and being open to each other helps it grow. Have you confronted him about the messages you’ve seen on his phone? Have you ever shared with him how you feel about him texting his ex? Lately, I’ve been reading some helpful articles on relationships from Boundless (http://www.boundless.org/) website, and I thought it might help you a bit. Also, speaking to a counselor could be a good choice. I hope you’ll find the right kind of help you’re looking for, friend.

 

TheNoteMakers

[Diezel]

If the relationship is at a point where you have to grab someone's phone and run into the women's restroom, then it should no longer be a relationship.

[Damaged217]

Ugh, I have been in your shoes before, girl. But it was my bf at the time who was sending shady messages to this ex. Based on the texts you told us about, she is clearly not over your boyfriend. But what what his response to her saying she wants to be more than friends? I would definitely be pissed if my boyfriend was complimenting his ex. He knows by now that this girl is still into him and if he continues talking to her, that shows a complete lack of respect for you and your relationship. I would dump his a$$ at that point.

[No Limit]

The moment she's on vacation anywhere near you he'd cheat on you immediately. You can't expect a sound relationship with guys who are still into their exes.

[Joaquin]

I am not sure this is a good situation to be in, especially when marriage is being discussed.

 

I think when your with someone you need to be able to really trust them and feel safe in your relationship. This communication with the ex would suggest he is conflicted in his feelings towards you and the ex.

 

Sounds very risky to me to be going all in with a guy that doesn't seem 100% invested.

[melodymatters]

He, not you, has once chance to fix this and it better be good ! He has to come clean with you and then agree to cut all contact with her. ALL. You should also see the e-mail or text where he tells her he realizes he has been disrespecting the woman he loves and he will no longer be able to continue ANY sort of friendship with her.

 

Also, there needs to be 100% transparency with his phone, FB, e-mail whatever from here on in. If he is unwilling to do any of these things : RUN BABY RUN !!!

[jdripper]

Sit him down and explain to him calmly and lovingly that if he wants to build a strong foundation with you the kind of flirting he's doing with the ex (or anyone for that matter) no only hurts you but will confuse him and surely eat away at your relationship like cancer. If you're considering marrying him, don't until you have dated him or better yet lived with him even for a few years. Don't be paranoid and jealous but keep your eyes open and your antenna finely tuned on him.