Marie Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 Go Ask Alice!: I hope you answer my question and can relay a bit of help for a long lasting problem. I am just going to start from the beginning. When I start to see guys and go out with them I am extremely shy. No matter how many dates I go out with a guy it takes a few months for me to start talking and open up to them. But if I talk to them on the phone or email I am relaxed and can talk his ear off. How can I over come this anxiety in person? I am afraid I have lost many relationships because the guy thinks I am not interested. I just find it so hard to speak in front of him. I am going to start seeing a guy who I have talked on line, phone, and emailed many times and we get along great but I am afraid of when we go out he will not like that I am not like when we talk on the phone and etc.... I don't talk much at all around a guy. I think this one is special and don't want to lose him, like the many others in the past. Growing up the guys were always mean to me and so I just did not hang along with them or talk to them. I am an only child who is use to being isolated in the country on a farm alone most of the time. What can I do to easy or stop my anxiety? Heart Ache & Anxiety Link to post Share on other sites
Tom Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 Here is a short but sweet answer to your problem. When you first greet him in person imagine you have been best friends for the past 15 years. It may allow you to open up if you covince yourself that you already know this person very well. If it fails find a conversation starter and ask a lot of questions. Make it seem that you are talking like normal but in actuallity you will not have to say much. This is also a great way to learn a lot about someone. You are going to have to force your way through the shyness at somepoint but for now just keep him talking and you will be ok. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Fishbulb Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 Go Ask Alice!: I hope you answer my question and can relay a bit of help for a long lasting problem. I am just going to start from the beginning. When I start to see guys and go out with them I am extremely shy. No matter how many dates I go out with a guy it takes a few months for me to start talking and open up to them. But if I talk to them on the phone or email I am relaxed and can talk his ear off. How can I over come this anxiety in person? I am afraid I have lost many relationships because the guy thinks I am not interested. I just find it so hard to speak in front of him. I am going to start seeing a guy who I have talked on line, phone, and emailed many times and we get along great but I am afraid of when we go out he will not like that I am not like when we talk on the phone and etc.... I don't talk much at all around a guy. I think this one is special and don't want to lose him, like the many others in the past. Growing up the guys were always mean to me and so I just did not hang along with them or talk to them. I am an only child who is use to being isolated in the country on a farm alone most of the time. What can I do to easy or stop my anxiety? Heart Ache & Anxiety Hi, this is Fishbulb. The thing that I see right off is that you don't like how you come off in person. The second thing I see is that you are very articulate and intelligent. That these don't automatically translate to perfect social skills is a shame, and so NOT your fault. If this guy is as special as you think he is, then if you communicate your concerns to him ahead of time, he will understand (he's probably as nervous as you) and that will give him time to prepare himself, as well. That's not a bad thing. If he respects you, then he can be prepared to make you as at ease as he can, which would tell you alot about his character...The most important thing, though, is to NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT. You obviously have much to offer the person who can be patient enough for you, just pay attention to how you feel when talking in other ways, then see if you can practice introducing that state of relaxation at other times-maybe through meditation. This might sound silly, but when you're riding along in the car, and there's a pause in the conversation that makes you nervous, you might be surprised at how much control you can actually give yourself...good luck to you. Hope this helps. Fishbulb Link to post Share on other sites
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