KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Calling all fellow OW only!!!! Let's help those who don't know they need help yet!! I've read quite a few threads started by ladies who are in the very beginning stages of an A, either flirting and hanging out, or just beginning the sexual/physical stages. Doesn't this just break your heart?? Aren't you screaming "RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!" inside? I know I am. Don't you ladies wish that you could round up all the potential OWs out there, those right on the fringes of getting seriously involved in an A, and corral them into a safe place?? Tell them what their lives will be like once they fall in love with an MM and realize he's never going to change, leave, really make her happy... What can we do and/or say to convince these ladies NOT to go there, or if they're there, to get out now!? We all know the torment involved in being an OW...should we just let it out here for others to read, as encouragement to stay away and/or get away from MM?? Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 For the potential OW(s) - Nothing i say can keep you from sleep'g w/that man - it would probably be more efficient to "slap-the-taste" right out of the Man's mouth!! Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 "Calling all fellow OW only!!!! Let's help those who don't know they need help yet!!" Shouldn't this say, "Calling all exOW"?? I mean, how can someone currently involved w/MM tell someone else not to be? Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Perhaps you can imagine this: Every weekend while your friends are out w/their significant others you will be home w/your cell phone glued to your hand so you don't miss "THE CALL". Holidays. Alone. Friend passes away? You'll be grieving. Alone. Now let's talk about the energy you'll spend think'g of ways that your MM can call you safely, see you safely - how about entire days can be wasted in order to make his A with you "manageable" for HIS life. The sex will probably be INCREDIBLE - you know why? It's all about the sex!!! If i was a typist, and my job was to type, i'd be a fabulous typist!! Here's the danger in even going there w/the sex - DO NOT CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU ARE JUST IN IT FOR THAT PURPOSE!!! Women are not wired that way - if the sex is good (and often) you will get attached - THINK REALLY HARD ABOUT HOW MANY WOMEN YOU KNOW THAT HAVE RELATIONSHIPS BASED ONLY ON SEX WITH NO FEELINGS ATTACHED WHATSOEVER!!! And the worst: always wondering what they are doing w/W - do they say the same things to them that they say to you? Does he touch her in that manner? HAVE PRIDE AND DIGNITY AND TELL THAT MM TO GO HOME TO HIS W - THAT YOU THINK TOO DAMN HIGHLY OF YOURSELF TO GET INVOLVED WITH HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 will give the most emotional pleas - TRUST ME ON THIS!!! They are in it and feel'g all that pain!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Because as a current OW, we can say THIS IS WHAT I LIVE THROUGH EVERY SINGLE DAY: pain, heartache, crying episodes, loneliness, depression, etc., etc. If someone with lung cancer says, "hey, check me out with my breathing tube, my hair loss from chemo, and my whithered little body...I got this way from smoking..." even as they puff away, wouldn't you seriously think twice about ever picking up a cigarette, or even heading to the drug store for some Nicorette?? Same thing applies here. If we show potential OW or new OW that there is NOTHING but pain to be suffered BY THEM in such relationships, it is my hope that they will avoid it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 If you allow yourself to become involved with a MM, this is what you have to "look forward to" in almost every instance: Every weekend while your friends are out w/their significant others you will be home w/your cell phone glued to your hand so you don't miss "THE CALL". Holidays. Alone. Friend passes away? You'll be grieving. Alone. Now let's talk about the energy you'll spend think'g of ways that your MM can call you safely, see you safely - how about entire days can be wasted in order to make his A with you "manageable" for HIS life. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 I'm not an OW, but I just had to say that I think that this is a great idea. I hope it works. I also hope that you gain the strength to extricate yourself and build a relationship where there isn't so much hurt involved. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 AND the good stuff you get to keep if you stay right where you are. i mean the bit before you do anything with the mm the bit where they are chasing you or if you are right in the beginning the bit where they are still working really hard to get you to carry on. or the bit where you only just found out they are married and they start using other lies and tactics to get you to stay, trying really hard not to lose you. if you dont budge any further from here in their direction you will always have that wonderful ego boost that wonderful feeling of being desirable and you will also have self respect and the knowledge that you coulda but you didnt! you can remain friends you will never have to boot him out of your life because you cant handle the pain anymore if you go further you will lose first your self respect, then you will get an ego bust when they keep you right on the sidelines of their life, right at the bottom of the list, you begin to feel less than desirable when the wife that they constantly b!tch about is way above you in priorities!! what does that say about you?? NEVER EVER think your situation will be different its too big a risk, this is the hardest situation to get out of because you STILL have enormous feelings for them and they are STILL available to you, it takes more willpower than anything in the world, tried giving up smoking? well *100+ Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 You know the pain and heartache involved yet you stay in this relationship? Geez, I guess it's like me being the BS staying in my M with my cheating husband. We are more alike that I thought. My guess is the only one who actually wins it all is the cheater! Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 I think KMT's concept is right - on. Obviously we are in a painful situation (regardess of what got us here) and I think we have a compelling story to tell to those who are "on the fence" - and KMT is right - there are alot of women in that "should I or shouldn't I" stage posting on here - before they get too involved, addicted, in-love, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Originally posted by Breathe You know the pain and heartache involved yet you stay in this relationship? Geez, I guess it's like me being the BS staying in my M with my cheating husband. We are more alike that I thought. My guess is the only one who actually wins it all is the cheater! Ain't that the truth!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Sounds like you are trying to do an on-line intervention. It may not work, but I appreciate your passion and hope that maybe one prospective OW will reconsider the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 I guess it is an on-line intervention. But I know of MANY people, myself included, who have received tremendous help and insight from reading these threads. I think it's worth the effort, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sad Flower Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 We are like pioneers going to preach the word Yes potential OW RUN, Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of the MM, It's like that song from Pink~ Run just as fast as you can!! The MM will lie, cheat, be sly, be selfish, have his cake and eat it too with the spoon his wife washes for him, he will be sneaky, sleep with you, sleep with her, lie to her, lie to you, run to her when he wants her, run to you when he wants you, he'll keep coming back for more, he will hurt you, ruin your life, play with your emotions, string you along, deal with you when he wants to deal with you and when he is done he will leave your life less hurting body laying in a ditch....and where will he be?! Back home playing house with his wife!! and where will you be?!?!?.........Here on LS asking why this why that why why why..who what where and why???? The OW is always second best Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Good job with the huge font! But let's focus NOT on MM or the W...focus on OW - what is she going to feel? How hurt is she going to be? That sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Sad Flower Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Ok you will feel the following...... LIKE ME LIKE s*** Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 Huh? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by KissMyTiara Calling all fellow OW only!!!! Let's help those who don't know they need help yet!! I've read quite a few threads started by ladies who are in the very beginning stages of an A, either flirting and hanging out, or just beginning the sexual/physical stages. Doesn't this just break your heart?? Aren't you screaming "RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!" inside? I know I am. Don't you ladies wish that you could round up all the potential OWs out there, those right on the fringes of getting seriously involved in an A, and corral them into a safe place?? Tell them what their lives will be like once they fall in love with an MM and realize he's never going to change, leave, really make her happy... What can we do and/or say to convince these ladies NOT to go there, or if they're there, to get out now!? We all know the torment involved in being an OW...should we just let it out here for others to read, as encouragement to stay away and/or get away from MM?? maybe we can lead by example, i mean I'm nc haven't seen him for almost 2 months , IM or email in response to his emails sometimes , he plans on leaving , but as far as A i am not carrying that on since jan but even now sometimes reading others saying do as i say not as i do gets a little old, you do this that &the other, well why aren't you? how can someone who cant help themself help someone else ? i read one post where everyone gangbanged the poor girl &most of them were still in A. you need to break it off NC all that fun stuff well do it &really do it, because if it didn't work for you , why will it work for someone else? i understand the well we have experience thats fine but i don't hear allot of successful, i left its great &i realize they most likely don't post anymore . anyway just my thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 And then, when your affair is over you will still think of him. But find out one day that he died. No one had any reason to tell you. Because in the real world, you don't exist...not to his family, his wife, his friends. And if you do exist to any of them, out of respect for his wife and his children you will be omitted from any public grieving. PHYSICAL AFFAIRS END IN TEARS. Honestly, if you want a real life with a man, do what they did in the 50's...withhold everything, friendship and sex until you have his divorce papers in your hand...and even then he probably won't really be available. Because he will have ties to everything that came before you. There are lots of unmarried, unattached men out there...find one. Or better yet two. OR like me 3 in 3 different states! And be honest ... none of them want an exclusive relationship...and neither do I right now. Then, when you are ready, form the relationship that lasts with friendship first...developing communication patterns that will work for the rest of the relationship...then add emotional attachment... then ice the cake with outrageous physical intimacy. If you do it in the other order, communication sucks...and it is doomed to failure! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by mourningMM And then, when your affair is over you will still think of him. But find out one day that he died. No one had any reason to tell you. Because in the real world, you don't exist...not to his family, his wife, his friends. And if you do exist to any of them, out of respect for his wife and his children you will be omitted from any public grieving. PHYSICAL AFFAIRS END IN TEARS. Honestly, if you want a real life with a man, do what they did in the 50's...withhold everything, friendship and sex until you have his divorce papers in your hand...and even then he probably won't really be available. Because he will have ties to everything that came before you. There are lots of unmarried, unattached men out there...find one. Or better yet two. OR like me 3 in 3 different states! And be honest ... none of them want an exclusive relationship...and neither do I right now. Then, when you are ready, form the relationship that lasts with friendship first...developing communication patterns that will work for the rest of the relationship...then add emotional attachment... then ice the cake with outrageous physical intimacy. If you do it in the other order, communication sucks...and it is doomed to failure! wow, mourning... i am not an OW, but i think that is really great advice. well-said. some people here could really use it. i bet you'd be a great counselor or something. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by mourningMM Honestly, if you want a real life with a man, do what they did in the 50's...withhold everything, friendship and sex until you have his divorce papers in your hand...and even then he probably won't really be available. Because he will have ties to everything that came before you. Isn't that the TRUTH! He has ties, he cannot leave. Even if it does, there will be no magical, happy ending like you may think! There will be pain, wounded children, guilt, guilt, and more guilt. You will feel guilty for being a part of a broken home and he will always feel guilty for hurting so many people. Of course there are exceptions, but don't let those exceptions deceive you. Read what we're all writing. Learn it. Memorize it. Our stories are more alike than different. That is why we're all here. Originally posted by mourningMM There are lots of unmarried, unattached men out there...find one. Or better yet two. OR like me 3 in 3 different states! And be honest ... none of them want an exclusive relationship...and neither do I right now. Then, when you are ready, form the relationship that lasts with friendship first...developing communication patterns that will work for the rest of the relationship...then add emotional attachment... then ice the cake with outrageous physical intimacy. If you do it in the other order, communication sucks...and it is doomed to failure! Yes, love the advice mourningMM! Form a friendship first! Develop communications patters that work! And DEFINITELY CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ICE ON THE CAKE PART!! Mmm, mmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Hmmm...be careful now...... If you attempt to impress on others the futility of such relationships you COULD be labelled as "clueless" and sexually unliberated. Even if you've been down the road so many times before you've filled in the potholes. Repaved it. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 well i did post here but it never showed AGAIN i said something along these lines QUIT WHILE YOUR AHEAD if you stop now you still get the admiration and ego boost from mm, you still get to remain friends, you still get to keep your self respect, he will respect you more, he will desire you more, you still get to keep your mystery, you get to know you coulda done but you didnt, noone can accuse you of anything (much) AND IF YOU DONT if you keep going with this, he will know he can have you, your ego will take a beating when he continuously keeps you on the edges of his life, at the bottom of his list you begin to get emotional and needy (even if you dont show him this he will know< he knows because you continue to see him knowing full well that you are bottom of hs list of priorities!), you will fall in love with somebody that you will never never never have, and even if you think you can be happy with the sometimes love, well when life hits you with something unforseen that doesnt fit around HIS life, you will be dealing with it alone, and then you will love him and hate him, and there will be nothing you can say because YOU KNEW THE SITUATION. so you will have to deal with it alone. and when something good happens or a personal achievement and you want to celebrate with him, he isnt going to be there. quite often he will only get his time to see you when you are feeling hormonal and awful and would rather hide away from the world, but you will see him anyway because you are desperate for those scraps of time. sometimes seeing him will require you to stay up later than usual or bend your schedule because that is the only time he can get to see you or speak to you. more and more YOU WILL BE THE ONE MAKING THE COMPROMISES, because he has the best excuse in the world! it wont start off appearing this way. in the beginning he will be extremely charming and complimentary, he will make you feel like at last somebody appreciates you, that you are the most amazing most sexy most beautiful most fascinating most intelligent most compassionate woman in the world. he will take crazy risks just to be with you. you will probably be under the impression that his marriage is either over or definetly on its way out because otherwise he would be being more careful. he will back up those thoughts with his words. the trueist words ever spoken in this forum are these: DONT THINK YOUR SITUATION IS DIFFERENT,IT ISNT! Link to post Share on other sites
heart2heart Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I'm not an OW, but very nearly was. Reading these boards defo put me off going to meet the MM in my situation. I just didn't show up when he'd been expecting me too. He got the message I think and he hasn't been back in touch, not least yet anyhow! Not going to meet him was hard. It was tempting, very tempting, but reading here, well......I didn't want to place myself in the same situation that others are in and risk having my heart broken. Although he's a MM now, we were 'first loves', one anothers 'first' everything in fact and I had a seven year relationship with him and long before he met his wife. This is why when I recieved his email out of the blue and years after we seperated, I wrote back to him and we became 'friends' that were emailing each other a couple of times a week. However it soon became clear he wanted more. He began setting up 'innocent' meetings between us - but I was wise to what he was really up to. He also claimed he wasn't unhappy with his wife, believe it or not......LOL!!. Reading between those lines, he was looking for no more than an 'affair', a 'bit on the side'......he would've never have left his wife nor did he have any intentions of leaving her. He was merely after a fling with an old flame.....or so it would appear. Just not worth it Link to post Share on other sites
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