Won't respond but won't say it's over either?

[singsparkles]

I know I made another thread about this same guy and a lot of people said he was toxic for me, which I still agree, but stupid me has been giving him the benefit of the doubt ever since he told me, "I wanna work things out. We can do this and I have faith in us" ... I really thought he changed and I truly thought he wanted to work things out. Last time we hungout, I dropped him off, he kissed me and said he would call me. Well, he never did.

 

Then 4 days later he sends me a message saying I'm overreacting and to just "give things time and let them come naturally" yet he CONSTANTLY ignores me when I try to contact him and it's been two weeks now.

 

What is everyone's opinion.... if he says he wants to work things out, yet ignores me, and when I tell him to be honest and upfront with me and let me know if I should move on and I get no response from him... what the heck does that mean?

 

I can't read minds and I'm sick and tired of trying to read his and giving him the benefit of the doubt time and time again.

 

What does he want?? I told him if he needed space, to just let me know... yet no response to that either. I don't get it and I need some opinions on what people think as to why he acts like this.

 

I went NC for so long until he lured me back in with the "I wanna work things out" line and we spent a weekend together.

 

But now it seems we're back to square one. I know what you're all going to say... he's never going to change. And I most likely just need to accept that and be the stronger person and move on, even if he doesn't and keeps stringing me along.

 

Just needed to vent, as this situation is really getting to me and it's overwhelming to get half ass answers and not know whats truly going on in a situation/relationship. I'm so left in the dark with no answers to any of my questions, and I send him pleading texts asking him to tell me what he wants me to do, and telling him that if he wants me to move on, I will... and no response. I don't get it.

 

 

All responses and opinions are welcome, even harsh criticism.

 

Hugs,

xxx

[Reels]

He is just trying to keep you as one of his asset.

[singsparkles]

He is just trying to keep you as one of his asset.

 

 

Reels,

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

You are completely right and only I have the power and I know what to do. I made this thread but deep inside I know NC is the only way. He doesn't deserve my attention, and I need to love myself enough to move on and not let him string me along.

 

 

xxx

[Elias33]

He is just keeping you hanging on. That act by itself, is hurtful, disrespectful, immature, and not fair to you. You decide how you are treated.

 

Even if everything is fixed tomorrow, the fact remains he did this to you, without, what it seems like, any regard to your feelings.

[IhaveNoHope]

I sincerely hope, for your sake, that you truly mean what you wrote.

 

I started that battle 6 long years ago, and I spoke those same words a million times, yet I'm still in the same situation. I live with the guy, but that's essentially the extent of the "relationship".

 

I know no two situations are identical, but this guy is so obviously being a class-A dbag, and you deserve better, I hope you believe that.

 

It would be better being alone forever, than constantly wondering where you stand. The longer this kind of crap goes on, the worse you'll feel about yourself, the more you'll doubt yourself, the lower your self esteem will sink, and the harder it gets to leave it.

 

You sound like a sweetheart. Next this guy. There are so many nice guys out there, you'll find one.

[Arieswoman]

Singsparkles,

You are in a very difficult position with only 2 choices I can see for you and both of them are $h!££y.

 

1. You do nothing.

You give him control of your mind, your emotions, your life.

You stay as you are, on this roller-coaster of emotion allowing him to pull your strings and play with your mind until you become so desperate that you do something silly that harms you or him, or results in you getting arrested.

 

2. You get out of the situation.

This means NC which is just that . No Contact ever again.

Change your 'phone number/block him.

Get a support mechanism of friends around you.

You'll still suffer a roller-coaster of emotions as you grieve for what you think you have lost, but it will get better.

 

I hope you make the right choice.

 

Good luck.

[zen2475]

His actions are telling you all you need to know. As they say, talk is cheap. I agree he is stringing you along, and if he really wanted to try, his actions would show it.

 

 

From what I've read, this is an extremely toxic relationship and this guy is hugely disrespectful. You haven't done yourself any favors with your behavior, but the way to correct that and regain your dignity is to go completely NC and close the door on this guy.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why the hell would he tell you its over when he doesn't have to? He can do whatever he wants with you because you don't have the backbone to do anything for yourself. You aren't trusting -- you're gullible. He knows it and uses it to his advantage.

 

He's not going to let you go because there's no reason to. He'd rather keep you at a distance, like an old toy, and play with you whenever he has the whimsy. It's not up to him to let you go, it's up to you to go. You need to stop being a foolish sap and be proactive about your life. Otherwise, this merry go-round will continue.

[singsparkles]

He is just keeping you hanging on. That act by itself, is hurtful, disrespectful, immature, and not fair to you. You decide how you are treated.

 

Even if everything is fixed tomorrow, the fact remains he did this to you, without, what it seems like, any regard to your feelings.

 

 

Elias33,

 

You are totally right. He is very immature, disrespectful and hurtful and unfair to me. I've been constantly putting his needs before mine and acting like a doormat and you're right, I decide how I am treated so I have to put my foot down and not talk to this guy anymore. I only make myself look more and more foolish every time I do.

 

He has no regard to my feelings and doesn't care, it shows in his actions. I have to focus on NC and not answer when he decides to contact me every 3 - 4 weeks. I don't want to be an afterthought. I deserve so much better.

 

Thanks for your reply

Hugs! xx

[singsparkles]

I sincerely hope, for your sake, that you truly mean what you wrote.

 

I started that battle 6 long years ago, and I spoke those same words a million times, yet I'm still in the same situation. I live with the guy, but that's essentially the extent of the "relationship".

 

I know no two situations are identical, but this guy is so obviously being a class-A dbag, and you deserve better, I hope you believe that.

 

It would be better being alone forever, than constantly wondering where you stand. The longer this kind of crap goes on, the worse you'll feel about yourself, the more you'll doubt yourself, the lower your self esteem will sink, and the harder it gets to leave it.

 

You sound like a sweetheart. Next this guy. There are so many nice guys out there, you'll find one.

 

 

 

IHaveNoHope,

 

First I have to say, I am so sorry you have to go through what you do. Living with someone for years and going through this mismatched mind game really takes a toll on your self esteem, heart and even physical nature. It can really make you feel physically ill if you take it too long... which I have gotten a glimpse of it. I've thrown up some nights when he ignores me or won't answer my calls. It's crazy. I feel insane sometimes.

 

6 years is such a long battle and I feel for you... is there a reason you guys still live together? are you just having trouble letting it go as I am? I know living together makes it even harder and more complicated. I really hope you don't let his actions toward you ruin your self confidence and self esteem. I hope one day you allow yourself to be free of him so you're able to find a wonderful man who cherishes and adores and deserves you. You seem like such a wonderful , sweet person as well.

 

I know this guy is def a class A DBag. I've known it for so long. The problem is sometimes love can be blind, and I tend to romanticize him into being something he's not, or I focus on when I first met him and how wonderful he treated me. But then I realize, when you first meet people, you have no clue who they are. You find out who they are as time goes by, and he's showing me his true colors plain as day, yet I'm still stupid enough to keep going back. I can't anymore.

 

I need to worry about myself and stop focusing on a jerk that obviously doesn't deserve me and keeps tearing at my self esteem because its true... When I first met him, I was so happy. I felt great about myself. I was in such a wonderful stage in my life. Then poof, he took all of that greatness to the ground and stomped on it. Now I literally feel like I've let my dignity, pride and everything else go by being desperate enough to beg for a man that truly doesn't deserve me and finds happiess and humor in my pain and loves it when I call non stop and he doesn't answer. I know he feels a sense of power and he loves it and thats why he's not fully letting me go.

 

It's up to me to let go and I have to do it, because obviously he won't and this game can go on for years, just as you've said and what you're going through. :-(

 

I blocked his number and blocked him from all social media and my aunt is taking my phone for a week or two so I can clear my head and mind and do some soul searching and gather some peace. I need that for myself right now.

 

I hope you are doing okay and holding up today... be strong... just know things will get better...and remember, you're a wonderful human being and you dont deserve to feel that way either. You deserve so much better than what this guy is giving you!

 

Lots of hugs!!

xxx

[singsparkles]

Singsparkles,

You are in a very difficult position with only 2 choices I can see for you and both of them are $h!££y.

 

1. You do nothing.

You give him control of your mind, your emotions, your life.

You stay as you are, on this roller-coaster of emotion allowing him to pull your strings and play with your mind until you become so desperate that you do something silly that harms you or him, or results in you getting arrested.

 

2. You get out of the situation.

This means NC which is just that . No Contact ever again.

Change your 'phone number/block him.

Get a support mechanism of friends around you.

You'll still suffer a roller-coaster of emotions as you grieve for what you think you have lost, but it will get better.

 

I hope you make the right choice.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Arieswoman,

 

You are so exactly right. No matter what choice I choose, it will be sh*tty and there will be pain involved.

 

I'd rather take the second route you mentioned and go strictly no contact and cross him out of my life. With that route, I will go through pain but yet there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

The first choice will only bring me pain plus more and as time goes by I will lose myself more and more and become so weak and not confident. I don't want to let that happen to myself. I need to be strong and do the right thing.

 

It wont be easy, but I'm initiating NC, and I can't reply to any more of his contact attempts. what I've learned is every time I reply to him, I get the same result and end up feeling even sh*ttier than I did before.

 

I need to focus on myself and soul search so I don't end up in another toxic situation like this.

 

I need to love myself enough to walk away, even if it hurts and I go through pain.

 

 

Thanks so much for your support!

Hugs! xxx

[singsparkles]

His actions are telling you all you need to know. As they say, talk is cheap. I agree he is stringing you along, and if he really wanted to try, his actions would show it.

 

 

From what I've read, this is an extremely toxic relationship and this guy is hugely disrespectful. You haven't done yourself any favors with your behavior, but the way to correct that and regain your dignity is to go completely NC and close the door on this guy.

 

 

Zen,

Thank you for your reply!

 

I have always thought that actions speak louder than words... and I even brought that up to him. and he always says I'm "looking too far into things and I need to relax and take things natural" ... but I can't do that when he says he cares, then goes missing for weeks and ignores me.

 

You're right, actions do speak louder than words. And I should never question my gut instinct again.

 

This relationship is extremely toxic and he does have absolutely no respect for me. And that in itself should have made me walk away a long time ago. But stupid me has been blind for so long, reminiscing on who he portrayed himself to be in the beginning, almost like I'm mourning someone because the person I thought he was is gone... when in reality, he is prob just showing me his true colors now and that guy never really did exist.

 

 

I can't say how much I want to regain my dignity enough... I want it back so badly, and I know NC is the only way to get it back. I need to stop saying I'm going to leave him in the past, and this time truly do it and think about doing something stupid before I do it, and actually put myself first and love myself enough to see I deserve better and he doesn't deserve my attention.

 

It will take time and it will be painful, and I'll have lonely moments, but I really need to learn will power and truly not give into this guy anymore because it always ends up the same way; me feeling even worse than before (every time I talk to him) ... I know the consequences so I should know the outcome will never change, it will always be the same. I'm like beating a dead horse.

 

I'm definitely not going to talk to him anymore. I just blocked his number so I won't receive messages or calls. I'm doing all I can and stcking to this once and for all. I can't keep going through the same thing over and over. That would just be foolish of me.

 

Today is a brand new day and I start healing and focusing on myself today; no more procrastination.

 

Thanks for your response :-)

Hugs,

xxxx

[singsparkles]

Why the hell would he tell you its over when he doesn't have to? He can do whatever he wants with you because you don't have the backbone to do anything for yourself. You aren't trusting -- you're gullible. He knows it and uses it to his advantage.

 

He's not going to let you go because there's no reason to. He'd rather keep you at a distance, like an old toy, and play with you whenever he has the whimsy. It's not up to him to let you go, it's up to you to go. You need to stop being a foolish sap and be proactive about your life. Otherwise, this merry go-round will continue.

 

 

 

Simon Phoenix,

 

I needed to hear this. It was harsh, but you are completely right. I've had absolutely no backbone and he won't let me go because right now he knows/thinks he can come back to me whenever he feels necessary or whenever he has a random craving to do so.

 

It truly is in my power. I have been letting him hurt me and get away with so much, foolishly.

 

I truly agree with you. I need to knock out of it, get my back bone back, do the right thing, not speak to him, and gain my pride and dignity back. And NC is the only way.

 

I don't want this merry round to continue, I will just become more bitter and miserable as time goes by. I don't want this to rob me of my happiness. I deserve to be happy.

 

I need to focus on myself and leave him in the past where he belongs... block him from everything and act as if he really doesn't exist, because he really has no place in my world. And shouldn't.

 

I'm going to do the right thing whether it's painful or not. No more of this. I'm putting my foot down and not going back.

 

Thanks for your response!

hugs, xx

[travelbug1996]

You have started multiple threads about this guy and people have taken the time to give you feedback time and time again. Unfortunately, you are not prepared to move forward at this time and that's okay as well.

 

I'll leave you with this. Pain is the greatest motivator to healing for many people and I think that may be the case for you.

 

Don't bother blocking, giving your phone away or anything else dramatic to move on. Just stay with the situation until the pain gets greater than the pleasure- then and only then will you move forward with your life.

 

It may be a long time before you get the lesson this situation is trying to teach you.

 

Honestly, its okay if you're not ready to let this guy go. No judgement. However, there are a lot of people here that need responses to their posts that ARE willing to take the suggestions given here. Please be mindful of that.

[singsparkles]

You have started multiple threads about this guy and people have taken the time to give you feedback time and time again. Unfortunately, you are not prepared to move forward at this time and that's okay as well.

 

I'll leave you with this. Pain is the greatest motivator to healing for many people and I think that may be the case for you.

 

Don't bother blocking, giving your phone away or anything else dramatic to move on. Just stay with the situation until the pain gets greater than the pleasure- then and only then will you move forward with your life.

 

It may be a long time before you get the lesson this situation is trying to teach you.

 

Honestly, its okay if you're not ready to let this guy go. No judgement. However, there are a lot of people here that need responses to their posts that ARE willing to take the suggestions given here. Please be mindful of that.

 

 

 

To be completely honest,

I find your post to be very rude and condescending, as everyone on this site is here because we are struggling with something and are reaching out for help. If you look at my posts, I don't just post about myself... I come on this site to help others as well and I care about people. I feel happiness in helping others, even when I'm going through pain myself.

 

You make it sound like I'm making this site all about me when I've made two threads about my situation and reached out because I didn't know what else to do and have been going through a large amount of pain.

 

I could never comment on someone's thread like you just did and belittle them for pouring their heart out in hope's for help.

 

Also, another thing... People aren't perfect. People come on here for advice, but that doesn't mean they won't make a handful of mistakes before they get their situation right and intact.

 

I listen to EVERYONE'S advice, and this site has been my sanctuary and I appreciate everyone who replies to me and gives me any word of advice, as I am all ears and ready to listen...

 

Some people have gone through the pain already, and others are going through it...

 

Just because I have weak moments and I make mistakes doesn't mean I don't listen to advice. I am slowly learning and without the support of a lot of people on this site, I would be in a very dark place.

 

Everyone on this site deserves to be here, no matter how many mistakes they make along the way...

 

If I gave someone advice and they went against it, I wouldn't give up on them. I'd still be there to offer a hand... because mistakes are all about learning, and that is what I'm doing.

 

I don't appreciate you basically telling me I am a "dumba**" (in nice words) for reaching out for help more than once. I would never make someone feel that way.

 

But it's okay, that's your opinion. You don't have to read my threads if you don't want to. Everyone has their own opinion and your entitled to yours.

 

Wish you the best with whatever situation your in.

[BC1980]

You don't need to read his mind to figure out what is going on. You can easily deduce where he stands. It's not nearly as difficult as you want it to be. Oftentimes, these situations are pretty clear, but we want it to be complicated so we can justify all the time spent trying to figure it out. We want to make it difficult because the obvious truth is quite hurtful. You know the truth. We don't need to spell it out for you.

[singsparkles]

You don't need to read his mind to figure out what is going on. You can easily deduce where he stands. It's not nearly as difficult as you want it to be. Oftentimes, these situations are pretty clear, but we want it to be complicated so we can justify all the time spent trying to figure it out. We want to make it difficult because the obvious truth is quite hurtful. You know the truth. We don't need to spell it out for you.

 

 

 

BC,

 

You are completely right. And I felt borderline dumb after writing this thread as I know the answer. You're right. I've been making it complicated for too long because I have been too scared of the truth for so long. I know its plain and simple to see: He doesn't care and that's that.

 

I've made a lot of mistakes by breaking NC, etc, esp when he contacts me. But I know each time I do that, it sets me back more and more. I am learning from my mistakes and I'm learning that every time I talk to him, there's no different outcome. The outcome is always the same.

 

The answer is plain and simple for me. I need to do NC and keep doing NC. It's time to put my foot down and care about my life and put him in the past. It's like I'm beating a dead horse by now. It's just embarrassing and horrendous.

 

I've definitely learned my lesson and will not talk to him again. I blocked him from literally EVERYTHING.

 

Thanks for your support! you're wonderful and I appreciate you being there.

Hugs,

xxx

[BC1980]

BC,

 

You are completely right. And I felt borderline dumb after writing this thread as I know the answer. You're right. I've been making it complicated for too long because I have been too scared of the truth for so long. I know its plain and simple to see: He doesn't care and that's that.

 

I've made a lot of mistakes by breaking NC, etc, esp when he contacts me. But I know each time I do that, it sets me back more and more. I am learning from my mistakes and I'm learning that every time I talk to him, there's no different outcome. The outcome is always the same.

 

The answer is plain and simple for me. I need to do NC and keep doing NC. It's time to put my foot down and care about my life and put him in the past. It's like I'm beating a dead horse by now. It's just embarrassing and horrendous.

 

I've definitely learned my lesson and will not talk to him again. I blocked him from literally EVERYTHING.

 

Thanks for your support! you're wonderful and I appreciate you being there.

Hugs,

xxx

 

I basically did the same with my ex. I was so confused at his behavior, and everyone around me knew what was going on. The truth was that I did too, which was why I wasn't surprised when he left. I was shocked at the timing, but, in the back of mind, I was always waiting for it. For the majority of the relationship, I was very uneasy. Words and actions didn't match on many occasions. He didn't make me feel secure in the relationship.

 

I felt great with him on a day to day basis, but the overall picture was shady. I simply refused to believe what I knew was right there in front of me. I took all of his good parts and created the picture I wanted him to be. It was actually a relief once I started NC. Hard at first but a relief after a few months.

[Jet Lag]

I think it is denial. One of the stages of grief. I am going through that a whole lot too.

 

Maybe he will work through stuff and realise he wants to be with me. Maybe he will realise the grass isn't greener.

 

Whilst in the denial stage we can convince ourselves that everything will be ok so therefore you accept the breadcrumbs.

 

When you move from denial, it all gets harder again...so you move back to it.

 

I guess the thing is when you go back to them you have to break up all over again. Is it any easier? I'm not sure. Possibly not.

 

Also, although everyone here says no contact, you can't help wonder if in your scenario if this isn't the right thing. What if, you hung out together and he suddenly realised he is making a mistake. I often feel like that about my ex because of circumstances we never really did fun things together. I get so tempted to ask him out on a date and do fun stuff. Maybe that would be enough to convince him he really does want to be with me...but I've decided against it because I figure whilst he is dating others it is just too hard.

 

As to putting multiple posts here, I totally get it. If you are feeling bad, you want support. Want someone to tell you, you will be ok.

 

It is a pity there doesn't seem to be private messaging here because I feel I would find someone/some people who understands what I am going through at the moment (probably because they are or have been recently) and chat with them a lot.

[Zzyxx]

Sparkles, you sound like a really really nice person, and a smart one as well, so I fully trust that you know and will do the right thing. Like you and everyone else said, whether he knows it or not, he's just wasting your time. He might not even be doing it maliciously, but at the end of the day you're with someone that you shouldn't be with, because you deserve someone that will communicate with you and not waste your time. My ex, whom you now know a bit about, did this with me after our first year together. It had been long distance and I was getting ready to move, and she panicked and started pulling what your ex was pulling. We broke up for a couple of weeks, NC brought her back, then yes we did go on to have another good year and a half together, until, guess what, she still dumped me in the end. Do I regret it? Not really because, not gonna lie, the year and a half was really fun, and it brought me to a new city and chapter of my life, but in the scheme of the relationship it probably would have been better if I'd just let her go when she wanted to go and not have ended up in the position I'm in now and her still getting rid of me in the end.

 

So, take it from me, you'll be better off in the end, even if you don't feel like it.

[singsparkles]

I basically did the same with my ex. I was so confused at his behavior, and everyone around me knew what was going on. The truth was that I did too, which was why I wasn't surprised when he left. I was shocked at the timing, but, in the back of mind, I was always waiting for it. For the majority of the relationship, I was very uneasy. Words and actions didn't match on many occasions. He didn't make me feel secure in the relationship.

 

I felt great with him on a day to day basis, but the overall picture was shady. I simply refused to believe what I knew was right there in front of me. I took all of his good parts and created the picture I wanted him to be. It was actually a relief once I started NC. Hard at first but a relief after a few months.

 

 

 

BC,

 

It's a relief to talk to someone who's been there and done that. I see that you basically went through the exact same thing.

 

You're completely right; we know the overall picture is shady, but we're so blind we keep holding on in hopes things get better, but they never do.

 

The word you used..."uneasy"...is exactly what I felt on a day to day basis while I was in contact with him. I never felt secure and I never knew where we stood or what was going on in his mind, yet he knew exactly how much I cared about him... I never kept that a mystery at all.

 

I have been in denial of what I already know and I have been making him out to be this certain person in my mind that is just not who he is at all.

 

I finally have definitely let go a lot. I find myself freeing myself of him and not thinking of him as much, because I'm seeing things for how they really are. I was in love with a picture in my mind and who I made him out to be. I finally accepted he isn't that and I feel there's no need to keep it going or beg for him or try to be in contact with him.

 

He isn't what I desire and what I truly hope for for myself in the end. I have higher expectations than this. I deserve better and I'm finally realizing all these things.

 

I'm not saying I won't have weak moments, especially weekends and nights... but even my mother and brother are so happy for me, because they see a huge change and they see me slowly coming back to my normal self... the one thats always happy and smiling, the one that glows.

 

I honestly have you and so many other people on this site to thank for. You have been such a support and have helped me through it and helped me see things for what they really are. It helps to talk to people who are in similar situations, or have been in similar situations and have already learned from it.

 

Thank you for your support! It has meant a lot to me.

 

I have been NC for a week now and have no desire to contact anymore... it's done and over with. Moving on with my life. Better things ahead. Thinking positive.

 

Hugs!!!

xxx

[singsparkles]

I think it is denial. One of the stages of grief. I am going through that a whole lot too.

 

Maybe he will work through stuff and realise he wants to be with me. Maybe he will realise the grass isn't greener.

 

Whilst in the denial stage we can convince ourselves that everything will be ok so therefore you accept the breadcrumbs.

 

When you move from denial, it all gets harder again...so you move back to it.

 

I guess the thing is when you go back to them you have to break up all over again. Is it any easier? I'm not sure. Possibly not.

 

Also, although everyone here says no contact, you can't help wonder if in your scenario if this isn't the right thing. What if, you hung out together and he suddenly realised he is making a mistake. I often feel like that about my ex because of circumstances we never really did fun things together. I get so tempted to ask him out on a date and do fun stuff. Maybe that would be enough to convince him he really does want to be with me...but I've decided against it because I figure whilst he is dating others it is just too hard.

 

As to putting multiple posts here, I totally get it. If you are feeling bad, you want support. Want someone to tell you, you will be ok.

 

It is a pity there doesn't seem to be private messaging here because I feel I would find someone/some people who understands what I am going through at the moment (probably because they are or have been recently) and chat with them a lot.

 

 

 

JetLag,

 

I TOTALLY agree with you... I was in the denial stage and am still somewhat in the denial stage from time to time. You're right. As horrible as it sounds, sometimes it's easier to be in the denial stage than to deal with the real, cold, hard facts.

 

Are you going through the same thing? I hope you know your worth and know you don't deserve bread crumbs and I hope you do the right thing... which I'm trying to do at the moment. I've been a week NC and I don't feel the desire to contact any further. It's like beating a dead horse and nothing will ever change. I'm thinking logically instead of with my heart and I know nothing will ever change.

 

I hope you're doing okay. <3

 

You know, I go through the SAME exact emotions as you do... I think to myself, "what if we didn't do this together, what if we never had enough fun, I want to show him a good time and a good side of myself instead of this crazy mess" and I feel like contacting him all the time to do something fun.

 

...But when I truly think deep into it... He doesn't deserve my fun and doesn't deserve me at my best. He has treated me like bread crumbs and has had no respect for my feelings or wants. So why should he be able to see that good side of me?

 

I'm glad you decided against asking him to hangout. If he is dating others, you don't deserve to be in a situation like that where you come 2nd... you deserve to be FIRST, always. And don't ever settle for less... I know how that feels, it's a horrible feeling. But you need to see it in the way that he is losing a wonderful woman in his life, and you need to see it as his loss. You deserve more and you will find a wonderful man who appreciates you... Don't ever lose faith or hope. You ARE worthy and don't ever question that.

 

Hope you're doing well today and not thinking of him and hopefully doing something nice for yourself or doing something fun.

 

Guys like this (guys like my ex and your ex) always come back in the end trying to crawl back into our arms when we're finally over them. I've gone through this with literally EVERY guy I've been with. They ignore me, then come back when they see me happy and I want nothing to do with them. It's the irony...

 

Just stay strong. I'm trying to stay strong myself!

 

Thanks for your reply!

Hugs

xxxxx

Edited October 10, 2014 by singsparkles

[singsparkles]

Sparkles, you sound like a really really nice person, and a smart one as well, so I fully trust that you know and will do the right thing. Like you and everyone else said, whether he knows it or not, he's just wasting your time. He might not even be doing it maliciously, but at the end of the day you're with someone that you shouldn't be with, because you deserve someone that will communicate with you and not waste your time. My ex, whom you now know a bit about, did this with me after our first year together. It had been long distance and I was getting ready to move, and she panicked and started pulling what your ex was pulling. We broke up for a couple of weeks, NC brought her back, then yes we did go on to have another good year and a half together, until, guess what, she still dumped me in the end. Do I regret it? Not really because, not gonna lie, the year and a half was really fun, and it brought me to a new city and chapter of my life, but in the scheme of the relationship it probably would have been better if I'd just let her go when she wanted to go and not have ended up in the position I'm in now and her still getting rid of me in the end.

 

So, take it from me, you'll be better off in the end, even if you don't feel like it.

 

 

Zzyxx,

 

I do know your story. How is everything going? Are you feeling alright? I know loneliness is a hard feeling to deal with, as I deal with it too. I hope you are being strong and thinking logically and realizing this girl doesn't deserve you.

 

I agree with you... He might not be doing it maliciously, but it hurts me TREMENDOUSLY... and I've been one week NC and I haven't felt better, to be honest. I know there's still going to be nights when I feel it, but right now I'm thinking logically and I know contacting him is not worth it as it never gives benefits, it only sets me back and makes me feel worse.

 

You're right... I think communication is a HUGE thing for me. I've come to even realize more of who I am through this situation and how much communication means to me. I'm the type where after an argument or fight, I don't sulk and retreat. I want to talk about it and resolve it and hug after. I hate being on bad terms. I can't date someone who makes me feel uneasy all the time and makes me feel like things are always going wrong and makes me feel like I never know where we stand.

 

I have definitely learned more of what I want and don't want through this situation.

 

It's sad that it took you to tell her you were moving to panic and realize how much you meant to her. It's sad these people NEVER know what they have when they have it... and just when you're about to get over them, and you're seeing clearly, or you are over them, thats when they come prancing back into your life hoping you'll have open arms like nothing ever happened.

 

But I'm glad you see that she doesn't deserve you. It seems like shes done this to you more than once... and I hope you see she won't change...and I hope you see that you deserve FAR BETTER.

 

I know you're in a different country and its hard... but dont let her grab your pride away. Keep your pride, and go out and meet new people. She will hear around the grapevine that you are over her and having fun and being happy and that is the best revenge ever... even though I'm not a big revenge person, I never was... I just think being happy is the best revenge.

 

I hope you're doing well today and being strong... my thoughts are with you... remember, you're not alone! And you're stronger than you think and more worthy than you even see! Come on this site every time you need to talk and I'm here for you! <3

 

Hugs!

xxx