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A mature woman asked me to meet and go for a coffee - is this a date?

Hollywood-Tourist

By Hollywood-Tourist
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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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I've been chatting online to a woman who I met on dating website and is nearly 20yrs older than me (I'm 27 and she is 46) and we are getting on great and we seemed to 'click'.

 

Towards the end of the conversation she said 'I'm willing to meet and go for a coffee, I'm happy to do that' which was her initiating the 'meet'.

 

What I want to know is, could this be classified as a date to some degree or does it not qualify for that because there is no candle lit dinners? lol

LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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If you like her, you should go for it. I'd say there's good chance for sexy time in the very near future. A woman her age is not going to mess about, and she's on her end game in life.

 

Whether it is a date is completely unimportant. Just go see her and find out what kind of deal she's looking for.

 

The coffee is her way of being kind to you in case you want to pay the bill.

Edited by LoneIsland
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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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If you like her, you should go for it. I'd say there's good chance for sexy time in the very near future. A woman her age is not going to mess about, and she's on her end game in life.

 

 

I do like her and she seems to like me, she ticks all my boxes and I think I do for her aswell.

 

 

That's good to know that you think it may be likely that there is some frisky time! She's not the sort of woman who appears to be 'gagging for it', she seems a little conservative.

 

 

What do you make of her asking me to meet for coffee? Good/bad?

 

 

But I'll go and see what she wants!

LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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Reason for coffee is stated in my above edit.

 

A woman gagging for it will never show.

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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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The coffee is her way of being kind to you in case you want to pay the bill.

 

I'm not quite sure I understand you?

 

 

Do you mean she's not serious or just wants the man to do all the paying?

central Established Member

central

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If you're interested, meet her. It's likely not quite a date - if you meet and hit it off, you may either meet again (a date) or extend your outing beyond coffee (maybe a date).

 

As for the snarky age-related comments, ignore them. If you are attracted, you just are - if not, then don't continue it. I know many 40-something women who are far more attractive than many 20-somethings - of course, this woman may not be.

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LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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I'm not quite sure I understand you?

 

 

Do you mean she's not serious or just wants the man to do all the paying?

 

WTF man. She's making it cheap so that if you pick up the bill, you wont get a hole in your wallet. This is her showing consideration for you. I don't think she would mind paying. But she's just thinking some men like to go gunho with the bill.

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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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If you're interested, meet her. It's likely not quite a date - if you meet and hit it off, you may either meet again (a date) or extend your outing beyond coffee (maybe a date).

 

 

I am interested and I think she is too hence her asking to meet.

 

 

From our online conversations so far I'd say we're getting on well enough.

 

 

If you are attracted, you just are - if not, then don't continue it.

 

 

I am attracted to her, not sure if she is to me though?

 

 

I know many 40-something women who are far more attractive than many 20-somethings - of course, this woman may not be.

 

This is exactly how I see it, most 40 something year old women in my opinion are far more attractive than those in their 20s.

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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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WTF man. She's making it cheap so that if you pick up the bill, you wont get a hole in your wallet. This is her showing consideration for you. I don't think she would mind paying.

 

 

To me that makes it sound like she thinks I'm cheap because she picked a Coffee outing which of course is cheaper than a meal.

 

 

I don't mind to be honest, it's just my first time doing one of these Coffee meet things so didn't know what to expect/do/say?

LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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To me that makes it sound like she thinks I'm cheap because she picked a Coffee outing which of course is cheaper than a meal.

 

 

I don't mind to be honest, it's just my first time doing one of these Coffee meet things so didn't know what to expect/do/say?

 

If you want to be expensive, you can counter propose a dinner.

 

Personally I wouldn't. I see no reason buying a stranger dinner. Maybe after a few go's, you will see the same light.

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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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If you want to be expensive, you can counter propose a dinner.

 

Personally I wouldn't. I see no reason buying a stranger dinner. Maybe after a few go's, you will see the same light.

 

Yes I know what you're getting at, I suppose Coffee is an inexpensive way or still meeting someone and effectively getting the same out of a date that you would going for dinner.

LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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Yes I know what you're getting at, I suppose Coffee is an inexpensive way or still meeting someone and effectively getting the same out of a date that you would going for dinner.

 

The difference is you have a woman here showing consideration.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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She offered to meet over coffee because it's the smart thing to do to meet a man for the first time. It's a coffee-date, not a real date. If you decide to see each other again then it's a real date. I have a feeling that second date will be at her place and she'll dine and wine you and it will be memorable ;) You are both consenting adults, Enjoy.

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Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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I think you're over thinking things.

 

You met her on an OLD site which means you both are looking to meet and date people, age be damned.

 

Some dates are coffee dates, some are cocktails in a swanky bar and some are full one dinner dates with ambiance. Which one you do or get often just depends on how interested you are in a person and how much you're willing to invest straight away.

 

The fact that she initiated a coffee date tells me (1) she's interested in meeting you based on the fact you seem to enjoy chatting with each other and (2) she's being considerate of your age difference and giving you both an "out" if it doesn't click by opting for an easy and inexpensive meet and greet. Do you have a problem with any of this?

 

If you like her, if you enjoy conversing with her and are interested in meeting her face to face then accept the invitation and enjoy yourself. Whatever happens, happens.

 

Good luck :)

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Hollywood-Tourist Established Member

Hollywood-Tourist

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She offered to meet over coffee because it's the smart thing to do to meet a man for the first time. It's a coffee-date, not a real date. If you decide to see each other again then it's a real date.

 

 

I suppose she is just being sensible by suggesting Coffee instead of a full whack on date, it casual and 'non obliging'.

 

 

I have a feeling that second date will be at her place and she'll dine and wine you and it will be memorable ;) You are both consenting adults, Enjoy.

 

I hope so, I know what you mean here so we'll just need to see what happens. ;)

 

 

I will update this once I've had the date which is next week at some point.

writergal Established Member

writergal

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As a 43 year old woman I agree 100% with everything you wrote in your post below, mightycpa. It would be difficult for me to date a man in his 20s because of the obvious. I know of several May-December romances that exist, and those couples are happy, but I could never do it.

 

This woman sums up the dating differences for the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s and I think she's spot on.

 

 

DF, I have three things to say about this.

 

 

 

She's 46, which means in her mind, she has not met you yet. You are going to meet for the first time. That's why it is coffee. Whether it is a date or not is really a question for the statisticians who keep track of the number of things you've done in your life. For the purposes of what you are there to do, think of it this way: while virtual you seemed perfectly nice online, she is there to see if she is interested in real you. Which brings me to the next thing I have to say.

 

Emphasis on the connection. She wants to connect with you alright. See it for what it is. Which brings me to the next thing I want to say.

 

 

There's a whole lot of common sense right there. Your life experience likely cannot begin to compare to hers. There is no philosophical conversation you are likely to have, no epiphanies you are likely to deliver, little enlightenment that you can bring to the table. She's been around for almost twice your life. She was banging boys before you were even conceived. If the geography was right, she may have even bedded your father. You just never know. But the thing is, you don't seem like the very worldly type who comes off at 27 on the outside and 50 on the inside. So, don't invest a lot of emotion into this one, because more likely than not, you will fulfill a specific purpose in her life. Enjoy it, but see it for what it probably is.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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I don't think either of them are thinking marriage at the moment! They like each other so far and want to see if the attraction translates into more than friendship in person. That is the purpose of dating. Don't overthink things.

 

I know two couples with a similar age gap. One is still married decades later and another split up after a few years. Depends on the people involved. We have one married couple on this forum where the woman is that much older than her husband.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You met on a dating website, so yes it's a date. That's why people go on dating websites. You chatted to her, she's giving you a shot since you talked to her. If you're not comfortable with it, just tell her so. She'll understand.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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If you like her, you should go for it. I'd say there's good chance for sexy time in the very near future. A woman her age is not going to mess about, and she's on her end game in life.

 

Whether it is a date is completely unimportant. Just go see her and find out what kind of deal she's looking for.

 

The coffee is her way of being kind to you in case you want to pay the bill.

 

I agree, except for the "end game" comment. What do you mean by that? That she has no options and/or is desperate or something?

LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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I agree, except for the "end game" comment. What do you mean by that? That she has no options and/or is desperate or something?

 

The end game is a moment in a woman's life when karma has caught up with her, and she has to throw in everything including the kitchen sink, consideration, etc, etc. It's a moment of wisdom and clarity.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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The end game is a moment in a woman's life when karma has caught up with her, and she has to throw in everything including the kitchen sink, consideration, etc, etc. It's a moment of wisdom and clarity.

 

Oh gosh, I still don't get what you mean, but to me it sounds depressing - like she has to prey on cubs cuz that's as good as it's gonna get for a cougar.

 

BTW, I'm not a fan of cougars. Date who/what you wanna date - but when you're constantly on the prowl for younger guys, I don't know...sounds like chasing the fountain of youth or trying to get reassurance that you "still got it" (same goes for guys who are always looking for waaay younger chicks and/or trophy wives).

Edited by Gloria25
LoneIsland Established Member

LoneIsland

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Oh gosh, I still don't get what you mean, but to me it sounds depressing - like she has to prey on cubs cuz that's as good as it's gonna get for a cougar.

 

BTW, I'm not a fan of cougars. Date who/what you wanna date - but when you're constantly on the prowl for younger guys, I don't know...sounds like chasing the fountain of youth or trying to get reassurance that you "still got it" (same goes for guys who are always looking for waaay younger chicks and/or trophy wives).

 

I don't think they are chasing the fountain of youth, just a warm body to cling to, a bit like a hot water bottle for the winter.

  • 2 weeks later...
Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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BTW, I'm not a fan of cougars. Date who/what you wanna date - but when you're constantly on the prowl for younger guys, I don't know

 

Most women aren't, but it doesn't stop them from gawking on a good looking young man. Who are we to judge right? If the cougars are happy, who cares.

 

sounds like chasing the fountain of youth or trying to get reassurance that you "still got it"

 

Is this akin to an older woman putting on makeup, wearing short short skirt, tight top, and clothes 1-2 sizes too small? Well of course they always claim they are wearing it for themselves

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