Feeling Used

[liswil]

MM was being really nice the last couple of weeks and I was feeling closer to him. We were together last Thursday. What's bothered me about the last to times together (the only times it has progressed to oral sex--on him) is that he wasn't being affectionate along with it. Before this, he acted affectionate. I felt crummy about it but tried to ignore it.

 

Then the next day he met up with me to talk and have coffee during the lunchour at work. He mentioned us talking next week which I thought was nice because he didn't use to say things like that.

 

I called him today and he called back and said was running late for a meeting. I asked him if he wanted to get a cup of coffee afterward the meeting since it was in my area and he said he was really busy but maybe we'd bump into each other in the halls tomorrow. (we work in a huge building and on different floors and that rarely happens).

 

I feel like all I am to him is a body. I emailed him that I want to talk to him in person. I think I want to ask him if I'm just a body to him, etc..... Actually I'm not sure what to say to him.

[KissMyTiara]

Hunny, that's what you are...a body. Or in your case, a set of lips, mouth, and throat.

All MM involved in affairs are one thing: selfish. No matter what the circumstances, they are clearly focused on themselves.

 

Stop seeing him.

Do not call.

Do not email.

Stop.

[MsMree]

Please, please, listen to what you wrote!!!

 

MM was being really nice the last couple of weeks and I was feeling closer to him.

 

YOU ARE NOT A DOG THAT NEEDS A PAT ON THE HEAD!!!! Of course he's being nice - there's a blowjob in it for him!!!

 

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh - but it is not as harsh as you will be feel'g if you let this slime throw you crumbs while you act like you haven't had a meal in awhile!!!

[ww]

ha ha I really like this thread!

Liswil : YOU ARE JUST BODY!!!!!

WAKE UP girl!

[Moose]

Aw right peeps. Leave her alone. KMT is the only one so far who's been helpful. You're not supposed to be so evil on here. Look, liswil, the best thing for you to do is like KMT said, "stop". Stop it all. Find a single man that can focus his attention on to you only. K?

[Bubbles]

Trust me honey.......all of us replying back to you have been in your shoes.

 

You are just a body to him.

 

The Worst thing you can do to yourself is have feelings for him. Take back the control and power over your own life. Use HIM for a change........ It's not as hard as you think it is - and another thing......if YOU are not getting pleasured too? Forget the blowjob buddy.........Every woman needs a good blowjob herself once in a while

 

bubbles

[MsMree]

that is the TRUTH!!!

[KissMyTiara]

Also, just like a good joke, a "feeling" (as in here, a feeling that you are just a body to him), always contains a grain of truth.

 

Maybe you are more than a body to him, I'm sure he thinks you are a nice person, pleasant to be around, etc.

That said, the fact of the matter is that his main focus is on his pecker and selfishly gratifying his own needs!

 

There IS a single guy out there who won't think of you as just a body - but the thing is, you can't really look for and/or find such a guy if you're too busy satisfying MM.

 

Again, STOP IT. No more BJs! No sex, no kisses, no groping, no nothing. STOP!

[Bubbles]

KMT! Did you manage to give up the MM?

 

How are you doing?

 

bubbles

[KissMyTiara]

Bubbles -

 

We still each other the same amount of time, talk just as often, are intimate just as often, share just as much...blah blah blah. The only change is my emotional stability - I'm much more lucid now. The rose-colored goggles (not glasses, goggles are more blinding) are off.

 

Now I'm just sick of crying over it, so I haven't in a while. Instead, I'm a little numb, a little angry, a little bitter...feeling like I have just WASTED a year of my life. No, it's not "like", it's I HAVE wasted a year of my life.

[liswil]

THis place is horrible. people glad to hear about this. I should never have come here. the stuff I read here is even worse than how he's made me feel.

[Sad Flower]

OW are always second third fourth fifth but NEVER the priority

 

Ya gotta realize life alone is hectic let alone dealing with a wife and another woman.

 

Be with someone who makes YOU the priority!!!

[Bubbles]

Same for me girl,

 

When we first started together I found myself crazy in love. Then my common sence kicked in and I said to myslef "what the hell? don't tell me you expect to have a 'normal' relationship with this guy?. shake your head girl. Use his ass just as he is using you. Get what you need sexually and move on!"

 

You know I think he actually respects me more for not being "emotional" and not "needing" him. I do go on dates with other men but no-one has really sparked my interst as of yet. Good Lord........I'm glad I'm not wanting for sex during all this dating crap! I could just see me.......boy-oh-boy talk about a moody bitch! You know?

 

bubbles

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by liswil

THis place is horrible. people glad to hear about this. I should never have come here. the stuff I read here is even worse than how he's made me feel.

 

 

YES, you should have come here. This is probably the only place where you are going to find the truth about what goes on in OW/MM relationships. This forum isn't making you feel bad. This forum is opening your eyes to the sort of "relationship" you are in, how it is that MM is really treating you, and you are seeing that it just ain't good, not at all.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Bubbles

Same for me girl,

 

When we first started together I found myself crazy in love. Then my common sence kicked in and I said to myslef "what the hell? don't tell me you expect to have a 'normal' relationship with this guy?. shake your head girl. Use his ass just as he is using you. Get what you need sexually and move on!"

 

You know I think he actually respects me more for not being "emotional" and not "needing" him. I do go on dates with other men but no-one has really sparked my interst as of yet. Good Lord........I'm glad I'm not wanting for sex during all this dating crap! I could just see me.......boy-oh-boy talk about a moody bitch! You know?

 

bubbles

 

 

I'm right there with you, Bubbles.

 

I guess in a way, I'm now at a point where I am using him too. For sex, for conversation...for my financial safety net (he paid last month's rent when my roommate moved out on me...I'm paying it back, slowly but surely).

 

I'm not nearly as emotional as I was just a few months ago. I too think he perceives me as being less emotional and less needy... I think the holidays really F-ed me up - I was REALLY emotional and REALLY needy then. Post-holidays, all I keep thinking about is, "sheesh, do I want to go through that again?!?!"

 

I'm dating too, but no serious butterflies - YET. I'll find a good one, it will just take time! You will too, we all will!

[liswil]

No, I'm sorry. this forum didn't open my eyes to anything. If my eyes opened it was because of me. but to come here and have people say oh goody---I love this! this is great! That's just sick.

He might be a user but some of the posts on here are just sick--and sad to see people being that way.

 

There is a difference between helping a person out and laughing in their face.

 

As for MM, I've talked to him twice since I posted the original message.

[liswil]

Btw, if your kid gets beat up by a bully do you say "Haha, see told you so!"

 

It's always good to know that society hasn't gone to hell.......

[whichwayisup]

Lis, I think some are more forward in advice than others...Most are trying to help, so read between the lines, don't take it as a personal attack. Noone is angry at you - Just at the situation which brings on alot of pain and suffering.

 

Noone is judging you, only trying to open your eyes to what will happen. Yes, each situation is different, each woman is different, every MM is different...But the outcome, the pain and all the unhappiness it brings is ALL THE SAME.

 

Take it or leave it, up to you...But don't leave because you're feeling hurt by what others are saying to you. NOONE is making fun of, or laughing at anybody in these forums. Maybe some are, who knows, but most are trying to help you.

 

Take care.

[MsMree]

I'm not sure about the "Hahaha" post, but you have to believe we would love to read you writing, "Ya know what? I am too good for his afternoon BJ's!!"

 

Sometimes the delivery may be harsh, but the sentiments are generally sincere in wishing that YOU desire and deserve better treatment.

 

LOVE YOURSELF (you'll see that written alot here).

[newby]

liswil babe, i can see what you mean, but you can just turn round and laugh right back at all the people because pretty much all of us have been there and some of us still are!! in fact get out and then laugh even harder!!

really if anyone is being patronising in any way they are also being hypocritical, if you were more sure of your worth you would see that straight out. it makes people feel better if they think they are less in denial than you are. the truth is, every one in here is in f*cking denial!!

so turn round hun and laugh back xxx

[liswil]

Yeah I've known all my life I need to have a thicker skin but it doesn't seem to make it any thicker. You can imagine how my life has been because of it---a lot of pain.

I think WW's comment is what really did it to me. People who are hurting don't need to see things like that. If you think it helps them---well---wrong.

 

 

First of all, I have to say that MM is now in his we need to just stick to being friends mode (platonic ones). I don't really think he wants to cheat---not necessarily because of his wife but because of how he was raised---his religious beliefs. I think that's what's getting to him.

 

He told me today that I'm taking things too negatively --that he's not trying to blow me off but that he is swamped right now due to this trip coming up. He says he leaves Sat. night till the following Sat. He said us talking in person might have to wait until he comes back.

 

Then he mentioned how he doesn't always get to talk to other friends either. I tried to tell him how this is different -- how this hasn't been platonic. I seriously wonder if his mind tells him that it has been. I really think he probably tells himself we're just friends so he doesn't feel guilty.

He also mentioned how his wife called earlier and he told her he couldn't talk to her either---to show me it wasn't just me he was doing that to.

 

I asked him if I was just a body to him and he said no. Stupid question to ask I guess. I told him how he changes so much and runs hot and cold and how last week HE was the one to say that we'd be talking next week.

 

You know I really am starting to think his mind is really screwed up. I don't sense that he's just feeding me lines----I think he believes his own screwed up thoughts. Seriously.

[liswil]

I think I wanted to see him today so that I could tell him that the last 2 times he acted differently I thought. And now I didn't get that chance. But he probably would have told me that I'm analyzing too much.

 

And he's right about that. I do analyze too much and I do think that someone is blowing me off when the reality is that they're just busy.

 

I'm NOT making excuses for him so please read this disclaimer to the line above. I DO know that's how I am though and I often see things worse than they are.

 

He's probably not blowing me off and does want to be a friend while I'm feeling like he just used me for my body. I don't think he did. I do think he would like to be friends but is also attracted to me.

 

Maybe it's my fault for things going too far. I did sorta get kinda suggestive lately (which is really odd for me).

 

And why do I feel like his wife is so lucky? I feel like all the good ones like him are taken maybe and then get all depressed over that.

[MsMree]

How lucky is she? Would you be a lucky W if your H was fool'g around at work?

 

IMO, this man doesn't want to take things any further and does not want to hurt you either - that being said, every time he sees you he must have that "Oh, God" feel'g - especially if you need to always TALK about things - MEN HATE THAT!!!

 

Whatever the situatiion is it appears tht you aren't in too deep - yeah, there might be some feel'gs on your part, but you have the opportunity to get out w/some DIGNITY.

 

I wish you the best!!!

 

p.s. keep busy doing other things at work and while he is traveling - BUSY!! that always helps me get my head out of my a$$.

[newby]

liswil i did post here but it disappeared before t arrived

firstly dont worry about the people being patronising etc, most of the people posting here are in the same boat as you or have been at any rate. sometimes it makes people feel better if they think they are less in denial than other people but its hypocrisy so laugh back.

it is a harsh situation though.

its funny how we as women seem to think that if somebody rejects us that they must be better than us. all of these affairs contain an element of rejection even if it isnt outright. from how you have described this mm it really isnt apparent how you could say "all the good ones are taken" he really sounds a bit screwy, and like a big coward.

where did you get the impression he is one of the "good ones"?

what is your worth honey? are you worth more than this? if the answer is no then you gotta do some serious work until you make the answer a certain yes. thats all you need to work on.

you ARE making excuses liswil, we all do. its very hard but just keep telling yourself the facts over and over.

when i had my realisations of my situation it was like sickening blows, its not nice. thing is i really didnt have much self worth at all, i didnt likemyself very much. i had to do alot of work on that, sometimes you dont even realise that you dont like yourself much until you look at the treatment you will accept from others. you are not being treated well, and you dont deserve to be treated like that. it doesnt matter what anybody else says though. you have to really really believe that you dont deserve to be treated like that.

get help, help yourself in any way you can. this situation you are in with this awful awful selfish weak man who treats you like you are just a body, no matter what he says. is really going to send your opinion of yourself even lower. it is not going to help. try to project this mentally into the future, take the awful feeling when you felt you may have been just a body and multiply by 100. do you think it will be any easier to get out then?

do you think he is going to treat you better then?

it wont happen.

gather every ounce of strength you have and leave this place.

then be very very very proud of yourself.

[ww]

HAHA POST REPLY:

 

haha...was meant as: jeeeeeeeeez I `ve just opened my eyes folks! I have been there! I went through it! and HAHA I just realized how naive i was to let him play with me and HAHA I won`t let it to anyone anymore!!!HAHA

 

LIS : I told you in private what i think about it. AGAIN: RUN AWAY ....yes your heart will ache ...but the more you stay the more you will get involved the worse it will get!!!!!!!

 

HAHA _ wish i found this forum when i was in your initial stage.