eye of the storm Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Just curious, why are you in a relationship where you are constantly upset and game playing? Why are you having an A where you are getting stressed out? First you have no idea what the state of their marriage. He will tell you what ever he needs to tell you to keep you hooked. While I am not advocating having or maintaining an A, if you are going to have one shouldn't it be pleasurable? You are mad that he goes home and has a good time with his wife, well, what did you expect? He doesn't live in a box until you take him out to play with him. As far as the ILYs go, maybe he thinks you need/want the future faking. Maybe you do it too. Maybe he really does love you. Maybe he doesn't. I just know that this A doesn't seem like it is making you happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 I cant honestly express and scream to him that "WHat is that woman in ur house doing?? go get attention from ur wife, she can do all that stuff " cuz he will just claim that she doesn't give him love and that he loves me and that's why he wants me and if I back off he will turn it around saying that I am scared of love and that I am making drama.. UGH.. So please tell me.. what to say or reply in this situation then? I don't want to initiate romantic talk Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Hello, if you have to say anything, tell him no. That you are not into tending sick males. And unless he is confined to bed, he needs to man up and take his own shower. Like Sub, that skeeved me out a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Why does your response always have to do with what his wife should be doing? She's not his mother. Pretty much, if he's well enough to be texting you, he's well enough to make his own tea, wipe his own ass, or nose, or whatever other orifice the crap comes out of. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
TwoTowns Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 T Ladies(MARRIED ladies ) do you get jealous of MM and his wife? I am sure many do... How do you cope? what do you do to make urself feel better ? Do u show off ur relation with ur husband to ur MM too? Does ur MM get jealous of the relation with u and ur husband? Mind games in any relationship are dealbreakers for me. This is one of the reasons being in an affair killed me, one of the motivators for getting off the fence. I was not being true to myself, to my AP or to my husband. You are either a secure person or you are not. Never seek that validation from another person. Having said that, I am sure the REASON many people engage in affairs is to boost their self esteem - to make them "feel better." It seems immature, selfish and manipulative to blatantly try to make another person jealous in order to feel better about yourself. Your best option is to realize that married people have sex, most of them love each other, and Facebook pics are posted by alot of them. Try to be disciplined enough to at least NOT look at his Facebook page. Understand that his marriage has nothing to do with you. There is no security in an affair. So long as you're married, and HE is married - acceptance of what happens in a marriage is the only coping mechanism at your disposal. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 He is sick but he is grown. He does not NEED any woman to make him tea and shower him. Are you serious? He is just teasing you. And no - you should NOT reply by asking him why his W is not doing this for him. Why would she? He's not a toddler. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelysweet2 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Do you experience heartache and pangs of jealousy? I have never been jealous of exMM and his wife's dynamics. I am not cut out for an affair; I admit I am high maintenance. He knew this. I have to be the Captain or the Queen Bee in my relationship, sharing a man is not congruent with this. It seems like you are making game plays to out fox the fox. On another post you mentioned pretending you were light and care free and now you are asking if pretending on social media and displaying similarities will get to MM. What is your motivation? Do you wish for dual divorces and marriage? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I cant honestly express and scream to him that "WHat is that woman in ur house doing?? go get attention from ur wife, she can do all that stuff " cuz he will just claim that she doesn't give him love and that he loves me and that's why he wants me and if I back off he will turn it around saying that I am scared of love and that I am making drama.. UGH.. So please tell me.. what to say or reply in this situation then? I don't want to initiate romantic talk Say this: "You are right! I should be there or somewhere taking care of you and you taking care of me. Tonight when my H gets home I'm going to tell him the truth about us because I can't take being away from you any longer. You are over there with that horrible woman who does nothing for you and we need to be together. Tell her tonight that you are having an affair and will be leaving soon. Let's compare notes later so we can plan our next step. Love you so much honey and can't wait until we live under the same roof." I guarantee you if you get back to him with the above he will cut the bull and leap out of bed. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Say this: "You are right! I should be there or somewhere taking care of you and you taking care of me. Tonight when my H gets home I'm going to tell him the truth about us because I can't take being away from you any longer. You are over there with that horrible woman who does nothing for you and we need to be together. Tell her tonight that you are having an affair and will rbe leaving soon. Let's compare notes later so we can plan our next step. Love you so much honey and can't wait until we live under the same roof." I guarantee you if you get back to him with the above he will cut the bull and leap out of bed. Omg this made me laugh!! I bet he would be up panicking in no time!! What kind of grown ass man whines to his mistress like that? I would tell him it is not my problem, to call his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 goodyblue ... What do you mean panicking? are u saying if I said all that, he would actually be happy or he would be like "Oh S***" this woman gone crazy, what do I do now? would he be like the latter, is that what It seems to u? Link to post Share on other sites
Red123 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Why does your response always have to do with what his wife should be doing? She's not his mother. Pretty much, if he's well enough to be texting you, he's well enough to make his own tea, wipe his own ass, or nose, or whatever other orifice the crap comes out of. It seems like the most crap comes out of his mouth;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 How old are you? This relationship sounds like a pair of high schoolers. Its ridiculous. Youre both emotional vampires.... Hes trying to suck everything from you and his wife...you're doing the same with him and your husband. Grow up. Grown adults don't behave this way. You are the mistress...you are not his #1...his wife is...thats why shes there and youre where you are...hes just feeding you crap so you keep putting out. Be real. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 goodyblue ... What do you mean panicking? are u saying if I said all that, he would actually be happy or he would be like "Oh S***" this woman gone crazy, what do I do now? would he be like the latter, is that what It seems to u? He would be freaking out, worrying about losing his wife and all that he knows and loves, has worked hard for. His life as he knows it...He doesn't want to give all that up. My guess is, neither do you. Hello, you need to really try not comparing and being jealous/envious of his wife. you have your own marriage and husband to look out for. Does your husband even suspect that you're having an affair? Are you prepared to face him if/when he finds out? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 He just wants to bask in the feelings of it all (men enjoy fantasizing immensely) but not really do anything material. It's a way to have benefits with no responsibility. It's just a fantasy for him and he wants you to pretend with him. He's most likely not getting those feelings at home. See it for what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 goodyblue ... What do you mean panicking? are u saying if I said all that, he would actually be happy or he would be like "Oh S***" this woman gone crazy, what do I do now? would he be like the latter, is that what It seems to u? Why don't you just repeat what I told you to him and find out what she meant by this for yourself. That way you will be sure to comprehend the meaning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 He would be freaking out, worrying about losing his wife and all that he knows and loves, has worked hard for. His life as he knows it...He doesn't want to give all that up. My guess is, neither do you. Hello, you need to really try not comparing and being jealous/envious of his wife. you have your own marriage and husband to look out for. Does your husband even suspect that you're having an affair? Are you prepared to face him if/when he finds out? Thanks for responding, that is exactly what i meant. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Why not say, " you wouldn't want to chance ME getting your crud, now would you? Much better her than me! I'll make it up to you when you're feeling all better!!" Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I guess I don't understand... If you find what he's saying to be obnoxious, why don't you just tell him to stop? A simple "nothing you're saying is sweet, romantic, or alluring. Text me when you feel better." Or if him going over things his wife does for him that you should to is obnoxious, say "Last thing I want is to think about is your wife doting on you while you're sick. Knock it off." Why the mind games and the attempts to trump him in supposed marital bliss? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Quick question, do you really think this MM is showering, making tea for, or massaging his wife when she is sick? But she (or you for that matter) should be doing it for him? LOL Are you doing that for your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I tend to think he's thinking this is some sort of sexy talk to get some nurturing, not a real expectation she'll shower him. It's not like he's got Ebola... I'm sure if he can text her, he can make his way to a shower without help. The few times I've been so sick I can't shower by myself I wasn't giving text updates to anybody about anything. This sounds like a minor case of some sort of overblown minor illness and he's trying to fish for some "aw, poor baby" stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Quick question, do you really think this MM is showering, making tea for, or massaging his wife when she is sick? But she (or you for that matter) should be doing it for him? LOL Are you doing that for your husband? If in not mistaken the wife has posted before about him spoiling her and giving her massages. So yes, it seems that they do these things for each other. (Again, I apologize if I have the wrong poster.) The affair is a fantasy to him. An escape. Hello is taking it realistically and suffering from a bit of congnitive dissonance. Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.' I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Lewis Carroll 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It's not like he's got Ebola.... :laugh::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Say this: "You are right! I should be there or somewhere taking care of you and you taking care of me. Tonight when my H gets home I'm going to tell him the truth about us because I can't take being away from you any longer. You are over there with that horrible woman who does nothing for you and we need to be together. Tell her tonight that you are having an affair and will be leaving soon. Let's compare notes later so we can plan our next step. Love you so much honey and can't wait until we live under the same roof." I guarantee you if you get back to him with the above he will cut the bull and leap out of bed. Tell him if he plans on changing your status from mistress to wife, he can then moan and groan all he likes and you can tend to his needs, otherwise, forward all texts to the proper department (the wife's inbox). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) :laugh::lmao: I mean really. Three bets the reason he's fishing for sympathy is because the wife, who callously went to work despite his supposed convalescence, gave him a Dayquil, a box of Puffs, and told him to suck it up. Maybe I'm jaded, but when it comes to men and illnesses, I just glaze over. I love my husband to death, but he's awful at being sick. A minor cold, the couch becomes his deathbed... Ironically, if it's something serious (flu, food poisoning, what have you), he'll spend all day convincing me he's fine. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that he's on deaths doorstep after a sneeze attack and I can't get him to move because he's too sick with some cold, but heard "I'm fine, I promise, I'm fine" as he's puking his guts up from food poisoning. The one time I took him to the ER and he was admitted for two days and had emergency surgery, I heard the whole way there that I was making "a big deal out of nothing" and I should "trust him" he's "fine." I've never met a man who was good at being sick. /soapbox Regardless, I think if you have the type of affair where he wants and only gets the best of you, that goes double. You're sick? Call me when you're not. You're so not my problem. That's what your wife, the person who you've made your commitment to, is for. Edited October 14, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Come on OP. Instead of spending your time being jealous over someone who doesn't even know you Exist, learn to love yourself and your actual real tangible life gifts enough that you have nothing to be jealous about. You may even realize you neither need nor want someone else's husband in addition to your own husband to help you fesl good about yourself* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts