He filed, asked for sole custody

[2sunny]

Have you filed your response yet?

 

Get it done today! And ask for an emergency order be granted right away. That way you can ask the judge to set a schedule now instead of in a month or so.

 

Present all evidence that works against your H having the child. Gather proof that he isn't making decisions in the child's best interest.

[SoleMate]

Hang in there, jakrbbt, you're doing the right thing and you are doing AMAZINGLY well for such a difficult situation. You have a lot of work ahead of you and you will make it!

[jakrbbt]

Have you filed your response yet?

 

Get it done today! And ask for an emergency order be granted right away. That way you can ask the judge to set a schedule now instead of in a month or so.

 

Present all evidence that works against your H having the child. Gather proof that he isn't making decisions in the child's best interest.

 

My attorney gets back tomorrow and I'm afraid there's a little pile of emails awaiting him, from me. Poor guy. Remind me never to practice family law!

 

The fight I'd wanted so much to avoid, I'm glad I'm taking it on. Here begins the boundary wall between my son and a future of dysfunction and grief. Hand me that spackle.

 

Thanks for the encouragement because you bet I need it.

[Mr. Lucky]

How is it done? Like, what things do I have to accept? Stupid phone calls from his family members where they try to tell me what to do with my son, and all I have to do is get assertive and set boundaries with them? Blowing off visits? Dumping my son on "caregivers" who are drug dealers and who see me as the enemy--- but where I can't prove it? Going back to court when ex violates orders in little ways, or having to tighten the orders up to a fine point with no flexibility? I guess I can handle those things.

 

What else? Ideas are welcome, this is foreign territory to me and I don't know what to pack in my trunk.

 

It usually comes down to a version of the oft-quoted Serenity prayer:

 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

We've all heard it, now you'll get to live it. Simply put, you'll need to pick your battles as there will be opportunities to fight, litigate and argue over almost everything. I've seen couples spend the first decade after divorce trading insults, court orders and dissenting opinions. Not the best thing for them or their children.

 

Quick example - when I moved out, took nothing of my sons except a few toys/stuffed animals for his comfort. So when he started staying with me, I bought him all new clothes. When I picked him up at the exes, she'd have him dressed in the oldest, ill-fitting throwaway items he owned, perhaps to get a reaction out of me. Didn't say a word but when I dropped him off, sent him back in inexpensive new stuff (which we picked out together) with the old rags in a bag. Knowing he was walking around her house saying "I'm wearing the Spiderman shirt Dad and I got!" was worth every dime.

 

Eventually she moved on with her life, the games largely stopped and we did a pretty good job of co-parenting. I have faith you'll get there too ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

My attorney gets back tomorrow and I'm afraid there's a little pile of emails awaiting him, from me. Poor guy. Remind me never to practice family law!

 

The fight I'd wanted so much to avoid, I'm glad I'm taking it on. Here begins the boundary wall between my son and a future of dysfunction and grief. Hand me that spackle.

 

Thanks for the encouragement because you bet I need it.

 

But you didn't answer if you have submitted the papers to be filed.

 

Get those filed and ask for a temporary order to be implemented immediately.

[jakrbbt]

Dear Jkrbbit,

 

You are confident and exceptionally capable of rearing that child. That is an obvious conclusion. You've even proved (besides birthing, nursing, bonding, and caring for your infant), you can be both the breadwinner and man of the house, and in addition raise a hostile over-aged teen-ager and support his very expensive hobbies. The worst anyone can say about jkrbbit is she is too kind hearted, and perhaps enabled her over-aged teen-age son (whom has beem accustomed to others waiting on him hand and foot), and it may be recommended that he be sent out of the nest, into the world, to fly on his own.

 

If he had enjoyed and appreciated the luxuries of remaining at home With Mommy, at least he might have shown some appreciation for the nice lifestyle she was providing. But sadly, opportunities to contribute some rent for his room and board through even his part-time job were seliifishly directed to his personal hobbies. He had the optione to go to school and further in education - or even change directions in his studies and better his position in the job market, but he choose not to take advantage of again, an outstanding opportunity. His Mom pas paid for every want, need, and desire for this man-child, and it is all she can do to get him to do a little babysitting while she is on the job. That is a disgrace.

 

YOU ARE COPING WONDERFULLY.

 

Let it be known, in a few short months, look how far you have come a million miles jkrbbit. You are coping better than most peoople I've ever seen. I didn't think, personally, you would get out of the cycle, that's the point I start gettin real sacastic, my last ditch effort, before I just write off the poster. And Im pretty good at at calling it, seriously, I gave up on you.

 

A couple weeks passed, and I checked on your thread, and saw, suddenly, you took control big time, your eyes openedoup, and you got real proactive, and you were not kidding around. Normally that process takes months of agonizing. Sure, there was some agonizing back and forth,, but you were concurrently setting up your second life. That is a model transition that should be archived on LS, as more and more woman may find themselves with this "new abnormal," situation. As you responded to another poster: There is more to Stay at Home parentship than watching a baby for a 6-8 hour period.

 

YOUR WORK

 

The Attorney job front I cannot help you with other than to say IT IS THE SECOND MOST CRITICAL SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE AND WILL EFFECT THE MOST IMPORTANT LITTLE BABY IN YOUR LIFE. Does that help? Get to it! You can do Girl. Stop worrying about crap you have no control over. GET TO WORK FOR, KICK AZZ, DO THE HIGHEST QUALITY WORK, KOF TWO PEOPLE, AND BLOW YOUR BOSS AWAY. DO IT FOR YOUR LITTLE MAN!

 

Final Issue: Lack of Evidence on Drug Dealers:

 

I sussest a talkie-talk eith husband about your concerns. Hopefully, he will say something like "they don'grow pot anymore." Wammo. That is all you need on tape. But why not extend the convo, and discuss it. Act like a dumb shytt, start a leading convo: "is it possible the marauana caused them to start taking meth pills? Cause it leads to other more additive substances, right? I am just kind of worried what baby might pick up on floor if you are not there." "Are you sure they are not hiding any pot in the attic?" "Where did you meet these people?" "Why won't you at least let me know their names and phine number for an emergency?" Etc. All on tape, a little at a time. Use digital recorder that date stamps on-line.

 

That is how to get evidence on that matter. In Georgia, tape-recorded convrtions between husband and wife are admissable. Saved my skin.

 

Thinking of you, do non worry at all. Yas

 

Pure poetry Yas, and the encouragement in all caps, well, I copied it out and carry it around with me. Just when I think I cannot ROCK the job, I take it out and look at it. Yas says I can. I remember winning a state meet in cross country as a newbie, simply because i had the sudden thought that it would be "fun" to pass all the runners ahead of me and win. Same can apply here, and as you point out, no surly teenager to hold me back.

[jakrbbt]

But you didn't answer if you have submitted the papers to be filed.

 

Get those filed and ask for a temporary order to be implemented immediately.

 

The papers, I am waiting on my attorney for. I gave him the necessary information. Unfortunately my h served me at like 5:30 pm the day before my attorney went on a vacation. But the plan is to get in for a temporary hearing as soon as possible.

 

I am still struggling with confusion in the face of wanting to be fair, reasonable, and constructive. What is fair and reasonable when someone is using your child as a pawn or money ticket, but your child is also his child and loves him?

 

I hope to have a hearing date or plan by late morning.

[2sunny]

This isn't anything to get confused about.

 

Think of you and your child only.

 

Your H is a grown man and it's his job to figure out his own plan.

[Yasuandio]

Hon, I spent my entire life teaching, primary, elementary, middle school, H.S., and University students. The word I heard most often is "I can't."

 

One of the toughest classes is a basic art class, for some, that are forced to take it for their major in elementary education. Why are they afraid? They are afraid the can't do art or draw or whatever. They are afraid they can't pass the class. They are afraid we all where black cut up T-shirts with evil signs the can't understand. They are afraid the can't fit into to the art environment because they "think" they have no talent.

 

I learned this simple, but effective question:

 

Take the "T" off of the words " I can't" and what do have left?

 

The answer: " I CAN." (Then I stare at student, and then the suddenly "get it").

 

Always tell yourself you can. Glad I did something to hell, and for nice compliment of my "pure poetry." That touched me. Yas

[2sunny]

Jack,

 

You are doing great by moving forward with things to create a new life.

 

Just keep going!

 

Don't look backwards and don't worry about him so much - he's a man who is capable of working but chooses not to because he figured you are his gravy train.

 

He will work when you quit his supply of all his needs.

 

Stick with your master plan and let the judge rule based on evidence you provide.

 

Focus on work and your child. H will do odd things but don't let him distract you from the goal of divorcing him. It won't be amicable - so just expect it to be uncomfortable.

 

You are doing a fine job of making chances.

[Yasuandio]

I'm thinking it wise to ask your attorney before scheduling any mental health appointments. He may use that against you. If he wants to be a real Jack Azz, he could demand your medical records be opened for the Court, to determine you child care competence. You can always see a therapist after the shytt is over with. Why give him something to attack? You can make it. You got this far. Discuss with your GP and get an evaluation, if it is a dire need at this time. Yas

[jakrbbt]

It usually comes down to a version of the oft-quoted Serenity prayer:

 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

We've all heard it, now you'll get to live it. Simply put, you'll need to pick your battles as there will be opportunities to fight, litigate and argue over almost everything. I've seen couples spend the first decade after divorce trading insults, court orders and dissenting opinions. Not the best thing for them or their children.

 

Quick example - when I moved out, took nothing of my sons except a few toys/stuffed animals for his comfort. So when he started staying with me, I bought him all new clothes. When I picked him up at the exes, she'd have him dressed in the oldest, ill-fitting throwaway items he owned, perhaps to get a reaction out of me. Didn't say a word but when I dropped him off, sent him back in inexpensive new stuff (which we picked out together) with the old rags in a bag. Knowing he was walking around her house saying "I'm wearing the Spiderman shirt Dad and I got!" was worth every dime.

 

Eventually she moved on with her life, the games largely stopped and we did a pretty good job of co-parenting. I have faith you'll get there too ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

We used to recite that prayer in Catholic gradeschool every Monday before math (of all things). Seemed pretty grave for a bunch of fourth graders, but now I see that the sheer habit and repetition has given it some strength. I am very, very heartened to hear that you think we can get to a place of co-parenting and stopping the games one day. So for now, I'll just focus on what to do before we get to that point.

[jakrbbt]

Jack,

 

You are doing great by moving forward with things to create a new life.

 

Just keep going!

 

Don't look backwards and don't worry about him so much - he's a man who is capable of working but chooses not to because he figured you are his gravy train.

 

He will work when you quit his supply of all his needs.

 

Stick with your master plan and let the judge rule based on evidence you provide.

 

Focus on work and your child. H will do odd things but don't let him distract you from the goal of divorcing him. It won't be amicable - so just expect it to be uncomfortable.

 

You are doing a fine job of making chances.

 

I guess what's hard for me now is, we're not going to have a custody decision any time soon at all. So I have to sit with not knowing. In the meantime, how do I live my life? Certainly not as though my husband had sole custody. If he wants me to do thins a certain way, or to agree with certain things, I guess he'll have to go to court for it-- unless his way is not objectionable to me and is something I and baby can healthily live with.

 

That's the hard part-- saying "no" to him. I fear retaliation so, so much. I also fear him suffering. I have just plain got to recognize those fears and decline to be controlled by them.

 

My lawyer didn't mention filing a response yet. He has sent a letter to H's lawyer.

 

Meanwhile he thinks it's best for me to at least try to go with a non-court-ordered parenting plan agreement. Only, I have to draw some lines in the sand. And my lines are reasonable. First, no more of this five days at a time, where H tells me the night before the five days. I have to work and schedule stuff, not only for me but for baby as well. Second, I do some day care-- not a lot, just one half-day a week at first. That is at the recommendation of the family counselor I visited today who specializes in toddlers. If H thinks he can object to day care, I will tell him that he can have his lawyer file for a parenting-plan hearing.

 

And third, well, he's been asking for overnights. He has not ever taken care of baby overnight but now he wants to. My lawyer says that it is fine to either say no to those, or to agree to some. but there has to be some consistency, and we don't know whether or when H will get a job. So for now, I'll agree to one overnight per week (therapist's suggestion) and see how baby does with it. But only on the condition that H and I agree to some consistency. That means that we each put baby in his own toddler bed, in his own little room, because that's how he's been sleeping for the past 2 weeks now and he's getting beautifully used to it. H has a crib at his place I bought, that converts to a toddler bed. If he's unwilling to take the time to put baby to sleep in the crib/toddler bed, then I will not agree to overnights.

 

After his first overnight or two, if he does reasonably well, I'm fine with increasing the overnights some, but only if a couple safety concerns are addressed. My guess is that H might not be able to step up and provide consistent overnight care, as he struggles with getting a job and a place after I stop paying rent. My lawyer says there is some value in giving him a chance to fail, and if he succeeds, then that's great too.

 

The family therapist told me that for some people, particularly those with addictions like my husband, you have to get out of their way. They will not help themselves at all, as long as you are helping them. So I've not dealt with someone like that before and it's helpful to have that insight. Typically when someone helps me, I flourish. But me "helping" my H, he anti-flourishes.

 

She also told me that even if H is being impatient and neglectful with baby, I can absolutely counter that simply by providing good care for baby myself. She told me not to underestimate the power of my nurturing influence on my son. So I will be buying the book she recommended called "Growing up Again" and following its advice for toddler care. I read some of it and can already see that my own mother, bless her, could practically have written it-- she parented toddlers so well. I followed suit some as a nanny and now as a parent. This will be the fun part.

 

bottom line for me is, to stop focusing so much on my husband, including his unreasonable requests of me and his sometimes-poor care of our son. Just do what I need to do with my time with our son, make the reasonable agreements or offers I need to make, and let him go to a judge for anything he disagrees with, if he wants to force my hand. That is hard for me but there's simply no other way to live.

Edited October 14, 2014 by jakrbbt

[2sunny]

I think you're in the right path.

 

Draw up a plan for now- when H isn't working.

 

And a separate plan for when he begins to work.

 

And be sure to get it in writing who gets the child for which holidays and who gets the tax write off.

 

 

 

I think you think too much of taking care of your H and your H doesn't think enough to take care of himself. It's time he learn.

 

We train others how to treat us. Start training him that you don't intend to pay his way - that's for him to do now.

 

And your standard response to anything he requests can be "I'm going to allow you to do that for yourself".

 

Practice good balance. Maybe read up on what that looks like.

 

I enjoyed a simple book by Don Miguel Ruiz called the Mastery of Love. It describes healthy and unhealthy relationships and what those look like. In fact all his books are great. The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books.

[Yasuandio]

I have a feeling he's just trying to yank your chain (he installed) by asking for the overnights. I would counter, just for the heck it, and insist he take 50% of the overnights (record convo, as you are trying to co-parent and be reasonable). Haha. Be careful what you wish for. (Then have PI watch him unload baby on others). When he effs that overnite biz up after a couple weeks on the record, WAMMO.

 

How the heck can he sleep till 11am if he has a baby there? That would aggravate the liv'in dick'ins outta me. And what about his hobby time and evening cruises in the project car? Is there even room for a child's seat to be fitted properly for the "little man" in that toy T-Bucket, or whatever what is? Is the dang thing even street legal, insured?

 

Dude, What the heck would happen if the baby pucked on the car interior? I know what it's like to be OCD. My dog pucked in my car going to the vet one time, and all I could think about was the stomach acid in the dog's vomit, and how it might stain the leather in my Bimmer. I almost flipped the car, and came close to running into a tree when I down-shifted 2 gears, and slammed the brakes, to pull over. The enersia from sudden stop only caused dog to puke more. I never had any kids, but I'm pretty sure lots of unwanted material comes out of both ends, and certainly could take you off gaurd, just like the dog situation.

 

Mothers of infants are usually equipped with a sizable case of something they carry along. I've noticed that many times. I'd bet at least half that stuff is likely brought along to wipe up other stuff. Maybe Jkrabbit needs to get a man-baby-bag for daddy to carry along when he has to go somewhere and has the baby on hand. You know, sort of like the ladies I've seen at grocery store that have those little small babies, you can't just leave the baby in the car, right? And, since it takes awhile to drive to the store, unsteady the baby from the car-seat, do the shopping, get the in the car and re-start the baby in the car seat, all this DRAMA takes time. The baby might need to take a leak, or at worst #2, OR at worstest, liquid #2.

 

As a matter of fact, I have noticed those convenient changing tables in the public restrooms they have these days. I wonder if they have those handy items in the Men's room too?

 

Another thing you h Ave to think about, is if the baby gets hungry, you have to feed em. I guess that is something that is in the carry bag, spoon, baby fluid, snakes, chewies, pacifies. But one thing that really gets on my nerves is when a baby starts crying in a public place. Oh, dear. Th at drives me outta my mind. It has to be very trying, at the least, on the parent that is doing their best to sooth the child to make them shut it.

 

Being a caretaker for a baby 24/7, including wotking, snd shopping, a nd appointments has to be the most tramatic experience a pare t goes through, becsuse of the love they have for their child. I cannot imagine the giving that takes place in a proper situation that jkrabbit sees to is provided, all by herself. Amazing, just amazing I so admire you Jkrabttit.

 

I tell you now, give him exactly what he wants. I promise you, this guy is gonna crack in 48 hour. Have a tank of oxygen on the ready, because he will surely need resusatation. Yas

 

Please this device is in control of me. I have not mastered it, and it is do frustrating cause it goofs up more when I try to correct.

[beach]

He can buy his own diaper bag.

 

It is NOT her duty to supply him with these things. He won't grow up until she stops doing things FOR him. Things he's perfectly capable of doing.

 

The MORE you don't do the more he will do.

[Mr. Lucky]

He can buy his own diaper bag.

 

It is NOT her duty to supply him with these things. He won't grow up until she stops doing things FOR him. Things he's perfectly capable of doing.

 

The MORE you don't do the more he will do.

Agreed. And jakrbbt, by your account, he does indeed love the child.

 

So no harm will come to your son and as an infant he'll do his job of convincing your husband that he really doesn't want the custody arrangement he thinks he does.

 

This will play out in predictable fashion...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jakrbbt]

I have a feeling he's just trying to yank your chain (he installed) by asking for the overnights. I would counter, just for the heck it, and insist he take 50% of the overnights (record convo, as you are trying to co-parent and be reasonable). Haha. Be careful what you wish for. (Then have PI watch him unload baby on others). When he effs that overnite biz up after a couple weeks on the record, WAMMO.

 

How the heck can he sleep till 11am if he has a baby there? That would aggravate the liv'in dick'ins outta me. And what about his hobby time and evening cruises in the project car? Is there even room for a child's seat to be fitted properly for the "little man" in that toy T-Bucket, or whatever what is? Is the dang thing even street legal, insured?

 

Dude, What the heck would happen if the baby pucked on the car interior? I know what it's like to be OCD. My dog pucked in my car going to the vet one time, and all I could think about was the stomach acid in the dog's vomit, and how it might stain the leather in my Bimmer. I almost flipped the car, and came close to running into a tree when I down-shifted 2 gears, and slammed the brakes, to pull over. The enersia from sudden stop only caused dog to puke more. I never had any kids, but I'm pretty sure lots of unwanted material comes out of both ends, and certainly could take you off gaurd, just like the dog situation.

 

Mothers of infants are usually equipped with a sizable case of something they carry along. I've noticed that many times. I'd bet at least half that stuff is likely brought along to wipe up other stuff. Maybe Jkrabbit needs to get a man-baby-bag for daddy to carry along when he has to go somewhere and has the baby on hand. You know, sort of like the ladies I've seen at grocery store that have those little small babies, you can't just leave the baby in the car, right? And, since it takes awhile to drive to the store, unsteady the baby from the car-seat, do the shopping, get the in the car and re-start the baby in the car seat, all this DRAMA takes time. The baby might need to take a leak, or at worst #2, OR at worstest, liquid #2.

 

As a matter of fact, I have noticed those convenient changing tables in the public restrooms they have these days. I wonder if they have those handy items in the Men's room too?

 

Another thing you h Ave to think about, is if the baby gets hungry, you have to feed em. I guess that is something that is in the carry bag, spoon, baby fluid, snakes, chewies, pacifies. But one thing that really gets on my nerves is when a baby starts crying in a public place. Oh, dear. Th at drives me outta my mind. It has to be very trying, at the least, on the parent that is doing their best to sooth the child to make them shut it.

 

Being a caretaker for a baby 24/7, including wotking, snd shopping, a nd appointments has to be the most tramatic experience a pare t goes through, becsuse of the love they have for their child. I cannot imagine the giving that takes place in a proper situation that jkrabbit sees to is provided, all by herself. Amazing, just amazing I so admire you Jkrabttit.

 

I tell you now, give him exactly what he wants. I promise you, this guy is gonna crack in 48 hour. Have a tank of oxygen on the ready, because he will surely need resusatation. Yas

 

Please this device is in control of me. I have not mastered it, and it is do frustrating cause it goofs up more when I try to correct.

 

OK, the poo scenario in the grocery store had me r-o-t-f-l. All that stff was months ago though-- toddler is now dropping more or less solids and sitting up in a grocery cart without that dreadful heavy baby-carrier carseat insert . . . I had him through all that. Should've divorced when he was teeny, husband would never, ever, ever have asked for an overnight or even more than a few hours a week with him, and I was doing all the work anyway. The bitterness. must look forward, not back. Yas, you and I are going to invent an in-car dog toilet. We'll get rich. The best part will be the info-mercial.

 

I"m going to sleep, waking up early to do more work like a damned rock star, right Yas? [insert Yas pep talk into brain] Night night.

[Trimmer]

Final Issue: Lack of Evidence on Drug Dealers:

 

I sussest a talkie-talk eith husband about your concerns. Hopefully, he will say something like "they don'grow pot anymore." Wammo. That is all you need on tape. But why not extend the convo, and discuss it. Act like a dumb shytt, start a leading convo: "is it possible the marauana caused them to start taking meth pills? Cause it leads to other more additive substances, right? I am just kind of worried what baby might pick up on floor if you are not there." "Are you sure they are not hiding any pot in the attic?" "Where did you meet these people?" "Why won't you at least let me know their names and phine number for an emergency?" Etc. All on tape, a little at a time. Use digital recorder that date stamps on-line.

 

That is how to get evidence on that matter. In Georgia, tape-recorded convrtions between husband and wife are admissable. Saved my skin.

Before you do this - even one time - be VERY sure of what the laws in your own state are. I assume that, as an attorney, you're aware of the importance of this, but I just wanted to be sure.

 

Pennsylvania, for example, is a two-party state, where one needs to have the permission of both parties to a conversation to record it. And being married doesn't appear to confer any special privilege: Google <"Jared Earl Brown" record wife> to see the story of a man who secretly recorded a conversation with his wife. It didn't even come to a question of whether it might be admissible in a divorce proceeding: he was arrested and arraigned on criminal charges of "intercepting and disclosing" conversations. I couldn't find whether he was ultimately convicted or plead out or whatever (I didn't look very hard), but be very careful with this - you want to stay squeaky clean, and you can't afford to make this kind of a misstep.

 

Edited to add:

Also, google and click on the first article in the search results from <10 Privacy Laws To Speed Read Before You Record Your Ex>

...which gives a Texas perspective, and points out that some states may have a law that provides that the disclosure of a recorded conversation is a crime, thus, if you bring such a recording into a court proceeding: "...the act of introducing this evidence may be a crime itself..."

 

I'm not a lawyer, and I don't pretend to present myself as an expert; I'm just warning you to tread very carefully here, because you don't want to screw something up.

Edited October 15, 2014 by Trimmer

[jakrbbt]

I sent him an email proposing, again, one overnight per week for him and lots of parenting time for each during days/evenings. The idea is to gradually introduce overnights with dad and increase them at the child's rate. He turned that down before, verbally, and I expect he'll turn it down this time too. In my email, I mention that my proposal is at the request of the child psychiatrist and that I've already done some legwork (crib training, buying second toddler bed and bedding) to get baby ready for overnights with both.

 

But I also went ahead and mentioned my concerns with having him stay overnight. Including that he stated several times during our m that he could not care for baby overnight, because he couldn't function the next day as a parent if he did so. I told him my concerns would need to be addressed before I agree to more than one overnight. H is very defensive and will be livid. But I had to do it. I am not only trying to work out a parenting plan; I am also potentially creating an exhibit.

 

When he turns down the plan, the court will see that I am trying to work with him and that he is refusing to address my reasonable concerns, which two attorneys, a retired family law judge, and the child therapist all told me were reasonable.

 

It still turns my stomach to think about him saying "NO" to the plan. To think of him getting angry, showing the plan to his sister and her girlfriend and all that. Stewing, retaliating, being my enemy.

 

And it still just makes me crazy to think of how, back in April, he showed my diary entry to his sister and her girlfriend because in it, I mentioned that my therapist thought I was in an abusive relationship. I also mentioned that I was considering divorce but wanted to talk to him about it. And I mentioned that when he left all night and all day after a fight that day, I actually felt pretty happy being alone with my son and danced with him on the patio. H's sister's girlfriend texted him "Give me a break, she's JOYLESS. That's it, call in the troops, we're out of here." Then texts about an attorney, then H went to see a lawyer in April. Never discussed any of it with me. I am now sure that he sat on his case trying to establish himself as a primary parent, and trying to wait out the clock for spousal support. Surely, the papers were already prepared when he filed. I know now that he and that lawyer could never have had enough time to file in the two days between when I told him I was moving out, and when he filed.

 

It makes me fear these immature people who are offended that I'd deign to leave my husband because he was controlling and abusive and refused to work. And it makes me feel weak and want to back down so he, and they, will be agreeable.

 

I just can't keep concerning myself with these crazies. I know my h will be mad at email. But doing things in order to avoid his anger, wasn't really working out for me either.

 

This is just the worst. Now I have to concentrate on work.

Edited October 16, 2014 by jakrbbt

[Yasuandio]

Creating a potential exhibit. That is so nice. It is important to address these matters in writing. Very good. I give you A+ on that that Independent Study Project. (I can grade you, because I am a retired professor, and teacher).

 

Get to work, and bust your blanking you know what. Your boss will be grading that project. And it better surpass an A+, girl.

 

I never want to hear you say you "feel weak" again. You "feel" me, Council? If I hear that one more time, you will be in Contempt of the LS Court. ALL RISE, Yas

[Turtles]

Jak sorry he is giving you such a hard time... on the bright side you have the 100% confirmation that leaving him was the right decision! You're doing good!

[beach]

I'm left wondering how he paid for an attorney?

[Yasuandio]

I'm left wondering how he paid for an attorney?

 

Husband likely siphened funds from the weekly household budget, set aside a portion of his hobby allowance, and squirlled away the loot from his interminent part-time jobs. Then, when the time was right, he "called in the troops," and busted open his Piggy Bank, that's how he paid for his attorney.

 

To make matters worse, this attorney most likely smells blood (extensive legal fees), in the waters. To make maters even worst-er, a child, an angry, selfish lazy idiot, three "legal egos," and a decent pocket are involved. Not a good mix. Yas

 

 

PS. No offense intended, jkrbbit, just pointing out that a huge ego can often boost the appearance of confidence, and threaten an opponent (you undrrstand this legal dance steps, but you are emotionally involved this time).

 

PSS. Ive been thinking about you creayting the "potential," exhibits. While it sounds really swift, it would have swifter to have had it apriori. What concerns me in the creation of documents at this time (I speaking of professionallh, skilled email transmissions that are obviously designed to entrap him), are too little too late. My alternate suggestion is ratherthan to "quote" his past postions to him, ot even suggest them thru your correspondence, a recording of a conversation would be far more convincing to me, if I were the Judge. In fact, if I were the Judge, I would definitely have reservations about any post-hoc docunentation you create for two reasons: (1) you are the Defendant - dispite each side has equal footing in your state, and (2) you are an attorney, and opposing client may have [or may not have had] an unknowly extreme disadvange in communicating with you.

Edited October 16, 2014 by Yasuandio

[jakrbbt]

Oh god, I just realized something.

 

In our old house, where H is now, there's this vent upstairs on the floor. If you remove the vent-- which any child could do, including my child-- a huge tube is exposed, going down, down, 20 feet down, with moving fan blades at the bottom. A child could easily fit down the tube.

 

Our son is totally obsessed with vents. Removes vent covers all the time and peers down them, tries to throw crayons down them et c.

 

We had a chair over the huge-tube-vent before, for child proofing, but I started to worry that our son could shove the chair aside, because it's pretty light. My h is very, very particular about all the furniture looking just right. He wouldn't consent to a heavier piece covering the vent.

 

When I picked up our son today, I saw that H had done some really great redecorating, it looked nice. Then I noticed that the chair was downstairs. So what's covering the vent now??

 

I'm angry. I feel that my husband cares more about his furniture looking just so than he does about our child's safety. I didn't think to say anything because it took me until the drive home to realize what bugged me about the furniture downstairs-- and he is not really letting me go upstairs when I come pick up our son.

 

Well tomorrow night, I'm heading up those stairs and I'll have a sheet metal drill and some washers, and I'll be damned if he's going to stop me. I think I can drill the vent to a bit of sheet metal that's around the perimeter of the tube. Now I have to spend my day, rather than working, running around town finding the necessary tools and learning how to do the project, just because my h is irresponsible.