Met a new woman and am scared I won't be good enough

[Justaguy30]

I recently met someone new who is really amazing and beautiful but I am worried that after my last abusive relationship I will not be able to have a new one yet. I have some pretty serious trust issues from my last relationship and have not been able to open up to anyone yet. I have slept with a few women in the last 9 months and have not been able to even orgasm for some physiological reason. I really like this girl but am not sure I am ready after the hell that I went through with my ex. I am afraid that I will be paranoid she is cheating on me as I was with my last partner who did so constantly and lied to me about everything. Emotionally I don't think I am fully over my ex as I still think about her pretty often. Not really in a romantic sense but more about the situation. I feel as though I should be honest with this woman about my last relationship but don't want to scare her away. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[mammasita]

Its not a matter of being good enough or not, it's a matter of getting yourself to a place where you're ready.......and from what you say, you're not ready yet.

 

Don't force yourself into a situation with this woman right now. You'll only be doing yourself and her a huge injustice. Take some time to heal first.

[Elle1975]

You are good enough. It's your ex who wasn't right. Don't see yourself as damaged goods.

[Justaguy30]

Thanks Ellen, I know I am no longer in love with my Ex. I don't really have feelings for her anymore. When I see her its more of a horror than anything. The best way to explain how I feel when I see her is seeing someone who tried to kill you, it doesn't feel good. Its been 10 months and I have worked really hard on getting over everything. I don't know that this girl is looking for something super serious so maybe ill just see where it goes and not tell her about the entire situation. I am emotionally available I think I just haven't met the right person yet. Maybe its her

[Justaguy30]

I guess more than anything I am wondering if I should tell her about my last relationship. I feel that she might lose respect for me staying in such a horrible situation for so long and then making bad decisions afterwords.

[Darren Steez]

Stop being a nice guy for one. If you're not ready then don't date her until you're ready.

Also that pedestal you're already putting her on, it leads to unequal footing in relationships. She's human not a deity.

 

Look mate, just take it slow. You've just met this girl yet you're already thinking long term, unless she asks you about your ex then you have nothing to tell her. Just enjoy each other, have fun, again getting heavy too fast wears out pretty quickly.

 

You're dating not getting married, so why not enjoy each other, have fun, that is what dating is. Your ex is your ex. This is your present and now, don't allow your ex to poison your future..again you're ex is just a human being not some deity.

 

Have fun bruh, that's what dating is for! Good luck

[Justaguy30]

I suppose you are right, I am thinking way too much into this. Its just dating and shouldn't be taken so seriously. I never really date people I always just wind up in relationships...

[ComingInHot]

I suppose you are right, I am thinking way too much into this. Its just dating and shouldn't be taken so seriously. I never really date people I always just wind up in relationships...

 

It's not about you being good enough for her. Why? Because if you are already asking yourself this question then you are waaay good enough for her.

 

Ask yourself is she Healthy and good for you right now? It may take the pressure off from you.

 

I'm so sorry your ex was psycho. ..

[Justaguy30]

Whats funny is my ex calls me a psycho and even had her mom calling me that even though they both knew what was going on. Sick people man, this was of course while I was in the process of exiting the relationship

[Elle1975]

Thanks Ellen, I know I am no longer in love with my Ex. I don't really have feelings for her anymore. When I see her its more of a horror than anything. The best way to explain how I feel when I see her is seeing someone who tried to kill you, it doesn't feel good. Its been 10 months and I have worked really hard on getting over everything. I don't know that this girl is looking for something super serious so maybe ill just see where it goes and not tell her about the entire situation. I am emotionally available I think I just haven't met the right person yet. Maybe its her

 

Give it a try. Just be careful with your heart. It's okay to tell her "I'm not comfortable with that (yet)" if something makes you feel that way.

[d0nnivain]

Repeat after me

 

She [insert new woman's name] is not my EX [insert name]

 

Say that over & over again until you realize that just because your EX was abusive doesn't mean every woman is.

[giblesp]

Yes you will scarce her away if you say you're not over your ex!

You could be honest and just tell her about it OR you could just say F it and smell the roses. Enjoy the here and now.

[giblesp]

I guess more than anything I am wondering if I should tell her about my last relationship. I feel that she might lose respect for me staying in such a horrible situation for so long and then making bad decisions afterwords.

 

We all make bad decisions. Its what makes us grow. In fact when you see the growth potential, you lose your fear of bad experiences.

 

She'll love it you've learnt from your bad expensive, and worked on yourself.

 

In fact, the only time to relate a bad experience to your girl, is when you've learnt something from it.

[darkmoon]

do not talk about your ex with a new girl, she might make comparisons or ask diffficult questions, tbh, we most all have bad memories of horrible exes, that is why they are exes, just be, look forward not back, plan a decent date no moaning, am sorry for you, but go to counselling for all that, if you can not shake the past off, which you need to do

Edited October 14, 2014 by darkmoon

[Justaguy30]

This woman really seems to have her **** together. She has her own life and is self supporting. I am actually a bit scared, I am not sure if ill know how to deal with a normal person after dealing with a total loser lying hateful devil person.

[d0nnivain]

Just be yourself. If she has her act together assume she knew what she was doing when she chose to hang out with you.

[Justaguy30]

The biggest thing I am worried about is that we will really hit it off and then someone will bad mouth me to her. That recently happened to me with a job. I was hired and then fired because of what the owner had heard about me which I don't even think is legal and it was a bunch of bull **** anyway. Why can't people just mind their own business.

[Chi townD]

This woman really seems to have her **** together. She has her own life and is self supporting. I am actually a bit scared, I am not sure if ill know how to deal with a normal person after dealing with a total loser lying hateful devil person.

 

 

 

Then, that's the kind of woman that you want. She doesn't NEED to be with you. She's with you because she WANTS to be with you. BIG DIFFERENCE!

 

 

You need to make positive changes in your life. Doing things to better yourself. She seems to have her sh*t together, let her see YOU making the effort.

[Justaguy30]

I am making huge efforts and things are getting really good in my life!