Meetup events, but doing events as a non-member

[Imported]

Of course, this is a Christian singles group...so hopefully getting laid isn't their priority.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten characters.

 

Well, I don't know about the dudes, but I do know about the women.

[irc333]

 

 

 

Ten characters.

 

Hey, hey, I said that tongue in cheek. If you want to go G rated, then Casablanca-style kissing.

 

Personally, I don't think this Meetup will last. Anything with the word "Singles" in it scares people off anyhow.

[MissBee]

Believe you me, the gender does have something to do with these peoples' agendas. May not be with you, but I have even heard of people checking out the RSVP list prior to even attending to see if there are any "cute guys" going before even going. If not, then they don't go.

 

 

Who said anything about gender? You brought up the woman not joining the group to avoid men and I'm curious as to how you came to that conclusion out of all other likely conclusions based on what she said.

 

What she said doesn't tell you anything besides the face value of it, she said she's not interested and doesn't have time. I guess I am confused at why you don't accept this at face value but are making leaps and bounds to assume it's "really" about avoiding men...I don't get that...

 

You don't know the lady. You spoke to her for all of what 3 minutes? So why isn't her reason seen as valid in your eyes? She said she's not a member because she has no time and isn't interested....whatever else you extrapolate from that doesn't have much to back it up and I don't understand the leap from that to avoiding men, gender or whether or not people RSVP based on cute guys. She came to the event it seems because the host is someone she goes to Bible study with who might have told her about it or asked her to come support even though she has no plans to regularly attend. That to me seems legit.

[Imajerk17]

Well I am a man and I have been that person. I've gone to a Meetup event not as a member but because I was invited by a friend there. It was a nice time but I feel no compulsion to go to another event. It was 90 minutes of small talk (which did lead to enjoyable conversations with a few people but no one whom I thought I had much in common with). That's not my idea of a great time. I was happy to get outta there.

 

I suppose the girl of my dreams could be at the next event the group holds but it is statistically more likely she will be at Trader Joes at that time. Or the gym, or out hiking or doing whatever outside of the Meetup group. Meanwhile I have a full enough life as is. I'd rather go to the gym, hang out with my friends, enjoy my alone time, or even take a nap, than to try to spark up friendships with people I don't really click with.

 

Anyway that might be the thought process of many a woman who didn't stick around. And FWIW even though I am single and looking I would never go to a "single's" event. I'd rather meet a girl at the gym, grocery store, bar, or on Match. Even if G_d teleported me to a singles event I sure as hell wouldn't stick around if I didn't find anyone appealing. What would be the point.

Edited October 15, 2014 by Imajerk17

[irc333]

I'd rather meet a girl at the gym, grocery store, bar, or on Match. Even if G_d teleported me to a singles event I sure as hell wouldn't stick around if I didn't find anyone appealing. What would be the point.

 

Wait, you'd rather sit on the computer at home on Match.com than to a Meetup event?

 

I guess its best to join a Meetup if you had common interest with others. Like trail biking groups or movie groups, etc. That way you would click with someone.

 

Maybe that's the diff. between me and some of the other people, they have social life outside of Meetup...but one can't poo-poo it as a means to develop new friendships, I know I have.

 

Some use it as their ONLY means of having a social life.

 

Anyhow, I"m guessing anything with the label of "Singles" attached it , labels it as a stigma of sorts.

[guest569]

Wait, you'd rather sit on the computer at home on Match.com than to a Meetup event?

 

I guess its best to join a Meetup if you had common interest with others. Like trail biking groups or movie groups, etc. That way you would click with someone.

 

Maybe that's the diff. between me and some of the other people, they have social life outside of Meetup...but one can't poo-poo it as a means to develop new friendships, I know I have.

 

Some use it as their ONLY means of having a social life.

 

Anyhow, I"m guessing anything with the label of "Singles" attached it , labels it as a stigma of sorts.

 

Meetup is definitely my only means of having a social life, it's been so good for me. When I went through a breakup, my so called best friends were not there when i needed them, I haven't even seen them all year. I immediately clicked with the people at meetup.

 

My only problem with singles groups is that quite a lot of the men have asked me out. Its overwhelming and I'm not really sure what to make of it. I think i am at the stage where i really just want to make solid friendships before i try dating again. I prefer to get some male friends, not sure why .. I seem to connect with them better.

[irc333]

Meetup is definitely my only means of having a social life, it's been so good for me. When I went through a breakup, my so called best friends were not there when i needed them, I haven't even seen them all year. I immediately clicked with the people at meetup.

 

My only problem with singles groups is that quite a lot of the men have asked me out. Its overwhelming and I'm not really sure what to make of it. I think i am at the stage where i really just want to make solid friendships before i try dating again. I prefer to get some male friends, not sure why .. I seem to connect with them better.

 

I think in "Singles" labeled groups, you'll get people on a serious man or woman hunt, and not let things happen organically. Just a theory. I am trying to let things happen organically, but sometimes the other parties just tolerate you and say very little when it comes to building rapport.

 

Being "on a mission" pretty much takes away from all the dynamics.

 

What's funny I see the same "single" people in non-Meetup related groups as well, so it's rather moot since 90+% of people in Meetups in my city are single.

 

WE have this one rather LARGE Meetup group for the big city, simply called "Name of city Social Club" but the organizer constantly holds Singles related themed events like "Stoplight Party" with Icebreakers, a dating game, etc Looks kind of fun, but its all geared towards finding a mate IRL.

[Emilia]

I think in "Singles" labeled groups, you'll get people on a serious man or woman hunt, and not let things happen organically. Just a theory. I am trying to let things happen organically, but sometimes the other parties just tolerate you and say very little when it comes to building rapport.

 

Being "on a mission" pretty much takes away from all the dynamics.

 

What's funny I see the same "single" people in non-Meetup related groups as well, so it's rather moot since 90+% of people in Meetups in my city are single.

 

WE have this one rather LARGE Meetup group for the big city, simply called "Name of city Social Club" but the organizer constantly holds Singles related themed events like "Stoplight Party" with Icebreakers, a dating game, etc Looks kind of fun, but its all geared towards finding a mate IRL.

I agree with you fully. 'Real' meetups that are focused around something skilled (ie where people join because they have pursued a hobby/interest genuinely for a while) is rare but those are the ones I try to find. Works much better, partly because you can actually widen your social circle and perhaps find a mate outside meetup.

[guest569]

I agree with you fully. 'Real' meetups that are focused around something skilled (ie where people join because they have pursued a hobby/interest genuinely for a while) is rare but those are the ones I try to find. Works much better, partly because you can actually widen your social circle and perhaps find a mate outside meetup.

 

I also feel more comfortable when they are just friendship or activity groups, because some people can get a bit too demanding and eager if its a singles group.. I feel pressured. I'm all for throwing singles people together but i wish they could calm down a bit!

[Emilia]

I also feel more comfortable when they are just friendship or activity groups, because some people can get a bit too demanding and eager if its a singles group.. I feel pressured. I'm all for throwing singles people together but i wish they could calm down a bit!

It's not my thing and I value friendships as well, I still think a bigger social circle is the answer to pretty much anything.

[Imajerk17]

Wait, you'd rather sit on the computer at home on Match.com than to a Meetup event?

 

I guess its best to join a Meetup if you had common interest with others. Like trail biking groups or movie groups, etc. That way you would click with someone.

 

Maybe that's the diff. between me and some of the other people, they have social life outside of Meetup...but one can't poo-poo it as a means to develop new friendships, I know I have.

 

Some use it as their ONLY means of having a social life.

 

Anyhow, I"m guessing anything with the label of "Singles" attached it , labels it as a stigma of sorts.

 

Well, when it comes to meet someone to date, I would rather communicate with someone I could be attracted to (Match) than be fending off someone I am not attracted to (from what I have heard and seen about singles' groups)*. Truth be told though, I'd much rather meet a girl to date in the gym, grocery store, coffee shop, or bar.

 

I agree that the best meetup groups are about common interests such as hiking. I was a member of one such group when I was in California. I used to participate almost weekly to the hikes because they were fun and the people were cool.

 

If this is a single's group that is the subject of your thread, I'm not getting how it is at all noteworthy that new women don't want to stick around. It only takes a look around the room, at most one outing, to see whether there is anyone there you could be into. That women at the events already way outnumber men makes it even more expected that a woman won't want to stick around the group.

 

Anyway, if so many women already stick around for even one event, that is plenty of time for you to have a chance to "spark attraction" with at least one. So I'm not getting your problem. What's wrong with the women who have stuck around long enough for you to meet them, and why aren't you dating any of them.

 

Meanwhile irc333, these threads you keep writing. The basic answer to ALMOST ALL of them is that people act in their own self-interest. Other people aren't responsible for meeting your social needs. People put up profiles online to find love for themselves, NOT to give you a "fair chance" of dating them or whatever. People come and stay at your Meetup events only if it looks to be more fun than what they could be doing otherwise, not to enliven your social life. Don't be mad about this, you act in your own self-interest too.

 

*EDIT: Well there is an exception. See a few years ago I cold-approached a woman. We hit it off and spent the night together. Awesome person we are still friends to this day. Turns out that the moment I met her, she was waiting for the single's event that was about to happen in 10 minutes. She never stuck around for it because she hung out with me instead. I "poached" her from the single's meetup. Sorry I'm not sorry....

Edited October 15, 2014 by Imajerk17

[GemmaUK]

I think a few folk here have a point that people don't stick around if it's a 'singles' meet up group. The main aim of which is to date rather than the focus being on the activity.

 

About 6 years ago I was a member of pof and I decided to attend one of their singles meets.

I was attending on my own and so I decided to organise a pre-meet meet up for anyone else attending alone so that we had a crowd to go in there with.

To be perfectly honest I had a blast at the pre-meet (just a couple of drinks in a nearby pub). I managed to get about 12 of us all together (male and female) and we all got to know each other a bit before going in. It was great fun!

 

The actual meet itself was not so great.

I got a bit swamped by the guys there, including both of the DJs who were long standing meet hosts/attendees.

One of them was darned gorgeous actually! () and we had mailed a bit but I ended up dating someone else soon after attending.

The night was a bit cattle market-esque.

 

I agreed to attend another of their meets just to see friends I had made - then the hosts got held up in traffic due to an accident and were going to be very late so they contacted me as I had hosted that pre-meet the first time.

I ended up hosting the event solo that night for 300+ people.

 

I was 'kinda safe' that time around as I had to mingle, introduce, sort out trouble makers and liase with the staff in the club.

 

Having said all that though neither of these meets were anywhere near as bad as the salsa class (not specified for singles) I went to (only once) about 2 years ago.

I left with about 7 phone numbers shoved in my hand and offers of lifts and dinner coming out of my ears.

There was one guy there who I might have been interested in but the pushiness of the majority put me off ever going again.

 

IRC, you mentioned that you think women look at who is on the sign up list...yep.....I would do the same if I were attending a singles meet up group event.

If no one interested me I wouldn't go if I were attending more for the reason of 'looking' rather than just enjoying the activity.

[irc333]

Well, when it comes to meet someone to date, I would rather communicate with someone I could be attracted to (Match) than be fending off someone I am not attracted to (from what I have heard and seen about singles' groups)*. Truth be told though, I'd much rather meet a girl to date in the gym, grocery store, coffee shop, or bar.

 

I agree that the best meetup groups are about common interests such as hiking. I was a member of one such group when I was in California. I used to participate almost weekly to the hikes because they were fun and the people were cool.

 

If this is a single's group that is the subject of your thread, I'm not getting how it is at all noteworthy that new women don't want to stick around. It only takes a look around the room, at most one outing, to see whether there is anyone there you could be into. That women at the events already way outnumber men makes it even more expected that a woman won't want to stick around the group.

 

Anyway, if so many women already stick around for even one event, that is plenty of time for you to have a chance to "spark attraction" with at least one. So I'm not getting your problem.

What's wrong with the women who have stuck around long enough for you to meet them, and why aren't you dating any of them.

 

Want to clarify. This group of what I am speaking is in its infancy.

 

Majority of the women that showed up never returned again.

 

Another I talked to after wards...asked her if she planned on attending another event.

 

She said she wasn't ready for that scene.

 

So ...to answer your question about "Why Im npt dating them?" Because they don't stick around long enough.

[irc333]

I see it all the time. At the other Meetups you hear men asking the women about their future plans with events

 

" Hey, you going to the Halloween party this weekend?

[GemmaUK]

So ...to answer your question about "Why Im npt dating them?" Because they don't stick around long enough.

 

There's three of you in the group so far though.

Why are you not dating one of the two women?

[irc333]

There's three of you in the group so far though.

Why are you not dating one of the two women?

 

Yes, 3 (I count as one of those 3)...the organizer, who is in her early or mid-50's, her friend (which tags along as a plus one, long story...apparently the organizer (the 50-something friend) changed the age bracket to age 40+ and thus not allowing her 30-something friend able to attend Meetups, but the 30-something friend really didn't want to be a part of the group for that particular age bracket...Yet...she still tags along, I was confused as to why she still keeps coming to the events, but obviously she isn't going to keep her friend out *shrug* Yeah, it's confusing. lol

 

Anyhow, the younger friend of hers who is single, prefers to date younger men (like at least her age or late 20's...just her preference according to the older friend).

 

Then that leaves the organizer, but typically organizers of Meetups aren't much for dating their members due to conflict of interest. So that's that.

[irc333]

Sadly, the organizer has been disappointed with the same situation I've posted about and asking me for suggestions. It seems all the women she does know...are freshly divorced and currently frustrated with men.

 

She's even suggesting turning into a Women's only group.

Edited October 15, 2014 by irc333