burnside.rose Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Married 9 years and we are getting divorce due to infidelity on my wife's part...and...we have a 5 year old daughter. This makes me all very sad for her. My wife moves out in one month today, how soon or late should we tell our daughter this. We will be sharing custody. Is two weeks prior too soon? Or too late? Thanks in advance. If this is better in the parenting section, a mod can move it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 @OP....please tell me that was a typo, and you didn't mean to say you want to tell a 5yr old that you two are calling it quits in the manner you mentioned here? You simply don't blatantly say it at that age, but at the same time note that the kids aren't stupid at that age. The way you want to do this, is put a positive spin on it by saying.....Suzie guess what, mommy and daddy are going to have two homes, and you are going to have 2 rooms, xmas presents, etc. The parenting schedule for kids that age preferred by the courts is the 2-2-3 parenting i.e. mon, tues you, wed,thurs her...with weekends alternated. Once kid get to the grade 1 age, you can start thinking week on / week off which takes them to pre-teen and teenage years Good luck, hope you two can sort it out amicably. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 (edited) Married 9 years and we are getting divorce due to infidelity on my wife's part...and...we have a 5 year old daughter. This makes me all very sad for her. My wife moves out in one month today, how soon or late should we tell our daughter this. We will be sharing custody. Is two weeks prior too soon? Or too late? Thanks in advance. If this is better in the parenting section, a mod can move it. Your child needs you both softly to tell her. My suggestion is, go to family counseling immediately and continue to go to family counseling to help your daughter adjust in a healthy way, the sooner the better. Leaving it till the last minute isn't a good idea. This isn't going to be easy for any of you, regardless of your wife's affair, your little one is going to hurt and be scared of all the changes. Give her lots of love and cuddles, make sure she knows both you and her mommy love her no matter what and none of it is her fault. Leave out details of the affair your wife had, she won't understand that. And, pray that your wife doesn't introduce your daughter to whomever she had the affair with. (is it on going or over?) Edited October 8, 2014 by whichwayisup Link to post Share on other sites
Author burnside.rose Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 @OP....please tell me that was a typo, and you didn't mean to say you want to tell a 5yr old that you two are calling it quits in the manner you mentioned here? You simply don't blatantly say it at that age, but at the same time note that the kids aren't stupid at that age. The way you want to do this, is put a positive spin on it by saying.....Suzie guess what, mommy and daddy are going to have two homes, and you are going to have 2 rooms, xmas presents, etc. The parenting schedule for kids that age preferred by the courts is the 2-2-3 parenting i.e. mon, tues you, wed,thurs her...with weekends alternated. Once kid get to the grade 1 age, you can start thinking week on / week off which takes them to pre-teen and teenage years Good luck, hope you two can sort it out amicably. no not all.. we will not be explaining any of that reasons. i was just giving background info. we are agreeing to the 2-2-3. everything is amicable. i just can't accept my wives past sins. we've generally decided on how we are going to tell her but just was looking for feedback or previous experience on how soon we should. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author burnside.rose Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 (is it on going or over?) thanks. i will look into the counseling. its over from what i can tell & from what she says (though i was told a whole lot of things of the last two years that were not true). Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 no not all.. we will not be explaining any of that reasons. i was just giving background info. we are agreeing to the 2-2-3. everything is amicable. i just can't accept my wives past sins. we've generally decided on how we are going to tell her but just was looking for feedback or previous experience on how soon we should. Hi OP, sorry you are going through this; I'll be honest, it SUCKS! My daughter was 4 when the same situation happened. Try seeking out a play therapist, my XW and I did and it was very helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Hi OP, sorry you are going through this; I'll be honest, it SUCKS! My daughter was 4 when the same situation happened. Try seeking out a play therapist, my XW and I did and it was very helpful. Another vote for play therapy. My son was the same age and it helped address some of the anxiety. At that stage, kids are self centered - how does this affect me? Where will my stuff be? Where will I sleep? You want to keep any of the grown-up aspects far from the discussion... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thenotemakers Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 @burnside.rose: I'm so sorry, friend. As someone said, heartbreak doesn't only impact the bride and groom — it's the children who end up scared and uncertain as their family falls apart. While your daughter is very young right now, it puts more weight on both the parents to show greater love and care for her. I agree with the above responses that talk about visiting a counselor/seeking therapy, as this will help you a great deal. If you need help finding a counselor, PM me. I just said a prayer for you and your daughter! TheNoteMakers Link to post Share on other sites
Author burnside.rose Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 thanks guys. Im so stressed and nervous about this whole thing. not for me but for my daughter. how soon should i tell her mommy & daddy will have different homes. 2 weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
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