My Affair Ended and I Miss Her

[herself]

I am the other half of your equation having been the female mow in an eap that lasted 14years also coworkers. We were incredibly close and in love talking all day every day before it ended.

Im going to stick here to your grieving and not comment on your marriage as I assume you are similiar to me...I kept them very seperate and compartmentalized.

 

My mom also wanted me to move on...moreso he was feeling guilt and felt breaking it off would allow him to be a man of honor once again and focus on his marriage.

 

I know he greived as I did. But my greif, its all consuming and lonely. Even though I know we are doing the right thing I still long to speak to him. I miss the joys of the A..the butterflies, seeing the number on my phone or the email in my inbox, sharing music, secrets, hopes, dreams, laughter....Im going to be honest...it was so much fun.

 

I think even when you take a vow...love is SO powerful and feeling new love and connection is so beautiful, you aren't immune to it.

 

But in A...you know deep down you cant keep loving with that same depth when you can only have half of someones heart. You cant grow deeper or have open dates or share her with family. It all at one point gets too hard because theres nowhere to safely put all of the feelings. It hurts. I wonder if your AP got to there.

 

Either way now well over a month past my breakup Im doing better. Im sleeping and eating and I cried alot in my car or the shower or bath and tried to face it head on.

 

In my situation my H knew of our close friendship so I was able to confide in him the friendship broke up so he could know why I was sad.

 

I have invested more time in my marriage and am putting energy there.

I have obtained a new job...something I thought would be necessary to move on and have a new focus. I have maintained NC to protect my heart.

 

If it helps you to know...she is greiving too...she lost too...love doesn't die it just is tucked away. Nothing can fill the void, she is simply putting one foot in front of the other and trying to focus. She does care and miss you but she didnt want to stay stuck.

 

I hope the thoughts though scattered can help you see both sides and I hope you are healing ok. Its brutal and I know you didnt intend to hurt your w or her h.

I get you.

[Redheaded Mistress]

"So what do you do to fill the void?"

 

That was my question to start with.

 

You said that you grandkids are why you're staying... Maybe there is where you find your answer?

 

There's so much to mourn in a relationship ending after 12 years and to be upset about it... That's so understandable. I'd say taking time to be sad, to mourn it... That is space you have to give yourself.

[merrmeade]

Morality and criminality are not one in the same.

 

There is a lot of immoral behavior that is not illegal.

 

Yes, that is correct. To clarify: It was a comparison of behavior and attitude. In both, the person commits the act because the rewards are greater than the difficulties. Attitude facilitates behavior. If the person is caught, the difficulties become greater, and there are no rewards for a while.

[merrmeade]

Just answering OP's response to another post; otherwise, officially signing off as promised.

[longjourney]

I plan on staying with my wife regardless because of my grandchildren that we are raising together. My love for my grandchildren top my love of everyone else.

 

I may need counseling to come to terms with my sadness but have every intention of staying.

 

 

CanI,

 

Your words could have been EASILY written by my WH. He was in a 6 year A with the MOW. He has told me honestly, not with the intent of hurting me, that he loves/loved the MOW, they were in a relationship years ago, before I even met him. He is also staying with me, although at this point we are not intimate, merely living together for two reasons, our children and my health issues. I am NOT self sufficient and my WH is a "good" guy, he doesn't want to leave me alone, but sadly his heart IS with the MOW, who now is divorcing her BH. Ever feel like your days are numbered. Your posts screamed to me, your feelings of love for MOW sound real and sincere, as I have said, how does one person go from YEARS of talking and texting EVERY day to NOTHING??? I just truly believe it is a matter of time for them to reunite.

 

I too KNOW within my heart that I am my WH's second choice by default. He won't leave his kids or his SICK wife. Wow I do feel like SUCH the winner. (Sarcasm).

 

CanI, why do you think you "love" the MOW? Why do you NOT chalk it up to limerace, as SO many on this board place A feelings into that catagory? Now that I am living it, I don't buy it. Let me clarify that by saying, I don't believe it when an LTA is in question.