rajs81 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Hello everyone, Just wanted to get perspectives on a situation that goes like this: Living separately for over a year now, essentially had to leave/escape because she had a severe case of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) for which the only recommendation is to just leave. The separation caused her to fly into a rage and file a protective order on a silly pretext, in return I filed a protective order against her to protect myself and now we cannot be in any contact for 2 years. I believe she is impossible to change, and do not see any hope for reconciliation without risking everything. There are no kids involved. Currently trying to recover from the ordeal and bringing the focus into work with the intention of filing for divorce when ready for it, with all its financial and emotional troubles. In such a case, is it advisable to date new people and possibly sleep if it turns out like that...? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 I personally think it's a mistake to date until your divorce is final, simply cleaner and less drama involved. Too often I see a new person used as some sort of transition device, not really fair to them. Others may feel differently. Doesn't mean you can't place yourself in group situations - sports, clubs, associations, etc - where both sexes involved.... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 With no kids involved, it may be that the bulk of emotional and legal unpleasantness has already happened with the separation-- unless the division of assets will be bitter in your particular case (mortgage, co-owned business, that sort of thing). That said, you don't want to date until you are no longer very focused on your ex. For one thing, dating too soon will lead you to repeat the same old thing with a new, but not-so-new, partner. Get counseling to figure out why you ended up married to someone like that. Get lots of new friends. After some of those things, date when you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Why haven't you filed for divorce????? Oh well regardless of your rationale for not divorcing, if my wife moved out and filed a restraining order on me, I would take that as meaning the M was over. I wouldn't let the fact that the courthouse still had some paper work to do stop me from dating/sex etc. There are a number of practical considerations such as not many women are interested in dating someone that's still married (other than the ones that are married them selves) but I have no moral or ethical qualms dating when both parties are in agreement that the M is over and the end-goal is divorce. The time that dating while separated is if the end-goal is reconciliation. If my psycho wife moved out and filed a restraining order on me, I'd probably put my feet up and enjoy the peace and quiet the first weekend. Then try to get out the second weekend. If I was able to get a date that second weekend, I'd go for it. IMHO you are a year late in getting out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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