He filed, asked for sole custody

[jakrbbt]

I told my unemployed husband that I was moving out, and would pay his rent and utilities for 2 months. He took 4 days to go sailing and process things, so I took the time off work. But I told him we'd need to agree on a temporary parenting plan, or else go to court for one, and that I'd prefer mediating one.

 

He agreed on a 5-day plan where I have baby overnight (baby co-sleeps with me, h has always slept in separate room separate part of house), I get him most evenings and some weekdays.

 

But then H filed divorce petition, and is asking for sole custody.

 

He's also asking for spousal support. From a one-year marriage, where he worked a bit but squandered all his money on hobbies, and refused to get a regular job or contribute to any expenses or even watch our baby during all my telecommute work days.

 

Now one misconception I will clear up: It does not at all matter in my state who files first. There is no benefit or edge to being petitioner, and there are policy reasons for that. But it's the sole custody claim that I'm reeling from.

 

I tried to be very accommodating, tried to avoid using lawyers if possible, paid for 6 months of car insurance for him and am now paying a driving-while-uninsured ticket he got because he says it's my fault for not quickly enough ensuring the car I bought for him (I tried to insure it, insurance company wanted verification that his lic was not suspended, he never got it to me). I bought him a bunch of diapers, baby stuff, bla bla bla. I offered a very generous settlement beyond that, much more than he could get in his wildest dreams for our 1 and a half year marriage in which he never stepped up as dad and never got a steady job and was unemployed before marriage, and worked very part-time last year but squandered one hundred per cent of the earnings on hobbies and cigars. I did other stuff for him too, too much to go into here-- all trying to come to a peaceful settlement and just get the heck out of here without him retaliating against me.

 

However, I have also consulted the best lawyer in town and will be retaining him tomorrow. I am too weirdly paranoid to go into attorney advice even in an anonymous forum, but the point of this is, I have moved from accommodation to litigation.

 

Yes, I want what is good for my son. But my husband can only claim to be a functioning father because I am holding him up, moving the puppet strings, bringing home the paycheck, doing all the chores and shopping, cooking all baby's meals, setting up diapers and medicines and pediatric visits and all, coming home and taking baby immediately, having him all evening all night and all weekend, taking care of all husband's doctor appts and taxes and administrative stuff too because he can't function. . . And he uses his position at the top of my shoulders to claim that he can handle and deserves sole custody.

 

His reason I cannot have custody? That I work. That's right, the reason he thinks I can't have custody is I am employed. And I work from home 3 days per week! I have been caring for our baby 80 percent of the time, 60-70 if you don't count overnights (but oh, those overnights count). Baby needs both parents, which is why I tried to mold husband into a non-deadbeat dad by basically doing it all for him. I am no longer going to do any of that. I won't hinder him from getting a job and functioning and shopping for diapers, but I've got my own diaper-buying and job-doing to do.

 

You guys on my previous threads were right: It was fruitless to try to be generous with a deadbeat. He was a deadbeat dad with his first child from different wife (now that child is 19 and pregnant)-- he never visited her when he said he would, got contempt of court convictions for failure to pay child support, and has virtually no relationship with her now and she's hurt and mad.

 

Time to let my lawyer take over. I tried to settle. All the facts about his not letting me come in the room when he is with baby, sending unauthorized pictures of me to his friends et c, will be disclosed. They have to be. As will the earnings he made last year and spent all on sailboats and hobbies while I took time off from my career job and paid his gas for him to go work 2 hours away. As will his contempt of court and blowing off dad duties with previous child.

 

God, I am just barely functioning after someone asking for sole custody of my baby as if I were some kind of absentee coke addict. I am a lawyer and former nanny and very involved mommy and practically a mother to my husband at this point as well. Hurts.

 

But one thing is positive: I am sure glad I am leaving this monster.

[jakrbbt]

****, he's not going to get SOLE custody right? That would be crazy. The spousal support demand is crazy too but does not bother me nearly as much.

 

I am absorbed totally with this. Help. Write. I gotta have your LS-peeps' perspectives.

[Priv]

****, he's not going to get SOLE custody right? That would be crazy. The spousal support demand is crazy too but does not bother me nearly as much.

 

I am absorbed totally with this. Help. Write. I gotta have your LS-peeps' perspectives.

 

No worries. I am no lawyer and not even from your country, but I don't need to be. Sole custody is never going to happen if you don't agree to it.

[No Limit]

Don't let him intimidate you. He's going to have a real rude awakening call.

[Turtles]

I am glad you are getting out of that toxic situation. I find it truly appalling that someone could be so lazy & callous as to use their kid as a lunch ticket to stay out of work.

 

I was worried about the same thing when I talked to a lawyer last month but he assured me that would not happen: the judge will infer that once you are separated, he will either start working, or be homeless. So any argument that one is a better parent because the other one works is baseless. By the same token you probably can't get full custody if he wants to fight that... though who knows? his defaulting on child support in the past will surely weigh in your favor.

[BetrayedH]

Some attorneys simply take the philosophy that "you don't get what you don't ask for." By asking for everything, he expects that every concession they make will have to be met by a concession on your side. It's just a classic negotiation tactic.

 

As well, if they know what you are passionate about, they may pretend to fight you on that issue until the bitter end, in hopes of getting other concessions from you along the way. In my divorce, I was hell-bent on having nothing less than 50/50 custody. After 10 months of saying as much, it still took 6 hours with a mediator for my wife to agree. After that, I was exhausted and spent and have a few regrets about conceding on other issues. Looking back, I think they knew all along that they would agree to 50/50 but used their argument about it to distract me from other issues (that my wife found important). I'm sorry to say it but this is a game now and you've got your child and your money on the line.

 

You are right to (mostly) listen to your attorney. Your attorney plays this game for a career and isn't emotionally invested.

 

As for losing your kid, you're a long way off from that even being a consideration and I think there's about zero chance of that happening. Unless you somehow agree to a custody plan you don't like, it would take a judge's order to make it happen. And you're nowhere near going to court and putting it in the hands of a judge. I never even saw a judge throughout my entire divorce. There are likely to be months and months of financial disclosures and periods where it appears the attorneys are doing nothing. Eventually, you'll probably get to mediation. Personally, I recommend using a paid attorney as the 3rd party mediator. Our literally went back and forth from our room to their room. It took like 10 hours to hammer out everything. Then the marital settlement agreement was written up and sent to a judge for approval (which took about 2 weeks). Your husband's attorney knows he's not getting half of what he's asking for but I'm sure he impressed your H by going for the moon.

 

One thing I was going to mention...one purpose your attorney can serve is knowing how your judge tends to rule. Some judges believe staunchly in 50/50. Some hate it and prefer to have a primary parent. Some protect mothers. Some just kinda wing it and make their own judgement about who is the good guy in the scenario and they subsequently protect them. In my state, a judge is assigned shortly after the divorce is filed. Have your attorney look it up and tell you how they tend to rule. That can give you an idea about how much you want to avoid going to court (which typically only happens if you cannot agree in mediation).

 

My point is, you are a long ways away from any kind of verdict that takes your kid from you. I don't even see how you'd get to that point. Chill your emotions and get your head in the game.

 

Oh, and I wouldn't agree to ANY temporary custody agreement that has you with less than 50% of the overnights, period. Don't set that precedent. And if it isn't an overnight, don't "count" it towards anything - don't get scammed. If you can somehow get your H to agree to less than 50% of the overnights, fantastic. Have some plans written up and presented to that effect.

[amaysngrace]

He may just be filing for sole custody in hopes that you will negotiate with him and give him more money as a trade.

 

Chances are he cares more about money than he cares about his child. Just like before.

 

File for sole custody too.

[2sunny]

File your answer and ask for everything you want!

 

You shouldn't have to pay spousal support with such a short M. Ask for full/sole custody too! Give evidence that he's been unwilling to do what best for the child.

 

Go big! Stick with evidence!

 

And stop making it easy for him to vacation on your dime.

 

Make it clear you no longer intend to pay his rent and all the perks you've provided to him.

[Yasuandio]

Go big on your requests, if attorney agrees. What is that guy gonna do with the child when he us on his dates with sis? How about when dude wants his private time in the evenings, that ain't gonna fly. He better be careful what he wishes for, he might it, and holy crap, then what's he gonna do?

 

Sounds like a strategy to twist some extra alimony from you, through fear. Seems to be working, you are mortifed, shocked, right? That was the effect they were going for, so you will crack. Don't let THEM crack, manipulate, or control you. But take it dang seriously, and open the mean can of worms. Yas

 

What a jerk. I'm ticked.

[Mr. Lucky]

God, I am just barely functioning after someone asking for sole custody of my baby as if I were some kind of absentee coke addict. I am a lawyer and former nanny and very involved mommy and practically a mother to my husband at this point as well. Hurts.

 

But one thing is positive: I am sure glad I am leaving this monster.

Never thought your vision of an amicable split with some mutual agreement was realistic. Expecting compromise and consensus in a divorce where it was missing from the marriage is a tough ask.

 

At least now you know and you can make your plans based on facts instead of speculation. My bet is on you ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Yasuandio]

****, he's not going to get SOLE custody right? That would be crazy. The spousal support demand is crazy too but does not bother me nearly as much.

 

I am absorbed totally with this. Help. Write. I gotta have your LS-peeps' perspectives.

 

Honey, you are the attorney, not us!

 

You never know what a Judge and/or the System will do. Much less what "odd people" will do. It is always a crap shoot. That is why an attorney can never make a promise of an outcome to a client. Judge's are people that have their own set of personal inclinations and belief systems.

 

I guess I would try not to be an idiot in front of the judge by over-reaching, appear reasonable, but place all the dirt on a silver platter for consideration, and make the CONCESSION an obvious choice.

 

Live and learn. That is life. You have come a long way. You are an upstanding citizen, a non-alcholic, a non-non-nonsense child supporter, a contributor to society, etc. What is this man? Does he have a criminal record by chance? That would be nice. Records of his finances towards the home - haha, right. I hope his purchases were made in some form that can be traced back to him. Toy car? Really? That is a pricey hobby, toots. Yas

[hotgurl]

I told my unemployed husband that I was moving out, and would pay his rent and utilities for 2 months. He took 4 days to go sailing and process things, so I took the time off work. But I told him we'd need to agree on a temporary parenting plan, or else go to court for one, and that I'd prefer mediating one.

 

He agreed on a 5-day plan where I have baby overnight (baby co-sleeps with me, h has always slept in separate room separate part of house), I get him most evenings and some weekdays.

 

But then H filed divorce petition, and is asking for sole custody.

 

He's also asking for spousal support. From a one-year marriage, where he worked a bit but squandered all his money on hobbies, and refused to get a regular job or contribute to any expenses or even watch our baby during all my telecommute work days.

 

Now one misconception I will clear up: It does not at all matter in my state who files first. There is no benefit or edge to being petitioner, and there are policy reasons for that. But it's the sole custody claim that I'm reeling from.

 

I tried to be very accommodating, tried to avoid using lawyers if possible, paid for 6 months of car insurance for him and am now paying a driving-while-uninsured ticket he got because he says it's my fault for not quickly enough ensuring the car I bought for him (I tried to insure it, insurance company wanted verification that his lic was not suspended, he never got it to me). I bought him a bunch of diapers, baby stuff, bla bla bla. I offered a very generous settlement beyond that, much more than he could get in his wildest dreams for our 1 and a half year marriage in which he never stepped up as dad and never got a steady job and was unemployed before marriage, and worked very part-time last year but squandered one hundred per cent of the earnings on hobbies and cigars. I did other stuff for him too, too much to go into here-- all trying to come to a peaceful settlement and just get the heck out of here without him retaliating against me.

 

However, I have also consulted the best lawyer in town and will be retaining him tomorrow. I am too weirdly paranoid to go into attorney advice even in an anonymous forum, but the point of this is, I have moved from accommodation to litigation.

 

Yes, I want what is good for my son. But my husband can only claim to be a functioning father because I am holding him up, moving the puppet strings, bringing home the paycheck, doing all the chores and shopping, cooking all baby's meals, setting up diapers and medicines and pediatric visits and all, coming home and taking baby immediately, having him all evening all night and all weekend, taking care of all husband's doctor appts and taxes and administrative stuff too because he can't function. . . And he uses his position at the top of my shoulders to claim that he can handle and deserves sole custody.

 

His reason I cannot have custody? That I work. That's right, the reason he thinks I can't have custody is I am employed. And I work from home 3 days per week! I have been caring for our baby 80 percent of the time, 60-70 if you don't count overnights (but oh, those overnights count). Baby needs both parents, which is why I tried to mold husband into a non-deadbeat dad by basically doing it all for him. I am no longer going to do any of that. I won't hinder him from getting a job and functioning and shopping for diapers, but I've got my own diaper-buying and job-doing to do.

 

You guys on my previous threads were right: It was fruitless to try to be generous with a deadbeat. He was a deadbeat dad with his first child from different wife (now that child is 19 and pregnant)-- he never visited her when he said he would, got contempt of court convictions for failure to pay child support, and has virtually no relationship with her now and she's hurt and mad.

 

Time to let my lawyer take over. I tried to settle. All the facts about his not letting me come in the room when he is with baby, sending unauthorized pictures of me to his friends et c, will be disclosed. They have to be. As will the earnings he made last year and spent all on sailboats and hobbies while I took time off from my career job and paid his gas for him to go work 2 hours away. As will his contempt of court and blowing off dad duties with previous child.

 

God, I am just barely functioning after someone asking for sole custody of my baby as if I were some kind of absentee coke addict. I am a lawyer and former nanny and very involved mommy and practically a mother to my husband at this point as well. Hurts.

 

But one thing is positive: I am sure glad I am leaving this monster.

 

Usually you ask for more going in to get what you want in the end. Talk to your lawyer. i wouldn't do H anymore favors though.

 

Just curiosity on my part. Why did you marry your husband knowing he was a dead beat?

 

I am curious. My ex walked away from our child. No support, visit etcc.. for 17 years now. Yet he got remarried and had two kids with his new wife. I always wondered why a woman would marry a dead beat, knowing he was a dead beat. And have kids with them. mean aren't the chances pretty good he'd do the same thing to you as well?

Edited October 8, 2014 by hotgurl

[Yasuandio]

Usually you ask for more going in to get what you want in the end. Talk to your lawyer. i wouldn't do H anymore favors though.

 

Just curiosity on my part. Why did you marry your husband knowing he was a dead beat?

 

I am curious. My ex walked away from our child. No support, visit etcc.. for 17 years now. Yet he got remarried and had two kids with his new wife. I always wondered why a woman would marry a dead beat, knowing he was a dead beat. And have kids with them. mean aren't the chances pretty good he'd do the same thing to you as well?

 

Dont feel bad, Jakrbbt. I got same question everytime I told some new sob story for over 2.5 decades. There is something about unloading our stiry, I think. Not especially about the gain we receive when we do get the advice. A twisted form of a Munchouser's sort of thing, possibly (see recent articles posted undef Critcal Readings). I didn't consciously want people to see me as a victim, but it was soothing to me to rattle off these stories that really shocked people. I dont even say his name anymore. Done, dusted, dead.

 

It is not all on him, we picked them. Now, we get to sleep in the bed we made. Not so great now. Sucks big time. And the spouse doen't give a rat's behind. Thank God's green Earth you woke up, this soon, honey. Therapy will guide you to the reasons why you settled on the lower elk of mankind to make your family. And it is good you know where to start this jouney so you dont spend years in psychotherapy flopping around like a half dead trout on a line.

 

Yas

[2sunny]

I think him rushing to file (he must have had his papers ready) and what he requested tells so much about him.

 

He doesn't intend to work. He intends to sit at home with the baby. He also isn't thinking of how much any young child needs their Mom.

 

 

He's a bigger jerk than you thought.

 

Don't take it personally - he has an agenda - and he doesn't stop to consider others feelings.

 

 

I'm not sure he ever has.

 

 

Go at it with a vengeance. He deserves to get nothing from you.

 

Have you moved money? Have you closed all ways he can access money - including his credit cards?

 

Don't pay for one more things for him.

 

Find daycare ASAP too.

[trippi1432]

So sorry you are finding out now what a jerk your stbx is, or what a bigger jerk he can be. It's all about money, I guarantee it.

 

 

I'm right there with HotGurl....my first exH walked and had no relationship with his daughter for over a decade. But three years after he walked and then filed the divorce, he tried to ask for sole custody. His attorney dropped it after I called their office and told them to run a background check on their client before I embarrassed their law office in front of a judge. Sometimes you don't know what a deadbeat they are until after you marry them unfortunately.

 

 

Hit back hard with sole custody as well. And I agree, only being married a year hardly qualifies for spousal support.

[Yasuandio]

Yeah, backround check. I love to do background checks. They are of particular importance when applying for positions in child care. I hope he has a DUI on his record. And I hope his record shows all those missed CS payments. That would really put a cherry on his petition. Maybe Jakrabbit can countersue for mental abuse (or withdrawal of affection) so she doesn't have to be a Defendant. That part galls me.. Yas

[hotgurl]

My ex did the same thing BTW. The only reason he asked for sole was that he thought it would be cheaper because there would be no child support payments. (ha like raising a kid is cheaper)

 

Than I am sure he thought he could go on welfare and get free money.

 

So I filed for full custody physical and legal. In the end I got joint legal and full physical with visitation every other weekend supervised at first.

 

He was a loser to didn't have a stable job couched surfed etcc.... What it really came down to was who was going to provide a stable living environment.

 

Which was me even though I worked and went to school.

 

The whole thing cost 2 grand and that was 20 years ago. The only difference was I was only 18 at the time and we nevered married. I got pregnant at 16. I was petrified my age would work against me. But it didn't.

[hotgurl]

Dont feel bad, Jakrbbt. I got same question everytime I told some new sob story for over 2.5 decades. There is something about unloading our stiry, I think. Not especially about the gain we receive when we do get the advice. A twisted form of a Munchouser's sort of thing, possibly (see recent articles posted undef Critcal Readings). I didn't consciously want people to see me as a victim, but it was soothing to me to rattle off these stories that really shocked people. I dont even say his name anymore. Done, dusted, dead.

 

It is not all on him, we picked them. Now, we get to sleep in the bed we made. Not so great now. Sucks big time. And the spouse doen't give a rat's behind. Thank God's green Earth you woke up, this soon, honey. Therapy will guide you to the reasons why you settled on the lower elk of mankind to make your family. And it is good you know where to start this jouney so you dont spend years in psychotherapy flopping around like a half dead trout on a line.

 

Yas

 

Did I miss a post? I didn't mean to make you feel bad I was just wondering.

[Yasuandio]

Did I miss a post? I didn't mean to make you feel bad I was just wondering.

 

Hon, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad with my post. I was trying to lift Jack' spirits. Her and I both tried to make excuses for our husbands. It a weird kind of thing, that I did for a long long time. People couldnt make sense out of my stories, and often, responded, just like you, "Why do you stay with that creep?"

 

Then, I would back away with my story telling, cause I had no intention of leaving him, I loved him too much. I couldn't separate from him. No matter how wacky, sad, or troubling the stories got. That is why Inrelate so much to Jacrbbt.

 

For 25 years, I heard that statement, "Why don't you just leave?" It is a normal response, to which I never had an answer to. In fact, the question always put mr on the spot. Many times made me feel ashamed. I should not assume Jkrabbit perceives things the same way as I did. Look how much smarter she is, to get out now!

Hotgurl, we know you did not mean any harm, when you stated that same type of logical advice.

 

I should have framed my post differently. Im very sorry that the wording of my post implied that your statement (of completely realistic reasoning), into a poor light. I was off the mark, please accept my apology, Hotgurl. I try to do thr best I can. And I mess up sometimes. Yas

[jakrbbt]

Did I miss a post? I didn't mean to make you feel bad I was just wondering.

 

Yeah don't worry I didn't take it that way either. I saw it as coming from the shoes of the first wife, wanting to know what happens to get someone else to do the same thing with the same guy after he's left a track record.

 

Well, in my case, I made all kinds of very shiny excuses for him that I still think are kind of half true (but half is not enough): He was a lot younger then, he was drinking then, and (and his family enforced this one), he maintained that his ex-wife tricked him into the entire situation. He felt soooo guilty for leaving his daughter, felt kind of guilty for not paying child support, but never really did much to go out and earn a lot so he could provide for her.

 

And two other reasons I got tricked: 1) He himself did not believe he was mean or conniving, and 2) I just had never met anyone like him, so I assumed he was kind and responsible like everyone else. He does love his daughter, to the extent he can, and his past with her pains him. But that's just not an excuse, becaues it was not about him. It was about her.

 

If people knew that they were lame or manipulative or a bad idea, then they'd be easier to see through. When they believe in their own excuses, it takes a person with some guile to see through it.

[jakrbbt]

You guys are all helping so, so, so damned much, thank you. I've not been able to log in, just check on my phone quickly several times a day while frantically moving et c. Lots of stupid drama involving the move.

 

My son is happy here with me. He's happy with his daddy time too I am sure. I am a lot happier not living with my husband and I think that that makes him angry. I still fear him when angry.

 

He will not agree to me placing son in day care at all, but the thing is, he doesn't get to decide that unless he has sole legal custody. He wants me to behave as though he has it. I will not. He says he will not "give" me any custody days on which I might place our son in day care. I am wanting to put him in like two short, half-days per week, like 3 hours twice a week. He is 18 months and needs socialization. We toured a day care half a mile from my house and my toddler loved it. I signed him up for tomorrow morning, paid the enrollment fee, and he's going for a few hours in the morning.

 

But H won't give me a temporary parenting plan for next week, so I can't get our son enrolled in day care because they require notice the Friday before each week. You know what, there is nothing wrong with me going ahead and planning for two half-days next week, if H won't come to the table with any parenting plan. I proposed a plan to him that has him with our son about half the time. He might not have to agree to any plan of mine, but I don't have to agree to any of his non-plans either. So if I get no plan from him, I will still put our son in two half-days of day care (provided the kid likes it). If H doesn't like it, let him go to court-- he will not win that one, and for good reason.

 

And if he goes and pulls baby out of day care after I've paid and after he refused to come up with a parenting plan in time for me to plan my week otherwise, then he'll shoot himself even more in the foot. That foot's gonna be full of holes.

 

What's odd is that yesterday, when H was going to watch our son while I moved, he just dropped him off at his mother's house for 4 hours and went off somewhere. That was after sleeping in until almost noon. At 1:00 he picked up a u-haul van for me, but then he complained that the only thing he'd done for himself all day was shower. Well no wonder, when you got up an hour ago. Why object to day care? Seems he might just collect our child from day care and bring him straight to his mother's.

 

But something lovely already happened. My neighbor came out to meet me-- a woman about my age, with two adorable small children. She is an extrovert-- Yay! And she is funny and smart and we are already friends. Her kids immediataly ran into my house with all the boxes in it and immediately bonded with and started playing with my son. There they were parading around the house wearing sheets while he speed-crawled in front, then all jumping on the mattress . . . I loved it. Also a good-looking, intelligent man asked me out at starbucks today, when I was with my toddler and wearing my flannel shirt and no makeup and just in the middle of moving-day. It was flattering though of course I've no inclination to date. The message from the universe is: "Start your new life. Have friends. As much as you can, leave your husband behind. You can still respect his rights as a father without obeying his every command. Your son is happy. Your son will be fine." Yeah, all that. I hope for more happy times ahead, because it's going to be hard sometimes too.

Edited October 10, 2014 by jakrbbt

[BetrayedH]

This is all good but a couple thoughts to consider:

 

I didn't hear anything in there about you retaining your attorney.

 

Ask your attorney about "Right of first refusal." A friend in my state has to give her baby daddy first shot when she's not supervising her child herself (no daycare, no grandparents, etc.). Your H may ask the court for it (or you might consider asking for it). Just don't get caught off-guard.

[SoleMate]

Anyone can demand anything they want in a divorce petition (and they often do; particularly if taking a lawyer's advice). Assuming one doesn't mind going the adversarial route, there is no benefit whatsoever to making a reasonable proposal at the outset. Most lawyers will advise making an outrageous demand just to put fear of God into the other party and perhaps weaken their resolve. Unfortunately that has been somewhat successful with you, so hopefully my words will renew your confidence in the reality, which is that there is no way barring grotesque miscarriage of justice that your H would be awarded sole custody. But you do need a good lawyer, for sure.

 

Divorce is always hard. Even a very necessary and well-advised divorce like this one. Just keep reminding yourself that there will be unpleasant surprises for many months to come....that way it will be less of a shock when they happen, and you address them with your lawyer's help and move on. Eyes on the big picture and the long term. You're fighting for your freedom, your peace of mind, your quality of life, and your child's as well. Yes, it will be a struggle, and hard, and expensive in time, energy, and money. Still, it's worth it.

[Yasuandio]

I was in la-la land reading your post 21, jkrbbt, it made me so happy for you. But when I read BetrayedH ' post 22, I snapped back to reality - what a drag. The best argument is, as you stated, that your child needs socialization, but, "Right of First Refusal," is a real monkey wrench. Hopefully, your husband would be busy finding an employment opportunity, rather than scooping up baby from daycare under the guise of "Right of First Refusal." Oh, dear. Yas

[2sunny]

Have you filed your papers yet?

 

When you begin taking action for the goal that you want - that's when you will feel you are taking your power back.

 

He is attempting to hurt you by staying one step ahead of you and getting you to "react" instead of being the one to take the "action".

 

It's his way of thinking he is in control.

 

Get those papers filed and ask the court for everything you want/need! They may make an assessment on his potential to earn money (whether he has a job or not). They will use that as his guideline for what he should be earning.

 

 

File soon - and ask for a temporary agreement so you can plan around what the judge orders.

 

I don't think at this point you need to tell him anything about the daycare - including where it's located.