Back2WhatUKnow Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 So I have been doing great celebrating my 2months of NC from my 4.5yr A. Well I completely blocked him from my life and have further built myself to move on without him. Yes I have my moments..ups and downs over it. I have mourned the A for what it was and came up with negatives on why it wouldn't have worked out... So here is the issue...exMM is known to try to show up where I would be at. I have done so well changing my schedule to avoid him. I randomly got a knock on my door this early morning. I froze in place...peeked out the door...ExMM is like lurking away to his car. My heart stopped. I didnt answer or nothing. I was angry...that he had the nerve to do that. So at work..even though I blocked all contact. We share a mutual friend...who consequently shows up at my job. He told me that he told exMM to leave me alone but he just wants to talk to me. I was furious. I said why..nothing has changed. He said..Just think about it he is going thru the D and is getting screwed over. This friend begged me to talk to him. I said...I dont think so. He made his bed. So I am sitting here beside myself. I have talked myself out of it of ever going back if he was "seperated..married" I am shocked he is taking the step of a D even when he has never done so before. However, it makes me sick because I know I dont want the drama of his D. I have done so well realizing how better off I was. I don't want to go back..I don't even know. Knowing his personality. He would blame his misery on me...and it sickens me. It is why I completely want out since he really burned me this last time. Anyways. Just would like some encouragement. I shouldnt let him say his piece and continue on my way. Yet I wish he would stop... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 Keep going. You sound pretty determined to stay away and reading between the lines you do not feel as though you could be happy with him even if he were single. So tell mutual friend that you have absolutely no intention of ever speaking to him again. And to pass on the message that next time ExMM turns up at your door uninvited he will be reported for stalking. Keep going. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Tell your mutual friend you are DONE with xMM and to STOP trying to influence you or guilt you into dealing with xMM. If this friend gave a damn about you, they would see you wasted 4.5 years YEARS of your life on xMM and you do NOT deserve to be thrown back into that hell. And no FRIEND would ever, ever ask you to deal with that again! Keep strong. KEEP focused on YOU. He had 4.5 years - he chose to continue to hurt you, disrespect you and above all, encourage you to participate in an affair. Please don't go back. Please look forward. Please do this for YOU! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 You are right. Tell this friend the earliest you'll consider talking to your exap is 6 months post divorce. Then carry on with your life and don't get involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Cut the mutual friend out of your life as that 'friend' doesn't have your back, he/she has exMM's back. And that mutual friend needs to stay out of it, stop encouraging him and you to talk. If you want xMM totally out of your life, file an RO against him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Keep going forward, not even peep backwards, you're well on your way to the bright side. You need to let that mutual friend know your shouldered is not available for crying or any of MM's drama. Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Thank you all for the support! Some of you nailed it with. This friend is trying to make me feel bad for abandonded him. It infuriates me. So he decides to D after NC so to speak and he is a mess so this is my fault? So by allowing it to happen again is how I will make it up...NO! NC has opened my eyes to alot. I can't feel responsible for the actions he does when I decided to walk away. I don't owe him anything. Still going strong NC. I am sure he will try to stumble in my path. I just prepare by realizing I am better off for now. It almost scares me to think if he does finish it and ends up single. Will he still try to come after me...he refuses to see the differences in our lives now. I need to stop feeling bad when I did right by cutting the cord. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 You're doing great and I agree with everyone else that you should continue on the path you're on now. The truth is, even if he was Mr. Wonderful, there's no guarantee that he really is going through a divorce and no guarantee that they won't get back together. There are still too many variables and too much at stake for you to get re-involved. He should've started divorce proceedings when you were still with him. His loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Back2WhatUKnow Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 SO I was told by my sister who seen my car that it had a note on it. I opened it knowing full well who it was. ExMM. It was FOUR pages long and to me it was all the same stuff he always says. I will just key the highlights. One part he put "he understood that I wanted all of him and not being able to show him off to friends or act like a couple." "I want you in the girls lives, at family vacations and as a family together." "I am tying up my loose ends like I should of a long time ago." "I will wait for you." Other then that filler words is what I call it.."I love you, I miss you, I am miserable without you on most of it." Some points made me angry because no where did it say he was sorry. Two he didn't mention anything of his D. Three he didn't mention my wants that I told him before I walked like maybe my own kids someday. Knowing our age difference he struggled with that. He can "wait" all he wants. I realized my NC has been very strong and really showed me how much I wasted. Yet he acts like he gave me his world when in truth he didn't. He even drenched the letter in his cologne. It was almost nauseating. As I was reading it I wanted to cry. Cry because he may have brought up memories but quickly I remember hurting as well. I am just enjoying to live single and have changed my own style. I realized at times he was partially controlling. He would throw fits when I wanted to hang with friends. His times free of his children I had to be at home waiting for him. We would be hidden we wouldn't leave anywhere so much. He hates short hair...I cut my hair lately haha. Changed my appearance..even my perfume. Funny he told me in that letter he wants to rip my Wall down that I have so tightly built. Yet no where in that letter did he say anything on changes. Just listed his wants. I dunno weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 You go girls...well done, very well done. SO I was told by my sister who seen my car that it had a note on it. I opened it knowing full well who it was. ExMM. It was FOUR pages long and to me it was all the same stuff he always says. I will just key the highlights. One part he put "he understood that I wanted all of him and not being able to show him off to friends or act like a couple." "I want you in the girls lives, at family vacations and as a family together." "I am tying up my loose ends like I should of a long time ago." "I will wait for you." Other then that filler words is what I call it.."I love you, I miss you, I am miserable without you on most of it." Some points made me angry because no where did it say he was sorry. Two he didn't mention anything of his D. Three he didn't mention my wants that I told him before I walked like maybe my own kids someday. Knowing our age difference he struggled with that. He can "wait" all he wants. I realized my NC has been very strong and really showed me how much I wasted. Yet he acts like he gave me his world when in truth he didn't. He even drenched the letter in his cologne. It was almost nauseating. As I was reading it I wanted to cry. Cry because he may have brought up memories but quickly I remember hurting as well. I am just enjoying to live single and have changed my own style. I realized at times he was partially controlling. He would throw fits when I wanted to hang with friends. His times free of his children I had to be at home waiting for him. We would be hidden we wouldn't leave anywhere so much. He hates short hair...I cut my hair lately haha. Changed my appearance..even my perfume. Funny he told me in that letter he wants to rip my Wall down that I have so tightly built. Yet no where in that letter did he say anything on changes. Just listed his wants. I dunno weird. Link to post Share on other sites
hazy_shade_of_grey Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I admire your strength, way to stick to your guns! Link to post Share on other sites
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