Savannah2 Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 I've been feeling like he has been distancing himself lately. I have been complaining about it. I've even go so far as to accuse him of seeing another woman besides me. I have been feeling insecure I guess. This type of relationship breeds insecurity. Well today he cut me off. I told him I was deleting my account that we use to communicate. He called my bluff and deleted himself before I could. Things have been very rocky the past few months due to mainly my insecurity and feeling like I'm losing him. and it seems I have told him I was walking away so many times but always cave. I'm so sad. I know I did this to myself. I have been too needy the past few months. This has gone on for almost three years and he still can't tell me he loves me. He once said that the love he has for me borders the love I want him to have for me. That is like the love of a family. But he has never said the words I love you, even though I have. When we are together physically, he seems interested mostly in oral. Just looking for some words of encouragement that him finally calling my bluff to end this is the best for me on the long run. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 This didn't sound like a positive situation AT ALL! You're gonna go through withdrawal but in the end, I think 3 years of being insecure in an affair with a man who does not love you and has admitted as much, who seems to be using you for sex, is ENOUGH time! Why would you want to continue? What benefit could you get from it? I don't see any. You can do better I'm sure and you need to detox from it to see how messed up it really is. Take it as a blessing in disguise and be adamant about moving on from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) I've been feeling like he has been distancing himself lately. I have been complaining about it. I've even go so far as to accuse him of seeing another woman besides me. I have been feeling insecure I guess. This type of relationship breeds insecurity. Well today he cut me off. I told him I was deleting my account that we use to communicate. He called my bluff and deleted himself before I could. Things have been very rocky the past few months due to mainly my insecurity and feeling like I'm losing him. and it seems I have told him I was walking away so many times but always cave. I'm so sad. I know I did this to myself. I have been too needy the past few months. This has gone on for almost three years and he still can't tell me he loves me. He once said that the love he has for me borders the love I want him to have for me. That is like the love of a family. But he has never said the words I love you, even though I have. When we are together physically, he seems interested mostly in oral. Just looking for some words of encouragement that him finally calling my bluff to end this is the best for me on the long run. Thank you. If your best friend or sister came to you withthis story, what would your advice be? He is using you....and he hasnt even bothered lying to you to get it either. Get into couselling to understand why you had such low standards for yourself. You deserve better. Edited October 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 You said "when we are together he seems interested, mostly in oral" Exactly my friend. He loves his dick, and found a girl that he had to put no effort into to suck it for him for 3 years. Im sorry to be carass but this guy is a total JERK and believe me he will be back when he needs a fix. Don't you dare allow him back in. He said he didn't love you. He is a Total JERK! Now your free to find love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 Thank you all so much for telling me what I need to hear. Do you think my intuition that he possibly is interested in another woman is correct? He has been so hot and cold with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Thank you all so much for telling me what I need to hear. Do you think my intuition that he possibly is interested in another woman is correct? He has been so hot and cold with me. Do not let it be your bother if he is or is not. You are so much better than this. He is like many married men, cake eaters, the other married men are no better, just better bull sh*ters and actors. Do not let this fool you. If you stand tall now and let it go, you will feel sooooooooo much better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 A huge pet peeve, why do some women find it necessary to use Honey, prior to saying something negative or hurtful. Gay men tend to do this to. It is degrading and condescending among grown women. If we all announced our pet peeves with other posters, these threads would get so bogged down that no one would get any advice. I do not think what followed "honey" in sassygirl's post was "hurtful" or "negative." She was stating a fact (he's using you) or at least an opinion, probably shared by 98 percent of the LS posters including the OP herself. Sometimes we use words like "honey" and "dear" as a compromise with ourselves to keep from using words like "moron" and "fool" (and, believe me, I was the queen of both the morons and the fools). I personally wouldn't find being called honey any more degrading than subjecting myself to oral sex with a MM for three years or being in an A for four years with a man "still fully invested in what is left in the relationship with his wife." (quote attributed to lovelysweet2 on Sept. 28). And finally, tossing around terms of endearment like honey or dear can also be age- or geography-related. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 If we all announced our pet peeves with other posters, these threads would get so bogged down that no one would get any advice. I do not think what followed "honey" in sassygirl's post was "hurtful" or "negative." She was stating a fact (he's using you) or at least an opinion, probably shared by 98 percent of the LS posters including the OP herself. Sometimes we use words like "honey" and "dear" as a compromise with ourselves to keep from using words like "moron" and "fool" (and, believe me, I was the queen of both the morons and the fools). I personally wouldn't find being called honey any more degrading than subjecting myself to oral sex with a MM for three years or being in an A for four years with a man "still fully invested in what is left in the relationship with his wife." (quote attributed to lovelysweet2 on Sept. 28). And finally, tossing around terms of endearment like honey or dear can also be age- or geography-related. You are right. I should not have brought it up. Just because it highly irritates me, does not mean it does others. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Do you see most of the time you feel awful? Insecure, doubting, accusing, hurting..That is NOT a healthy kind of love. I know you're hurting but it's good the A is over. Cry it out, call your closest women friends and just know that as time goes on, you'll see how much better off you are without MM in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I'm really sorry. If you felt insecure all the time, it was probably because you knew deep down he wasn't totally there for you. I don't just mean in a physical sense but in a relationship sense. It sounds like he was emotionally reserved and physically a bit selfish (though you haven't got into detail obviously). Seriously, I don't think you've done this to yourself. The guy was just not offering what you needed (and your needs matter too!) and it's not surprising you complained. You now have a chance to meet someone better once you've got over this tough period. You are worth so much more than you realise at the moment. Being second fiddle never did anyone's confidence any good. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Thank you all so much for telling me what I need to hear. Do you think my intuition that he possibly is interested in another woman is correct? He has been so hot and cold with me. Who the hell cares?! Seriously. He's a pig who's been stringing you along for ages which you not only have allowed but participated in as well. Does he have other women? It wouldn't surprise me in the least that he has lots of women on the side giving him exactly what he wants and nothing more. He's a raging narcissist for heaven's sake not to mention a lying cheat. You knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this so I'm not sure why you've been so confused and hurt by his behavior. Besides, I thought you were done with this idiot back in July? Move on already. Get your sh*t together and stop thinking you'll ever get everything you've ever wanted from a MARRIED man. Don't you want better than that? Don't you think you deserve better than this? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 If the dude doesn't tell you "I love you" after three years (what 3?!), forget it. You were just easy access to sex. So.. walk away, yes. And really, don't look back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Who the hell cares?! Seriously. He's a pig who's been stringing you along for ages which you not only have allowed but participated in as well. Does he have other women? It wouldn't surprise me in the least that he has lots of women on the side giving him exactly what he wants and nothing more. He's a raging narcissist for heaven's sake not to mention a lying cheat. You knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this so I'm not sure why you've been so confused and hurt by his behavior. Besides, I thought you were done with this idiot back in July? Move on already. Get your sh*t together and stop thinking you'll ever get everything you've ever wanted from a MARRIED man. Don't you want better than that? Don't you think you deserve better than this? Looks like the OP is married as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Looks like the OP is married as well. Exactly! This was doomed from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you all so much for telling me what I need to hear. Do you think my intuition that he possibly is interested in another woman is correct? He has been so hot and cold with me. You mean other than his wife? This guy sounds absolutely smitten with his wife, and look how he treats her. He's no good for anyone. Men are not the path to contentment and self respect. Work on those two, and you won't tolerate men like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts