Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 As the "Men - How many times have you been asked out?" thread has kind of been over taken by who should ask who... Should man ask woman, woman ask man, either way...? Personally I am very much man asks woman. We women can lead you to get there but when it comes to asking the question I feel that we should let you, as men, ask the question... Just spoken to a chap (will ask some others as the day goes on) about it and his response was this......I ask women I like out. Yes it may be nice to get asked but I never have and would never expect it as if I like a woman and want to date her I get in there as fast as I can before someone else does, if I like her she wouldn't have a chance to ask because I would have already asked. If she turns me down, well that is her loss not mine so who cares? As a woman this particular chap is very "sexy" and appealing. He is not good looking or overly anything. He had big ears, a funny shaped mouth, about 5ft10 and is bald before he should be! He is not rich... he is just a guy. He gets "laid" on a very regular basis, is very popular with women and if I am honest is the sort of person that if circumstances were different I would "ride him like sea biscuit"... because of his confidence. This is WHY I personally want men to ask me and not the other way round. I don't want to be the one "wearing the trousers" in the relationship. I want the man to do that. I believe that by my chasing and asking it actually undermines the man from the outset so does not bode well for the rest of the relationship... I have read many books, articles etc about this and they all say the same. However, it would appear that some men DO want to be asked out by women. So what happens if we are "doing it wrong"??? Should we as women be more direct and ask the question ourselves??? I am going to continue to ask the chaps I work with as I see them and will report in... I am afraid there is only one woman around while I am at work but if I see her I will ask her too... Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 What is a sea biscuit? Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 What is a sea biscuit? a race horse 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 either side has the ability, as it is all about confidence. Trouble is not very many ask when they are not confident the other has similar attraction. Either physically or emotionally. That is my problem, not able to feel the other really knowing who I am, from expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 What is a sea biscuit? a digestive you dunk in salty water rather than a cup of tea 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 a race horse A fast one... It was much smaller than most but went on to speed on past most... I still don't think a woman should ask a chap out even if she is confident that he is attracted to her. She can drop hints and be as subtle as a brick but I still feel its better for the man to ask... Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I'd be very happy to ask a woman out if she pays. Otherwise, not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 If a guy had the guts to just approach me and say "Hi", I'd even take it from there. But I guess 5'3'' girls are really intimidating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 If a guy had the guts to just approach me and say "Hi", I'd even take it from there. But I guess 5'3'' girls are really intimidating. Oh GAWD! Not another one! Hehehehehe! Geezo, now I know why I have been greatly intimidated to date... lots n lots of wee women all around me and no place to run and hide. MWHAHAHAHAH!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren2013 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 In some ways a man being hesitant to ask a woman out is a good thing as he shows that he respects her and values her opinion. He does not assume that just because he has strong feelings for her that it means she feels the same way. That's very considerate of him not to project his feelings on her. So it can be a sign of respect if he seems to take awhile to ask. He acknowledges that she is her own human being and her opinion and feelings are equally important to his. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Oh GAWD! Not another one! Hehehehehe! Geezo, now I know why I have been greatly intimidated to date... lots n lots of wee women all around me and no place to run and hide. MWHAHAHAHAH!!! Beware. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Guys should ask. Girls should make it known they're interested. Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 In some ways a man being hesitant to ask a woman out is a good thing as he shows that he respects her and values her opinion. He does not assume that just because he has strong feelings for her that it means she feels the same way. That's very considerate of him not to project his feelings on her. So it can be a sign of respect if he seems to take awhile to ask. He acknowledges that she is her own human being and her opinion and feelings are equally important to his. what do women think of this idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 The person that likes the other person should ask. It really is that simple, but instead we want to play games with it and make it more complicated than it needs to be 3 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I'd prefer the guy asked me but if I want something I'm not going to not go after it. This includes in dating/relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 We women can lead you to get there but when it comes to asking the question I feel that we should let you, as men, ask the question... The first, and primary, problem. Assuming the woman is interested, a significant amount of women will never lead a man to an opportunity. Just like you have a preference for the man to ask the woman, the same significant amount of women will stretch the preference to include that man has to the flirting at all times, the pursuing at all times, and the initiating at all times. The same will women will use the argument that they need to know if the man is really interested in them, not just sex. I have no problem with asking a woman out, nor any problem talking with them. But this doesn't mean I receive a lot of opportunities. Majority of the women I pursued, never demonstrated an inkling of interest. I picked up on this and moved on. They probably were never interested at all. Or maybe they just wanted to put me through a gauntlet of tests. I'm not expecting a woman to ask me out, but it would be nice if she did chat with me, flirt back, and give me clear signals she is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I generally did the asking. But, over the years I have been asked out by several women and I am glad they did. They include my ExW and my current GF of 19 years, one week from today. To be honest, I did ask her out first. I had wanted to date her for years. Then one night, I came home after a bad night at work, to a message asking me over for dinner. WHOOPEE! I never would have asked my Ex out, as I was 33 and she had just turned 19. And yes, I was devastated when we broke up. Tall, long legged, and built, total fold out material. The memory of her decorating our Christmas trees, in a black see through thingy, with fish net stockings, as the commercial said priceless Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 There are no 'should's. People should do whatever works for them. Personally, I've not asked a guy out since my teens, and it seems to work best for me that way. IMO because it's so ingrained in many cultures for the guy to approach/pursue, the majority of guys who are interested WILL ask you out, so the opposite doesn't usually bode well for his interest. Sure there are shy men and men who take time before asking me out, but I'm fine with taking things slow anyway. It's actually a good sign to me if a man gets to know me a bit before asking me out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren2013 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 The person that likes the other person should ask. It really is that simple, but instead we want to play games with it and make it more complicated than it needs to be But the direct approach kills all the fun and excitement and mystery. I think the games are necessary for those folks who are attracted to mystery. There is a part of me that likes to be kept in doubt about where a woman stands as that does keep me interested. I think the direct approach is boring but that's a popular recommendation on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 I have asked some more people responses were as follows; From a quiet and shy chap. He said he would feel flattered and would like the woman to ask but he would have to really REALLY want to go to accept and it would be unlikely to reach second date as her asking him would "scare" him and he would prefer to do the asking. From a more bolshy chap who is very confident. Just bloody ask who gives a damn if you are male, female or anything in between. In this day and age you can't afford not to ask. BUT having said that would strongly advise against anyone approaching anyone they didn't know. In my case he advised I join a dating agency for the older generations rather than talk to people I meet in everyday situations such as super markets, walking dogs etc as I am unlikely to meet single men through friends/ family etc... From a very outgoing and confident chap. Talk to people and let people come to you. From a confident lady. Just ask and go for it who gives a damn and if they say no then to hell with them anyway... So getting a very mixed bag from people about what is appropriate/ a more successful way to go about it. It doesn't seem to be shy and reserved prefer one way and other more confident prefer another. All types of personalities seem to be very mixed in their feelings and opinions about it about it... The phrase "damned if you do and damned if you don't" is springing to mind here... Don't think there is an answer to this one... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Guys should ask girls out. But girls should give guys obvious signs they are interested. I don't know how many girls have had a secret crush on me and I never asked them out because I just didn't know. As long as a girl is nice and looks halfway decent, I'll go on a date with her. I just need to know that she's interested. Link to post Share on other sites
boilingpoint Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 But the direct approach kills all the fun and excitement and mystery. I think the games are necessary for those folks who are attracted to mystery. There is a part of me that likes to be kept in doubt about where a woman stands as that does keep me interested. I think the direct approach is boring but that's a popular recommendation on this forum. This is true however at some point someone is going to have to be direct and do the asking or it all amounts to nothing. Culturally it's 'the guy's job' to do that so if he doesn't then it's his 'fault' or his 'loss' and the girl just goes to the next guy who is direct. So, the answer to this thread is BOTH men and women should ask each other out. Not one or the other. This will make things equal. Dropping hints and flirting is great but anyone can do that. More women need to learn to take a risk and be direct in general. In particular on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Given my experiences, I feel that a woman asking a man out does work in very specific situations. Like: -the woman is only looking for a short-term fling -the woman is exceptionally good at picking out guys who are interested, so she doesn't run into a lot of "maybe" guys who will waste her time -the woman has a particularly aggressive personality, and likes being in charge I feel in other situations, the guy should ask the girl out. I feel this because: -The girl is already doing the work to be attractive. To put in the amount of work required (gentlemen who love to snark about how "getting dressed and makeup" aren't a big deal, please talk to your lady friends. Women put in hours of effort to pick out good-fitting clothes, look good, and put on good-looking make-up), and then also have to do the initiating feels extremely lop-sided. If guys start to spend hours looking physically good, okay, but I feel it's deeply unfair to expect a woman to be attractive AND expect her to take on all of the flirting/initiating/risk of rejection -Going off the first point, I've found that even when dating is "successful" and I end up in a relationship with the guy, he continues to expect me to do all the work. I have to plan the dates, I have to do all of the emotional lifting, I have to do the majority of the initiating, etc. But really, why should I be surprised? By asking the guy out, I made it clear that he can just sit back and be catered to, and that he doesn't need to do anything to be with me. -You get labeled. I mentioned a girl I know in the other thread; she asks guys out and is assertively flirty. Because of this, she has gained a reputation as being desperate and slutty, even though she actually hasn't slept with a lot of guys. Girls don't trust her around their boyfriends, even though she has never knowingly hit on a taken guy. Because she is assertive and asks guys out, she gets labeled negatively. -Guys assume things about girls who do the asking. They either assume you are desperate (why else do you have to chase after men? If you were attractive, men would be hitting on you), slutty ("She's hitting on me, which means she's up for sex right now"), or masculine. Even if the guy is flattered and goes out with you, he isn't going to make you his girlfriend. It's the same logic that a lot of guys use about girls who sleep with them on the first date. A girl who sleeps with him on the first date is a slut, and thus not girlfriend material.... even if the guy actively enjoyed sleeping with her. Likewise, a guy may enjoy a girl asking him out, but it earns her a strike in the "Girlfriend" category. Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 As long as a girl is nice and looks halfway decent, I'll go on a date with her. I just need to know that she's interested. And who wouldn't want to be one of those elite and special few..... (Most girls aren't super eager to go out with someone who isn't really into her and for whom she's just the only option obviously available. I sure don't.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I never cared who asked who. Just go out, get to know each other and had some fun. I did have one negative experience. She moved into my apartment complex, was a very successful CPA, was half partners with an older gentleman, making oddles of money, owned a Datsun 280 and a T-Bird port holer. Very good looking, I probably would have asked her out. But right after she moved in we noticed the guys she was dating, the local rich and famous. I saw her get picked several times, by guys dressed in tuxs, one had a limo, the other a Porsche, also a big wig in the fire department, an a popular local TV sports caster. Out of my league, we became friends, until one night at the pool, when she came up behind me, gabbed me you know where, and started telling me how much she was in love with me. That turned into a FWB's relationship that lasted for many years. For some reason, I just could not fall in love with her. Maybe if her approach had been a little more subtle, we might have had something. But on the other hand, my ExW, 15 minutes after we met followed me from the pool back to my apartment, took off her top and propositioned me Link to post Share on other sites
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