When You Suspect Infidelity In Your Marriage

[LucreziaBorgia]

Have you looked into hiring a private investigator?

[NiceGuyMojo]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Have you looked into hiring a private investigator?

 

YEP! Takes 2-3 weeks @$50 an hour which equates to a cost of 2-3K which I don't have. I WISH, so I could cut out the BS and move on!

 

Anyone else have thoughts on hiring a PI?

[Ladyjane14]

I think Lucrezia is right. You need to get this issue resolved one way or another. Take a bank loan if you have to. But damn...you're going to let this drive a permanent wedge in your relationship if you don't get some resolution soon.

[Owl]

Well, I'd suggested this before. Get a friend to do your leg work, if at all possible.

 

Otherwise, if you have specific times (like when she's cleaning houses, whatever) that you suspect something to happen, then give him those times and places to be, and tell him you'll pay him for those hours.

 

You try the voice activated recorder?

 

It just seems to me that there is a lot you can do on your own, or with just one friend that she doesn't know.

[NiceGuyMojo]

Ladyjane14...

 

I'm prepared for the worst. This stuff sucks Big Time because it's My Wife and I love her so much. Very emotionally painful which destroys you from the inside out and will not let this happen.

 

No, I don't look at this as driving a permanent wedge in our relationship but as protecting our assets. I'm Not going to give up on her that easy.

 

 

 

 

Owl,

 

 

Thanks.... Owl. My friends don't want to get involved or don't have the time to spare if they could. Maybe they aren't really friends? Right now we are scraping up pennies off the street to get by. Not that bad but close. Took your suggestions and implemented a few very crudely. Working on the voice activated recorder though. Checked her company cell phone everyday for call history and lately it's cleared daily which was not done before? She's onto me...

 

I wish I had ONE friend she doesn't know that would help me out.

[whichwayisup]

Nice guy, If I lived close to where you were, I'd do cuz reading what is now going on in your life is pissing me off SO bad!! WTF is going on with her! She IS hiding something! How could somebody have a good weekend then all of a sudden do a 180 and act completely different! Makes NO sense. I can imagine how frustrating it is and how hurt you must be feeling...Cuz I tell ya, the more I know about her the more it makes me wonder if she's playing with a full deck of cards...I'm serious. Does mental illness run on her side of the family? I'm sorry by bringing that up but could it actually be a possibility?

 

Hang in there buddy, you're doing so well under the circumstances.

 

Keep talking to your friends. Talk to a cousin, anybody. Co-worker? Somebody HAS to help you if you can't afford a PI. (Or maybe get a bank loan so you can hire a PI.)

[jmargel]

Originally posted by NiceGuyMojo

jmargel,

 

It's working, but with mixed results? The closes hug or kiss was her asking my Daughter to give me a kiss from her and a two second scratch on the back before bed. A few nights ago after she put the kids to bed, she came in our room to go to sleep and I reached over to give her a hug and she went off! DON'T TOUCH ME!..... THANK YOU VERY MUCH PLEASE!!! I asked her to hand me the TV remote on her night table and she said it's not HERE! AND I'M NOT A LIAR either!!! (way out of context) Following night, same deal but was a little more nice about it which is not saying much.

 

We just had gotten back from the weekend retreat with her work which was a really great time and for the first time in a long time we enjoyed each other without fighting at all. Then something happened to her when we stopped for dinner on our way back? She grew quiet almost in a day dream like state. When were leaving and I accidently knocked her purse off her shoulder. The expression on her face was if looks could kill, you would be dead now! She was less touchy-feely with me not showing affection. Something is cooking inside her Big Time which leads me to think she could have been faking it the whole time on our trip? Remember she got really POed when I asked if I could go with her and I pushed the issue? She did not want me to go at all!

 

 

She doesn't want to talk about any issues in our marriage or see a MC. Don't know why? Wants to just stick her head in the sand and go back to the SOS routine as before! This didn't fly with me so I gave her an Ultimatum...We either Fix the Marriage or get Divorced because I Am NOT continuing to live in this manner anymore! We work on marriage together or we cut to the chase and it's over! I said her name and told her she was LOSING me! (shock) Her idea of"Seeing what happens tommorow" is not going to fix anything. You have to be pro active and WORK at it everyday to improve it! I don't think she likes that part because it means she has to communicate more now...

 

 

I kissed and hugged the Kids before they went off to school today but not her, I got a half a wave bye? She picked up on that right away.

 

 

jmargel, whatever it is, it's EATING her alive inside but can't find out what it is? Still convinced she is having an affair and someone is coaching her now to hide it better. Your advice is working and I feel I'm over doing it a bit now (which pushes her away) because my emotions start to get in the way of rational thinking. I really feel the need now for "Discovery" on her issues before we can move on. Just don't know how.... It's driving me crazy every single day and her too keeping it bottled up inside! Very rarely do people admit they are cheating and more so with women. They have to be caught in the act which could take Months or more. Don't want to go through this pain anymore. I need a plan of action to resolve it.

 

Nope, it's working as planned. Right now what you did was put her into a spin. She is beginning to see the truths that she is hiding and how wrong it is to still keep hiding them. Continue what you are doing, the more you pull away the more it will force her to make the right decision. Being there as the safety net will just throw her into this OM's arms, if she is cheating on you.

 

Good chance that she could be hitting depression as well. The depressed person *will* lash out at the closest person to them. They will think & believe that their spouse is the reason for the depression, when in fact that's the fartherest thing from the truth. What your job is, is to continue saying & believing yourself that you are NOT the reason why she is so upset. When she lashes out at you, tell her. "I know something deep inside is bothering you and the way you are acting is out of character, but I know I am NOT the true reason for your unhappiness", then leave it at that. Let her make the next move. She very well, will be defensive but after all said & done she will be reflecting on what you said.

 

Just continue to back off, like I said it will take weeks if not months. Both of you are in a ditch right now, and it'll be a uphill battle to get out of it, but you will eventually reach that crevas.

 

She doesn't want to talk to an MC because she knows she will have to confront the truth. Be there for her, be nice but don't be overly affectionate. Let her come to you, remember that. Do everything possible in your will to not give her ammo to bitch at you for anything or be hostile towards you. When she has no ammo she will have no excuse to continuely use you as the punching bag, only then will she be *forced* to come to grips to the fact that there is something else that is causing her emotional turmoil.

 

Hang in there, it'll probably get worse for the next few weeks, but if you back down now you'll be in a worse spot than before. This will work, just have faith in it.

[NiceGuyMojo]

Well jmargel, the pieces are starting to fall in place. I like your puppy dog advise. After doing a lot of research the past several weeks on the subject of Infidelity, she is following the pattern to a TEE! About 99.9 percent and doing it very poorly. I just needed the information on what to look for and how to respond to it. Found a nice list of things on another site I should be doing NOW in addition to your puppy dog theory:

 

 

Here's the list:

 

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore!.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Do not point out good points in marriage.

4. Do not follow her around the house.

5. Do not encourage talk about the future.

6. Do not ask for help from family members.

7. Do not ask for reassurances.

8. Do not buy gifts.

9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse.

11. Do not say "I Love You".

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get

busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing.

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around.

20. All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

21. Never lose your cool.

22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.

23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).

24. Be patient.

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.

26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).

28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

34. Do not backside from your hard earned changes."

 

 

Now that I'm armed with a bit of knowledge perhaps NOW I can move forward meaning I WILL move on With or Without her... She keeps holding her guilt, emotions and anger inside (bottled up) which has no place to go except out the cracks which eventually the fire will die inside her if not released. I come to terms that I can not control what she does or watch her 24/7. The only real control I have is over ME and what I do.

 

 

 

 

WTF is going on with her! She IS hiding something! How could somebody have a good weekend then all of a sudden do a 180 and act completely different! Makes NO sense. I can imagine how frustrating it is and how hurt you must be feeling...Cuz I tell ya, the more I know about her the more it makes me wonder if she's playing with a full deck of cards...I'm serious. Does mental illness run on her side of the family?

 

 

whichwayisup,

 

She is involved in an affair.. It NEVER will make any sense to the normal person because it's not normal. Infidelity is described as an addiction just like drugs and alcohol. It's a FALSE "make me feel good feeling" that is not natural. The relationship is based on lies and decent which is known as a prerequisite for failure. Real relationships are based on Honesty, Trust and Integrity. I am so glad I never cheated which makes me feel whole and honest inside with myself.

 

Buried hostility manifests itself inside physically through abuse, alienation of affection and lack of COMMUNICATION. Love in itself doesn't die on it's own. "I love you But I am Not in love with you" Something within or outside (other partner) terminates it when a couple STOPS working on their relationship. The longer you are married, the higher the percentage increases for infidelity if you stop maintaining your marriage. I'm guilty of this and so is she equally so. Lesson learned from life experiences but still is NO EXCUSE to cross the line which our foundation of Marriage is based on. I think she feels more strongly about this than I do because she came from a more traditional background? On the other hand she did it and not me.

 

The GUILT is killing her inside. Some say gently squeeze her till she admits it but ONLY under specific terms accepting her back. Don't know if I can go this route until I get there? Squeezing her might push her over the edge of to no return.

 

She's telling me when I mention a small something that upset me a few days ago when she told me to GET OVER IT. OK... Then she tells me IT'S OVER... Huh? What?! The comment was completely out of context to the discussion again? This small upset happened on Monday. She felt the pressured and responded with her emotions or maybe was it guilt? Maybe both? She forgot her cell phone this morning and came back sending my son in to find it. He said "someone peed in Mom's Corn Flakes this morning" because she is like POed! Another warning sign which is not good. Taking her anger and hostility out on the kids? She could be headed for a mental breakdown? Then who becomes the Target of Blame for her condition because she can't handle her extramarital affairs....

 

I now see the reason clearly for responding in a positive way.

[Ladyjane14]

If you're wrong about the infidelity NiceGuy...you are "cooked". Stick a fork in you....you're done. She'll likely never forgive you.

 

This looks more like emotional drifting to me. I could be wrong, but I'm not convinced she's having an affair....yet. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. But your focus is totally on reconnaisance, and not on repairing the relationship. If she's NOT cheating....you could drive her to it at this rate!

 

You've been REALLY applying yourself to searching for evidence, and haven't found anything conclusive yet. I'd say most of the folks who post here found it within 30 minutes of determined looking.

 

But either way, you're not addressing the problems. And you're not applying solutions. You don't have to have proof of wrong-doing in order to begin the process of reconciliation. If you want this woman...you've got to prove to her that you're THE GUY....either way.

 

You say you love her, and you want to work it out.....and yet you never post to us about what specifically is so wonderful about her.

[whichwayisup]

If you're wrong about the infidelity NiceGuy...you are "cooked". Stick a fork in you....you're done. She'll likely never forgive you.

 

LJ, I have to disagree with you here...Even if it isn't an affair, her flakey and odd behaviour has given him every reason to think she is having an affair or doing SOMETHING behind his back. Read back to some of what she's said, done and how she's been in the past few months...It doesn't add up to somebody acting sane and normal.

 

Maybe she is on the way of a breakdown? Would see a therapist?

 

Definately bring up her behaviour around the kids. That's a no no and if your son is saying,"somebody pooped in mommy's cornflakes" that's not good...Her negativity is going all over the place.

[Ladyjane14]

All I'm saying is that he'd be better off....either way...to put his best foot forward now. You know....Plan A. That is, if he wants to keep this thing going.

 

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Maybe she is on the way of a breakdown?

And I have to say....if it were me, and I knew that I was innocent. I'd be done.

[NiceGuyMojo]

Ladyjane14,

 

Isn't an EMOTIONAL DRIFTING cheating too to some extent? I say No she is in this case because the Guilt Level is WAY TOO HIGH from some casual drifting encounter. IT'S EATING HER ALIVE FROM THE INSIDE OUT and DESTROYING HER , ME AND OUR FAMILY! This what I see! This is Not Normal Behavior but a person in DEEP Crisis. Please explain this? Does that make any sense to you?

 

 

I've ALREADY started to address the problems in our marriage from a Positive Point BUT SHE is NOT READY or WILLING to address her/our issues and DOES NOT want to talk about it or seek professional help. She does not have any desire to meet me half way or to step up to the plate except stick her head in the sand and hope it goes away! Stalemate.

 

On the same note I want to find out what is going on to help her and because I have a vested interest which is MY RIGHT as her Husband to do so and I Love Her.

 

 

You say you love her, and you want to work it out.....and yet you never post to us about what specifically is so wonderful about her.

 

And I won't. Yet I will tell you and everyone else that I do love her and am deeply in love with her. That's why I married her and will not let her go unless I have to.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by NiceGuyMojo

Isn't an EMOTIONAL DRIFTING cheating too to some extent?

 

I wouldn't think so. Alot of married people drift away from one another from time to time. That's why marriage requires a certain amount of maintenance and work. It's more fluid than static.

 

All I can tell you is that I've witnessed a couple, where the husband was convinced that the wife was cheating....and she most assuredly was NOT. And I know for a fact, that she was deleting her cell-phone call record just to p*ss him off, and get even for what she considered to be an unwarrented invasion of her privacy. They are, of course, getting a divorce at this time.

 

There's alot of questionable behavior on her part. Maybe she's cheating. Maybe she isn't. Frankly, I'm at a loss as to what to hope for on your behalf. If she's cheating...you'll have to deal with an infidelity situation, which is difficult to repair. And if she isn't....you've created quite a tangle in the trust between you, one that may end up being unrecoverable.

 

Anyhow, I do wish you luck with your situation.

[jmargel]

NiceGuy, glad you are taking my advice. Continue what you are doing but now you need to do something else. You need to be fully honest with yourself on what YOU may have done to put this relationship into a negative spin. If you read my post I made, which the link is in my signature you would have read that majority of relationships end in turmoil because miscommunication on both parts.

 

You need to address what you did to hurt her and the marriage. By no way this is all your fault but to say *everything* is her fault I would have to disagree. Good chance the things that were bothering her in the marriage, she never expressed or you never caught on to. The only way to find out is when she is ready to talk, to ask her. When she tells you, you need to give up the desire to repel your disappointment you'll feel when she does tell you. You need to tell & show her understanding. You'll have to be the bigger person here for awhile.

 

Before all this was happening, were you two agruing alot? What was the communication like? Did you two do things with each other without the kids? How was the affection between you two? There are only a few questions that will need to be answered.

 

Something drove her to this point. It could be problems in the marriage, it could be depression, it could be a number of things.

[whichwayisup]

And if she isn't....you've created quite a tangle in the trust between you, one that may end up being unrecoverable.

 

LJ, if she isn't cheating she's done something...Her behaviour is completely out of whack! She's done alot to make him distrust her, don't you think? IF somebody has nothing to hide then why all the secrets? Acting weird? Makes no sense.

 

Whatever the outcome is, atleast he'll KNOW. Not knowing is just as painful as knowing. Either way there is alot of pain, for both of them.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

LJ, if she isn't cheating she's done something...Her behaviour is completely out of whack! She's done alot to make him distrust her, don't you think? IF somebody has nothing to hide then why all the secrets? Acting weird? Makes no sense.

 

I agree...there's something going on....and I've never discounted the possibility of cheating. That said, I don't see the evidence of it either.

 

I've looked at alot of posts, and sometimes based on very little evidence, came to the conclusion that there was a "snake in the woodpile". And within a week or two....sure enough, it was proven so. Maybe it's just me, but I'm just not getting that on this one.

 

I don't know what she's doing, but the behavior seems passive/aggressive. She's got some kind of beef with him....and it's unclear as to what it is. (????)

[whichwayisup]

I don't know what she's doing, but the behavior seems passive/aggressive. She's got some kind of beef with him....and it's unclear as to what it is. (????)

 

Yup or with herself. I guess time will tell. Sooner or later something has to happen because it's killing them both.

[NiceGuyMojo]

Well, I backed WAY off and it's still eating away at her inside. Took her to the ER and she was admitted to the Hospital two days ago because of high white cell blood count? Spent 3 days in the hospital being evaluated. They say it's because of stress and found no other indicating factors. Now she is playing The Victim.

 

I have been consistent with my behavior over the past several weeks keeping happy, positive and up beat with her. But every few days she blows her top attacking me by picking a fight. She does whatever it takes to engage me in the fight. Most of the time I walk out of the room or outside when I see it coming. I don't know what to expect from her when she comes home everyday or how to deal with it? She won't talk about what's eating at her emotionally? Just gets more upset when asked. Then the lies and excuses fly which is never the same issues? It's like she's grabbing anything she can think of to throw at me and venting not really saying anything constructive? She's keeping whatever bottled up inside which is affecting her health now. I need to get her help because the situation is getting worst. I don't bring up the issue of Infidelity anymore but SHE DOES maybe because she feels guilt inside?

 

She found a book I purchased recently called "Love Busters" by Willard F. Harley. Told her I was giving it to her for Mother's Day and HER reaction was weird? "Well, are you going to wrap it up and give it to me" "I don't read books like that! I read (Romance Novels) for pleasure" "Why did you by such an expensive book" "Are you going to read it to work on your relationship with someone else" Off the WALL! Told her there is nobody else except YOU! She also found another book I was reading at work called "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil Mc Graw. By her remarks, this gives me a good indication she doesn't want to do anything (100%) by stepping up to the plate. Am I beating my head up against a wall because it sure feels like it?

 

According to Dr. Phil, "You can't change anything you don't acknowledge first" and "You can only change YOU and YOUR BEHAVIOR to influence others around you" I've taken the high road to be positive and removed the negative as much as possible in our relationship. She is picking up on the positive changes in me but is having a hard time dealing with it and HER issue(s) at the same time.

 

Something has happened or is happening right now. I can't stand this emotional roller-coaster ride much more. There is ONE bit of hope, she doesn't want to break up our family is what I truly feel from her. A Hispanic Man married for 28 years once told me what holds The Family together is the kids. I think he was right.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Any chance she would go to marriage counseling with you? You may have to really pull out the big tough-love guns and say "marriage counseling or legal separation/divorce." Talk to a lawyer, and have the papers drawn up, and if she resists marriage counseling then let her know that she has destroyed the marriage and that you cannot live with her anymore. It is really, really harsh - but at this point, it sounds like you are left with few other options.

[jmargel]

I'm glad you are sticking with my advice. Right now you are in the middle of the storm, it will eventually pass and calmness will prevail. However each relationship is different and it may take days, weeks or months for this to happen. However doing what you are now is having results even if you don't see it. She is feeling these results. Keep doing what you are doing. Once you do everything positive and she can't find anything wrong with what you are doing only then will she start looking within' herself on what is causing her outbursts and her anger. If she is cheating or cheated then the guilt that is eating her up inside is a good punishment for her. However only she can realize for herself that unless she comes clean about what she did (if she did) then peace will never fill her soul again.

 

Don't ask questions about if she had an affair. Every once in awhile talk to her and just mention "If you ever want to talk about anything I'll be here to listen" then let it go. When she does talk, listen. If she gets upset and starts putting you down, etc.. then just walk out like you did. If she is intentionally calling you names, etc.. Go upto her tell her "enough" that you are not putting up with that and then walk out of the room. When she comes chasing you with more bad words tell her again once more and then completely ignore her. Good chance like you said she is picking fights to help her conscious. Once you start fighting she then thinks how "bad" of a marriage she has and was justified for treating you the way she has.

 

I never said this is going to be easy, it's extremely hard to do. However it does work. Have faith in it. Remember to have faith in God as well. Let him take the burden of some of this on his shoulders. Hang in there

[NiceGuyMojo]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Any chance she would go to marriage counseling with you? You may have to really pull out the big tough-love guns and say "marriage counseling or legal separation/divorce." Talk to a lawyer, and have the papers drawn up, and if she resists marriage counseling then let her know that she has destroyed the marriage and that you cannot live with her anymore. It is really, really harsh - but at this point, it sounds like you are left with few other options.

 

 

NO WAY, at least not at this point. Marriage Counseling (now) would bring up more issues and destroy the rebuilding process. I think her plate is pretty full by ending up in the Hospital for 3 days? Yes, I have pulled out The Divorce Card and have thrown it on the table when my emotions were flying high...but keep in mind, I don't plan on pulling it out again unless I intend on using it. Remember, we have young children involved where I would still have to maintain some type of relationship with her regardless of the outcome.

 

Don't get me wrong about MCs, they are very good at telling you "What's Not Right" with your relationship which is important, yet terrible at "Fixing" them. Just look at the divorce rate of over 50% which confirms this. It's a tool to fix the problem, not the answer to resolve it. What I'm trying to do (now) is get the lines of communication flowing and bring her back in so she will talk. Not push her away with negative actions or ultimatums. These negative actions just give HER more fire power to use against me and more reasons for her to go in the opposite direction as jmargel mentioned.

 

Marriages, Infidelity, Relationships are emotionally based with 90% of the communication nonverbal and 10% verbal. Using "Logic and Rational Behavior" doesn't always work most of the time because you are dealing with someone's emotions. If you loaned something of great sentimental value to someone and they lost it but said here is one just like it brand new, how would you feel?

 

It's not the same...

[whichwayisup]

Well Niceguy, keep on doing what you're doing if it's working. Positive reinforcement and showing her love. There are SO many different ways of handling things, everybody gives advice of how you should do this or do that...In the end it's up to you and what works the best, That is what you stick to. What gets the best results.

 

I hope she's feeling better and doesn't end up in the hospital again. That adds more problems in the mix and makes it harder to cope too.

[NiceGuyMojo]

jmargel,

 

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and advise.

 

 

Basically what I have told her/demonstrated that I am moving on With or Without her getting MY life together while working on our relationship. I can't change her, only me and I'm moving forward!

 

Feels like walking a tightrope swaying from side to side trying to keep moving forward without falling off. "The Runaway Puppy Dog Approach" This Hospital trip (I believe) was part of her way playing the helpless victum to bring me IN which I did and worked for her. They found nothing wrong except physical symptoms of being stress out to the max and lack of sleep. I believe my earlier (irrational) actions took something out and stopped the train from crashing if left unchecked.

 

She has started communicating her schedule and day's activities openly which is a good sign but still not 100%. Cash withdrawls of $400 with no paper trail as to where it went (she saves every receipt), sudden changes in her work schedule (days off) from day to day in the same week, over explaining her actions with indepth detail as to deceive or justify being truthful out of guilt?

 

Even placed a recorder in the car hearing her tell my 7 year old "Asking her to BE QUIET WHEN I TELL YOU to be quiet about something, I EXPECT... YOU TO BE QUIET..." Kids will always spill the beans out! Did not hear what she said. Another comment she made to me directly is "everyone else is moving to her Grandmother's house without you because you and mommy argue" My Wife heard the comment and quickly walked in to diffused it? Made a joke out of her comment but I still took it seriously. Kids don't lie and repeat EVERYTHING what they hear!

 

Should this be a serious warning sign of things to come?

[whichwayisup]

Kids don't lie and repeat EVERYTHING what they hear!

 

Ain't that the truth. Good and bad eh?

 

So, NGM, how's things going, been a while since you've done an update. Hope things are getting better.

[NiceGuyMojo]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Ain't that the truth. Good and bad eh?

 

So, NGM, how's things going, been a while since you've done an update. Hope things are getting better.

 

 

Things seem to be getting better or she is learning to hide it better from me? The fights still break out every 3 days late at night and last for hours. The guilt seems to be eating her up and my anger towards her because she won't tell me the real truth about what's going on. (I was reading this thread about anger- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t63423/)

 

Most of what I fight about is her dishonesty with me. The fights with her have more to do with blowing smoke, being defensive and venting frustration. She will start accusing me of cheating, having sex with every female person I come in contact with. Even my neighbor who cheated on her H and later remarried. (Told her why would I want to have an affair with a cheater?) The clincher was have sex with a minor under 14? Told her I don't like jail.

 

So I decided the time was right and went down my suspect list watching her reaction to each name. Started with guys names first (with no reaction) and then... with the girls names. Bingo! Got it right on the very first name. I already have asked her not to confide with her at work about personal problems that happen between us in our relationship. She asked me how I know about what she talks about with other people at work? Told her "you told Me" which she did in one of her heated moments. She said OK, I won't do that anymore right after that.

 

Her tone has shifted from (me) accusing her of things she didn't do, to (me) "being mean to her" but in a pity type manner not accusing? She even handed the phone (and dialed it) another time to my 7 year old and told her to call her Aunt and tell her Daddy's being mean to Mommy? We were done arguing. My Daughter hands me the and her Sister tells me your Daughter called me on the phone and....

So I asked my Daughter if she dialed the phone all by herself? First she said yes telling me the number and then saying "No Daddy... Mommy dialed the number and told what to say" Now she bring the kids in on this?

 

Last week she had an awards luncheon meeting to attend at a large conference center. She even called me a bit before noon and said she was on her way? I called to verify the meeting which was what she said. Then my gut feeling started tingling again. Something's Up! Went by her work and saw her car so I figured she drove with someone. Then to the meeting that ended at 3. Looked around inside the meeting noticing "row seating" with no food. Didn't see her and left around 1:15.

 

Got home at 1:40 and decided to call the recent in/out going calls on her cell with a phone card. First number I called MY Wife answers the phone with a hel...looo-oww in a sexy manner? Yea! Shock is right... There was a loud background noise like digital sound raindrops? No rain forecasted that day. Any clue to what that was? Call back again and another Female voice answers. So I call her cell and she's back at work which she tells me. She's supposed to be in a meeting that started at 11 and ends at 3? Humm...

 

Thursday night had another big big fight till 3am in the morning. Told me to leave and I told her I have nowhere to go. You Leave and I went to bed right next to her! She had left the kids with the In-laws and turns out she was off the following day. I figure the holiday weekend is going to be Hell.

Nope... The next morning she tells me she is still mad as hell at me and then turns around the next minute wanting to have sex which turns into intense sex? Go figure? This went on ALL weekend long! Even told the kids not to come out of their rooms on Sunday while we took a nap... Never did that before! Then she throws out a wild card comment like this. "If you think I'm cheating on you, why did you have sex with me" Answer: "Because I Love You"

 

Have a question for the Ladies. Why would a large breasted Woman buy a cotton Bra smaller than their actual bust/cup size with no support? We were shopping the other day and I found it in the cart. She had picked it out to purchase but can't figure out Why? Tells me I'm reading too much into it.

 

 

Someone told me one time if you want to catch a cheater, go for the little things and put the pieces together. Don't go for the big trophy catch!