Ex-wives and in-laws

[kellybelle]

Hubby and I have been married about a year, we dated for 3 years before marriage, and this is our second marriage apiece. So far the only problems in our marriage are from other people, aka in laws and ex wife. I feel like the ex is inappropriately trying to butt in our lives through hubby's parents, like inviting them out to dinner, inviting herself and her boyfriend over to in-laws house, and most recently and most irritating: SHE JUST INVITED HERSELF TO OUR CAMPING TRIP!! DH and I and in-laws and DH's cousin are going on a camping trip in a couple of days, and just last night FIL announced to DH that SHE was going too!! Why? She never cared about camping before! Hubby is furious, and I'm non too happy either. Hubby had to make last minute arrangements to avoid her. The in-laws say: Well..... she asked. Can't they say no to her? Or make up some excuse? No, they kiss her @ss, and in the process they are alienating their son and new daughter-in-law. We don't want to go see them very much because her name is constantly being brought up. I don't think that they are being mean, I just think that they don't think before they speak. So now, it's going to be a camping trip for hubby and I and he's so mad that he's not even going to go fishing with his dad on this trip. I wish that in-laws would realize that divorce (something alien to them) means that you really don't want to hear about, see, talk to and especially go on trips with your ex, and it makes the new spouse feel isolated (although you nice people are the first ones to hear about how I feel. I don't want to come off being petty, so I've kept my mouth shut so far).

[LucreziaBorgia]

If the in-laws are footing the bill, as tactless as it is - they can have who they like come on the trip but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Just let your in-laws know that you appreciate the offer, but that you will not be attending the camping trip because you two feel that camping with his ex wife is not appropriate and you are looking forward to future trips: without the ex wife involved. This sends a very clear message that you will not involve yourself in situations where the ex-wife is allowed to insinuate herself.

 

You have no control over your in-laws or their relationship with the ex-wife, but you do have some say in how you and your husband fit into this scenario.

[Merin]

Does your Hubby and his EXW have kiddo's together? IF so.. this could be a big reason the In Laws remain tight with his EXW...

 

I myself am still very tight with my EX MIL.. LMAO she loves my a** I like to tell my EXH that his mom loves me more than him

 

Now.. I have to say this.. I divorced him, and she knows why.. so yeah could play a part in how she still likes me, also we do have little people together and they live with me.. so again, she remains close with me through them.. also I DON'T cause ANY mama drama in my EXH life... he has a girlfriend and they have a kid together.. I never bug on that or get in thier sh*t and he doesn't get in mine...

 

Does it make his new GF uncomfortable that his Mom is still so close with me... I really don't know and honestly.. really don't care. I divorced HIM but I still like his Mom.

 

Just a different perspective...

[kellybelle]

Thank you for the responses, sometimes it's hard to think rationally when dumb things happen, but I feel better now.

 

Ex and hubby have two teenagers, they live with us most of the time. I can understand that the in-laws do not want to stir up any bad feelings because of the kids, and that is a major reason that they give in to her a lot of times, they don't want to look like 'bad guys that hate the kids mom'. Hubby has calmed down a bit, too and plans on telling his parents he appreciates their effort, but in the same sense it's effed up to be expected to act normally when his ex and her boyfriend insert themselves in situations where it's his friends, his family, his hobbies, etc. Hopefully they can come to an agreement or compromise. Just to explain, the in-laws are not footing the bill, we're all paying our own way. Also, camping is hubby's BIG THING, not that he corners the market on camping, but the in-laws and others would not even be going if not for it being hubby's BIG THING, he arranged everything. (Well, almost)

 

I can't believe the b@lls on that woman sometimes.

 

Hubby has suggested that we go on the trip and act like our normal happy selves. It would be weird, but it may turn the tables and make HER feel uncomfortable. What do you think about that? Does this work?

 

Or maybe I could have hubby call his ex MIL and invite me along to one of the ex's family gatherings.

Just kidding, I could not imagine doing that ever. But it would be funny, though.

 

Every once in a while I have a fleeting thought that ex-wife is trying to get hubby's attention, perhaps trying to get him back?

[Mz. Pixie]

How bout you guys go and make love LOUDLY in your tent so that she can hear ya???

 

Have him yell "You are so much better at fn me than _________"

 

I'm just kidding. This sucks. I am about to experience this a bit because of my bf having a child with his ex wife. His mom and her are still tight because of the kid, which I can understand but I won't want her around. She's remarried though with other kids so hopefully it will be a minimum.

[MightyMouse]

I would just go, be all over him, and enjoy your time. Try not to pay any attention to her. She is trying to get your goat, get hers instead.

[WalkingTall]

Listen to Merin... she is wise....

 

She has given me some advice for a similar situation that I am still battling with my ex-wife and my Mother and Brother. It has gotten to the point where my family went to my ex-wife's wedding, and ex-wife's family to my brothers. So many other instances, where the EW has taken the liberty of adopting my family as her own. So I know the frustration you are going through. Again, the only advice I have is to listen to the Wise One and the rest of the amazing people at LS.

 

Good luck with that... if you find a remedy let me know~!

[TexasWife]

I would go, just like suggested above. Don't let the ex ruin this trip for you and your DH. Of course, I would make sure that his ex should see you two all over each other, laughing and having a great time, lol. It might be awkward, but the kids would probably appreciate it.

[Elmo]

I know it's very uncomfortable...but...your husband divorced her....his parents didn't. They are probably still kind of fond of her. I know it's hard to bear, but she has been in that family for a while.

 

I feel for you. I'd probably not go on that trip. Try to schedule something for your new family with your husbands Dad.

 

These things are like tearing open a wound. It takes time to put a different thing together.

 

Don't try to pretend to be an all together happy family.

 

Start some new traditions....with the kids, but WITHOUT HER.

[Girlie]

I don't see any problem with the in-laws still be in friendly contact with the ex-wife. However, for them to think it's ok to have all of you on the same trip is either very naive or just very thoughtless or stupid. Quite frankly, I would not go. I understand why perhaps the in-laws find it hard to say no to her, but that doesn't mean that you and your husband can't say no. Just let them know you think it would be uncomfortable, and that you're not interested in hanging out with the ex-wife.

Good luck to you!!

[kellybelle]

Well, hubby and I went on the trip and we managed to stay away from ex most of the time, the times she was there, we ignored her in a nice way and we had a great time together. She seemed like a fish out of water.

 

When we got back into town, hubby was telling me how much his parents were fussing about her being there. They don't like her very much at all, but they are TERRIFIED that the kids will think badly if they tell her 'no' or give an excuse. MIL tells me how much she can't stand to be around ex, that they only do it for the kids. Ex takes COMPLETE advantage of this situation to try to be in the middle of our s***. I can only hope one day this will fade away, maybe when the kids move away? Who knows. If anybody has been in this situation, when did the ex finally get on with her/his own life?

 

EXW is either a manipulating beeyotch, or a social retard.

 

Also, THIS weekend, hubby and I had plans to take the boys to a big drag racing event, she FLIPS OUT when she hears that I'm going. She wasn't going to be there, what's the big deal? Next thing we know, we're getting requests from the boys that it should be 'a guys thing' and I shouldn't go. Fortunately, hubby stood up for me and I got to go. What's the deal? She can do whatever she wants, and I can't do anything? Hubby says that she is jealous because he never took her, always gave her the excuse that it was a 'guys thing'.

 

She is using hubbys kids and parents as pawns in a game.

 

EX also says that hubby is not spending enough time with the boys. Well, it's a heck of a lot more time than she spends with them, we're CONSTANTLY getting the boys when she's supposed to have them, and he spends LOTS of time with them.

 

Just to clarify, ex and hubby are supposed to have the kids for a week then off a week, then off a week. We've had them the past month.

 

Also, is there an appropriate age for the kids hear the truth? They are 13 and 16 yo boys. This would be a big relief if they knew the whole story and the ex couldn't hold the boys over our heads anymore.