How many men is too many to sleep with.

[eye of the storm]

You said you wouldn't date a woman with a "high number". Which shows you think it is your business how many men.

 

And again, I state, society views this because people like you keep propagating the stereotype of a woman who has multiple partners as not worthy.

 

I do not go from my father to my husband. I am not a possession to be bartered for family connections or wealth. I am a woman. If the fact that i had a life before you scares you, go buy a doll.

 

My identity, my worth, my value has nothing to do with the number of men I have had sex with.

 

My identity/worth/value instead have to do with how I treat people and allow people to treat me.

[preraph]

Well, I think we can all agree, male or female, that too much of anything can be indicative of other issues. I mean, if all a person is doing is focusing on getting laid, whether they're a man or a woman, that person needs to find some other hobbies and work toward becoming productive some other way (and that goes for whether they're actually getting laid or just focusing on getting laid like our beloved brethren in this forum's "In Search Of" topic). But I've known very talented guys who somehow managed to nail 300 or so women a year while keeping up their creativity and making money too. There aren't too many generalities you can make about people having sex a lot with other people except that they are apparently attractive enough to attract a lot of other people.

[Priv]

Men with high numbers are in the thousands, not hundreds.

 

Genghis Khan is my hero too

[NJ123]

I'm not angry at all. I'm just trying to show you how hypocritical your argument is...

 

There is an assumption that I am pissed just like there is an assumption that promiscuous women will cheat.

 

That is what I am challenging you to do: STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS. That is all.

 

I could tell by the tone of your posts so don't lie about not being pissed off & I apologized to you because I know you are. And how am I hypocritical when I'm just stating the truth that there's lot of men who wouldn't date/marry a woman with a high sex partner count. How am I wrong for stating that?

[preraph]

What do you mean by that?

 

Do you mean that a guy who has slept with over 100 women is not a high number or there is thousands of guys out there with high numbers?

 

If you are going by the former, that is too many. If you are referring to the latter, in my definition, that would be true.

 

Yeah, I don't think 100 is a high number just going by the variety of guys I've known. They were all out looking to pick up chicks from the time they were young, so their numbers have to be up there.

[eye of the storm]

NJ123, Read Priv's post.

 

The double standard is starting to lose ground. Probably because women are starting to stand up and say this is crap. And men agree with it.

 

I have elderly relatives who are...not the most progressive of thinkers when it comes to race and they love to throw the "this is just how it is" card. Its crap when they do it, its crap when you do it.

 

If you don't feel that way (like you say you don't) then don't try to spread it.

[ltjg45]

Yeah, I don't think 100 is a high number just going by the variety of guys I've known. They were all out looking to pick up chicks from the time they were young, so their numbers have to be up there.

 

Hmm....

 

In your opinion, does a guy with such a number make him more or less attractive to you?

 

While I don't have the right to your answer, I am definitely curious and will certainly appreciate your response. You can even PM me your answer if you prefer that way.

 

I noticed among those that I do talk to that I, being a 28-year-old virgin, has a major disadvantage in the dating market right now.

[Ninjainpajamas]

My identity, my worth, my value has nothing to do with the number of men I have had sex with.

 

My identity/worth/value instead have to do with how I treat people and allow people to treat me.

 

When it comes to relationships or even serious relationships that lead to marriage, I think the other person has to see the "value" within you and makes that determination based on their own values and principles rather than what you believe about yourself.

 

It's great that you're happy with yourself and who you are, and the way you value yourself...but you cannot expect a person to feel the same way or agree, you don't control that aspect of it.

 

Some people won't date someone from a different faith, or who have been married/divorced, it's up to them whether they want to date you, if both people were open about their values early on, I think it could save people a lot of time and for some people the way they choose to be intimate with someone is important to them.

 

It's like anything else, people want a partner that understands them and shares similar views.

[eye of the storm]

ltjg45, Being a virgin is only a disadvantage if you want it to be.

 

It is not who you are, it is not what you are.

 

When you meet the right person and it is time, it will be a non issue.

 

As to high numbers on a guy, I don't ask. What was before me is none of my business.

[NJ123]

When it comes to relationships or even serious relationships that lead to marriage, I think the other person has to see the "value" within you and makes that determination based on their own values and principles rather than what you believe about yourself.

 

It's great that you're happy with yourself and who you are, and the way you value yourself...but you cannot expect a person to feel the same way or agree, you don't control that aspect of it.

 

Some people won't date someone from a different faith, or who have been married/divorced, it's up to them whether they want to date you, if both people were open about their values early on, I think it could save people a lot of time and for some people the way they choose to be intimate with someone is important to them.

 

It's like anything else, people want a partner that understands them and shares similar views.

 

This was a good way to put it. Everyone has different beliefs about things. Just because I see something differently, now I'm being viewed as the bad guy. I guess to me I'd personally rather have sex with someone I care about than to just do it with random people with no emotional connection. I suppose that's why I wouldn't want to be with someone with a lot of sex partners because our views on sex are different.

[ltjg45]

ltjg45, Being a virgin is only a disadvantage if you want it to be.

 

It is not who you are, it is not what you are.

 

When you meet the right person and it is time, it will be a non issue.

 

As to high numbers on a guy, I don't ask. What was before me is none of my business.

 

I don't let it bother me. In fact, I tend to ask early on to make sure that it doesn't bother her first. If it does, that's fine because I am aware that I am a rare case among guys my age and I have no desire to lead her on in any way.

 

If she leaves because of it, that's fine. I rather find someone that is willing to accept it because I don't do ONS anyway.

[Kid_Charlemange]

You said you wouldn't date a woman with a "high number". Which shows you think it is your business how many men.

 

Hear, hear.

 

I've never asked a partner. Well, not since college, when my then-GF replied "I'm a virgin." When that marriage broke up, I was past 40 and everyone is going to have a past. I don't care about that history. I cared about the present, and the future.

 

My last LTR kept starting to tell me, and I'd cut her off. I didn't want to know. The fact that she was so interested in my own past turned out to be the beginning of the end for us. Different approaches to history, I guess...

 

It's nobody's business but your own.

 

Great post!

[preraph]

Hmm....

 

In your opinion, does a guy with such a number make him more or less attractive to you?

 

While I don't have the right to your answer, I am definitely curious and will certainly appreciate your response. You can even PM me your answer if you prefer that way.

 

I noticed among those that I do talk to that I, being a 28-year-old virgin, has a major disadvantage in the dating market right now.

 

Well, it all goes back to people don't need to share that information. If no one knows you're a 28-year-old virgin, then they can't make that judgment. No, they can't tell just by being with you. There's tons of insecure guys nervous about sex and all that, even though many of them have had sex. So you just don't need to tell that to your date. And you date doesn't need to tell you how many men she's been with. If you treat a woman well, they can be very forgiving about skill. Every woman is different, so in many ways, it's an all new learning experience every time you are with a new woman because what one likes doesn't always work on the next one.

 

So just keep that info to yourself when you go out. We were all virgins once! I have a good friend who I believe was a virgin to about your age. He did all that covert stuff, spying on women instead of just asking them out, but I talked to him over years and tried to make him understand how that won't work. And one day in his mid-thirties (yes he'd had sex by then though), he went out and had his eye on a woman at a table with other women, but another woman at the table asked him to dance -- and she wasn't what he was looking at or anything, but shortly after meeting with her, they just hit it off and were perfect for each other and been married quite a while now. And he was definitely a late starter, so don't be discouraged.

[StanMusial]

This was a good way to put it. Everyone has different beliefs about things. Just because I see something differently, now I'm being viewed as the bad guy. I guess to me I'd personally rather have sex with someone I care about than to just do it with random people with no emotional connection. I suppose that's why I wouldn't want to be with someone with a lot of sex partners because our views on sex are different.

 

 

That's pretty much it... let's face it, some of the posters in here probably lead/have lead what could be called an "alternative lifestyle". There's no law against it but don't expect everyone to support it.

 

To OP: I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

It's beer:thirty where I live, have fun you maniacs.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Well good for you. But lots of men wouldn't want a relationship with you if they knew about your past if I'm being honest here.

 

Two quick observations:

 

1. Speak for yourself

 

2. I doubt she cares. She specifically said she's in a monogamous relationship right now and her partner doesn't give a damn about her past.

[NJ123]

That's pretty much it... let's face it, some of the posters in here probably lead/have lead what could be called an "alternative lifestyle". There's no law against it but don't expect everyone to support it.

 

To OP: I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

It's beer:thirty where I live, have fun you maniacs.

 

Yeah, I admit I probably should have worded some of the posts I made a bit better, when all I really had to say was what you quoted me with. It seems the women in this topic are just angry with the double standard issue. Since they get offended by it, which I could understand. But I sincerely apologize to those people I pissed off.

[preraph]

NJ123, I'm not viewing you as a bad guy. It's just not news that men consider women who have extramarital sex sluts and in past centuries, you could be beheaded or burned at the stake for it, so we're just not too happy this is still an attitude with some in the 21st century. That's all.

[Woggle]

I don't put much stock in a woman's numbers because it says pretty much nothing about how trustworthy she is. That being said why do some women care if a man won't date a woman with a high number? It's his life and his right to have any standards he wants as far as who he does and doesn't want to date.

 

He doesn't have to date anybody he doesn't want anymore than a woman does for any reason. Guys are just trying to keep from becoming another statistic in their own way even though I think it is a little misguided. When it comes to self protection political correctness flies right out the window.

[NJ123]

NJ123, I'm not viewing you as a bad guy. It's just not news that men consider women who have extramarital sex sluts and in past centuries, you could be beheaded or burned at the stake for it, so we're just not too happy this is still an attitude with some in the 21st century. That's all.

 

But I should have worded my posts better in terms about why I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with a lot of sex partners. The people on here now think it's due to the double standard issue, when it has more so to do with the fact that I'd prefer to have sex with someone I care about than just having random 1 night stands or quick flings. So my beliefs just don't fall within theirs since I personally wouldn't do what they did.

[Maleficent]

This was a good way to put it. Everyone has different beliefs about things. Just because I see something differently, now I'm being viewed as the bad guy. I guess to me I'd personally rather have sex with someone I care about than to just do it with random people with no emotional connection. I suppose that's why I wouldn't want to be with someone with a lot of sex partners because our views on sex are different.

 

You are not viewed as the bad guy. We simply don't agree with you.

 

That being said, can you see there is a huge difference between saying 'I would rather have a partner who sees sex as something to be shared with someone special, like I do' and saying 'I would rather have a partner with a low number of partner because people who have a lot of sexual partners are more likely to cheat'?

[preraph]

But I should have worded my posts better in terms about why I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with a lot of sex partners. The people on here now think it's due to the double standard issue, when it has more so to do with the fact that I'd prefer to have sex with someone I care about than just having random 1 night stands or quick flings. So my beliefs just don't fall within theirs since I personally wouldn't do what they did.

 

It's a personal choice. You have the right to choose someone who is more like you in that regard, of course. It's the guys who sleep with a thousand women and then decide to marry a near-virgin who I really have trouble with. Like that's going to work.

[NJ123]

You are not viewed as the bad guy. We simply don't agree with you.

 

That being said, can you see there is a huge difference between saying 'I would rather have a partner who sees sex as something to be shared with someone special, like I do' and saying 'I would rather have a partner with a low number of partner because people who have a lot of sexual partners are more likely to cheat'?

 

Yeah, I know. Like I said, the wording of some of my posts were all ****ed up & will now be seen in a messed up context. But luckily Ninjainpajamas made the post they did about different beliefs & such. Since that's pretty much what I should have said.

[WomenWubber]

I'm almost 40 and only slept with 5 men. Is that weird?

 

That's a question you should answer by yourself.

 

I've have friends who have slept with over 50. I think that is a lot.

 

Do it. Just like this ^^^.

[Maleficent]

It's a personal choice. You have the right to choose someone who is more like you in that regard, of course. It's the guys who sleep with a thousand women and then decide to marry a near-virgin who I really have trouble with. Like that's going to work.

 

Not me.

 

Of course people see sex differently. Some were able to separate emotions from sexuality and some were not (read: prefer to have sex with a 'significant other')

 

What bothers me is the judgment behind it that somehow, being able to replace a vibrator with a human being makes you a bad person. And it sickens me to see that people still see promiscuity as an indicator that a person is 'more likely to cheat'.

[NJ123]

Not me.

 

Of course people see sex differently. Some were able to separate emotions from sexuality and some were not (read: prefer to have sex with a 'significant other')

 

What bothers me is the judgment behind it that somehow, being able to replace a vibrator with a human being makes you a bad person. And it sickens me to see that people still see promiscuity as an indicator that a person is 'more likely to cheat'.

 

I never said it makes you a bad person. It's just that's the perception some people will have in terms of higher risk of cheating. Probably more so with people with different views on sex. Like I said, I have no data to back this up, but I'm just being realistic that there's no way around that some will have that view. It's just human nature for people to have different views on things.