Trying to date a busy girl

[somedude81]

Does she ever invite you anywhere out of the blue?

Of course not.

 

Do I seem like the kind of guy that girls would invite to do stuff with them? Give me a break.

 

You need to take the hint or you'll likely lose her as a friend too because you'll make it so uncomfortable.

 

I have no interest in being her friend.

 

I was just hoping that if I spent time with her, she would start to like me more. That's my only plan.

 

BTW, I can't stand the "tough love" BS.

 

Look at how hard I talk about myself. Do you really think I need anybody else to talk to me that way?

[somedude81]

She is clearly not interested in you. When a woman goes out of her way to make sure you have no alone time with her, she is trying to let you know you're in the friendzone.

 

OK, that makes sense.

 

I'll just leave her alone from now on.

 

"Life is nothing but disappointments." -Me

[cerridwen]

OK, that makes sense.

 

I'll just leave her alone from now on.

 

"Life is nothing but disappointments." -Me

 

"F*ck it, dude. Lets go bowling." -Walter Sodchak

 

((hug))

[sillyanswer]

She says she doesn't have any time to date.

 

This either means that she doesn't have any time to date, or that she doesn't want to date you. Neither seems likely to result in the outcome of you going on a date with her! I suppose you could hope to offer her some help with her time management in order to free up some time for a date... a little persistence sometimes works, but if she keeps being busy then my first sentence applies.

[Cristo]

She is clearly not interested in you. When a woman goes out of her way to make sure you have no alone time with her, she is trying to let you know you're in the friendzone. If she was interested in you, she would have lunch with you, and tell her friends that she was having lunch with this guy she likes. She would also meet you for salsa without bringing a guy friend. By the way, that guy friend is probably the guy she is banging.

 

If a woman likes you, it won't seem such a chore to get some alone time with her. She will make sure it happens. Tough luck, bro.

 

To be fair, I have both experienced and observed men wearing the women down, so to speak, after multiple rejections (or one very big and blatant rejection) and eventually getting her (sometimes resulting in a role reversal, where the woman becomes EXTREMELY into the man). So it can happen.

 

For some reason, I don't see this ever happening to SD though.

[mammasita]

Keep flirting and playfully inviting her on dates. Don't hang out with her and her friends.

 

"So, is this the weekend you're going to go on that date with me?" [big smile]

 

Forget busy. If she has time for lunch with friends and dancing on Fridays, she has time for a date. It's just an excuse to avoid a date. Not every woman will have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. Many wait for someone special.

 

ITA. don't hang with her friends, just continue to be flirty and funny and make playful jokes about a date when you happen to run into her until she finally accepts. Until then don't be a third wheel.

 

As of right now, she's not interested.....if she were she'd certainly make time, but with some fun flirty persistence as mentioned above, you may grow on her

[Cristo]

You can hang out with these girls, but you have to quit chasing them so much. Whenever you talk to a girl, you make a thread about how to get her to date you. You have to stop with the agendas. Hang out with women. Have fun with them. Meet her friends, why not? Maybe one of them will even be into you. However, always trying to chase those girls just makes you look bad. Think about it, if you met some girl who was chasing your friend, wouldn't that turn you off a bit? I don't chase any of them.

 

Meet women, be fun, make jokes, and have a good time, but stop trying to date all the pretty ones. It makes you look desperate. Women can smell desperation like I can smell a slice of apple pie. Man, now I really want apple pie...

 

I just came back from a weekend trip, staying in a house with three attractive females and another guy. Neither I nor the other guy made a move because we are all FRIENDS (for reasons I won't go into, none of these females are good options for me in the long term).

 

Basically, I agree. You have to look beyond the physical attractiveness of a woman and ask yourself: Does making a move on her make sense?

 

If more men stopped and asked themselves these questions, women's egos wouldn't have gotten so out of whack.

[normal person]

 

Do I seem like the kind of guy that girls would invite to do stuff with them? Give me a break.

 

So if you realize she actively doesn't want to hang out with you...

 

I was just hoping that if I spent time with her, she would start to like me more. That's my only plan.

 

Why would she like you after you accept her pity? It doesn't make any sense. Do you really want to be the sad puppy that she just can't get away from? The guy she's emasculated by inviting him to lunch with the girlfriends? The guy who can't see between the lines that "I'm busy" means "I just don't want to go out with you and I need an excuse to not hurt your feelings?" If your plan is to make her like you, you're going about it the completely wrong way. You go to lunch with all the girls as that guy who keeps hounding her who she doesn't want to be alone with. Then what? You got an ace up your sleeve?

 

If you accept her pity invite, she will internally brand you as pathetic and/or stupid. That is not how you make a girl like you.

 

The title of this thread should be "Trying to date a girl who is too nice to say she doesn't want to date me."

 

 

BTW, I can't stand the "tough love" BS.

 

Look at how hard I talk about myself. Do you really think I need anybody else to talk to me that way?

 

Your frankness hasn't gone unnoticed and it's actually something I admire about you. However, I hate sugarcoating things and a lot of people on this forum -- much like the girl we're discussing -- might be so polite that they don't get the point across. I tell it to you the way I'd want someone to tell it to me. Certainly no hard feelings towards you, SD. I'd actually feel really good if you succeeded.

[somedude81]

"F*ck it, dude. Lets go bowling." -Walter Sodchak

 

((hug))

 

Honestly, I'd love a hug.

 

After I wrote that previous post, I just had a major crash.

 

For the first time since I got dumped, I started to have hope that I could have a chance with with a girl.

 

Now all that hope is completely gone and that's not a good feeling. Especially for me.

[somedude81]

OK, so I've decided to talk to her on Wednesday during class and suggest getting lunch just the two of us for Thursday.

 

If she says no, I'm done with her.

[normal person]

OK, so I've decided to talk to her on Wednesday during class and suggest getting lunch just the two of us for Thursday.

 

If she says no, I'm done with her.

 

She doesn't like you, you just need to accept it. But I don't see why you have to go in torches blazing and then burn the bridge. Maybe she's got some single friends? If you could hang out with her without making it so sexually charged it might turn out to be a valuable interpersonal investment with some good dividends.

[rester]

Suggesting lunch just the two of you after she already told you she eats with her friends and invited you to join isn't a good idea, in my opinion. You'd be asking her to blow off her friends for you. You already know the answer to that. She ignored your hiking text, too. Just chill for a bit. Focus on other things.

 

What happened to girl B or the surfer girls?

[somedude81]

Suggesting lunch just the two of you after she already told you she eats with her friends and invited you to join isn't a good idea, in my opinion. You'd be asking her to blow off her friends for you. You already know the answer to that. She ignored your hiking text, too. Just chill for a bit. Focus on other things.

Blowing off her friends doesn't seem like a big deal. If she says no, then that will be it. I just won't talk to her in class anymore.

 

Her ignoring the hiking text bugs me. She most likely figured out that I was going to invite her to go hiking with me on my next text, so she isn't giving me a chance to ask her out. Or she probably saw the text and meant to reply to it later but forgot.

 

What happened to girl B or the surfer girls?

 

I never had a shot with B. She never talked to me again in class and I deleted her number.

 

I never heard back from the surfing girl so I deleted her number as well.

[ThaWholigan]

She doesn't like you, you just need to accept it. But I don't see why you have to go in torches blazing and then burn the bridge. Maybe she's got some single friends? If you could hang out with her without making it so sexually charged it might turn out to be a valuable interpersonal investment with some good dividends.

I've been saying this to SD for 2 years now. The penny hasn't dropped yet.

[Cristo]

Blowing off her friends doesn't seem like a big deal. If she says no, then that will be it. I just won't talk to her in class anymore.

 

Her ignoring the hiking text bugs me. She most likely figured out that I was going to invite her to go hiking with me on my next text, so she isn't giving me a chance to ask her out. Or she probably saw the text and meant to reply to it later but forgot.

 

 

 

I never had a shot with B. She never talked to me again in class and I deleted her number.

 

I never heard back from the surfing girl so I deleted her number as well.

 

Sounds like women don't respond to you very well.

[xxoo]

You're way too intense. Can't you enjoy the banter and flirtation with these women without pushing for a date and/or cutting them off?

 

Keep if light and breezy. Don't be their best girlfriend, just be a guy who enjoys getting a smile out of a pretty woman. Leave them wanting more.

[somedude81]

Sounds like women don't respond to you very well.

 

Heh, what was your first clue?

[somedude81]

You're way too intense. Can't you enjoy the banter and flirtation with these women without pushing for a date and/or cutting them off?

 

Keep if light and breezy. Don't be their best girlfriend, just be a guy who enjoys getting a smile out of a pretty woman. Leave them wanting more.

 

For most of my life all I've had was the banter, flirtation and getting smiles. I need more.

 

It's fun joking around with this girl, but I know that if I don't make a move, once school is over, I'll never see her again.

 

I absolutely hate being single.

 

ROFL!

 

She just replied to my text

 

"Oh idk. Maybe since May?"

[xxoo]

For most of my life all I've had was the banter, flirtation and getting smiles. I need more.

 

That doesn't mean you throw out the things that you are doing right.

 

It means you need to do more of it, on a broader basis. Be friendly with 50 women, and a few may show interest. Of those few, you may be attracted to one or two. This is how it works.

[somedude81]

Now that I got a reply from her, I'm thinking about sending a text.

 

"Dude, that's been like forever ago. We should go hiking."

 

Or I could suggest that we go this weekend. I'm not sure which is best since I'm just trying to be casual and friendly.

 

Please humor me that this girl is at least neutral about me. It will help me sleep better tonight.

[Cristo]

That doesn't mean you throw out the things that you are doing right.

 

It means you need to do more of it, on a broader basis. Be friendly with 50 women, and a few may show interest. Of those few, you may be attracted to one or two. This is how it works.

 

Your advice is to play the numbers game. I don't think that this is a good idea for any man that is looking for a relationship.

 

What SD needs to do is improve himself, better define what he's looking for (as opposed to a hot, fun girl with big breasts), and to focus in on those women.

 

If SD was 20 years old and trying to get laid, I would advise him the way you have. But at his age with his goals, I don't think it's appropriate.

[somedude81]

Your advice is to play the numbers game. I don't think that this is a good idea for any man that is looking for a relationship.

 

What SD needs to do is improve himself, better define what he's looking for (as opposed to a hot, fun girl with big breasts), and to focus in on those women.

 

If SD was 20 years old and trying to get laid, I would advise him the way you have. But at his age with his goals, I don't think it's appropriate.

 

How did you know she has big breasts? I didn't mention her breasts yet....

 

At this point in my life I don't really know what I want other than female companionship, fun, intimacy and sex.

 

I'm not looking for a wife.

[ThaWholigan]

Your advice is to play the numbers game. I don't think that this is a good idea for any man that is looking for a relationship.

What SD needs to do is improve himself, better define what he's looking for (as opposed to a hot, fun girl with big breasts), and to focus in on those women.

 

If SD was 20 years old and trying to get laid, I would advise him the way you have. But at his age with his goals, I don't think it's appropriate.

 

There are 100s of pages full of many posters advising just this. Dead end.

[Imajerk17]

Your advice is to play the numbers game. I don't think that this is a good idea for any man that is looking for a relationship.

 

What SD needs to do is improve himself, better define what he's looking for (as opposed to a hot, fun girl with big breasts), and to focus in on those women.

 

If SD was 20 years old and trying to get laid, I would advise him the way you have. But at his age with his goals, I don't think it's appropriate.

Actually, xxoo has been advising SD to improve himself for a long time. As have most of us.

 

Her advice is spot-on. SD you are being too intense. Girl A has given you signs that she doesn't see you that way and you are thinking of either (a) turning up the pressure, or (b) taking your marbles and heading home "out of principle". It's not a winning strategy.

 

The guys who do well with women don't take all this nearly as seriously. If the girl friendzones a cool guy he often gets with one of *her* friends that she introduced him to. See if nothing else the girl sees the guy as a cool fun guy and so she wants him to meet her friends. Keep in mind that MOST people meet their SOs via social circle.

 

Just, go to lunch, be relax and chill, and meet her friends. Girl A may be friend-zoning you, but she is bringing her friends to you. It can be a cool thing if you make it be.

Edited October 14, 2014 by Imajerk17

[sadsoymilk]

From your replies and your posts here, I can tell you that most of this other advice is completely true- you are coming on too strong for these women and it's probably a big part of what is driving them away.

 

When you meet a girl, of course you're going to think "I wonder if we could/should date"- that doesn't mean that is their only purpose! Stop thinking of every girl as solely being a romantic option, they are people with personalities and connections that are worthy of friendship as well. Having female friends is important and beneficial to you- for many reasons. Like another user said, if dating doesn't happen with them specifically, you can still meet her friends, and her friends' friends- etc. Also, hanging out with girls will give you more insight into their thoughts on dating, which could help you figure out what changes you need to make to be more successful. Of course, having more friends to do things with is just fun! Female or not.

 

The fact that she seems open to casually hanging out with you could be a good thing, if you see it as a different opportunity.