blue963 Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I truly need to end this relationship for my own sanity. Unfortunately, there are huge things in my life and I don't think I can take one more hard blow. 6+ years in this relationship and I have been there for him and I thought he was always there for me. I am in crisis tonight. The W is gone and he has not even worried about me to see how I am. I deserve so much better. I want better. But I am so very emotionally tired right now. 2014 has been a very difficult year. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 If he isn't helping then he is hurting. Remember that next time he needs his ego stroked. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Instead of ending it right now and inflicting more pain into your life that you can't handle with everything else going on, just take a break. Detach from him and focus on yourself. Detaching and relying on him less will help you. Turn to women friends and family for support. Sorry that you've had a crappy time recently, hope things get better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 What kind of crisis today? Either way he makes it clear it's not his problem. Make room for an available man that is willing to be supportive to you. He's not that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I truly need to end this relationship for my own sanity. Unfortunately, there are huge things in my life and I don't think I can take one more hard blow. 6+ years in this relationship and I have been there for him and I thought he was always there for me. I am in crisis tonight. The W is gone and he has not even worried about me to see how I am. I deserve so much better. I want better. But I am so very emotionally tired right now. 2014 has been a very difficult year. OMG, 6+ years... I had 3,5 and I was emotionally dead in the end and it was break up No. 3... Hopefully the last one. He also did not show as much attention as I expected... forget about being married. I also recommend you to take a break... If it is too hard don't break up,but distance yourself a bit... When I did that my exMM would alway start blowing hot. But he still remained married though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 I really need to end this. He is so intertwined in my life it is making it so difficult. I came across him while searching for a better life. I found some things that help make my life better, but he is part of it. If I walk away from him, I will have to walk away from the things that have helped me to make my life better. I am just tired of being treated this way. Always being last, hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Close the door on him and see him as a bad chapter of your life. The next chapters don't have to feel this way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I really need to end this. He is so intertwined in my life it is making it so difficult. I came across him while searching for a better life. I found some things that help make my life better, but he is part of it. If I walk away from him, I will have to walk away from the things that have helped me to make my life better. I am just tired of being treated this way. Always being last, hate it. The above is how I imagine most people Divorcing feel too at first. We all go through life changes. It is REALLY hard often times. Especially to let go. Until you let go, you won't ever be able to start fresh again. Let go of whatever it is that you are into that involve a married man. Find it elsewhere or something similar. You can do this* CIH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 If you can't brake up right away, just take a break - for like a month. It could be helpful... Or try to distance yourself... At least try to do smth about it... Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OWAmy Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I truly need to end this relationship for my own sanity. Unfortunately, there are huge things in my life and I don't think I can take one more hard blow. 6+ years in this relationship and I have been there for him and I thought he was always there for me. I am in crisis tonight. The W is gone and he has not even worried about me to see how I am. I deserve so much better. I want better. But I am so very emotionally tired right now. 2014 has been a very difficult year. Even though you may not see it yet. You are at a good point in the affair. You are wanting out because it's not one that's going to end with the result you want. Now it is ok to stay at the wanting out phase for a while, but don't procrastinate for too long - action on your part (because as you say, you can't rely on him) is what's needed next. If major events are taking place in your life right now, then prioritise these and throw all your energy and efforts to resolve them - get help from a reliable source because that is part of your real world. This MM can be eliminated from the equation. This is one thing that you do have control over. Yes, you do! But it is not good enough to keep wanting out, you need to do something to get out. Until I went NC I didn't realise how much emotional energy my xMM took from me. My word - what a drain! I have had to rewind back to 4yrs ago to really understand how I got myself tangled up in such a crappy situation. I thought I couldn't go NC unless he initiated it. And I threw difficult questions at him to try and get him to do this, but in the end and seriously I read LoveShack one night, saw all these other people that had recently gone NC and thought - thats what I want. Woke up the next morning, sent a quick email and 100 days of NC on, here I am! WOW - I feel great. The first couple of weeks felt scary at times, but change can be scary. Nothing wrong with that. The biggest thing I gained from my affair was initiating AND STICKING TO NC. It has empowered me in ways I find difficult to explain. It freed me from allowing a man (and he was not the only dodgy pseudo-relationship I had) to dictate the end. I respect him far more now for respecting my desire to go NC. So easy to get over him too - and I really, really thought I loved him. Just stick around LS for a while and I'm sure your time to cut him out will come 8-) After a while the fantasy world gets reallllllly boring. Come back to the real world 8-) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 I really want and need to stop this affair of 6 1/2 years. It is so hard and causes so much pain for me. I am going thru some really difficulty things in my life. I miss the friendship and support that he used to give me. That has all changed, so what is the point any more. When there was a relationship and a reciprocity it didn't make me feel bad. Now I just feel used anymore. How do you get past that initial pain? Because of some things that my H did have no longer have any friends. Everything is really tough right now. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Sorry that your long term A went bad on you. Gosh after so long, I would have thought things would have been more solid. I know my 3+ years of being in LDR with my SM, has been beyond imagination. And to prepare myself for loosing that would be very difficult to manage. Seeing you are basically alone, without help from friends... you should have some guidance with the forum regs here, as it is a wee too soon for them to pop online. The biggest thing for you to do, is to realize nothing about you as a person is missing. You just have an empty space to fill. So, with each wee thing you add back into your life, that space will become smaller and smaller. Find an activity you enjoy that calms or relaxes you. Even if it takes getting a full body massage... I recommend Thai, as it has a wee bit of sensual massage incorporated. Not sexual, but is something unexpected if you never tried. Allow yourself to be returned to an equilibrium in state of mind and body, taking yoga will get you back to feeling complete by allowing yourself to meditate and relax. As you progress you will find difficult tasks easier, in that you will find inner confidence and personal strength. I don't expect you to get over this so soon, that is why I brought up some methods to not be so demanding on you. If you are more outgoing, Zumba classes or even martial arts have their advantages. Once you feel confident in how you feel, then go back into dating in finding someone within a social group of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 He treats me well and then he gets busy and distant. I dont want to play that type of game anymore. Thanks so much for your response. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) You have to go through all the emotions tied to the pain. It is not easy, but is better than prolonging the inevitable. It helped me because I already did not agree with his treatment and outlooks about relationships. I became fed up. It also helped that he in no way has fought for the relationship since I ended it or has shown any care of my physical or mental well being. That sealed my being able to set myself free. Now I am not saying I would kick the man while he was down, but I know for certainty I would not lend him a hand up. F'ck him. I do have to add that there is alot more backstory than I care to share TMI, but it adds so much more reason to why I feel this way. Edited October 9, 2014 by Lovelysweet2 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Blue, How long are you going to continue this affair, while complaining about it? You have the power to end it. Use it. Or embrace it and deal with it. You just seem miserable with life, but it doesn't have to be that way. Fix your life. We all have struggles. We learn to handle them...without having an affair for 6.5 years. Why in the world do you waste so much of your life on a Mm?? End it. Deal with the pain. Learn from it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 He is not treating me respectfully. I need to end this, but I dont feel strong enough. Life is spinning out of control and I cant take another thing to be destroyed. I know that I deserve to be treated better than this, so why do I continue to take it? Maybe I just dont believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You are strong enough and you can. Think about taking a little time to get over this or doing this forever. Do what is better for you. Its hard to do whats better but its worth it, be strong. Do not allow him to hurt you anymore. Cut him off. Their is better for you and when you get strong you will find someone that can give you what you deserve.Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 He is not treating me respectfully. I need to end this, but I dont feel strong enough. Life is spinning out of control and I cant take another thing to be destroyed. I know that I deserve to be treated better than this, so why do I continue to take it? Maybe I just dont believe it. When you wake up in the morning hating the person that you are and all that's happened, along with the fact you can't look at yourself in the mirror. You know. When the pain becomes too great, you will do something. Gather the strength to leave. 6 years is way too long to be treated 2nd best. Usually OM/OW will feel like "If he/she cared about me, he/she would _____ " You have to learn that you can only rely on yourself for happiness. Only you can have the power to generate change and happiness. Take care of yourself and try to stop the feelings of how he's making you feel. Focus, love, honour, and respect yourself enough to walk away. Staying any longer will just destroy you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 What are you doing to change your life? No seriously. What? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsie Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 He is not treating me respectfully. I need to end this, but I dont feel strong enough. Life is spinning out of control and I cant take another thing to be destroyed. I know that I deserve to be treated better than this, so why do I continue to take it? Maybe I just dont believe it. Every 2 or 3 weeks for the last 6 weeks you've come back and posted essentially the same thing. You have barely acknowledged anything that's been posted back to you. I suggest you read the responses and then take action to either end or change the relationship if it isn't working for you. As Owl would say simple but not easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Blue, you gotta make a plan of action and some hard decisions. You are relying much too much on him for your emotional safety. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Are you even considering maybe theres another ow as well that he's spending time on since his w is away but your not getting that time he has 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Are you even considering maybe theres another ow as well that he's spending time on since his w is away but your not getting that time he has No need to even speculate. What's the point? Blue obviously needs to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Blue, How long are you going to continue this affair, while complaining about it? You have the power to end it. Use it. Or embrace it and deal with it. You just seem miserable with life, but it doesn't have to be that way. Fix your life. We all have struggles. We learn to handle them...without having an affair for 6.5 years. Why in the world do you waste so much of your life on a Mm?? End it. Deal with the pain. Learn from it. Blue, I repeat the same advice from 3 weeks ago. You had 3 threads all saying the same thing (and merged into this 1 thread). When are you going to take the action to rid your life of this person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 7 years we have been in this relationship. I have been there to lean on when he was going thru difficult times losing his parents. I did it because I wanted to and I thought that was the type of relationship that we had. Things flipped and now it is my turn. My mom passed. Our relationship is deteriorating. He is no longer there fore me. He got over physical challenges by having surgery and now he has "so many things to do" that he couldnt do before. Im mad at myself that I have been so so stupid and put myself in this situation. My life is shifting in ways that I dont like anymore and I dont have the strength to pull them back and make new things. I wish I never would have met him and never had started this friendship with them which led to the relationship. A man that I once viewed as importnant t me now appears to be a selfish self-centered man. He was that man before. Perhaps this is what happens in all relationship when you get too comfortable and take people for granted. I am so very close to ending this for my own sanity, yet I still struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
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