hello234 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) <Moderation note: Moved content from another thread in order to forestall a threadjack> MM goes on vacations and he or his wife post stuff on FB, which I see from another profile since I am not on his FB list..i keep thinking should I add him so that I feel less insecure and I can also display stuff about my life? and then I think, he will continue showing off, and it will affect me more if I was on his list..UGH It just pisses me off what these MMs do.. They freakin say they love us, that their wives suck and then they go out enjoy happily and the "horrible " wives are the ones that get the good treatment in the end.. Ok, fine, let them go on vacation, I cant prevent that, but why freaking rub it in peoples faces and be "FAKE", posting romantic pics on FB, acting as if ur the perfect couple..hate fake idiots... that's basically what my MM does, and even I am thinking how to cope everytime he is on vacation..He thinks he is so great, sucha great romantic trip planner, tells me how some friends get jealous of him, however, with him, he tells me when/where he s going, and keeps in touch with me everyday, calls, emails... and then says that he wants to take me also sometime... but that shouldn't make a diff I guess... maybe if I also told him about my life and how my husband and I go on vacations and my husb is such a romantic planner, would that shut MM up and give me more confidence to cope? Is it a good idea for me to add him to my FB? or just stay off looking at his page completely? Edited October 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) No, it's not a good idea to add him. It's a great way to get exposed, a fantastic way to torture yourself, and an exceptional way to blur the boundaries in a way that it's hard to recover from. My AP didn't have FB during the first half of the affair and trust me, that was so much better. I'd stay off looking at his page, her page, and their family page. It'll only torture you. Trust me, from somebody who still years later checks her AP-now-husband's ex-wife's FB page at least once a week, once you start you just can't stop. I first checked it during the affair to see what she was saying about us and it was so pointless. I couldn't say or do anything about it and neither could he. And I check it now because I still am horribly insecure she says or posts things about us and/or her "friends" and my husband's co-workers talk about us. They rarely do and even when they do there's nothing I can do about it. And the times I check it because I miss the kids, it doesn't make it better, only worse. Just don't even start. It's better not knowing than knowing and stressing about it because you just can't do anything about it. Edited October 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) My MM wanted me to meet his wife and be friends with her, so that it would make it easier for us (esp him) to easily just tell her, oh I am just going out with her for dinner or lunch.. so that wife couldn't get suspicious.. Anyways, so I met her 2 times and shes great to talk to and nice but I have to hear her talk about him, and their activities and family, and my mood goes down.. On the other hand, I know being friends with her , I could get lot of info about their family, maybe even about fights she has with him, and how he really is when he isn't faking the whole " prince charming" to me , and seeing her negative points kind of gives me confidence but still i end up feeling bad. But What should I do? Should I just not meet her? bad idea? Edited October 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) Maybe he's fake with you and his marriage actually isn't that bad... Have you considered that. I guess I'm lucky that MM and his wife don't really use social media... I don't much for that matter either. But he told me straight up from day 1... He loves his wife and his life, just not being involuntarily celibate. And I'm cool wih that. I don't want another husband. What's the purpose to your affair? Why do you do it? If you want to be #1woman in his life, that unlikely to happen - he's already married her. She has his ring, his name, and more than likely his babies. That's reality. So he says he loves you... What do his actions say?? Edited October 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 They freakin say they love us, that their wives suck and then they go out enjoy happily and the "horrible " wives are the ones that get the good treatment in the end.. But it's an affair. You're both married and neither of you are going to leave your spouses and start over, build a new life (with kids in tow if there are any) and you both "live" life with your own spouses. Obviously your MM, like many others, have exaggerated problems at home, made his wife look evil etc., to make himself look good in your eyes. IF he told you that he loves his wife, they had a good sex life and enjoyed each others company - Would you actually have that affair with him? My guess is it would make you think twice. FB stalking does damage to you and it's pointless to do. If you can't stand the pain of reading about their life, then don't read their pages. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Please god stop being friends with the wife. That is beyond cruel. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Don't torture yourself by checking out their fb pages. Be confident of what you have with your MM, the W already seem to have everything, but not the secret he shares with you. She is the legit relationship, who else is supposed to post photos on fb? I think as the OW, we have to keep in mind that whatever is the MM's relationship with the W, we have to accept that ours is not on the forefront. Getting upset over the "happy status and pics" on fb is pointless, and just causes unnecessary stabs in the heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 <Moderation note: Moved content from another thread in order to forestall a threadjack> MM goes on vacations and he or his wife post stuff on FB, which I see from another profile since I am not on his FB list..i keep thinking should I add him so that I feel less insecure and I can also display stuff about my life? and then I think, he will continue showing off, and it will affect me more if I was on his list..UGH It just pisses me off what these MMs do.. They freakin say they love us, that their wives suck and then they go out enjoy happily and the "horrible " wives are the ones that get the good treatment in the end.. Ok, fine, let them go on vacation, I cant prevent that, but why freaking rub it in peoples faces and be "FAKE", posting romantic pics on FB, acting as if ur the perfect couple..hate fake idiots... that's basically what my MM does, and even I am thinking how to cope everytime he is on vacation..He thinks he is so great, sucha great romantic trip planner, tells me how some friends get jealous of him, however, with him, he tells me when/where he s going, and keeps in touch with me everyday, calls, emails... and then says that he wants to take me also sometime... but that shouldn't make a diff I guess... maybe if I also told him about my life and how my husband and I go on vacations and my husb is such a romantic planner, would that shut MM up and give me more confidence to cope? Is it a good idea for me to add him to my FB? or just stay off looking at his page completely? Hello... If you were a single OW, I might feel differently about your situation. Truth is, you're just as married as he is. You've posted numerous times, yet never mention your marriage. You're married. Have you forgotten that? Who cares what he does... Seems like you've give all your power to this man. What about your marriage? Please consider that. Of course, he will go on vacations, spend time with, do things with his wife...just like you. Please consider your marriage. You're not single. Have you forgotten that? You're not a victim. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 My MM wanted me to meet his wife and be friends with her, so that it would make it easier for us (esp him) to easily just tell her, oh I am just going out with her for dinner or lunch.. so that wife couldn't get suspicious.. Anyways, so I met her 2 times and shes great to talk to and nice but I have to hear her talk about him, and their activities and family, and my mood goes down.. On the other hand, I know being friends with her , I could get lot of info about their family, maybe even about fights she has with him, and how he really is when he isn't faking the whole " prince charming" to me , and seeing her negative points kind of gives me confidence but still i end up feeling bad. But What should I do? Should I just not meet her? bad idea? I think he's having you play with fire. As somebody who did something similar, I can tell you when you are discovered, it makes d-day oh so much more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Obviously your MM, like many others, have exaggerated problems at home, made his wife look evil etc., to make himself look good in your eyes. IF he told you that he loves his wife, they had a good sex life and enjoyed each others company - Would you actually have that affair with him? My guess is it would make you think twice. The opposite applies too... She wouldn't be the first, last, or only wife who made her marriage out to sound better than it actually is. I've got a number of friends who we all know their marriage are absolute disasters but to hear them talk they're as perfect as a rainbow. Especially to other women. Besides, they've only met twice... Most women, even in the worst of marriages, don't bring up that quickly that their marriage is a train wreck even if it is. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 The opposite applies too... She wouldn't be the first, last, or only wife who made her marriage out to sound better than it actually is. I've got a number of friends who we all know their marriage are absolute disasters but to hear them talk they're as perfect as a rainbow. Especially to other women. Besides, they've only met twice... Most women, even in the worst of marriages, don't bring up that quickly that their marriage is a train wreck even if it is. This is so very funny (odd) to me. Do people actually walk around worrying about whether someone's M is as happy as they believe the person leads on others to believe. I really don't know one person that measures other couples happiness in their own marriage. I mean what would you even compare it to??? Do people keep running happiness of other M lists? 1. The Jones 2. The Smiths .... How do factors such as illness, loss of jobs, death in the family, financial problems fit into this equation as things that aren't controllable by the couple?? No HAPPY PERSON I have ever met worries about how their happiness measures up to other people. Who reads a FB post and thinks, "I bet they don't mean it, I bet they're trying to just make people THINK they are happy!" Most happy people I know live their own life and aren't concerned with measuring other people's happiness. 17 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 No HAPPY PERSON I have ever met worries about how their happiness measures up to other people. Who reads a FB post and thinks, "I bet they don't mean it, I bet they're trying to just make people THINK they are happy!" Most happy people I know live their own life and aren't concerned with measuring other people's happiness. THIS! Why be involved with someone that makes you the type of person that thinks ill of others, hopes their happiness is not for real, stalks a FB page, feels badly when others are happy, etc... think on that for a while and then decide if this relationship brings out the good in you and makes you be the person you want to be or if it turns you in to someone you can only admit to being on an anon board- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 <Moderation note: Moved content from another thread in order to forestall a threadjack> MM goes on vacations and he or his wife post stuff on FB, which I see from another profile since I am not on his FB list..i keep thinking should I add him so that I feel less insecure and I can also display stuff about my life? and then I think, he will continue showing off, and it will affect me more if I was on his list..UGH It just pisses me off what these MMs do.. They freakin say they love us, that their wives suck and then they go out enjoy happily and the "horrible " wives are the ones that get the good treatment in the end.. Ok, fine, let them go on vacation, I cant prevent that, but why freaking rub it in peoples faces and be "FAKE", posting romantic pics on FB, acting as if ur the perfect couple..hate fake idiots... that's basically what my MM does, and even I am thinking how to cope everytime he is on vacation..He thinks he is so great, sucha great romantic trip planner, tells me how some friends get jealous of him, however, with him, he tells me when/where he s going, and keeps in touch with me everyday, calls, emails... and then says that he wants to take me also sometime... but that shouldn't make a diff I guess... maybe if I also told him about my life and how my husband and I go on vacations and my husb is such a romantic planner, would that shut MM up and give me more confidence to cope? Is it a good idea for me to add him to my FB? or just stay off looking at his page completely? 1. It's not just you, hello, but a lot of OWs seem to convince themselves and each other that all FB photos in which their MM appear happy are fake. Yes, I had an A myself, but tossing that aside for a moment, I don't post happy photos with my H when I'm not happy. I have gone through phases of just not posting much at all (like during the brief period of my A). And you act like his W is rubbing your face in her happiness. His wife doesn't know she's unhappy:p. She probably doesn't even know he's unhappy:laugh:. Hell, he probably isn't unhappy:( Mature people who are genuinely friends with their FB "friends" don't have to fake a story. She certainly doesn't know you are stalking her on FB!!!! If these BS's are posting happy photos, they probably really are happy and -- sadly -- don't know to be otherwise. But it should tell you that your MM isn't expressing unhappiness in the M to his W. He certainly isn't discussing D. If my H wanted a D, I would not be posting happy FB photos. The real irony, however, is that you aren't even friends with them on FB and yet you accuse them of rubbing your face in their happiness. 2. You also don't need to friend him on FB to tell him how great your life is. Feel free to tell him about your vacations, five-star dinners, etc. Better yet, show him by enjoying a life well lived (ski, skydive, play chess, learn violin). Between this thread and one your wrote on single vs married OWs, you seem very concerned with appearances and public perception. 3. His wife is getting the "good treatment." That's rich. She's getting a husband who cheats on her and (it would appear from your threads) not just with one woman. You've reported he has shown you photos of and FB conversations with other women. Bill of goods? Yes. Good treatment? No. You said you hate fake idiots. Are you not faking in your own marriage? Does that not sound idotic? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 I was dealing with the same thing some months ago, when XMM's W posted some vacation pictures on her FB (I made a thread about it). I got very upset. Not with her, because why should I blame her, but him. I felt like he'd lied about his M. I didn't think that their M is bad and she just wants to fake it to their friends. I saw the pictures as a sign of how happy they are. And I still think that. I blocked both him and her, but after a while I unblocked them. And I kept looking at the pictures..I forced myself to it..until I didn't care anymore. Until they were just two married people on a vacation. That worked for me. Well until recently where I broke NC, but that didn't have anything to do with the pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) This is so very funny (odd) to me. Do people actually walk around worrying about whether someone's M is as happy as they believe the person leads on others to believe. I really don't know one person that measures other couples happiness in their own marriage. I mean what would you even compare it to??? Do people keep running happiness of other M lists? 1. The Jones 2. The Smiths .... How do factors such as illness, loss of jobs, death in the family, financial problems fit into this equation as things that aren't controllable by the couple?? No HAPPY PERSON I have ever met worries about how their happiness measures up to other people. Who reads a FB post and thinks, "I bet they don't mean it, I bet they're trying to just make people THINK they are happy!" Most happy people I know live their own life and aren't concerned with measuring other people's happiness. Nowhere did I say that people walk around worrying about how their happiness measures up to other people. Only that to think that because in two meetings this woman hasn't opened up about her deepest, darkest marital problems that the marriage must be happy and their marital problems overblown by the husband may not be true either. I don't understand why the default in an affair is that the marriage is fine and the spouse having the affair is exaggerating or making up marital problems to reel people in for an affair, but the idea that somebody in a bad marriage exaggerating how happy she is in a bad marriage has you in a tear about how "real happy people" don't worry about how happy somebody else's marriage is in comparison to them. If you think that people never, ever, ever put on an exaggerated facade of happiness for the benefit of others with regards to their marriage, I have a bridge to sell you. The fact of the matter is that nobody here ever said anything about people worrying about how their presentation of happiness measures up to other people's. Nobody even implied it. I find it really odd that you not only interpreted what I said to mean that and took it so personally... All I said is that people don't generally spill their guts and share all their deep and dirty marital secrets to somebody they've met twice, nor do they generally put it on Facebook and that it's not outside of the realm of possibility that people in bad marriages exaggerate their level of happiness and security when talking to others. What's the saying? Believe only 50% of what you hear and 70% of what you see. Edited October 12, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Don't torture yourself by checking out their fb pages. Be confident of what you have with your MM, the W already seem to have everything, but not the secret he shares with you. She is the legit relationship, who else is supposed to post photos on fb? I think as the OW, we have to keep in mind that whatever is the MM's relationship with the W, we have to accept that ours is not on the forefront. Getting upset over the "happy status and pics" on fb is pointless, and just causes unnecessary stabs in the heart. This is a very sad post. Accepting that you will remain in the shadows of a man's life just to have him in your life. SMH:( Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 My MM wanted me to meet his wife and be friends with her, so that it would make it easier for us (esp him) to easily just tell her, oh I am just going out with her for dinner or lunch.. so that wife couldn't get suspicious.. Anyways, so I met her 2 times and shes great to talk to and nice but I have to hear her talk about him, and their activities and family, and my mood goes down.. On the other hand, I know being friends with her , I could get lot of info about their family, maybe even about fights she has with him, and how he really is when he isn't faking the whole " prince charming" to me , and seeing her negative points kind of gives me confidence but still i end up feeling bad. But What should I do? Should I just not meet her? bad idea? You shouldn't allow any man to put you in a position where you are not only betraying another woman behind her back by sleeping with her husband, but you are pretending to be her friend as well. Your ability to deceive amazes me. Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 1. It's not just you, hello, but a lot of OWs seem to convince themselves and each other that all FB photos in which their MM appear happy are fake. Yes, I had an A myself, but tossing that aside for a moment, I don't post happy photos with my H when I'm not happy. I have gone through phases of just not posting much at all (like during the brief period of my A). And you act like his W is rubbing your face in her happiness. His wife doesn't know she's unhappy:p. She probably doesn't even know he's unhappy:laugh:. Hell, he probably isn't unhappy:( Mature people who are genuinely friends with their FB "friends" don't have to fake a story. She certainly doesn't know you are stalking her on FB!!!! If these BS's are posting happy photos, they probably really are happy and -- sadly -- don't know to be otherwise. But it should tell you that your MM isn't expressing unhappiness in the M to his W. He certainly isn't discussing D. If my H wanted a D, I would not be posting happy FB photos. The real irony, however, is that you aren't even friends with them on FB and yet you accuse them of rubbing your face in their happiness. 2. You also don't need to friend him on FB to tell him how great your life is. Feel free to tell him about your vacations, five-star dinners, etc. Better yet, show him by enjoying a life well lived (ski, skydive, play chess, learn violin). Between this thread and one your wrote on single vs married OWs, you seem very concerned with appearances and public perception. 3. His wife is getting the "good treatment." That's rich. She's getting a husband who cheats on her and (it would appear from your threads) not just with one woman. You've reported he has shown you photos of and FB conversations with other women. Bill of goods? Yes. Good treatment? No. You said you hate fake idiots. Are you not faking in your own marriage? Does that not sound idotic? couldn't have said it any better Link to post Share on other sites
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