Lightglowabove Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) Long story short...... So I thought things were going well with my MM for six years. Then, right before my birthday (2 days before!), he decides he doesn't want to share anything with me and feels very disconnected to me. Wow!! I was in total shock! I tried to talk to him but he didn't want to even try to go forward with the relationship. He never called for my birthday, not a text, not even a simple "Happy Birthday". That really hurt. We were supposed to get together to celebrate my birthday, but he cancelled that. He is in the process of divorce with his wife and she does not live there anymore. My husband is still living with me although divorce is discussed. Am I wrong to feel hurt about not calling for my birthday? Also, he gave me some gifts that I do not want at all. I would like to return them to him. Call him and ask him where I should mail them or just mail them to his home without a word? What a complete turn around. Thanks for any help you can offer. Edited November 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Give the gift to a charity or shelter. No need to contact the MM. That's an excuse to try to reignite the affair. Sounds like he is moving on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Sounds like a reality check to me. Clearly he's not interested in pursuing things further with you for whatever reason. It's rare for affairs to end happily-ever-after. Donate the gift if you don't want it and move on. Use this time to reflect on your own marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 So you're mad the MM isn't contacting yet you are still married? You can get divorced and find a life that's not so focused on all these men paying attention to you. Have you told your husband you've cheated? What has been the goal when you "discuss" divorce - and what action has been taken towards that goal? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I get why you're hurt, but clearly he ended the relationship so I don't think it's reasonable to expect he'd have contacted you. After breakups, people don't generally contact the people they've dumped to wish them well at major life events. As for the gifts, throw them away, give them away, or store them away. Sending them back seems like you're trying to illicit a response from him. Either he will respond and it won't be favorable, or he won't and you'll be hurt again. I'd wash my hands of it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 He ended it. I would accept his choice with dignity and respect. Give the gifts to charity or someone else who will appreciate them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Ok. Here is what you do. Leaving the gifts wrapped, tie them in a tree like a Pinata. Take a big stick or ball bat and beat the living crap out of them until you feel better. Then throw them away. You will feel better and you can move on without having to deal with him or with having the gifts as a reminder. Hang in there. It sucks to be hurting. X 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jana3360 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I am sorry you are hurting. He is probably going through a lot being newly divorced and I can see how this might have come out of nowhere and really upset you. Do not contact him. Have pride, grace and dignity. Let him feel life without you. Give the gifts away. Buy yourself something really pretty. Keep busy. Plan a trip. Get a massage. Link to post Share on other sites
Jana3360 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Let all the bad feelings out. Cry and cry some more....cuddle up with your pets or your pillows and let them flow out. Don't keep them bottled up. You will feel better, I promise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightglowabove Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 Thanks everyone for trying to make me feel better. I'm very hurt and sad at this point. I never expected this and it took me totally off my guard. We had plans for the future, and now nothing (well, with him anyway). I think the reason I wanted to give him back the gifts is to help myself with this. To be done with it all..once and for all. To make myself feel better. And then move on. Does that make sense? It sure sucks to get hurt (especially when you didn't expect it at all). Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) Thanks everyone for trying to make me feel better. I'm very hurt and sad at this point. I never expected this and it took me totally off my guard. We had plans for the future, and now nothing (well, with him anyway). I think the reason I wanted to give him back the gifts is to help myself with this. To be done with it all..once and for all. To make myself feel better. And then move on. Does that make sense? It sure sucks to get hurt (especially when you didn't expect it at all). It won't make you feel better -- don't even understand that logic. The only reason I can see for you wanting to return them to him would be to see him and get a chance to make him change his mind. It doesn't make sense to me that seeing him would make you feel better. If anything, it will make you feel worse more than likely. Mourn the end, but do not contact him and block him from being able to contact you (unless you are willing to give the affair another chance, and if you do, then you truly have been put on notice that he can and will end it at a moments notice). Edited October 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Put the gifts in a bag and drop them off to a charity or your nearest donation box/center. Don't bother sending the gifts back to him. Write him lots of letters but do not send them. He doesn't deserve to hear from you ever again. He left abruptly and rudely, whatever his reasons were/are you'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Where are you and your husband now? Together, separated, divorcing? Does he know of your affair? Does this change things now that MM ended the A, make you want to work on thing with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Also, make sure you look after yourself. Is your marriage worth fixing? You say divorce has been discussed, but you are living together still. Would marriage counseling help the marriage? If he won't attend marriage counseling, maybe you can do counseling just for you to help you deal with the affair and find out why you entered into that and/or help you either find happiness with in your marriage or help you end the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 I once had a boyfriend give back the gifts i had given him when we broke up. He did it to hurt me. And it did. But i dont think he did it to win me back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightglowabove Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 I once had a boyfriend give back the gifts i had given him when we broke up. He did it to hurt me. And it did. But i dont think he did it to win me back. I like this. Not doing it to "win him back". Thinking about it....this is a red flag for the future. He did it now to me, he can do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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