Trying to date a busy girl

[somedude81]

Why did you think it would end any other way? When she said she was too busy to date, she meant it. In fact, it may have been her way of saying 'I'm too busy to date YOU'.

 

But you kept on poking around, setting yourself up for the eventual disappointment. And now 'that's it' for her? I'm sure she's shattered.

 

Why do you do this to yourself?

 

Because I'm DESPERATE to get a girlfriend. I finally find a girl that is attractive and single. So like a retard I latch on to her. For some goddamned reason I still have hope.

[Teknoe]

Because I'm DESPERATE to get a girlfriend. I finally find a girl that is attractive and single. So like a retard I latch on to her. For some goddamned reason I still have hope.

 

If you're that desperate, then sign up for 10 speed dating events between now and Christmas 2014.

 

20 girls per event, let's say, on average, then that puts you at meeting 200 SINGLE women.

 

There's bound to be one who would date you. You avoid the friend zone. Plus you already know they're single, guaranteed. And you get to practice your flirting and social skills. Why are you continuing to rely solely on meeting girls at school? It's been a losing proposition and likely will continue to be.

 

it's time to expand the way you meet and interact with girls.

 

Hence, speed dating. Do it.

[Hope Shimmers]

Because I'm DESPERATE to get a girlfriend. I finally find a girl that is attractive and single. So like a retard I latch on to her. For some goddamned reason I still have hope.

 

No, you are not "desperate" to get a girlfriend. If you were, you would not continually be looking way outside of realistic boundaries.

 

This girl and all the other "girls" you focus on (and BTW, you should be looking for "women" at your age, not "girls") are way too young for you. They have NO desire to date a 33 year old man with no job and who is still in college. So while you have no job and continue to be in college, focus your time on what will move you forward - such as graduation, a degree, a good career/job. Find yourself and build yourself, because until you do that, you have nothing to offer a woman.

[somedude81]

As I've said 1000 times, no woman over 25 would have any interest in me. And of course younger women dint want me either.

 

Since I don't have a fu*king chance with anybody, I might as well pursue the girls I see everyday.

 

Also, as it goes without saying, I only want to date a woman I'm attracted to.

Edited October 18, 2014 by somedude81

[Hope Shimmers]

As I've said 1000 times, no woman over 25 would have any interest in me. And of course younger women dint want me either.

 

Since I don't have a fu*king chance with anybody, I might as well pursue the girls I see everyday.

 

The point I was trying to make is that if you continue to pursue your education (or career or whatever you are focusing on now) that will make you desirable to other women. So you should focus on building yourself to someone who you are proud of (which has nothing to do with dating or being with women). And the rest will come. I think your focus is wrong. Focus on building YOU. And stop the negativity.

[somedude81]

The point I was trying to make is that if you continue to pursue your education (or career or whatever you are focusing on now) that will make you desirable to other women. So you should focus on building yourself to someone who you are proud of (which has nothing to do with dating or being with women). And the rest will come. I think your focus is wrong. Focus on building YOU. And stop the negativity.

 

I am continuing to focus on improving myself, but I'm just sick of being single. It's been 10 months since I last got a fuc*king hug!

 

That said, it should be obvious why I'm so negative.

[Teknoe]

I am continuing to focus on improving myself, but I'm just sick of being single. It's been 10 months since I last got a fuc*king hug!

 

That said, it should be obvious why I'm so negative.

 

 

My platonic female friends and I hug whenever we get together.

 

If you weren't so closed off on having females strictly as friends...

[TigerLilly78]

As I've said 1000 times, no woman over 25 would have any interest in me. And of course younger women dint want me either.

 

Since I don't have a fu*king chance with anybody, I might as well pursue the girls I see everyday.

 

Also, as it goes without saying, I only want to date a woman I'm attracted to.

 

Figure out why no women over 25 wants you and fix it ether that or accept being single get a pet if you need affection im serious there it helps.. life is harsh thats reality welcome to how it feels to be undesirable by most sucks doesn't it? that said time for a new game plan OP..

 

Pitty partys are not going to fix the problem..your 33 40 is around the corner you still want to be feeling this way at 40? 45 prob not you got some good advice here listen to it..

[somedude81]

My platonic female friends and I hug whenever we get together.

 

If you weren't so closed off on having females strictly as friends...

 

Dude, it should be obvious I want much more than a hug.

 

I was just using that as an extreme example.

 

It's also been 10 months since I had a real kiss.

 

Do you kiss your female friends whenever you see them?

[somedude81]

Figure out why no women over 25 wants you and fix it ether that or accept being single get a pet if you need affection im serious there it helps.. life is harsh thats reality welcome to how it feels to be undesirable by most sucks doesn't it? that said time for a new game plan OP..

 

Pitty partys are not going to fix the problem..your 33 40 is around the corner you still want to be feeling this way at 40? 45 prob not you got some good advice here listen to it..

 

Without a woman in my life, I'm not going to make it to 40.

 

I have been undesirable to women for my entire life, expect for a brief six month period where I had a girlfriend. There is always something about me that makes women have no interest in me. I try new things and working on myself but it's never enough.

 

I'm terrified that once I graduate and get a decent job, I'm still going to struggle with women. Which would mean that all the effort I went through was for nothing. My entire purpose of going to college and trying to get a good job is so I can be a good husband and provider for my family that I would hopefully have. But without a woman it's all meaningless.

[Teknoe]

Dude, it should be obvious I want much more than a hug.

 

I was just using that as an extreme example.

 

It's also been 10 months since I had a real kiss.

 

Do you kiss your female friends whenever you see them?

 

You missed my point. I knew you were using it as an extreme example. I'm just saying... you close yourself off on all these experiences, such as having healthy friendships, and you miss out on a lot.

 

You say that women are not interested in you all your life for whatever reasons. You say you've worked on yourself and tried to improve yourself, but it's gotten you nowhere.

 

But trying something once or twice, or even a couple times 5-10 years ago doesn't really count. What are you doing specifically today, in 2014, to better yourself? Besides trying to finish up college finally.

 

Have you made any new friends? Have you gone to any meet up groups? Have you gone back to counseling? Have you tried speed dating again?

 

I find it difficult to believe that you've done "all that you can do" in order to get a girlfriend. Asking out a classmate or two each semester doesn't qualify as "doing everything you can."

 

What have you done specifically this year to improve yourself?

[TigerLilly78]

Without a woman in my life, I'm not going to make it to 40.

 

I have been undesirable to women for my entire life, expect for a brief six month period where I had a girlfriend. There is always something about me that makes women have no interest in me. I try new things and working on myself but it's never enough.

 

I'm terrified that once I graduate and get a decent job, I'm still going to struggle with women. Which would mean that all the effort I went through was for nothing. My entire purpose of going to college and trying to get a good job is so I can be a good husband and provider for my family that I would hopefully have. But without a woman it's all meaningless.

 

I can see what your saying and understand your fears your wants are admirable nothing wrong with it what is wrong is placing so much importance on having some one else in your life.

 

That you cant see the value of yourself alone! you have to know that you are worth some thing on your own before any women will want you. it doesn't really affect me I log off here and I go back to my life my life that in the last half year or so has improved a thousand fold why?

 

Cause I have struggled on my own and learned the value of what its like to be happy alone. To be self sufficient on all levels so when I did finally meet my new partner things worked better then they ever have in the past because I am a strong person in my own right.

 

Ive been a overweight women almost my entire life and yet ive never had a lack of relationships. If thats not a handicap in today's dating world I don't know what is right? but yet I always managed to over come it because no matter what I always had some degree of self confidence and worth that matters!.

 

Sure you have some things going agenst you but im sure you have positives as well we all do.. think about it think about what every one has said and really take it in..

[Cristo]

He has a job, right? I think he's putting himself through school.

 

That's more than a lot of people can say.

 

I also think you should never improve yourself for the goal of getting women because then your self worth hinges on your success with women.

 

Improve yourself for you, and then approach as many women as possible. In reality, they are connected but it's better to keep them separate if that makes sense.

 

You really don't want somebody who wants you for what you've accomplished. They won't support you when you're down in the dumps.

 

I agree with this and I never said anything different. Right now, SD's goals revolve around women. His goals should revolve around other things with women being a nice addition (or a lower priority goal).

[Cristo]

I am continuing to focus on improving myself, but I'm just sick of being single. It's been 10 months since I last got a fuc*king hug!

 

That said, it should be obvious why I'm so negative.

 

Just go to a bar or club. Making out is like shaking hands in those places.

[d0nnivain]

Without a woman in my life, I'm not going to make it to 40.

 

I have been undesirable to women for my entire life, expect for a brief six month period where I had a girlfriend. There is always something about me that makes women have no interest in me. I try new things and working on myself but it's never enough.

 

I'm terrified that once I graduate and get a decent job, I'm still going to struggle with women. Which would mean that all the effort I went through was for nothing. My entire purpose of going to college and trying to get a good job is so I can be a good husband and provider for my family that I would hopefully have. But without a woman it's all meaningless.

 

You are going to make it to 40. Your life is not meaningless without a woman but you are correct that a healthy, loving relationship enhances life.

 

That said, calm down.

 

The needy clingy vibe you give off is coming through my computer. I can only imagine how loud it's screaming in person. That is why you can't find a woman to date.

 

On some level finding a new relationship is like finding a job. You have to put your best foot forward but you also have to step back & objectively let the other person sell themselves to you. You start from a place where you know you are desirable & let them show why they deserve to have you in their lives. You don't think you are desirable & you are freaking out about that which drives people away.

 

Using that same job search analogy, you need a variety of approaches because it's a numbers game. I suggest

 

1. IRL at college -- find a cute girl in class to study with; see who is in the library or the student union; join a club, or team; attend social events on campus

 

2. IRL outside of school: who is around when you get your morning coffee? Can you study somewhere public like a coffee shop?

 

3. Telling friends & family that you are open to being fixed up

 

4. Volunteering somewhere doing something you care about -- may also look good on a resume

 

5. OLD

 

6. local singles events -- they have them for everything: Sports, wine tasting, pet lovers, sci-fi fans etc.

 

7. MeetUp groups

[GemmaUK]

The needy clingy vibe you give off is coming through my computer. I can only imagine how loud it's screaming in person. That is why you can't find a woman to date.

 

I totally agree, I feel it also.

 

The thing is also that if this is coming over on a screen it will also be glaringly obvious IRL through your body language and facial expressions.

 

Perhaps one of your best bets is to learn and practice positive body language and facial expressions.

 

If I am in a group setting and I see a guy, say we glance at each other or end up talking for a moment or two, if he purses his lips (either when glancing at me or introduced to me) or shows a sign of contempt on his face (to me) then I am going to want to end that conversation.

Tiny facial expressions can make or break. They certainly have for me.

 

Other expressions like the faked smile or seeming to only respond to or listen to only one person in a group can scream lack of confidence as it looks like a person hangs on their every word.

 

I remember a night out where a guy came up and introduced himself to me. I was standing in a group of around 12 people and we were all online acquaintances (including him) but he headed right for me and didn't say hello to anyone else. It was really awkward and I got away as quick as I could. The impression he gave to me and to everyone (as they all just stopped and stared) was that he didn't give a hoot about anyone else there and his 'agenda' was 'me'.

[xxoo]

So when would I be good enough to actually get a fu*king date?

 

When you believe you're good enough.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I have been undesirable to women for my entire life, expect for a brief six month period where I had a girlfriend. There is always something about me that makes women have no interest in me. I try new things and working on myself but it's never enough.

 

Watch yourself.

 

You had a girlfriend a couple of years ago right? So, that's not true.

 

It's a numbers game and don't let anybody tell you different. There's so many factors that go into success of dating and ad hominem criticism based on your personality traits are more harmful than helpful.

 

At my old office, my boss could be a total a@@hole. It was the office consensus. Everybody said it. He was rarely friendly for no reason. Yet, he was married with 2 kids and never had any problems with women.

 

People are picky. Your problem (and mine) is that you are not. Being cute and nice is enough for you. That's is enough for almost NOBODY else. Well, cute probably is, but people are really picky with 'cute'.

Edited October 18, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I remember a night out where a guy came up and introduced himself to me. I was standing in a group of around 12 people and we were all online acquaintances (including him) but he headed right for me and didn't say hello to anyone else. It was really awkward and I got away as quick as I could. The impression he gave to me and to everyone (as they all just stopped and stared) was that he didn't give a hoot about anyone else there and his 'agenda' was 'me'.

 

But what about you?

 

I'm correct in thinking that this man went right up to you and was fully interested in you with only seeing your picture in a Meetup profile, not even a descriptive dating profile, right?

 

For all he knew, you could be a total psycho b@tch from hell who makes the Gone Girl look like Marcia Brady. Yet, he was interested.

 

You cannot correlate dating success with personality and temperament as such.

[Cristo]

I remember a night out where a guy came up and introduced himself to me. I was standing in a group of around 12 people and we were all online acquaintances (including him) but he headed right for me and didn't say hello to anyone else. It was really awkward and I got away as quick as I could. The impression he gave to me and to everyone (as they all just stopped and stared) was that he didn't give a hoot about anyone else there and his 'agenda' was 'me'.

 

To be fair, I think that you just didn't find this guy attractive. I've done this before with women and it worked well for me.

[somedude81]

When you believe you're good enough.

 

If I didn't believe I was good enough, I wouldn't have tried to pursue this girl.

 

Though instead things aren't working out with her, and the world is shoving it down my throat that I'm not good enough.

[normal person]

If I didn't believe I was good enough, I wouldn't have tried to pursue this girl.

 

Though instead things aren't working out with her, and the world is shoving it down my throat that I'm not good enough.

 

No one's shoving it down your throat. You knew this was going to happen and everyone here told you that as well. I and many other people wanted to save you from doing this to yourself. You decided to do it anyways.

 

So now we've come full circle and I'll say it: It's admirable that you're in college and trying to better your situation. That's a great thing that you're doing that you can be proud of. When you finish with school, have something to offer, feel better about yourself, are happier, are not desperate/clingy, then things will likely look a lot better for you. But until then, this will probably keep happening to you.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

So now we've come full circle and I'll say it: It's admirable that you're in college and trying to better your situation. That's a great thing that you're doing that you can be proud of. When you finish with school, have something to offer, feel better about yourself, are happier, are not desperate/clingy, then things will likely look a lot better for you. But until then, this will probably keep happening to you.

 

I'm not quite sure that's good enough.

 

I have no idea what he's majoring in, but the possibility that he'll be a 35/36 year old entry level employee making 35-40K or so is pretty standard. And that's not really going to put him in the minimum position to qualify for a lot of women's standards.

 

In other words, what does it matter if he hits on women now or when he finishes. It's not like he's finishing up a MD residency or even a nursing degree for that matter and will be making solid $ when done.

[xxoo]

If I didn't believe I was good enough, I wouldn't have tried to pursue this girl.

 

Though instead things aren't working out with her, and the world is shoving it down my throat that I'm not good enough.

 

 

If you really believed you were good enough, you wouldn't be chasing a woman who isn't interested. You'd value those who see your worth over a pretty young woman who overlooks you.

[Cristo]

If you really believed you were good enough, you wouldn't be chasing a woman who isn't interested. You'd value those who see your worth over a pretty young woman who overlooks you.

 

He would also look for factors beyond "cute and single" and be more selective than that.