montanamommy Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Hi, everyone, My boyfriend dumped me because my stress levels are very high as I go through a very difficult and dirty custody battle with my ex-husband. My boyfriend said that my stress levels are stressing him out, too, and that's why he wants to break it off. At first, he said that we should break up, but that it's "not forever". He said that once I get this custody battle under control and it's over with (in January), that we should get back together because then I would be more emotionally stable. I really took offense to this, because I do EVERYTHING for this man. He works overnights for the Sheriff's Department, so he sleeps all day. Therefore, I take care of his daughter every single day. I take care of all aspects of her life, including getting her to school, meals, dressed, hygiene, homework, contact with her teachers, setting up counseling appointments for her, etc. etc. etc. Everything a mother would do, basically...and he thanks me now and then, but it's only after I'm so overwhelmed to the brink of a breakdown. He is a procrastinator, and so I've had to do his college homework for him on many occasions; including essays and final exams. On one occasion, I had to write a Final Exam for his Political Theory class. I had never taken that class before, so I spent 10 hours studying the topic, and then two hours writing the essay. I scored an 85% on the essay, which is pretty dang good, considering I didn't know what I was doing to begin with. Instead of being thankful, he teased me that I didn't get a 100%, since in my own classes, I have a 4.0 GPA. He makes plans last-minute to hang out with friends, leaving me with his daughter to take care of, as if I'm some sort of on-call babysitter for him. I've confronted him on this many times, and he got better about it, but not all the way. I feel like I do everything for this man, and I'm balancing so much in my life at this point, to boot. I take care of his daughter (age 8), my daughter (age 7), I work three jobs, take care of his hyperactive dog every day, clean the house, do all of the laundry, see to everything that needs to be done around the house, grocery shop, cook, etc. I feel like he's getting a free ride, almost. His big reasoning for not helping out more is that he works long hours...but really? I work three jobs, for goodness sake, and with all this stuff, last week, I reached my breaking point. His mother had said something snide to me, and I ended up crying my eyes out because I was honestly already at my brink and what she said just sent me over the edge. My boyfriend said that I'm too emotional, and that I act first instead of thinking. By that, he is referring to the fact that I took what his mother said too harshly, and because I got mad at my boyfriend's "best female friend" because she kept wanting to hang out with him alone, and I wasn't comfortable with it. When I approached her about it, she blew up on me, and now she won't talk to me. He said I'm coming between their friendship, which is just silliness and dumb to me. So he broke up with me yesterday, and wanted to get back together down the road once my life is more stable. I told him that's not how I operate, and that if someone doesn't want me in my low times, then they don't deserve my good times. He asked then if we could be friends, and I kinda laughed like he was out of his mind and said, "You just crushed my heart, and you expect us to be friends after this? After everything I've done for you and [his daughter]? No. Once this is over, it's over...I don't play the back-and-forth game." It was then that we settled on staying together, but that I should move out. Problem being, my custody battle has left me penniless, since my lawyer is pricey as heck. So it's not like I have the funds to just set out apartment hunting, buying furniture all over again, etc. I feel kinda taken advantage of here, like he is really just focusing on all of his own issues with my stress levels, instead of trying to comfort me and support me in my biggest time of need. I don't know if I should try for this, and try to make it work to where I control my stress a little more so that our relationship works better. I don't know if I should just break things off with him, and live in one of our empty rooms until I can figure out how to get my own place. I honestly just don't know what to do, and I don't have any living family members to reach out to. My friends are great, but none of them have ever experienced my kind of situation before. Any help is GREATLY appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 .... So he broke up with me yesterday, and wanted to get back together down the road once my life is more stable. I told him that's not how I operate, and that if someone doesn't want me in my low times, then they don't deserve my good times. He asked then if we could be friends, and I kinda laughed like he was out of his mind and said, "You just crushed my heart, and you expect us to be friends after this? After everything I've done for you and [his daughter]? No. Once this is over, it's over...I don't play the back-and-forth game." It was then that we settled on staying together, but that I should move out. Problem being, my custody battle has left me penniless, since my lawyer is pricey as heck. So it's not like I have the funds to just set out apartment hunting, buying furniture all over again, etc. It sounds as though the only reason to "stay together" is financial. So, I'd say reach an agreement on your custody case (unless your child’s father is a danger to her) and stop bleeding money to lawyers. Then set a strategy to have the money to move out so you can focus on your daughter and yourself and eliminate the demands and drama associated with your BF's life. I sure wouldn't want to be his friend- or maid, nanny, ghost writer and sex buddy- any more. You have a daughter to raise and support and that is more than enough! Link to post Share on other sites
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