somedude81 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 1/4 your age? Another formula puts it at 1/2 your age (on OKCupid). Personally, I think your age minus 15 is reasonable, for all ages and genders. The half your age formula can lead to really high numbers. I don't want to date a 30 year old woman who has been with 15 guys. 50 men is about indiscriminate sex by any age. This is the distinction between dating and sleeping around. I'd say that once a person hits 25, they are just sleeping around. Especially if they are under 40. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 If you're happy and having fun and being safe and it's not causing you problems or keeping you from reaching your goal, no number is too high. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I don't think it's possible to have a 'set in stone' maximum number of partners that is acceptable. Too many variables are involved. It's something that is personal and I believe this kind of information should remain private. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I would to my post above that you shouldn't be hurting people in the process and are honest and up front with them not to leave a wake. And yes, that means not f'ing people who want more and aren't going to get it. Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 With this less is more any man would love to find a women with a low number Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 The half your age formula can lead to really high numbers. I don't want to date a 30 year old woman who has been with 15 guys. I'd say that once a person hits 25, they are just sleeping around. Especially if they are under 40. One a year isn't sleeping around. Maybe if you throw in a long term relationship during that time it could seen high. On the other hand, actively dating and seeking a long term partner could result in adding 5 or 6 in a single year before finding the right person. So, that brings the average back to one a year, most likely. Which doesn't seem so bad to me. Your preferences may vary, but that's not my problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Seriously? Why does a high number for a female mean she was used? Because whether anyone wants to admit it or not there is a double standard in terms of when a woman sleeps with a lot of guys compared to when a guy sleeps with a lot of women. This topic wouldn't even be brought up if it wasn't a concern. But lots of men would consider it a red flag if a woman slept around a lot in the past. Why do you think the men in this topic are mentioning specific numbers? I'm not saying it's right but it's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I just can't do it unless I feel an emotional connection. Otherwise I just don't get anything from it. Same for me. That's why I'm still a virgin girl at 18. Or does anyone really think it would be so hard for me to find someone to have sex with? Seriously, I just need to wear the right outfit, giggle a lot and maybe grab some alcohol from the bar so the guy won't pee himself and thinks me "one of those drunk sluts". There's no "too high" for me though. Well, okay, person number x which gave you a STD was too much, but other than that - have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 With this less is more any man would love to find a women with a low number Except really hot confident men with high numbers who see women as equal and who don't want to be with someone inexperienced and who has had no social life and isn't adventurous. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 One man would be too many for me. (Sorry). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 The answer to this depends on how uptight and/or insecure the men you're dating are. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Confident men don't ask women their sleep number. It's like a self-conscious person doesn't want to be seen in public, like out at a bar or something, with a much less attractive person. Because they're not self-contained enough themselves and are still depending on others to make them look better or prop them up. A very confident person doesn't mind taking their homely friend out with them because they are so self-assured that they know this friend is a separate entity and they don't need to boost themselves up. Likewise, a real confident guy doesn't need to compare himself and see how he lines up with the men in a woman's past. He knows he's enough without having to prove it to himself. He doesn't need to tell himself "I'm the best she's ever had." He doesn't even need to be the best she's ever had. He already knows he's good enough. He already knows if she doesn't work out, the next one will. And he's been around so he understands why anyone would maybe want to also explore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Except confident men who see women as equal There - I fixed it for you Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) Confident men don't ask women their sleep number. It's like a self-conscious person doesn't want to be seen in public, like out at a bar or something, with a much less attractive person. Because they're not self-contained enough themselves and are still depending on others to make them look better or prop them up. A very confident person doesn't mind taking their homely friend out with them because they are so self-assured that they know this friend is a separate entity and they don't need to boost themselves up. Likewise, a real confident guy doesn't need to compare himself and see how he lines up with the men in a woman's past. He knows he's enough without having to prove it to himself. He doesn't need to tell himself "I'm the best she's ever had." He doesn't even need to be the best she's ever had. He already knows he's good enough. He already knows if she doesn't work out, the next one will. And he's been around so he understands why anyone would maybe want to also explore. I think the thing is most guys view a woman with a high count as low class & would be more likely to cheat if they get around a lot. I don't see why some women don't see that. Like I said there's a double standard with this type of thing. I've seen so many topics with the "I don't view my g/f the same after knowing her number". Edit: I think the best way to put it is those women aren't relationship/marriage material in a a lot of men's eyes, but just to have a short fling/one night stand with. Edited October 10, 2014 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I think the thing is most guys view a woman with a high count as low class & would be more likely to cheat if they get around a lot. I don't see why some women don't see that. Like I said there's a double standard with this type of thing. I've seen so many topics with the "I don't view my g/f the same after knowing her number". RE bolded: because it's a load of sh*t. There are no correlation at all between promiscuity and cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) RE bolded: because it's a load of sh*t. There are no correlation at all between promiscuity and cheating. Actually there is: Infidelity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Causes[edit] In terms of gender differences in explanations as to why individuals partake in infidelity, studies have reported that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually, while women are more likely to engage in sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally (Sheppard, Nelso, & Andreoli-Mathie, 1995). Kimmel and Van Der Veen (1974) found that sexual satisfaction may be more important to husbands and that wives are more concerned with compatibility with their partners (Sheppard et al.,1995). Studies suggest that individuals who can separate concepts of sex and love are more likely to accept situations where infidelity occurs (Sheppard et al., 1995).One study done by Roscoe, Cavanaugh, & Kennedy (1988) found that women indicated relationship dissatisfaction as the number one reason for infidelity, whereas men reported a lack of communication, understanding, and sexual incompatibility.Glass & Wright (1992) also found that men and women who are involved in both sexual and emotional infidelities reported being the most dissatisfied in their relationships than those who engaged in either sexual or emotional infidelity alone.In general, marital dissatisfaction overall is the number one reason often reported for infidelity for both sexes (Sheppard et al., 1995). It is important to note that there are many other factors that increase the likelihood of anyone engaging in infidelity. Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are also more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999).Other factors such as being well educated, living in an urban centre, being less religious, having a liberal ideology and values, having more opportunities to meet potential partners, and being older affected the likelihood of one being involved in an extramarital affair (Blow & Hartnett, 2005). Edited October 10, 2014 by Priv Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 RE bolded: because it's a load of sh*t. There are no correlation at all between promiscuity and cheating. I'm not saying they would cheat, but there's definitely a higher risk. Of course I'll get bashed for saying these things but so be it. But your telling me a woman who's slept with around 40 guys has a lot of sexual self control? It's probable 75% of that number is one night stands. What people do is their own business I get that, but these women who sleep around a lot shouldn't be surprised if when a guy finds out the woman slept around a lot in the past doesn't view them the same. I've read topics like this over & over & over again. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 How many lovers has nothing to do with whether a woman will cheat once she makes a commitment. I agree there's many ways to look at it. I suppose for some it's low class, desperate, opportunistic, a bad judge of men who are using them(and whose fault is that?); but for others, they may be in high demand and social and just having a good time living life, just like popular men do. Obviously, age comes into play. 30 lovers for someone who's 20 is way different than 30 lovers for someone who is 30 and has dated for the past 15 years, which averages two a year. But that's true for men and women. Some lucky people are in a dating pool with lots of attractive people and just enjoy being social and sexual. Not everyone is anxious to dive into marriage and start a family. People who are young and attractive or confident and having a good time and successful socially may not be in any hurry at all for all that to end. I wasn't. But when and if they ever are ready to settle down, they will because they have it out of their system. The more likely cheater is the one who's been unsuccessful with the opposite sex and takes the first opportunity to marry whoever they can get and then by some miracle attracts someone out of the blue (maybe an opportunistic coworker looking to use him to get promoted); and because they never got it out of their system, they're not going to pass it up. Thing is, this and many other subjects, confident people just don't worry about those things because they know the world will not end for them if that person does bail for any reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Also, why do you think a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past? Because they don't want to be viewed as a slut or seen differently in the eyes of their boyfriend & it happens a lot. Like I said there's a double standard but it's just the way it's always been. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Actually there is: Infidelity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Causes[edit] In terms of gender differences in explanations as to why individuals partake in infidelity, studies have reported that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually, while women are more likely to engage in sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally (Sheppard, Nelso, & Andreoli-Mathie, 1995). Kimmel and Van Der Veen (1974) found that sexual satisfaction may be more important to husbands and that wives are more concerned with compatibility with their partners (Sheppard et al.,1995). Studies suggest that individuals who can separate concepts of sex and love are more likely to accept situations where infidelity occurs (Sheppard et al., 1995).One study done by Roscoe, Cavanaugh, & Kennedy (1988) found that women indicated relationship dissatisfaction as the number one reason for infidelity, whereas men reported a lack of communication, understanding, and sexual incompatibility.Glass & Wright (1992) also found that men and women who are involved in both sexual and emotional infidelities reported being the most dissatisfied in their relationships than those who engaged in either sexual or emotional infidelity alone.In general, marital dissatisfaction overall is the number one reason often reported for infidelity for both sexes (Sheppard et al., 1995). It is important to note that there are many other factors that increase the likelihood of anyone engaging in infidelity. Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are also more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999).Other factors such as being well educated, living in an urban centre, being less religious, having a liberal ideology and values, having more opportunities to meet potential partners, and being older affected the likelihood of one being involved in an extramarital affair (Blow & Hartnett, 2005). 1- bolded. There are WAY too many factors influencing infidelity. I am considered promiscuous. I am also a decent enough human being to recognize when there is a problem with my relationship and fix it. 2- Here is the Feldman & Cauffman, 1999 article quoted in Wikipedia. It's a study that was conducted among later teenagers. Sexual Betrayal Among Late Adolescents: Perspectives of the Perpetrator and the Aggrieved - Springer It's also been proven recently that the human brain doesn't come to full development until the mid-twenties. The last part of the brain to develop fully would be the frontal cortex. This is why more younger people sometimes do thoughtless things like drive too fast, have a lot of meaningless sex and cheat on their parter. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 How many lovers has nothing to do with whether a woman will cheat once she makes a commitment. I agree there's many ways to look at it. I suppose for some it's low class, desperate, opportunistic, a bad judge of men who are using them(and whose fault is that?); but for others, they may be in high demand and social and just having a good time living life, just like popular men do. Obviously, age comes into play. 30 lovers for someone who's 20 is way different than 30 lovers for someone who is 30 and has dated for the past 15 years, which averages two a year. But that's true for men and women. Some lucky people are in a dating pool with lots of attractive people and just enjoy being social and sexual. Not everyone is anxious to dive into marriage and start a family. People who are young and attractive or confident and having a good time and successful socially may not be in any hurry at all for all that to end. I wasn't. But when and if they ever are ready to settle down, they will because they have it out of their system. The more likely cheater is the one who's been unsuccessful with the opposite sex and takes the first opportunity to marry whoever they can get and then by some miracle attracts someone out of the blue (maybe an opportunistic coworker looking to use him to get promoted); and because they never got it out of their system, they're not going to pass it up. Thing is, this and many other subjects, confident people just don't worry about those things because they know the world will not end for them if that person does bail for any reason. But I'm telling you the key words are DOUBLE STANDARD. If a guy sleeps around a lot society doesn't really see it in a negative light. But if a woman does it she's seen as a slut. And true age does play a factor since an older woman is obviously more likely to have a higher number unless she's in a long term relationship/marriage. But I'm just saying a huge % of men would not want anything to do with a woman with a high sexual partner count. They don't view those types of women as marriage material or to have a kid with. Why do a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past if asked for? Because they know it'll be seen as a negative if they slept around a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I'm not saying they would cheat, but there's definitely a higher risk. Of course I'll get bashed for saying these things but so be it. But your telling me a woman who's slept with around 40 guys has a lot of sexual self control? It's probable 75% of that number is one night stands. What people do is their own business I get that, but these women who sleep around a lot shouldn't be surprised if when a guy finds out the woman slept around a lot in the past doesn't view them the same. I've read topics like this over & over & over again. Well, I have news for you. Women like sex. When a woman is single, she can go out and pick up some random guy and have sex with him. She can do it once, she can do it 40 times, it doesn't mean she will not be able to commit to one man and be faithful. The fact it's been an everlasting double standard doesn't mean it's an ok one and that it shouldn't change. I've read topics like this over and over again too and actually promised myself I would stay away from them (oops). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I'm not saying they would cheat, but there's definitely a higher risk. What is your data for this assumption? Give me hard numbers that point to this. Scientifically-generated studies, please. But your telling me a woman who's slept with around 40 guys has a lot of sexual self control? I've had over 300 sexual partners. But I am a serial-monogamist; i.e. I have been 100% faithful to every man with whom I have had a serious relationship. It's probable 75% of that number is one night stands. Again, please cite numbers. You are stating a "probability" with no basis in tangible data. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Also, why do you think a lot of women tend to lie about their sexual past? Because they don't want to be viewed as a slut or seen differently in the eyes of their boyfriend & it happens a lot. Like I said there's a double standard but it's just the way it's always been. Of course we don't want to be seen as sluts. If men stopped being so damn insecure about women's sexuality, women would not lie about their sexual past because there would be no need. So I repeat, just because it has always been this way doesn't mean it's ok and shouldn't change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Oh lawd, like every thread of this kind, I forsee this to be a fruitful thread filled with enlightening discussion and well deawn conclusions. I think im just gonna go get my popcorn. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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