How many men is too many to sleep with.

[harrybrown]

Different for everyone.

 

I have been married for 40 years now.

 

I have only one partner, my wife. My number is up to one.

 

That is all I need or want.

[Maleficent]

I never said it makes you a bad person. It's just that's the perception some people will have in terms of higher risk of cheating. Probably more so with people with different views on sex. Like I said, I have no data to back this up, but I'm just being realistic that there's no way around that some will have that view. It's just human nature for people to have different views on things.

 

Not sure why you feel like this post is about you at all...

[NJ123]

Not sure why you feel like this post is about you at all...

 

Because I was the one who brought this up earlier so I thought you were talking about me in some way lol.

[Maleficent]

Because I was the one who brought this up earlier so I thought you were talking about me in some way lol.

 

Nope

Like you said, a lot of people think that way.

[preraph]

Of course, the biggest cheat factor is the younger you are, the more likely there will be cheating, or what we over-the-hill people would call in retrospect "being young and not ready to settle down." I mean, how likely is it to get through, say, college without switching partners by meeting someone else? Yes, it can happen, but the odds are when there's that many people in such a small area who are basically all your dating demographic, there's going to be a lot of switching.

 

But I can't help notice men of all ages aren't running for cover to avoid college girls...

[Woggle]

Of course, the biggest cheat factor is the younger you are, the more likely there will be cheating, or what we over-the-hill people would call in retrospect "being young and not ready to settle down." I mean, how likely is it to get through, say, college without switching partners by meeting someone else? Yes, it can happen, but the odds are when there's that many people in such a small area who are basically all your dating demographic, there's going to be a lot of switching.

 

But I can't help notice men of all ages aren't running for cover to avoid college girls...

 

Most men aren't looking to commit to them. When it comes to just messing character doesn't matter much to most men. Also people of all ages cheat. Cheating is a character issue.

[preraph]

^ My point was, one of the main reasons given for shunning women who have had more than a few partners is based on men being afraid that means they'll cheat. But that's contradicted by the fact that this doesn't stop the majority of them from trying to date college girls from the time they're 18 until they're 50.

[dichotomy]

Its too many if you have to lie about it.

 

 

Whether 3 or 300. Live your sexuality honestly and let others as well.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't see how it matters. I'm 26 and I've slept with 19 guys. I've had a boyfriend with one prior sexual partner and one with 90 prior sexual partners. It's irrelevant to me. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who judged me for my 'number'. I'm happy and comfortable with my sexual past.

[ThaWholigan]

Numbers go out the window as far as I'm concerned - can't speak for anyone else. I can't say there's an arbitrary number that crosses a line with me anymore - the story behind the numbers would intrigue me, but that's probably about it.

 

It's a case-by-case thing. Promiscuity =/= infidelity. Your childhood sweetheart you married could end up cheating on you, while the "town bike" could be your most loving partner. Still, that won't stop the negative attitude towards it, so I guess it's just something you have to navigate regardless. Call it out, sure. But (and this isn't something I would normally say) don't expect it to change, sadly.

[Tayken]

Also people of all ages cheat.

 

True....prevalent with the mid 40s and up. Why? It's because most have been married, have kids and used cheating to make up for what they were missing. It doesn't get better after divorce

[Targetlock]

because they never look down on you?

[Got it]

Because whether anyone wants to admit it or not there is a double standard in terms of when a woman sleeps with a lot of guys compared to when a guy sleeps with a lot of women. This topic wouldn't even be brought up if it wasn't a concern. But lots of men would consider it a red flag if a woman slept around a lot in the past. Why do you think the men in this topic are mentioning specific numbers? I'm not saying it's right but it's just the way it is.

 

You don't think women would look poorly on men who have high numbers? Why don't you think that it is viewed as similar with both sexes?

 

Personally, because my number is so low I would be uncomfortable with a guy with more than 10. For, it isn't the number but the percentages over mine own.

 

But I also recognize that my number is abnormally low this day and age.

 

Men sleeping around are frowned upon as serious prospects as well. A man with a high number would be good for good time but he isn't marrying level.

[Got it]

I'm not saying they would cheat, but there's definitely a higher risk. Of course I'll get bashed for saying these things but so be it. But your telling me a woman who's slept with around 40 guys has a lot of sexual self control? It's probable 75% of that number is one night stands. What people do is their own business I get that, but these women who sleep around a lot shouldn't be surprised if when a guy finds out the woman slept around a lot in the past doesn't view them the same. I've read topics like this over & over & over again.

 

Seriously? You don't know anything about marriage and cheating.

 

Sexual control and sex partners are like comparing apples and oranges.

 

A high percentages of people who married their high school/college sweethearts cheat. Shoot, it happens far later in the marriage than a number count would reflect.

 

You really should preface that this is your opinion not that you can actually speak for the majority of men. Age demographic is going to play a major factor.

 

Do you really think men and women in their 60's are talking numbers? That is really something you learn to just leave in your past.

[NJ123]

You don't think women would look poorly on men who have high numbers? Why don't you think that it is viewed as similar with both sexes?

 

Personally, because my number is so low I would be uncomfortable with a guy with more than 10. For, it isn't the number but the percentages over mine own.

 

But I also recognize that my number is abnormally low this day and age.

 

Men sleeping around are frowned upon as serious prospects as well. A man with a high number would be good for good time but he isn't marrying level.

 

Because like I said a bunch of times before in this thread, society views it as a double standard. A guy who sleeps around a lot isn't viewed as negatively overall as a woman whom does the same thing. Just search it on google & thousands upon thousands of search results will come up. I'm not making this up.

[NJ123]

Seriously? You don't know anything about marriage and cheating.

 

Sexual control and sex partners are like comparing apples and oranges.

 

A high percentages of people who married their high school/college sweethearts cheat. Shoot, it happens far later in the marriage than a number count would reflect.

 

You really should preface that this is your opinion not that you can actually speak for the majority of men. Age demographic is going to play a major factor.

 

Do you really think men and women in their 60's are talking numbers? That is really something you learn to just leave in your past.

 

And of course age plays a factor in it. A teenager/early 20s is going to have a much higher risk of having sex a lot due to them being involved heavily with social media. I've read constant threads on the internet hearing about guys having sex with women with boyfriends off of dating sites. Some even married. A lot of women on those dating sites are really easy. They give their numbers out like candy & go meet up to ****. I don't understand why this is so hard to believe. You think those types of women would be faithful in a marriage if their going on online dating sites behind their SOs back & giving out numbers like candy? I'm not going to post anymore in this thread since I don't want anyone else to get upset. I already apologized yesterday to those people.

Edited October 12, 2014 by NJ123

[SawtoothMars]

People who are obsessed with exact numbers are missing the point.

 

Women AND men who have high numbers of sex partners are nearly always mental cases. I have tried making some slutty women into girlfriends before and it never works out. Most of them have high numbers because they use sex to gain something self esteem, approval... it doesn't matter. These women view sex as a tool to be used for personal gain. Buyer Beware!

[Tayken]

A lot of women on those dating sites are really easy. They give their numbers out like candy & go meet up to ****. I don't understand why this is so hard to believe. You think those types of women would be faithful in a marriage if their going on online dating sites behind their SOs back & giving out numbers like candy?

 

You are absolutely spot on with this comment, and you and I know that what people say on here for convenience sake, and what they actually do off here, are two different things (you might say that includes me...but I can assure you that am transparent)

 

To back up your point, a person setup a fake profile on okc with a pic of a male model. His opening line to 5 different women was: "I'll love to pull your panties off and lick you for hours, can I have your number?" All 5 responded like this:

 

1. Oddly enough am entirely turned on...here is my number

2. Only if we can get a drink first...here is my number

3. You've got some balls for an opening line like that...here is my number

4. It's a good thing you are hot, otherwise I'll delete you...here is my number

5. charming, if you weren't so hot I'll ignore you....here is my number.

[salparadise]

Women AND men who have high numbers of sex partners are nearly always mental cases.

 

Is this purely a personal observation, or is there something empirical showing a definite correlation?

 

...because they use sex to gain something self esteem, approval... it doesn't matter. These women view sex as a tool to be used for personal gain.

 

I have run into a few women for whom sex seemed to be though of as currency. My experience tends to support the wild in bed, crazy in the head theory that is so often joked about. The two best in bed were unequivocally toward the edge in terms of mental/emotional stability. They both just happened to have crazy high IQs as well, and they both had some mummy & daddy issues. I wonder if anyone has done any serious research on these notions?

[Emilia]

Because like I said a bunch of times before in this thread, society views it as a double standard. A guy who sleeps around a lot isn't viewed as negatively overall as a woman whom does the same thing. Just search it on google & thousands upon thousands of search results will come up. I'm not making this up.

Not true, depends on the woman. I had sex with men who had high numbers but never dated one and never will. They aren't relationship material, IMO.

[ascendotum]

You are absolutely spot on with this comment, and you and I know that what people say on here for convenience sake, and what they actually do off here, are two different things (you might say that includes me...but I can assure you that am transparent)

 

To back up your point, a person setup a fake profile on okc with a pic of a male model. His opening line to 5 different women was: "I'll love to pull your panties off and lick you for hours, can I have your number?" All 5 responded like this:

 

1. Oddly enough am entirely turned on...here is my number

2. Only if we can get a drink first...here is my number

3. You've got some balls for an opening line like that...here is my number

4. It's a good thing you are hot, otherwise I'll delete you...here is my number

5. charming, if you weren't so hot I'll ignore you....here is my number.

 

throw a good looking guy into the mix and the rules go out the window so often. A lot of women are dtf for the guys that rate above their 'I'd do that' threshold. With OLD lots of women are happy to let their fingers do the walking from the comfort of their sofa and book some time with a player I reckon. A number of my female friends were upfront with it. No idea what numbers they raked up in 1-2 yr spells between relationships and I'm sure their bf's won't know either, beyond 'I've had my share of fun'. People will say that's their business and it is. If a woman is cagey about her past in this regard I'd assume she's embarrassed to say how many. Its her prerogative, and mine to assume as well.

 

I see the above bunch of posts deal with propensity to cheat, but for other guys its about finding the woman less special that's been a play thing for lots of other guys, and that's all they cared about her (even if that suit the woman the same some of the time). The other aspect that will bug some guys is why was she not up for first date sex with him like many of the other guys. Of course the guy taking her out to nice restaurant this week with the intent to be respectable and not push for intimacy too early wont know for last week's date was with a douchey hunky personal trainer at a bar for an hour then back to his place to be his no holds barred fun for the weekend. (ala the post above). If he did he probably want the same.

 

What is too many is up to the individual woman and what she is comfortable with. Guy's will have their various definitions but many I suspect wont know the real number of the prospective girl for it to make any difference anyway.

[Maleficent]

You are absolutely spot on with this comment, and you and I know that what people say on here for convenience sake, and what they actually do off here, are two different things (you might say that includes me...but I can assure you that am transparent)

 

To back up your point, a person setup a fake profile on okc with a pic of a male model. His opening line to 5 different women was: "I'll love to pull your panties off and lick you for hours, can I have your number?" All 5 responded like this:

 

1. Oddly enough am entirely turned on...here is my number

2. Only if we can get a drink first...here is my number

3. You've got some balls for an opening line like that...here is my number

4. It's a good thing you are hot, otherwise I'll delete you...here is my number

5. charming, if you weren't so hot I'll ignore you....here is my number.

 

lol

See, I would have googled that photo first.

 

We aren't all the same I guess.

[Maleficent]

Is this purely a personal observation, or is there something empirical showing a definite correlation?

 

 

 

I have run into a few women for whom sex seemed to be though of as currency. My experience tends to support the wild in bed, crazy in the head theory that is so often joked about. The two best in bed were unequivocally toward the edge in terms of mental/emotional stability. They both just happened to have crazy high IQs as well, and they both had some mummy & daddy issues. I wonder if anyone has done any serious research on these notions?

 

 

Not that I know of. But this would probably fall under the 'sex Research' or even Women/Gender studies. Both disciplines are very recent so who knows what came come out in the next few years

 

Though I know of one sex researcher (she is a professor at my local university) who wrote her Master's thesis on highly sexual women.

I haven't read it yet.

 

Thing is, some people with mental issues/personality disorders often do over the top things and that includes sex.

It doesn't mean it works the other way around (people who do over the top things - including sex - are mentally ill)

 

It's kind of like saying that since a depressed person will sometimes cry, therefore, someone who cries is necessarily depressed.

Very faulty logic.

[Trane]

I'm almost 40 and only slept with 5 men. Is that weird? I've gone many years between men until I was married. I just can't do it unless I feel an emotional connection. Otherwise I just don't get anything from it.

I've have friends who have slept with over 50. I think that is a lot.

 

Why is the number of partners such a big deal? One of my female friends would say you should be in the double digits at your age and need to get some more guys "into" you. Another one would say enjoy your life as it is and you are normal. Relationships and good sex is about quality not quantity.

 

One of my best friends is in his mid forties and is well over the century mark. He did lots of traveling for work and met quite a few ladies that way. It's not an astronomical number factoring in his age and when he first started having sex.

 

50 partners would be a lot for a 16 year old girl or guy. 50 partners for an adult male or female well past the life begins age "40" is not a lot when you really think about it.

 

I'm nowhere near the 50 mark and I'll be 50 in a few years. My sex history was considered pedestrian to one ex while another considered me an average Joe.

[salparadise]

I know of one sex researcher (she is a professor at my local university) who wrote her Master's thesis on highly sexual women. I haven't read it yet.

 

I would be interested in reading it too, assuming that the research is well done and explores some new territory.

 

Thing is, some people with mental issues/personality disorders often do over the top things and that includes sex. It doesn't mean it works the other way around (people who do over the top things - including sex - are mentally ill)

 

It's kind of like saying that since a depressed person will sometimes cry, therefore, someone who cries is necessarily depressed. Very faulty logic.

 

Agreed- the inverse may not always (or even mostly) hold true. Though it would be interesting to see some real research on conditions that correlate with very high drive, and to what extent. For the first of the two women I mentioned, the drive is almost certainly a feature of her personality disorder. She is a somatizing histrionic, and this is not merely my hypothesis. She took personality tests, professionally administered, and shared the results... as well as a lot of personal history. I actually wrote a college paper on that disorder after my revelations based on that experience. The second is not an outlier to the same extent as the first, but still there are correlations in the areas of high intelligence, high anxiety, disrupted maternal bonding, detached/disapproving fathers. There is a sizable body of work in these areas, but most of what I found was decades old.