cupic Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I didn't know where to put this, and I really didn't know where else to go, but I felt like I had to get this written down and off my chest. Next week, my wonderful, loving wife of three months, is going in for surgery, and I am terrified. Let me explain. My wife is having brain surgery to treat an aneurism, it's being treated endovascularly through her femoral artery. She's a nurse herself, and we have known about her condition for several years, and that it would need to be treated before we have children. We were thrilled to finally have the surgery booked, that meant we could start planning our family, set our goals and time lines, get off birth control etc... Her surgery is next Tuesday, and it's taking every once of strength of me to keep my emotions in check. The surgery is very safe with low risks of complications. But all I can think about is, what if something goes wrong. She is everything to me, I love her with every fibre of my being. But now as the day approaches, when we talk about it I can just barely hold back the tears. I am so scared of loosing her. She is so brave, she is mentally prepared and ready for this. I am the one who is supposed to be her rock, and be strong for her and be her man. To weather the storm and protect her. But it seems like I am just not strong enough for this. I know every day people watch their loved ones go in for surgery, I never thought I would feel this way. I don't know how I am going to hold up and keep a brave face while they prep her to go wheel into the OR while I am out in the waiting room for six hours. I feel so weak when it's her I need to be there for... Has anyone else felt this way? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Hang in there cupic. Everything you're feeling is completely normal. Your wife's surgery will be a success and she'll come out of it just fine. The only way I can relate to your situation is when my uncle had to have a biopsy taken of a brain tumor. We were all stressed the day of and the week after his biopsy. So I know exactly how you feel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxmusical Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Hi there OP. Stay strong for your wife. She's staying strong for you, knowing that she has a loving husband waiting her, loving her. I went through complicated emotions too when my mom had to undergo surgery. I was with her at the doctor's office on her first check-up. As I listened to the doctor's explanation and what was going on, I couldn't help but start to cry. I felt so stupid for crying when it wasn't even my pain! I know my tears would only make my mom feel more pain so I tried my best to control myself...which was hard. But as I learned more about the operation, I calmed down, knowing it wasn't a big scary operation. But yes, the weeks and days leading up to the operation day were filled with complex feelings. Stay optimistic for your wife or else your nervousness will be hers. Wishing your wife a successful operation next week! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 If you're holding your emotions in check, then you probably feel like you'll explode. Is there family you could go and see, just to vent, express yourself and let everything out? Someone who can understand and support YOU? If you need to be her rock and strength, then you too need somewhere to brace your back. Yes, you need to be strong, but you don't need to do this on your own... Find an outlet, a sympathetic ear. And get some of this natural anxiety out of your system... I wish you both much Metta and will think of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Good luck. Things like this are terrifying and while it may be "safe" its still a very worrying time for you. I will keep fingers crossed for you both. Let us know how it goes won't you. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Not me yet but when I had my vermiform appendix removed last year, my mother was scared ****less (and that is a routine surgery thing these days, only takses like 20 - 30 minutes). Just keep cool. At the very least don't express your inner turmoil and be strong for her on the outside. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I agree with evanescentworld that you need some emotional support too, or you will become an emotional wreck. Do you have any friends or family members you can lean on for your own support? Also, some physical exercise will help you process all that stress and clear your mind. Even if it's just walking, exercise will help a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I think anyone in your position would be stressed and nervous about the upcoming surgery, cupic. Have you tried maybe talking to your parents about it? It might help to have a safe family member to go to, to express your distress. I'll definitely be praying for you and your wife. Blessings, friend. ~ for the love of food ~ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I wasn't in your position but I was the one doing the surgery. I will tell you that I don't remember much from that period of my life, it's like 6 months just disappeared in this black hole. All this time I was just thinking about myself to be honest. I was trying to be strong, I was dealing with my anxiety, my worries, I rarely thought about what my bf thought. I knew he was sad but he never showed me how sad (now I know he should have been terrified, judging from his character), or I just wasn't interested to ask. I think you should not hide your true feelings. If you are terrified about this surgery, tell her, share your feelings. But after that try to give her courage and think about the good stuff coming to your life. Good luck with the surgery! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 On top of what everyone else says, I say pray and be thankful... I know of people who they didn't catch it in time and didn't have the opportunity to have the surgery done...We found out after they died cuz it was the first time they had one - ever. And, they symptoms they were complaining about were similar to that of a woman who just gave birth (dizziness, nausea, weakness, headache). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 cupic, What you describe is called "endovascular coiling" and is a minimally invasive surgical procedure. Patients can return home in a short time, usually the next day. I am sure you have had a meeting with the professionals who will be performing the surgery on your wife. However, if you are still worried there is a contact number on this website where you can talk to a nurse about it ;- Coiling of brain aneurysms | Brain & Spine Foundation I hope that helps. Kind regards, AW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupic Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 Thank you all for the kind words. I don't have anyone else to talk to at the moment, it's part of the reason I reached out to this community. I work in the oil patch on rotation, so the two weeks before right before the surgery I am away from home, friends and family, and my wife. Again, thank you for your support. It is funny, I have met with the surgeon, I have done the research, and I know that this is the safest possible surgery for her condition, and I am very greatful to know that she will be better protected after it's done. And I know it's the right thing to do. Still... I read this article, it made me feel better a little. I feel like the old man! It's scary when our loved ones have surgery I'll keep you posted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Thank you all for the kind words. I don't have anyone else to talk to at the moment, it's part of the reason I reached out to this community. I work in the oil patch on rotation, so the two weeks before right before the surgery I am away from home, friends and family, and my wife. Again, thank you for your support. It is funny, I have met with the surgeon, I have done the research, and I know that this is the safest possible surgery for her condition, and I am very greatful to know that she will be better protected after it's done. And I know it's the right thing to do. Still... I read this article, it made me feel better a little. I feel like the old man! It's scary when our loved ones have surgery I'll keep you posted. It's okay to be scared but do stay positive! Have faith in the procedure being done, have faith in the surgeons and other medical staff in the operating room who will take care of your wife. It is possible to book off time from work? Family emergency time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupic Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 I was able to book the week off plus a few days after her surgery. She's on bed rest for the first two days, and then very minimal body exertion for the next five (big risk of the femoral artery bleeding again, rather than the brain being injured). So unfortunately I maximized the time I could spend with her during recovery, and sacraficed time before the surgery. Something I am feeling guilty about at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Take care of yourself cupic. Oil patch jobs are more dangerous than surgeries like your wife's I think. Yes, keep us posted on your wife's surgery and post-op recovery. Edited: you posted that you have time off to be with your wife. That's good. Don't beat yourself up about your time-off. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Prayers to you, your wife and your family my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I was able to book the week off plus a few days after her surgery. She's on bed rest for the first two days, and then very minimal body exertion for the next five (big risk of the femoral artery bleeding again, rather than the brain being injured). So unfortunately I maximized the time I could spend with her during recovery, and sacraficed time before the surgery. Something I am feeling guilty about at the moment. I think you did the best thing possible - she will need your support more, AFTER the event, as opposed to before it. Morally, before, but physically after, and that's critical. So you don't need to go on the Guilt trip. It would be wonderful if more spouses opened up about their fears regarding their loved ones' surgeries. Everyone feels they have to be strong, resilient, and not show how they feel. It's somehow 'taboo' to admit to the fear. Well I think you're a splendid example of how it SHOULD be done, and I think you're a swell guy. I bet she does too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cupic Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Well, she's in surgery now. I was able to keep it together just long enough to watch her pass through the OR doors. It was hard, but we gave each other strength. She's in good hands, I have to keep telling myself. About four more hours sitting in the the waiting room in the hospital until she's done. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the support and the prayers. They have really helped me through the last couple of days. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 We are all thinking of you. Let us know how she gets on/ recovery etc. Will keep all fingers crossed for you. Don't forget to breathe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Hey Cupic I have had my fingers crossed that all went well and that your wife is now recovering well. Just want you to know that none of us have forgotten you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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