Kiesha Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 I am in love with a friend of mine we have been friends for at least 3 years now he and all of our friends know how i feel. he was living with someone but they have broken up in the last month and a half now.at times he gives me the impression that he feels the same way but at other times its the total oppisite.He tells me how much I mean to him and how i would make a good wife his reason for not being with me is that he thinks he's not good enough for me put it this way he loves to hoe around and he does not want to hurt my feelings and i know this. When he finds out i am seeing other men he gets real mad and jealous he goes aroud talking to mutural friends about me and the guys i am dating one day I asked him why do he care and he would not give me an answer,it's like he don't want me but he does'nt want anyone else to have me either.What i want to know is should i forget about him completely and still be friends or stick it out and wait on him to decide what he wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 you've pretty much nailed it in these 2 sentences: his reason for not being with me is that he thinks he's not good enough for me put it this way he loves to hoe around and he does not want to hurt my feelings and i know this. and he don't want me but he does'nt want anyone else to have me either. this guy has obviously not finished sowing his wild oats, yet he has strong feelings for you. it is quite likely he is torn between the urge to hoe around, and be with you. he knows he can't commit to you, purely because you don't deserve someone who hoes around. he can't be faithful, even though he would probably like to faithful with someone like you. he is definitely doing the right thing by not pursuing anything with you. he has the decency to respect your feelings by telling you he is not ready to commit, even though he has feelings for you. this can be really tough, especially when he sees you with other guys. he has some serious living to do before he can commit to you, if he ever does, and no one can say when he will get this out of his system. he also has a bit of growing up to do in regards to his jealousy and talking to mutual friends about who you are dating. one word of advice - never wait for a guy. you cannot see into the future and know if you will ever be together. by waiting, you could be missing out on meeting some fantastic guys. and it would really suck if you were waiting for someone that you never end up having, while in the meantime, your dream guy could walk into your life and straight out again and you wouldn't even know it. whether or not you remain friends with him is your call - can you handle it? maybe ask him straight out if he wants what you want now - although i sincerely doubt it by your post. on the other hand, can you handle his jealousy and immaturity? whilst it might be flattering at first, eventually it won't be. if the friendship is worth hanging on to, then maybe some ground rules need to be set. for example, he's not ready to settle with you, so he can live his life without butting into yours. but if that can't be handled, then maybe you have to think twice about this friendship. maybe less contact for example. live your life according to what you can and can't have now. you never know what will happen in the future, but don't stop having fun meeting new people, and don't wait for what you may never be able to have. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted February 20, 2001 Share Posted February 20, 2001 Hi Kiesha, I agree with what Miss Mojo said. This guy's acting immature and it will be a waste of your time to wait around for him to decide he wants to be with you. Life is too short to wait around for someone to change. Push him out of your mind and try to go out and meet new guys. He is not helping you out in any way. There may be guys that like you but may not feel comfortable approaching you because they aren't sure whether you two are friends or there is something going on. It's up to you to decide if you can remain friends with him without letting your feelings get in the way. Quite frankly, I would find that difficult to do. But it's not impossible. He's not your boyfriend. Don't try to let him influence you in any way when he gets upset that you're dating a guy. Go out and have fun and live your life. If your friend says anything to you, CLEARLY and firmly tell him that your love life and relationships are none of his business and you'd appreciate it if he didn't say anything to you about them. His reaction to this will show you just how good of a friend he is. Maybe one day he'll change and the situation will change, and the timing will also be just right, and your love paths will meet. And things will work out. But don't wait for that day. By then you may have found something much more special with someone else, and when that day comes, you won't want this guy anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Kiesha Posted February 21, 2001 Share Posted February 21, 2001 Thank you so much you just so right. i just love him so much Link to post Share on other sites
Kiesha Posted February 21, 2001 Share Posted February 21, 2001 you guys are just so right you'll just confirmed what i have been telling myself all along. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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