starting no contact....

[flitzanu]

well, you can find my other posts about what happened and my situation...

 

i've given in to resentment and anger toward both parties involved, i faced the fact that my "friend" dicked me over and didn't respect me or my feelings and she especially doesn't, so i'm trying to cut it off.

 

i've gone a week and a half of NC with her, and after a week of NC with my "friend" he emailed wanting to talk, so i told him how i felt about it and that it was "intentional" regardless of how "unintentional" it was to hurt my feelings, and that he disrespected and betrayed my friendship, etc...and that i didn't want anything to do with him or her, and i especially am sick of them coming around together when they know i'll be somewhere.

 

he didn't see it my way of course, he's thinking with his member and just thinks i should be ok with it since they don't "act like a couple" in public or whatever. i'm better than that, i'm not going to bottle my resentment over all of it and i'm not going to give them any more grace than i have already. i told him that both of them chose each other over my friendship, and that's what they're getting. they wanted to sacrifice me so they could be together and thats what they have now, their life without my friendship. people can't replace someone like me, and i'll be arrogant about it...so it's their loss.

 

it's surprising that he caved in first, after only a week of me ignoring him...and of course we work almost directly together too. i luckily don't have to communicate with him about anything but he sits about 10 feet away.

 

i have had no contact with her whatsoever, other than seeing her around work and the gym.

 

so tonight, she was talking to one of her friends, and MY friend was right there working out...Shallow (the girl that dumped me) was talking to her friend about her weekend and how "great" the new guy is (with apparent intention of saying these things so my friend could hear) and then the friend asked her "so are you still having problems with daniel (me) ? " at which point MY friend stopped and said "look, if you're going to talk about him you need to f'ng go somewhere else because you're not doing it around me." so they gave her surprised looks and sorta walked off.

 

so...not to read into it at all...just to state it...why the hell am i still a PROBLEM? i haven't even TALKED to her in a week and a half! she has nothing to do with me and i have nothing to do with her...is this more childish games for her to try to keep me bothered or something?

 

and no...i just laughed about it...i haven't said anything to her or my "friend" the guy that she's with now. i'm not giving them the pleasure of me questioning it....just want some insight on the next move.

[westernxer]

I feel bad about what your girl did to you, but your friend's actions are inexcusable. I used to work with a friend who did the same thing to me, so I completely cut him off, even though we shared the same work space and occasionally crossed paths in the break room. He knew he messed up, but he was too much of a pussy to face up to it... it's been two years now and our friendship is history. In a way, it still hurts, but he wasn't a friend to begin with, so the hell with him.

 

Just wait till your ex gives him the boot... somebody's gonna feel like s.h.i.t.

 

Is it possible to find a new job and go to a different gym? Working with these people won't make things better. The hard time you're having will persist until you break away completely. In the meantime, suck it up and don't display your pain. The speculation will kill them, especially her.

 

Just don't fold like a deck of cards.

[flitzanu]

well, it would be way hard to replace my job, i've got a good one. i'm not worried about the situation, i mean, all i feel now when i see her is just resentment rise in my stomach, but i can deal with that. i just feel indifference to him. i can separate work from being a prick, which i told him i'm not his friend but i'm going to be civil at work. the gym thing i could change gyms but my job pays for it, i have to be there 6 mos before i could leave. my only other option is the gym that HE goes to, which i'm sure when 6 mos is up she'll chase after him and his gym, so for now i'm just holding my ground.

 

oh, also found out thru a friend that apparently Shallow went home last night and griped all night about how my friend "went off on her" at the gym. i got to ruin their night without saying a word or lifting a finger...it's nice when i'm the topic of convo between them...

 

and no, i'm trying not to fold. i've done well so far...

 

and i appreciate the opinion about my "friend" and his behavior, i tried for a while to pretend that he wasn't responsible, but the more i look, he made the choices by his own volition and he is just as much to blame as she is.

 

i can admit that she left me because of "me" and also because she wanted to date him, i'll admit that she didn't just leave me for him. either way, the actions were inappropriate from both of them.

[westernxer]

Sounds like you've got the situation handled... well thought out, too.

 

In the future, please remember not to fish from the company pier, especially if you like your job. I'm sure you've already considered this, so excuse me for rubbing salt in your wounds. It's definitely something to consider though, considering the repercussions.

 

Love triangles are always complicated. At least she isn't pregnant with your child... that's one positive.

[prayformydownfall]

sounds like ur heads sorted and u understand what u face. to be honest u r very brave and i would have left where i work, but u must be incredibly strong inside and in time i know ull fin someone who treats u how u deserve!!

good luck fella!!

 

PFMD