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[heidi]

i have a situation in my relationship that i am wondering about. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we have a place together but he works out of town. he lives with a coworker there too. he usually works on long stretches but he as long stretches off. the first month he was there, things were not good between us. we weren't really getting along for 2 months and he started to distance himself from me. I know I wasn't very nice to him for a month and that is why i want to give us a chance. but i also don't want to be stupid. he was lieing about where he was, what he was doing, he never came to see me for weeks. i asked him if he was seeing some one else numerous times and his answer was no. then i found a 4 page letter from a girl he worked with under his car seat. he told me he talked to her a few times at work because he felt he couldn't talk to me. he told me he felt guilty about it. he was flattered an older pretty girl was so interested in him. then i found condoms in his jacket pocket, we don't use condoms. he called his co-worker with whom he lives with and he told me he borrowed the jacket on a trip and the condoms were his. now all of a sudden he spent a weeks holidays with me, calls me all the time and tells me he loves me and wants to marry me. he told me he is sorry for acting like an idiot for a month but he realized that i am the girl he wants to be with. he wants me to go down and move in with him where he is and get a job there after i'm done college this june. his family told me i should give him a chance. he told me he didn;t cheat on me and that he would never do that to me. should i belive him?

[Rachel]

Personally, I think it all sounds fishy.

 

However, you can't have a relationship without trust.

 

So, you know in your heart, if you trust him or not.

 

Anyway, the whole condom thing sounds ridiculous.

[Laurynn]

Sorry but I don't buy the "condoms" story. I've had similar stories used on my many years ago, and they were total BS.

 

1) my boyfriend (who I'd been with for 2 years) was out of town for work. I had a key to his house, that he'd given me. I really missed him, so I decided to go stay at his place....I get there and what do I find? a strip of condoms lying in the doorway that lead from family room to garage. His explanation?....One of his buddies must have stayed at his place while he was gone, and dropped them. Oh yeah. Uh huh. I later found out he definitely had been cheating on me, cuz he finally admitted it.

 

2) When I was married, towards the end of the marriage I suspected my hubby was cheating. I was damn well going to find out. I went through his truck (while he wasn't home)..and found 4-5 condoms stuck in the side pocket of his driver's door. Asked him about it...his explanation? His buddy had borrowed his truck and must have put them their. Oh yeah, uh huh, right. Later found out he WAS cheating.

 

I'm really sorry to tell you but when you find condoms in situation like yours, and your boyfriend blames them on a friend, it's pure, unadulterated bullsh*t. That was mighty swell of him to call up his buddy (the one who'd supposedly borrowed the jacket) and have buddy vouch for the condoms, but rest assured, buddy was just covering your boyfriend's a$$.

 

The 4 page letter, that's nothing to sneeze at either. Just out of curiosity, what was the content of this letter? People don't write lengthy letters like that for nothing.

 

His blowing you off in the past, spending weeks without seeing you...add all that up with the 'condom' and 'letter' thing, and I'm afraid to say that you have a lying sh*thead on your hands.

 

My guess? He realized that the grass wasn't greener on the other side of the fence, and he freaked out when he got busted for the condoms...so he ended things with this gal......and out of GUILT, he's trying to make amends dearly, by being so attentive, wants you to move in with him, bla bla bla.

 

OR...maybe he's still seeing her on the side...but he doesn't want to lose you.

 

Ditch this guy. No second chances, no nothing. He lied, he cheated, he got his buddy to lie to cover his ass. You do not need someone like this. Sorry he did this to you but better to find out now, than after you moved to be with him.

 

Laurynn

[girl's view]

he was lieing about where he was, what he was doing, he never came to see me for weeks.

 

a real charming fellow. lies are enough. but to not see you for weeks because you were having problems and you weren't too nice to him for a while, is very immature and not thoughtful in the slightest.

 

I asked him if he was seeing some one else numerous times and his answer was no. then i found a 4 page letter

 

from a girl he worked with under his car seat. he told me he talked to her a few times at work because he felt he couldn't talk to me.

 

a girl he talked to a few times at work left him a 4 page letter? 4 pages?? was she writing a novel or divulging her life story? people who have been on friendly levels a few times, don't generally write 4 page letters. did you by any chance know what the contents of this letter were? very suspicious.

 

he told me he felt guilty about it. he was flattered an

 

older pretty girl was so interested in him.

 

of course he felt guilty. he was busted big time. she was so interested in him she had to write him a 4 page letter that he had to hide under his car seat.

 

then i found condoms in his jacket pocket, we don't

 

use condoms. he called his co-worker with whom he lives with and he told me he borrowed the jacket on a trip and the condoms were his.

 

another lie - that one is so transparent it's not funny.

 

now all of a sudden he spent a weeks holidays with me, calls me all the time and tells me he loves me and wants

 

to marry me. he told me he is sorry for acting like an idiot for a month but he realized that i am the girl he wants to be with.

 

while i sense a certain amount of remorse for his past actions, his present actions indicate a HUGE amount of guilt because he knows he was doing something very wrong. i hope to God you're not the girl he wants to be with because he knows he can get away with things with you, because you will let him come back.

 

his family told me i should give him a chance. he told me he didn;t cheat on me and that he would never do that to me. should i belive him?

 

don't listen to what his family says. no doubt, they are biased, and haven't experienced what has happened from your side of the fence.

 

whether or not you should believe him is up to you. personally, i think his actions stink, and his excuses and lies smell even worse.

 

sure, he may have treated you like a queen at times, but this really does not add up. my gut tells me he is full of crap. what does your gut tell you?

 

and what's to say that things will change when you are married? is he the kind of guy you can trust in the future? you will have a hard time trusting, i can tell you that.

 

i would think long and very hard about this. if you feel deep down that you want to be with him, make him hang on by a thread. if you feel, like i do, that this does not add up then let him know and kick his butt out the door.

 

i honestly feel you deserve so much better.