wideoceanic Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I'll try to keep my story as brief as possible while including all the important details. I was the OM in a relationship. I fell in love with this woman. The affair started emotionally and it became physical. There was a period of one or two months after that where she tried reconciling with her husband. We were star-crossed, the timing was horrible, and we were in over our heads with the whole thing. But we couldn't let go. She ended up moving out of the house they shared. Over the next few months we tried to work on the relationship but she was hot and cold. At times into me, at times, removed, distant. Our communication was excellent though. If something was wrong I encouraged her to talk to me about it. She didn't want to burden me with her problems, but when you're in love you want to help. You want to do everything you can, so I tried my best. She met my parents. I thought, okay, she's pretty serious about this thing. She hadn't filed for divorce yet though, and after she met my folks they agreed nothing would really come of it until she did that. They even said she didn't look totally in it. She wasn't yet fully with me. Well, I took it as best as I could and kept rolling with it. A few more months, and she said she couldn't give me everything. She asked what I was getting out of it. And at that point, the whole thing just came undone. We broke up, got back together, broke up. And we've remained that way now for some time. The last we saw each other I got pretty drunk, slept on her sofa and in the morning we had a kiss and a tender goodbye. The idea here is that she's on her own, working through the divorce, grieving. She filed after we broke it up. She said she didn't want to make that decision with me in the picture, that it was a decision for herself to make. Which I get. I understand...but I don't. :/ If she was in love with me wouldn't she still be with me? Does the time she need, which she at one point called a "buffer", is so she can move forward with her life without me? In which case...isn't it over? And if that is the case, what the heck happened? Does she come back, or do I just let it go? I asked if I was a rebound. She denied this, but I wonder in some part of my mind if that wasn't the case. Was I just there to fill some kind of temporary void for her while she was dragged through the end of a marriage? Or was I something more than that, which I hope is the case? Thoughts/experiences all welcomed. Thanks for being here for me to talk about this! It is great to be able to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Sucks, don't it? Now you understand a fraction of what her husband is going through. A small fraction. Read a bunch of these posts, and you'll find a common theme. The OP, in most cases, can be damn near anyone. It really doesn't matter who. Just SOMEONE to fill the void. It's only special during the moment, and when confronted with the reality of a life together, usually doesnt' work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Do you have any idea how utterly pathetic your story sounds? Not once did you mention how you "felt" about interfering with some other man's marriage. I'd like to know where your values went when you decided to have an affair with a married woman. -10th Engineer Harrison 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 She either used you to end her marriage or you were the catalyst for the end of her marriage. Either way, you should walk away from her and let her go. Your relationship will always be tainted by the fact that she was married when you met her. It will eat at you. If she could cheat to be with you to end her marriage, what makes you think she won't do it to you? She's making a good choice to stay away from you to get her head on straight. Perhaps being away from you will make her realize what she did to her marriage and try to make the effort to make it work before it's too late. Or her husband might be done with her after what she did, who knows. But you being involved with her in the past or the future is not good for either one of you. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 No, she's never going to be 100% into you. Chances are your bickering that she should finally be in a serious relationship with you turned her off, you were supposed to be her lover after all, not another guy wanting to "trap" her in a relationship. You were played quite badly. To some extent, I will admit it's hard for me to feel much sympathy for you because you knew very well what you were getting into, while her husband is still in the dark. Get tested for STDs. Who knows, perhaps you're not her only "love of her life". Link to post Share on other sites
couchcushion Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 wideoceanic, you may want to consider moving this thread to the OW/OM forum... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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