Long Distance

[ihatethis]

Okay, here's my story. I apologize for it's length, but I want to give you the details.

 

About 4 weeks ago I met a guy at a combination bachelor/bachelorette party in New Orleans. (I'm good friends with the bride, he with the groom.) We immediately hit it off and spent some time talking and hanging out that weekend. (As much as we could without irritating our friends--ha ha.)

 

Problem is, we live about 2,000 miles apart. We've talked on the phone once or twice a week since then. (He initiated calling me.)

 

The wedding was this past weekend. I invited him to come with me to the rehearsal dinner (I was a bridesmaid), and he came. All went well. At the end of the night, he went out with the guys, I with the girls. At the wedding, once I was done with all the wedding party stuff, we hung out a lot and had a great time.

 

So now I'm in a weird situation. I really like this guy. It's been a long, long time since I've liked anyone this much. He basically makes every point on my checklist. (As much as I know--admittedly, we don't know each other that well yet.) Without going into details, I'm fairly certain he feels the same way about me. We had some great conversations. We didn't sleep together, only kissed a couple of times. I'm 26, he's 28.

 

I'm realistic enough to know that either of us picking up and moving isn't an option this early in the game. And I'm not the type of girl to pick up and move solely for a guy anyway. Neither of us are 'tied' to our cities. We both moved after college because we didn't want to live in the same city for our entire lives. We are both from the same city originally. (We both live in great cities, though. I wouldn't be adverse to moving to his eventually, if things worked out. I have friends there, too.) But, it's sort of hard to play the game over the phone. The past 4 weeks have been fine, since I knew I'd see him at the wedding, but now I have no idea when I'll see him again, if at all.

 

I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to talk to him more, but the practical side of me knows that this is probably futile. There are so many things involved in getting to know someone that I question whether we can do it over the phone. I don't want to bring any of this up with him because I'm afraid of jumping the gun, but I don't want to invest a lot of emotion into this if it's just going to fizzle out in a month or two. (Like I said, I really like him and it hurts already that I'm not going to see him.)

 

Is my only option to handle this as a friendship, or does anyone have any ideas on what I can do? I might actually be in his city for a night next weekend, but I don't want to pressure him at all, so I feel sort of weird about asking him if he wants to hang out that night.

 

Sorry this post is so long. Any advice (or doses of reality) would be appreciated.

 

Thanks!

[Foxglove]

Dear ihatethis;

 

I believe that from a logical viewpoint it is best to forget about this chance encounter and yet if your imagination will linger upon this guy and later wonder if such a decision was wise I think it would be best to at least maintain some contact with this man. I think it could cause you heartbreak to talk to him or could be fun and you should only continue this if....

 

1) You can keep things on a lighthearted level, deciding that he is your one true love will set you up for heartbreak if you are unable to be together.

 

2) Avoid a commitment. Its okay to talk and flirt with this man, but until there is some possiblity of you moving closer together sometime in the near future I would avoid a commitment. You should still consider other nearer men and realize that he is likely considering other nearer women.

 

3) Be honest with him and expect the same. Even with a lack of a commitment you should let him knowif you are dating someone else. You do not and probably should not go into all the details, but lieing will make your relationship bad should it ever grow beyond what it is. Likewise you should ask that he be honest with you.

 

4) You should not spend too much money on long distance calls to his man or invest too many hours a day to checking and writing email that is to or from him.

 

If you keep things on a lighthearted level or just be 'friends' you will be able to maintain your contact and such if you are really right for each other it might happen sometime. But if you keep some emotional distance and see other people the distance will not be as painful and you will be living your real life now, instead of waiting for a possible, but unlikely future dream.

 

Many times guys appear like shining knights from a distance, but when seen up close the glamour can quickly fade.

 

Foxglove

[Acubed]

So, so true - never again will I be in a long-distance relatiosnhip.

 

L8r,

 

AAA

Dear ihatethis; I believe that from a logical viewpoint it is best to forget about this chance encounter and yet if your imagination will linger upon this guy and later wonder if such a decision was wise I think it would be best to at least maintain some contact with this man. I think it could cause you heartbreak to talk to him or could be fun and you should only continue this if.... 1) You can keep things on a lighthearted level, deciding that he is your one true love will set you up for heartbreak if you are unable to be together. 2) Avoid a commitment. Its okay to talk and flirt with this man, but until there is some possiblity of you moving closer together sometime in the near future I would avoid a commitment. You should still consider other nearer men and realize that he is likely considering other nearer women. 3) Be honest with him and expect the same. Even with a lack of a commitment you should let him knowif you are dating someone else. You do not and probably should not go into all the details, but lieing will make your relationship bad should it ever grow beyond what it is. Likewise you should ask that he be honest with you. 4) You should not spend too much money on long distance calls to his man or invest too many hours a day to checking and writing email that is to or from him. If you keep things on a lighthearted level or just be 'friends' you will be able to maintain your contact and such if you are really right for each other it might happen sometime. But if you keep some emotional distance and see other people the distance will not be as painful and you will be living your real life now, instead of waiting for a possible, but unlikely future dream. Many times guys appear like shining knights from a distance, but when seen up close the glamour can quickly fade. Foxglove