Conversation

[Sinrus]

Alright, let me start out by saying im quite young and in my first relationship. I was friend with this girl for about a year before we concluded that we were attracted to each other. And its been about a month and a half, and things are going fine. But were low on things to talk about. For a while we've just traded off questions. We get straight to the point in our questions, and ask exactly what we want to know. Of course, I don't know what else to ask right now. And conversation on the phone is usally dull, its only when we actually go somewhere that we can talk, and thats also because our friends are with us. Basically I'm asking, what do I talk about???

[Tony T]

Relationships are a lot more than about talking. The bonding that you do with another person has as much or more to do with the experiences you share than the conversations you have. I'm not knocking conversations, it seems you've pretty well handled that. But, when it's all said and done, our memories seem to be more focused on the things we did with the one we loved than on the conversations we had.

 

So start having experiences together: walks in the park; trips to another two for the day; picnics; concerts; parties; amusement parks; game rooms; dances; hanging with friends...invent things to do, experiences to share.

 

It also sounds like you need to lighten up in your conversation. Don't be so serious about it all the time. Joke around. Talk about anything and everything...you don't need to focus on each other or your relationship all the time.

 

Just don't take all this so seriously. A relationship devoid of fun is one that doesn't have much time left.

[Sinrus]

Well, in response, she isnt your typical modern day girl. She had a lot of energy and is just very active, and she can relate with guys a lot better then a lot of girls I've seen. everything we've done has been with friends. Every Friday we go to my friends house and just hang out. This is where the first kiss happend, and a lot of just cuddling and the such. The phone conversations do have a lot of humour and we discuss topics of what we both enjoy. But we do enjoy trading off questions, and we are blunt about them. But as I said, I have run out of questions. Everything about us seems fine, we both are enjoying the relationship very much. All Im saying is that the conversation on the phone gets slow.

[Tony T]

Keep your telephone conversations very brief. Or, before you phone her make an outline with different topics to discuss.

[Foxglove]

Dear Sinrus;

 

Phone conversations can be difficult as commuicating is is part body language as well as the actual words. Talking in person tends to be so much more powerful.

 

I agree with Tony that keeping phone conversations brief might be a good idea. Its always best to end a conversation before it starts to get too dull and the time together means so much more.

 

If you feel a need to keep the conversations longer or if she really seems to want to speak to you on the phone for longer periods of time it might be a good idea to keep her talking and about herself. Almost everyone loves to discuss themself in great detail and feels flattered when they believes another person is truely interested.

 

Asking questions about herself that are a little bit more creative than 'Whats your favorite color' and that leave room for more complicated answers than 'yes' might keep the conversation flowing.

 

Some things that people often like to talk about or be asked about.

 

1)If she has any kind of talent drawing, writing, dancing ect. Asking her details about how she does these things or how she got interested in these.

 

2)People often liked to be asked for their advice or opinions and so if you have some kind of social problem or confussion over what kind of gift to get a family member she may enjoy helping you out.

 

3) People sometimes enjoy remembering the past and feeling like someone cares about the sorrows and joys that happened to them. You might ask her some questions about her childhood, but be careful what you ask as some questions might offend.

 

4) People often like to speak of thier hopes and dreams and with someone who believes they can suceed at such. Acting cynical with lines such as "Oh, you would never get published" will often bring the conversation to a grinding halt.

 

5) Repeating back part of what a person says will often make them feel like they are being listened too and will encourage them to continue to share.

 

Also, breaking up conversation with playfulness can be fun. You could put the phone up to a favorite song of yours or have her look at a picture you saw online that you think she might enjoy.

 

Try not too feel to pressured to entertain her. Such a pressure can bring on nervousness and that can lead to one of those conversations with wide gaps. When words really seem to have run out it is almost always better to end the conversation with a sweet goodbye and to spend time together in person when possible.

 

Good Luck, Foxglove