She left me, I can't let go and want her back!!

[creyente7]

Hey man, I know how you feel, it's hard to let go I know but the day gets easier to go through. I mean I still think about my ex day and night but I'm starting to function normally. In the beginning I was not eating,talking,sleeping. But now I can do something else. I don't know, I shouldn't say my "situation" is different. But my ex said, "not now" on the relationship because she really doesn't have time for one, full time nursing students and works full time. But she kind of gave that little hope "we could possibly try again when I finish school" but she said not to get my hopes up. I guess best thing is to move on, work on yourself so when that time comes to meet her, you'll have much more to offer.

[Chi townD]

 

Obviously I do have thoughts that there could be someone else involved but she's not that sort of girl she really isn't, and although this has happened I really don't think she would do that to me. When she came and saw my mum on Thursday she assured and promised my mum that she hadn't met anyone else. She has hidden her relationship status in Facebook aswell rather than set it to single because she said she isn't interested in anything and doesn't want people to know and be asking questions. Can't really go by any of that I don't think so who knows what she's up to.

 

 

 

 

Dude, let me point a few things out to you. A couple of red flags for me.

 

 

1. She gave you the "ILYBINILWY" speech. Which is right out of the cheaters handbook.

 

 

2. She told you that she felt confused. The only time a women usually feels confused in a relationship is when she's confused about the feelings she has for you versus the feelings she's having for some other dude.

 

 

3. She told you that maybe she'll feel different six months from now and who knows! Perhaps you two will be able to get back together. Translation, I'm choosing to go with this other dude, but if it doesn't work out, I got you as a back up plan, so stick around!

 

 

4. Hiding her relationship status on facebook rather than set it to single. And what did she tell you? She didn't want people asking questions? So, that's why she did that? News Flash! If, one day, your page states that you're in a relationship and the next it doesn't have anything at all or is hidden, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ASK QUESTIONS REGARDLESS!!! So, that was a weak ass excuse.

 

 

Of course she's going to tell your mom that there isn't anyone else! What did you expect her to say? "Yeah, I've been screwing some other dude behind your son's back for a little while now and I'm going to try this new dude out." HELL NO! She's not going to admit that and have her lose your mom's opinion of her and lose you as a back up plan! She probably convinced herself that she was telling your mom the truth. That this other dude is "just a friend" that's helping her through a "very stressful time in her life" right now. A shoulder to cry on. But, opps! I didn't mean to, but feelings started to develop! It's a load of crap, dude. She knows what she's doing and she's trying to pull the wool over your mom's eyes as well.

[Kyle7]

Dude, let me point a few things out to you. A couple of red flags for me.

 

 

1. She gave you the "ILYBINILWY" speech. Which is right out of the cheaters handbook.

 

 

2. She told you that she felt confused. The only time a women usually feels confused in a relationship is when she's confused about the feelings she has for you versus the feelings she's having for some other dude.

 

 

3. She told you that maybe she'll feel different six months from now and who knows! Perhaps you two will be able to get back together. Translation, I'm choosing to go with this other dude, but if it doesn't work out, I got you as a back up plan, so stick around!

 

 

4. Hiding her relationship status on facebook rather than set it to single. And what did she tell you? She didn't want people asking questions? So, that's why she did that? News Flash! If, one day, your page states that you're in a relationship and the next it doesn't have anything at all or is hidden, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ASK QUESTIONS REGARDLESS!!! So, that was a weak ass excuse.

 

 

Of course she's going to tell your mom that there isn't anyone else! What did you expect her to say? "Yeah, I've been screwing some other dude behind your son's back for a little while now and I'm going to try this new dude out." HELL NO! She's not going to admit that and have her lose your mom's opinion of her and lose you as a back up plan! She probably convinced herself that she was telling your mom the truth. That this other dude is "just a friend" that's helping her through a "very stressful time in her life" right now. A shoulder to cry on. But, opps! I didn't mean to, but feelings started to develop! It's a load of crap, dude. She knows what she's doing and she's trying to pull the wool over your mom's eyes as well.

 

I agree with you mate, I know there's something going on from what I've seen now. She has met a kid that she met at a festival the week before she broke up with me. Something happened. I think she ended it with me because she felt guilty about it. She was over there again this weekend and obviously to see him aswell. As much as I said "she would do anything like that to me and she's not that sort of girl" it appears she is and as annoyed as I am I'm also quite disappointed aswell because I really don't deserve this on top of everything else that has happened.

 

As for the relationship status thing, she said she hadn't changed it to single because she didn't want people to know and didn't want people (other blokes I presume) hassling her or whatever. Anyway she had since changed it to single now for everyone to see so guess that's her just putting it out there now. That was 2 weeks ago she changed it to single.

 

I'm almost 100% sure of it. It's all adding up for me now anyway. And about her saying 6 months from now she may feel different, well that went out the window last time I saw her anyway, bumped into each other 2 weeks ago and was the first time we had seen or spoke... She said we were never getting back together and that she has moved on from it and that I need to move on aswell. Was hard to take, we were both drunk but I've still got to take what she says as true.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Kyle7

[Kyle7]

Miss her so much hope she realises how much I love and care for her. I know our relationship wasent the best at times but could of been so much worse. The kid who I think she's Meeting lives over 2 hours away so hopefully it will fizzle out soon.

Edited November 5, 2014 by Kyle7

[Kyle7]

From what I've posted on here about my situation, does anyone think there's a realistic chance she could eventually come back?

 

2 months now and she hasn't reached out once she's done the complete opposite in fact. Despite what's happened I would still welcome her back with open arms...

 

Is there any chance?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

From what I've posted on here about my situation, does anyone think there's a realistic chance she could eventually come back?

 

2 months now and she hasn't reached out once she's done the complete opposite in fact. Despite what's happened I would still welcome her back with open arms...

 

Is there any chance?

 

Is there a chance? Sure, there is always a chance of almost anything happening.

 

With this? I think you have a better chance of winning the lottery.

 

Sorry man.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Im sick of people saying others to get over her, forget her, it is a choice and bla bla... These people seems have to have stone hearts.

 

 

Kyle7 I feel for you and I know what you are going through as I am going to someththat. ing similar.

I am not giving up on her but im also careful not to become a stalker, so every know and then I will let myself know to her that I still love her to the ends, and today was such a day and all my feelings got returned crushed!

 

 

But im not giving up, in a few weeks I will resume my offensive once more!

 

This is, quite possibly, the worst idea I've heard on here. Not a dig at you personally.

 

You do know that relationships work both ways right? If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Since she isnt, there is nothing you can do. In fact, the only thing you can do is make it worse.....which "resuming your offense" will do just that

[Kyle7]

Is there a chance? Sure, there is always a chance of almost anything happening.

 

With this? I think you have a better chance of winning the lottery.

 

Sorry man.

 

Why do you say this mate? And I'm not being funny or anything, I respect your answer but id like to know why you think that.. Thanks

[ralfgarnett]

This is, quite possibly, the worst idea I've heard on here. Not a dig at you personally.

 

You do know that relationships work both ways right? If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Since she isnt, there is nothing you can do. In fact, the only thing you can do is make it worse.....which "resuming your offense" will do just that

 

 

Even me I agree with not doing this and my head is still firmly wedged up my a-se after what ive been through but just don't do it you will get more and more rejected and more and more hurt, please refrain I know by experience its just not worth it mate.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Why do you say this mate? And I'm not being funny or anything, but id like to know why you think that.. Thanks

 

As Chi said below, she is givng answers that are very telling that you might not see as clear as others. When someone hints that they have fallen out of love, that's almost a death sentence. Its VERY rare that she will feel the same way again. Ever. Tough, but true.

 

Im addition, the sayings of "In six months, I might feel different" is code for "I dont want to be the bad guy for how I feel and there is someone else I want to explore." She is giving you the food for you to stick around while she does other things. Complete crap and not fair to you. It keeps you guessing everything and doesn't allow you to move on.

 

Successful reconcilations happen when both parties separate, do their own thing, LOADS of time and are almost two different people. Those are all long shots. As mentioned, once the love is gone, its pretty much D.O.A.

 

I've seen this way too many times. Hell, I was told everything you were with my ex two years ago. Its pretty common sayings that are misleading and are meant to ease pain, but in fact, makes things worse.

[Kyle7]

As Chi said below, she is givng answers that are very telling that you might not see as clear as others. When someone hints that they have fallen out of love, that's almost a death sentence. Its VERY rare that she will feel the same way again. Ever. Tough, but true.

 

Im addition, the sayings of "In six months, I might feel different" is code for "I dont want to be the bad guy for how I feel and there is someone else I want to explore." She is giving you the food for you to stick around while she does other things. Complete crap and not fair to you. It keeps you guessing everything and doesn't allow you to move on.

 

Successful reconcilations happen when both parties separate, do their own thing, LOADS of time and are almost two different people. Those are all long shots. As mentioned, once the love is gone, its pretty much D.O.A.

 

I've seen this way too many times. Hell, I was told everything you were with my ex two years ago. Its pretty common sayings that are misleading and are meant to ease pain, but in fact, makes things worse.

The 6 month thing kind of went out the window when I saw her 2 weeks ago. Bumped into her one night and was the first contact we had for a month, she said were never getting back together, that she's moved on and I need to and when I asked if she had any feelings at all left she pretty much shook her head and said no. We were both pretty drunk when we spoke but she said the day after it was an honest chat so I've got to go with it really.

 

The in love thing she didn't reslly hint at it she pretty much told me straight to be honest. I just don't see how after 3 years she can go from being head over heels for me to absolutely nothing but I guess it happens and has happened

[Kyle7]

Will also add that she's recently blocked me on all social media aswell... Facebook snapchat and what's app, 2 months after breaking up with me which I find kind of strange. She hasn't deleted the couple of pictures of us from holiday off her Facebook yet though, strange aswel thought she would of done that

[Strength in Healing]

If she blocked you, then how/why are you snooping on her facebook still?

 

She likely blocked you so you wouldn't (ideally) see her with the new guy.

 

But damn, stop spying on her. If this was worth any of this, you wouldn't be in the situation in the first place. Sounds like a wishy-washy tramp.

[sooshi]

Kyle, the title of your thread says you can't let go. I believe that anyone can let go, if they want to. I think that when people say they can't let go, it's because they don't want to. So the question isn't, "Can I let go?" but "Do I want to let go?"

 

Do you want to let her go?

 

If she is unwilling to reconcile, it's something that you'll need to accept. It's painful and you're hurting, and you want things to be the way they used to be. But you can't control her or her feelings for you (and I think we've all wanted to control how others feel about us at some point); you're responsible for yourself, and only yourself... and that's awesome if you really let that sink in. That you're responsible for your own feelings, actions, and life.

[Chi townD]

Will also add that she's recently blocked me on all social media aswell... Facebook snapchat and what's app, 2 months after breaking up with me which I find kind of strange. She hasn't deleted the couple of pictures of us from holiday off her Facebook yet though, strange aswel thought she would of done that

 

I agree with strength. She blocked you so you don't see her with someone else. She doesn't want to be the bad guy in this. She doesn't want to feel guilty about dropping you for someone else you coming back and reminding her of how awful she treated this break up. She wants you to continue to believe that you and you alone are the reason why the relationship didn't work.

[Simon Phoenix]

Nothing really new to add, but just reiterating a few things.

 

1. Stop snooping her social media. Not only is it weird, but it's a form of contact that delays you from moving forward.

 

2. If she says she doesn't want to get back together, believe her.

 

3. Reconciliations happen, but they happen after significant time apart (months to years) and they happen when the dumper chases after the dumpee and goes above and beyond the call of duty to makes amends for their mistake.

 

4. Even if the guy two hours away doesn't work out, that doesn't mean she wants to get back with you. She might contact you to try to keep you as a safety net, but she will almost certainly be looking for another guy who isn't you over getting back with you.

[Kyle7]

I wasn't snooping on her page I can't anyway because she's blocked me, one of my mates told me.

 

Anyway seen her and him last night out in town where I live. Definitely can say there is something going on. Would of stayed at her house aswell. Absolutely gutted, hurts so much but seeing them last night has given me that extra push I needed in trying to get over her.

 

Just can't believe this is happening obviously I knew it would eventually but she's been talking to him ever since we first broke up. Don't understand how she can even do it after being together for 3 years and we were close aswell.

 

Oh well nothing I can do about it anyway if she's happy then good for her I've got to keep moving forward now.

[Kyle7]

This seems like gigs syndrome to me ?

[Pickmeup]

I feel your pain, I am now into month number 6 of a split from my H after 20 years together. I am trying so hard to be strong but the pain and hurt just stay with me. I have been like you, searching for answers, hoping he will miss me and want me back. If he ever regrets his decision I think it could take months even years - I cannot live my life in hope. I have to accept it's over now and move on.

 

The grief is unbelievable but so many on here are going through the same - we WILL come out the other end. For now, we have to take our ex partners off their pedestals - they weren't perfect (who is?).

 

Good luck on your journey and road to recovery.

[ralfgarnett]

I feel your pain, I am now into month number 6 of a split from my H after 20 years together. I am trying so hard to be strong but the pain and hurt just stay with me. I have been like you, searching for answers, hoping he will miss me and want me back. If he ever regrets his decision I think it could take months even years - I cannot live my life in hope. I have to accept it's over now and move on.

 

The grief is unbelievable but so many on here are going through the same - we WILL come out the other end. For now, we have to take our ex partners off their pedestals - they weren't perfect (who is?).

 

Good luck on your journey and road to recovery.

 

 

God bless you PMU I feel your pain too, my wife and I have been apart since July and I am grieving too

[Chi townD]

This seems like gigs syndrome to me ?

 

 

No, this is not GIGS. GIGS is dropping someone to go explore and see what else is out there. If you were writing that she was skipping around with her friends going to different parties and dancing with a ton of random dudes and doing stuff that was completely out of character for her; then, I would agree. This would be GIGS. But, she moved on to someone else without even mourning the loss of you or the relationship.

 

 

Therefore, it tells me that something was already established to jump ship on you. Dude, she was cheating on you.

[Kyle7]

No, this is not GIGS. GIGS is dropping someone to go explore and see what else is out there. If you were writing that she was skipping around with her friends going to different parties and dancing with a ton of random dudes and doing stuff that was completely out of character for her; then, I would agree. This would be GIGS. But, she moved on to someone else without even mourning the loss of you or the relationship.

 

 

Therefore, it tells me that something was already established to jump ship on you. Dude, she was cheating on you.

U not think? This is completely out of character her to do anything like this I know she's not that kind of girl and I know how much she cared and loved me before. And she only met this kid the week before she split up with me, so part of me is telling me that something did happen at that festival and she may of ended it with me because she just felt guilty.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

U not think? This is completely out of character her to do anything like this I know she's not that kind of girl and I know how much she cared and loved me before. And she only met this kid the week before she split up with me, so part of me is telling me that something did happen at that festival and she may of ended it with me because she just felt guilty.

 

I'm with Chi on this one. She was interested in someone else and dropped you to be with him. Could be loads of reasons why she decided to leave, but whatever the case is, the result is the same. I hate to clasify anything as "gigs" because it implies that its a temporary thing that they "grow out of" and once its done, they come back. In this case, just be glad it didnt happen when you guys were married or something worse.

 

Its always easy to think they wouldnt do anything like this......until they go and do something like this....then justify their decision to make it sound like they took some moral high road. Lol humans are stupid

[Kyle7]

I'm with Chi on this one. She was interested in someone else and dropped you to be with him. Could be loads of reasons why she decided to leave, but whatever the case is, the result is the same. I hate to clasify anything as "gigs" because it implies that its a temporary thing that they "grow out of" and once its done, they come back. In this case, just be glad it didnt happen when you guys were married or something worse.

 

Its always easy to think they wouldnt do anything like this......until they go and do something like this....then justify their decision to make it sound like they took some moral high road. Lol humans are stupid

Yhyh I definately agree with both of you that she was Intrested in someone else- him. And they've carried on meeting a couple of times the last couple of months so there definately something happening.

 

Obviously I want to think and hope that it is temporary but really don't think is, can't see her coming back this time really do think I've lost the girl for good.

 

I am moving on with my life and having much more positive days now than what I have, not thinking about it as much but it is still on my mind most of the time. Then knowing that he has stayed round hers all weekend just pissed me off really but nothing I can do now.

[Kyle7]

update... So it my birthday today and said before about if she would make contact or not. Well she did. She rang me last night at 5 in the morning, I didn't answer !! Then she text me again today and this is what it said....

 

Shouldn't of rang u last night. Just wanted to say happy birthday , hope you had a good night. I do hope at some point we can be friends as it is weird not having u in my life at all x

 

Haven't responded and don't intend to either, anyone have anything to say about this. Thanks.